What I want to discuss today is this whole learning to live with the band business. Boy oh boy, this is a bit tougher than I imagined it would be. Here's some of the random babbles rumbling around in my head:
- I did NOT think I was an emotional eater until I was stressed one day and realized I couldn't even eat to relieve the stress. What a wake-up call that was! It sucks, to be to totally honest, but I am working through it.
- I have not yet learned that I truly get full after a small amount of food. I ordered a bowl of soup and an appetizer when we went out for brunch the other day. I never even touched the appetizer; I couldn't after eating the soup. I get SOOOOOOOO hungry that I can't fathom that I will get full after a small amount, and then I do, and then I waste food, which means wasting money, which drives me insane.
- My band VERY CLEARLY tells me when to stop, but I don't like to listen. I am working on listening, because I hate that uncomfortable feeling even more than I hate stopping eating before I want to.
- Figuring out your sweet spot ain't so sweet. I still haven't decided if I need a fill next week or not. Hopefully the PA will call today so I don't have to break out a can of whoop ass on her for not returning my call for an entire week.
- All the 'diet' rules I lived by for sooooo long are out the window. Out is dry salad and dry veggies and plain lean protein. In is protein with sauce (preferably with some type of fat in it), veggies with a light sauce on them, and fat/cal dense foods. I ate at a banquet last night - I had some green bean casserole and a piece of lightly floured and fried chicken with a gravy-ish sauce on it (I think it might have been chicken piccata, or their version thereof). I even added a bit of butter to help it go down OK and to ensure I got enough calories and hunger-satisfying fat. It's playing games with my mind to be focused on getting ENOUGH calories rather than limiting my calories.
- I am not craving junk like I thought I would be, so that's a good thing. I do still love chocolate, but even ice cream can be a bit rough going down, so it's almost not even worth the struggle. I fantasize about getting fast food, and then I realize that A. It probably won't go down anyhow, and B. There's nothing I really want.
- I really do not snack. I guess I really never was a snacker, shockingly enough. I was, and still try to be, a big meal eater. I am working on adding a snack or two here and there to keep my hunger from rearing its ugly head like a monster when I least expect it.
So, there you have it. I am definitely a work in progress with this whole thing! Five months in, and it is v-e-r-y slowly becoming a way of life. VERY slowly. DH and I hit Panera before he left town yesterday, and I managed to ONLY order a bowl of soup. One small victory for me! I've only one other time managed to not over-order while eating out.
I was sure I'd have perfect restriction by now, and have this whole thing down with no problems! Patience never was my strong suit.