In case the title didn't give it away, I got an unfill! 1cc!
I went through Fill Centers USA, and I have to say, so far, I am very impressed. The scheduler was so nice and friendly, and the PA who did my fill was awesome.
The PA got involved in doing fills because his son has a lap-band and was having trouble finding a place to get a fill. So the PA approached the physician he works for about them becoming certified - and here they are. He was so congratulatory on my loss, hit the port on the first try, and made me feel so comfortable. He really listened to what I was going through and where I wanted to be, and we mutually agreed on 1cc.
Of course, I'm supposed to be on liquids for 24-48 hours, but in the interest of making sure enough was taken out before we leave for our trip, I'm going to attempt mushies tomorrow, probably for lunch. But I'm hopeful - water and lattes are going down fine, even big gulps.
Thanks for all your well wishes - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but I've survived!
Showing posts with label bandster rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bandster rules. Show all posts
Monday, September 27
Wednesday, August 25
I birthed a band!
My band has gestated to maturity! 9 months after first implanting this little sucker...
...gone are:
Having the courage to make the decision to get the band is one of the things I'm most proud of myself for. Not the losing with the band, not the work I've put in, but the courage to admit I had a problem that was bigger than I could tackle on my own. That's the hardest step, at least it was for me.
Have I been a perfect bandster? No. Will I be a perfect bandster in the future? Nope. However, I do 90% of it right, and 90% is usually a passing grade anywhere you go. I don't drink with meals or for 30 min afterwards, I don't drink soda, I focus on protein (when my stupid band isn't being fickle and tightening out of nowhere), I workout, and I eat 3 meals plus 1 (occasionally 2) small snack per day. What don't I do "right"? I drink calories (lattes, coffee creamer, gatorade, watered-down juice), I eat chocolate and cheese and all my other high-cal favs, and I don't count calories.
I've been thinking a lot about my cross roads post, where I talked about buckling down to lose faster or continuing my 90% approach and losing a little more slowly. I finally realized (with the help of my mom) that when I buckle down and go balls-to-the-wall with anything, especially dieting, I burn myself out and have a swing-back that typically counteracts any progress I've made. I've done it 100s of times. In fact, I think it was this approach that helped me to 'diet' my way to nearly 400 lbs. So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep on this path I'm on, of being happy with 2 lbs/week and no obsessing, and see where it takes me. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but I'm enjoying this journey, and if I take the enjoyment out, I see trouble brewing. And why cause trouble when there is none?
If my 90% effort gets me 90% results, you know, I might just be okay with that. 180 lbs gone certainly wouldn't upset me!
And with that, I will talk to you all later, maybe even post some progress pics if I actually take a shower today. LOL. If I'm a bit absent these next few days, it's because my mom is in town for a quick visit. Smooches!
...gone are:
- 107 lbs
- 99.25"
- The fear of not ever being able to lose weight once and for all
- My self-consciousness over my size; I'm still fat, but I feel normal-fat instead of stand-out-fat now
- Swollen ankles and sore feet
- Self-confidence
- Faith in myself
- A better attitude towards everything in my life
- More happiness
Having the courage to make the decision to get the band is one of the things I'm most proud of myself for. Not the losing with the band, not the work I've put in, but the courage to admit I had a problem that was bigger than I could tackle on my own. That's the hardest step, at least it was for me.
Have I been a perfect bandster? No. Will I be a perfect bandster in the future? Nope. However, I do 90% of it right, and 90% is usually a passing grade anywhere you go. I don't drink with meals or for 30 min afterwards, I don't drink soda, I focus on protein (when my stupid band isn't being fickle and tightening out of nowhere), I workout, and I eat 3 meals plus 1 (occasionally 2) small snack per day. What don't I do "right"? I drink calories (lattes, coffee creamer, gatorade, watered-down juice), I eat chocolate and cheese and all my other high-cal favs, and I don't count calories.
I've been thinking a lot about my cross roads post, where I talked about buckling down to lose faster or continuing my 90% approach and losing a little more slowly. I finally realized (with the help of my mom) that when I buckle down and go balls-to-the-wall with anything, especially dieting, I burn myself out and have a swing-back that typically counteracts any progress I've made. I've done it 100s of times. In fact, I think it was this approach that helped me to 'diet' my way to nearly 400 lbs. So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep on this path I'm on, of being happy with 2 lbs/week and no obsessing, and see where it takes me. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but I'm enjoying this journey, and if I take the enjoyment out, I see trouble brewing. And why cause trouble when there is none?
If my 90% effort gets me 90% results, you know, I might just be okay with that. 180 lbs gone certainly wouldn't upset me!
And with that, I will talk to you all later, maybe even post some progress pics if I actually take a shower today. LOL. If I'm a bit absent these next few days, it's because my mom is in town for a quick visit. Smooches!
Thursday, May 6
Hard Head (advice needed)
Why? Why must I be so hard-headed?
I tried to eat a burger tonight. No bun, just the meat.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
Believe me, LESSON LEARNED!
Anyhow, I hoorked like a cat for TWO SOLID HOURS. It was puking-from-the-bottom-of-the-gut PB'ing. It finally stopped, thank goodness, because I was about to curl up in the fetal position and cry. I was home alone with the two kids, and no one was available to come help me.
About 90 min after the PB'ing stopped, I tried some hot cocoa. No dice. It came back up twice. I did manage to keep some water down in between.
I am no longer sliming and am able to swallow my own spit.
My game plan is to let it be for the rest of the night - no water or anything. Assuming I can keep water down in the AM, I will very slowly try a protein shake or a latte. As long as it stays down, I am good to go, right?
I am slightly paranoid that I may have slipped my band or something with all the hoorking (I just like typing that word!). No pain, still able to swallow, etc., so I'm 99% sure I'm okay, but that 1% of me is concerned.
Finally, the kids and I are going to a friend's house for the weekend. She does not know about the band. I'm probably going to have to tell her. I'm okay with it, as she is overweight and I would never want her to think I lost this weight on my own. However, she is also the type of friend who called me 4x/day for the last month of each of my pregnancies to ask if I was in labor yet. That's just how she is. And the reason I didn't/don't want to tell her about the band. It'll be constant questions from now until the end of time. Oh well...
So, my two questions:
1. My band care plan - okay? Other suggestions?
2. If you were my friend, and I sprung on you that I had major surgery nearly 6 months ago, how would you like me to tell you? :) (I'm planning on the whole "This was, and continues to be, a very personal journey for me, and I had to come to terms with my decision before I could share it with others.")
Toodles!
I tried to eat a burger tonight. No bun, just the meat.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
Believe me, LESSON LEARNED!
Anyhow, I hoorked like a cat for TWO SOLID HOURS. It was puking-from-the-bottom-of-the-gut PB'ing. It finally stopped, thank goodness, because I was about to curl up in the fetal position and cry. I was home alone with the two kids, and no one was available to come help me.
About 90 min after the PB'ing stopped, I tried some hot cocoa. No dice. It came back up twice. I did manage to keep some water down in between.
I am no longer sliming and am able to swallow my own spit.
My game plan is to let it be for the rest of the night - no water or anything. Assuming I can keep water down in the AM, I will very slowly try a protein shake or a latte. As long as it stays down, I am good to go, right?
I am slightly paranoid that I may have slipped my band or something with all the hoorking (I just like typing that word!). No pain, still able to swallow, etc., so I'm 99% sure I'm okay, but that 1% of me is concerned.
Finally, the kids and I are going to a friend's house for the weekend. She does not know about the band. I'm probably going to have to tell her. I'm okay with it, as she is overweight and I would never want her to think I lost this weight on my own. However, she is also the type of friend who called me 4x/day for the last month of each of my pregnancies to ask if I was in labor yet. That's just how she is. And the reason I didn't/don't want to tell her about the band. It'll be constant questions from now until the end of time. Oh well...
So, my two questions:
1. My band care plan - okay? Other suggestions?
2. If you were my friend, and I sprung on you that I had major surgery nearly 6 months ago, how would you like me to tell you? :) (I'm planning on the whole "This was, and continues to be, a very personal journey for me, and I had to come to terms with my decision before I could share it with others.")
Toodles!
Tuesday, April 27
Learning to live with the band
First, thanks for all the kind comments on my progress pictures! My head is a bit swollen from all the comments. And yes, I did take before measurements, and I will take another set in a day or two when I have a free moment.
What I want to discuss today is this whole learning to live with the band business. Boy oh boy, this is a bit tougher than I imagined it would be. Here's some of the random babbles rumbling around in my head:
What I want to discuss today is this whole learning to live with the band business. Boy oh boy, this is a bit tougher than I imagined it would be. Here's some of the random babbles rumbling around in my head:
- I did NOT think I was an emotional eater until I was stressed one day and realized I couldn't even eat to relieve the stress. What a wake-up call that was! It sucks, to be to totally honest, but I am working through it.
- I have not yet learned that I truly get full after a small amount of food. I ordered a bowl of soup and an appetizer when we went out for brunch the other day. I never even touched the appetizer; I couldn't after eating the soup. I get SOOOOOOOO hungry that I can't fathom that I will get full after a small amount, and then I do, and then I waste food, which means wasting money, which drives me insane.
- My band VERY CLEARLY tells me when to stop, but I don't like to listen. I am working on listening, because I hate that uncomfortable feeling even more than I hate stopping eating before I want to.
- Figuring out your sweet spot ain't so sweet. I still haven't decided if I need a fill next week or not. Hopefully the PA will call today so I don't have to break out a can of whoop ass on her for not returning my call for an entire week.
- All the 'diet' rules I lived by for sooooo long are out the window. Out is dry salad and dry veggies and plain lean protein. In is protein with sauce (preferably with some type of fat in it), veggies with a light sauce on them, and fat/cal dense foods. I ate at a banquet last night - I had some green bean casserole and a piece of lightly floured and fried chicken with a gravy-ish sauce on it (I think it might have been chicken piccata, or their version thereof). I even added a bit of butter to help it go down OK and to ensure I got enough calories and hunger-satisfying fat. It's playing games with my mind to be focused on getting ENOUGH calories rather than limiting my calories.
- I am not craving junk like I thought I would be, so that's a good thing. I do still love chocolate, but even ice cream can be a bit rough going down, so it's almost not even worth the struggle. I fantasize about getting fast food, and then I realize that A. It probably won't go down anyhow, and B. There's nothing I really want.
- I really do not snack. I guess I really never was a snacker, shockingly enough. I was, and still try to be, a big meal eater. I am working on adding a snack or two here and there to keep my hunger from rearing its ugly head like a monster when I least expect it.
So, there you have it. I am definitely a work in progress with this whole thing! Five months in, and it is v-e-r-y slowly becoming a way of life. VERY slowly. DH and I hit Panera before he left town yesterday, and I managed to ONLY order a bowl of soup. One small victory for me! I've only one other time managed to not over-order while eating out.
I was sure I'd have perfect restriction by now, and have this whole thing down with no problems! Patience never was my strong suit.
Tuesday, March 9
PERFECT TEN!
Yes, I am being optimistic. This morning's fill was my fourth; I got 1cc bringing me to a grand total of 10cc. Remember, I have a 14cc band. Both the surgeon and the program coordinator said they'd be really surprised if this fill didn't bring about a decent level of restriction. I am so hopeful! Last time (when I was at 9cc), neither of them made such comments and were much more "Everyone's different." I think that based on my symptoms (two PB's and a little sticking) and the level of fill, I have got to be close!
I want to go eat something right now to find out!
But I won't. No solids until Thursday. Or tomorrow if I rebel against the rules (clear liquids today, full liquids tomorrow, mushies on Thursday, regular food on Friday).
I took the rest of the day off. About to go do some laundry, work on a logo design for my maybe-photography-business, and take a nap before I go get the kids. Later, my find banded friends!
I want to go eat something right now to find out!
But I won't. No solids until Thursday. Or tomorrow if I rebel against the rules (clear liquids today, full liquids tomorrow, mushies on Thursday, regular food on Friday).
I took the rest of the day off. About to go do some laundry, work on a logo design for my maybe-photography-business, and take a nap before I go get the kids. Later, my find banded friends!
Monday, March 8
Do I even have a band?
Seriously. I am so glad I have a fill tomorrow. I have been a very, very bad girl. Naughty, naughty. I had a bad case of last-supper-itis this weekend. Knowing I most likely (hopefully?) will be at restriction after tomorrow's fill, I went a little wild this weekend. I deserve only coal from Santa next year based on what entered my pie-hole all weekend. What the hell is wrong with me? Restriction or not, I don't need to eat like this. It's like teenaged rebellion gone wrong - "Fine, no restriction. I'll show you, you stupid band. I am going to eat this and that and this and more of that until you give me that restriction."
By the way, they've called me three times to remind me of tomorrow's appointment. Maybe it's a sign that tomorrow is the day. Restriction is on the horizon, right?
I did have a glimmer of hope this morning when I realized it was lunch time and had been satisfied all morning on my greek yogurt with granola. I never even touched my banana. But after lunch, it was like the flood gates opened. I'm trying to stave it off with water and coffee, but I am hungry. Very hungry.
On other notes, does anyone else have FBS? That's First Bite Syndrome for you luckies that don't have it. It's where the esophagus basically spasms with your first bite or two of food. I realized I had it when I thought about my two PB incidents (first or second bite) and how often I feel stuck at first, but if I wait it out, I can eat the rest of my meal without problem. A little research over at LBT brought me to the conclusion that I do indeed suffer from FBS. If you do suffer, here's what helps:
1. Start your meal with a hot liquid.
2. Wait 30 seconds between bites, even if it doesn't feel sticky.
3. Take small bites.
4. Take a primer bite or two about 20 min before your meal to get your esophagus to behave during the meal.
And here's my very un-scientific explanation for FBS, sticking, and PB'ing. So imagine your band. It's wrapped around the top of your stomach, which is essentially the bottom of your esophagus. Now think about when you swallow; food doesn't just plummet freely into your stomach. It's forced down by the esophagus through rhythmic tensing of the muscle. So the top of your esophagus tenses and then relaxes as the next part tenses and so on, which pushes the food through. The AMY Theory on FBS/sticking/PB is that the band interferes with the final point of tensing, and your esophagus/stomach kind of freaks out. It doesn't like being messed with, so it doesn't finish pushing the food all the way into the stomach, and it just kind of sits there at the bottom of your esophagus, causing pain. Lots and lots of pain. Really bad pain. And instead of being smart and just pushing it the rest of the way through, it tells your mouth to make lots of mucus and saliva. And tells your heart to start beating like crazy. And your kids to start screaming at that very moment. Ok, that last one isn't my esophagus talking, but damn, why do they always decide to cry when I am stuck? I like to PB in peace, thankyouverymuch.
My theory really does make sense, doesn't it? It would explain why waiting is so crucial. If you eat a second bite before your esophagus has given your food up to your stomach, it's just going to sit on top of the first bite, causing even more issues.
And there you have it! Did you all enjoy your science lesson? I seriously should teach! I could come up with a theory on just about anything. Global warming? It's all these cell phones giving off heat! Or too many teenaged girls straightening their hair with those freakishly hot straightening irons! Yes! Or my over use of exclamation points!
Off to read some blogs, my friends...just wanted to say you all rock. Mucho much.
By the way, they've called me three times to remind me of tomorrow's appointment. Maybe it's a sign that tomorrow is the day. Restriction is on the horizon, right?
I did have a glimmer of hope this morning when I realized it was lunch time and had been satisfied all morning on my greek yogurt with granola. I never even touched my banana. But after lunch, it was like the flood gates opened. I'm trying to stave it off with water and coffee, but I am hungry. Very hungry.
On other notes, does anyone else have FBS? That's First Bite Syndrome for you luckies that don't have it. It's where the esophagus basically spasms with your first bite or two of food. I realized I had it when I thought about my two PB incidents (first or second bite) and how often I feel stuck at first, but if I wait it out, I can eat the rest of my meal without problem. A little research over at LBT brought me to the conclusion that I do indeed suffer from FBS. If you do suffer, here's what helps:
1. Start your meal with a hot liquid.
2. Wait 30 seconds between bites, even if it doesn't feel sticky.
3. Take small bites.
4. Take a primer bite or two about 20 min before your meal to get your esophagus to behave during the meal.
And here's my very un-scientific explanation for FBS, sticking, and PB'ing. So imagine your band. It's wrapped around the top of your stomach, which is essentially the bottom of your esophagus. Now think about when you swallow; food doesn't just plummet freely into your stomach. It's forced down by the esophagus through rhythmic tensing of the muscle. So the top of your esophagus tenses and then relaxes as the next part tenses and so on, which pushes the food through. The AMY Theory on FBS/sticking/PB is that the band interferes with the final point of tensing, and your esophagus/stomach kind of freaks out. It doesn't like being messed with, so it doesn't finish pushing the food all the way into the stomach, and it just kind of sits there at the bottom of your esophagus, causing pain. Lots and lots of pain. Really bad pain. And instead of being smart and just pushing it the rest of the way through, it tells your mouth to make lots of mucus and saliva. And tells your heart to start beating like crazy. And your kids to start screaming at that very moment. Ok, that last one isn't my esophagus talking, but damn, why do they always decide to cry when I am stuck? I like to PB in peace, thankyouverymuch.
My theory really does make sense, doesn't it? It would explain why waiting is so crucial. If you eat a second bite before your esophagus has given your food up to your stomach, it's just going to sit on top of the first bite, causing even more issues.
And there you have it! Did you all enjoy your science lesson? I seriously should teach! I could come up with a theory on just about anything. Global warming? It's all these cell phones giving off heat! Or too many teenaged girls straightening their hair with those freakishly hot straightening irons! Yes! Or my over use of exclamation points!
Off to read some blogs, my friends...just wanted to say you all rock. Mucho much.
Tuesday, March 2
{Insert title here}
I can't even come up with a title. Is that sad or what? So, yes, I am here. With obviously only half of my mind left!
Since I posted last week, the only thing I have really done is up my water. It's ironic, as I normally drink so much water. Like at least 2 liters per day. But since I'm trying to follow at least some of the bandster rules, I haven't been drinking while I eat, and I've been waiting at least 30 min after eating before drinking. Unfortunately, that tends to just make me forget about drinking until it's meal time again. And then I just chug some water before I eat. Not ideal.
I have not exercised nor have I been eating right. However, I wanted to say THANKS from the bottom of my heart for your comments. Because I am really struggling with this right now. I am definitely in bandster hell - and my definition of it is all the shitty parts and none of the good parts. Because, yes, I PB'ed again. On french toast Sunday morning. Really, it was my fault, but it's still frustrating to feel food getting stuck and PB'ing yet have no relief from hunger.
It's so good to know that restriction should help a lot. I know I'm going to have to do my part, but I am encouraged that it will be doable and I'll be more motivated when I have the band helping me. Honestly, if it weren't for you all telling me that, I would be a mess right now. You are keeping me from falling right off the cliff of band-insanity.
And then I had a mini breakdown today, because DH called to let me know that it's going to be at least three weeks before the owner of the company he is working for heads to FL to scout out locations. Which means at least three weeks before I have any answers as to how long I have to continue playing single mom. I know some of you out there do it all the time, and my hat is off to you. I am really struggling with it. Mornings are a battle to get me and the kids out the door on time, work all day, pick them up, feed them, clean up the kitchen, play, get them to bed, prep for the next day, and if I'm lucky, have 30 min or so to myself. And because they are both so young, they have to be wherever I am, so cooking and cleaning take three times as long as they should to do.
I do MUCH better when I know what I am working with. This whole unknown is driving me insane. INSANE. I can keep doing this, BUT I can't do it indefinitely. I need to know how long I have to do it. Even if it's 6 more months, I can do it. I just want to know.
I did, however, once I quit pouting, put a plan into place to help me out. First, I am pampering myself with a cut and highlight over lunch on Thursday. I also called my neighbor to see if her 12-year old would come over twice/week and watch the kids for a few hours while I cook, clean, decompress. It'll take a week or two for DD to warm up to her (she only wants mommy all the time), but once she does, I hope this will help a bit. Finally, I told my boss that I needed to take next Tuesday off for a personal day. I have my fill in the AM and am going to CHILL in the PM while the kiddos are at the sitter's. I need it.
On the work front, I HATE the frickin' media. In case you didn't know, I am the PR manager for Girl Scouts, and one of the cookies has been recalled for an off-taste (no danger in eating them). Fortunately, it's not a cookie that we sell in our council. Unfortunately, all the media cares about is that a GIRL SCOUT COOKIE HAS BEEN RECALLED. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. RED ALERT. STOP THE PRESSES. DANGER.
They have been horrible about reporting the recall and then holding up one of the boxes of cookies that *I* gave them. One that has NOT been recalled. So, I have been doing press releases, media alerts, interviews, and such all. week. and all. weekend. I am seriously tired of it. I've been on the tv and radio about a dozen times in the last 5 or so days. Too bad I'm wasting my fifteen minutes of fame on this crap.
That's my life right now in a nut shell. I am hanging on by a thread in so many ways - work, family, band. I feel like I am on the edge on all three of them. I am really hopeful that I will be at restriction next week with my fill. With the sticking and PB'ing I've been doing, I've got to imagine I'm close. If not, it's not going to be pretty. I just keep telling myself just to make it until Tuesday.
Since I posted last week, the only thing I have really done is up my water. It's ironic, as I normally drink so much water. Like at least 2 liters per day. But since I'm trying to follow at least some of the bandster rules, I haven't been drinking while I eat, and I've been waiting at least 30 min after eating before drinking. Unfortunately, that tends to just make me forget about drinking until it's meal time again. And then I just chug some water before I eat. Not ideal.
I have not exercised nor have I been eating right. However, I wanted to say THANKS from the bottom of my heart for your comments. Because I am really struggling with this right now. I am definitely in bandster hell - and my definition of it is all the shitty parts and none of the good parts. Because, yes, I PB'ed again. On french toast Sunday morning. Really, it was my fault, but it's still frustrating to feel food getting stuck and PB'ing yet have no relief from hunger.
It's so good to know that restriction should help a lot. I know I'm going to have to do my part, but I am encouraged that it will be doable and I'll be more motivated when I have the band helping me. Honestly, if it weren't for you all telling me that, I would be a mess right now. You are keeping me from falling right off the cliff of band-insanity.
And then I had a mini breakdown today, because DH called to let me know that it's going to be at least three weeks before the owner of the company he is working for heads to FL to scout out locations. Which means at least three weeks before I have any answers as to how long I have to continue playing single mom. I know some of you out there do it all the time, and my hat is off to you. I am really struggling with it. Mornings are a battle to get me and the kids out the door on time, work all day, pick them up, feed them, clean up the kitchen, play, get them to bed, prep for the next day, and if I'm lucky, have 30 min or so to myself. And because they are both so young, they have to be wherever I am, so cooking and cleaning take three times as long as they should to do.
I do MUCH better when I know what I am working with. This whole unknown is driving me insane. INSANE. I can keep doing this, BUT I can't do it indefinitely. I need to know how long I have to do it. Even if it's 6 more months, I can do it. I just want to know.
I did, however, once I quit pouting, put a plan into place to help me out. First, I am pampering myself with a cut and highlight over lunch on Thursday. I also called my neighbor to see if her 12-year old would come over twice/week and watch the kids for a few hours while I cook, clean, decompress. It'll take a week or two for DD to warm up to her (she only wants mommy all the time), but once she does, I hope this will help a bit. Finally, I told my boss that I needed to take next Tuesday off for a personal day. I have my fill in the AM and am going to CHILL in the PM while the kiddos are at the sitter's. I need it.
On the work front, I HATE the frickin' media. In case you didn't know, I am the PR manager for Girl Scouts, and one of the cookies has been recalled for an off-taste (no danger in eating them). Fortunately, it's not a cookie that we sell in our council. Unfortunately, all the media cares about is that a GIRL SCOUT COOKIE HAS BEEN RECALLED. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. RED ALERT. STOP THE PRESSES. DANGER.
They have been horrible about reporting the recall and then holding up one of the boxes of cookies that *I* gave them. One that has NOT been recalled. So, I have been doing press releases, media alerts, interviews, and such all. week. and all. weekend. I am seriously tired of it. I've been on the tv and radio about a dozen times in the last 5 or so days. Too bad I'm wasting my fifteen minutes of fame on this crap.
That's my life right now in a nut shell. I am hanging on by a thread in so many ways - work, family, band. I feel like I am on the edge on all three of them. I am really hopeful that I will be at restriction next week with my fill. With the sticking and PB'ing I've been doing, I've got to imagine I'm close. If not, it's not going to be pretty. I just keep telling myself just to make it until Tuesday.
Wednesday, December 16
36 lbs gone and other babbles - and an NSV ALERT!
WOOHOO! I lost 5 lbs this week, bringing my total to an even, very cool, 18%-of-the-way-to-my-goal 36 lbs gone. I am beyond thrilled with that!
And I'm even more thrilled to be on soft meats starting today. I had 5 ham-and-cheese roll-ups for breakfast. They were super tasty, and boy, was it nice to sink my teeth into something other than what they serve at nursing homes.
My %&#$@*&%) period is STILL hanging around. Seriously. That blows. I know it's normal to be long and heavy when it's your first post-partum one, but I would like it to go away. Today, if possible.
I also still have a sore throat and a certain two-year old who will not sleep in her own bed. Or even in my bed without me. Ugh. It's time to pull out the mean parent cards and force her in her own bed, but I just don't have the energy. Maybe this weekend. I'm a-draggin'.
Two other things I wanted to mention:
*I hate, hate, hate not being able to drink while eating. I hate the dry, sticky feeling in my mouth. I hate the way the food feels like it sticks on its way down. I hate the lingering taste of the last bite before the next bite. I just hate it all. If you were a big drinker-while-eating, when did this get better for you?
*The Other Amy had a great post earlier this week about food habits/eating secrets that brought you to your highest weight. I certainly had my share.
I almost always, always overate at meals. I always had/have this feeling that I'm going to get hungry before my next meal, and of course, being hungry sucks, so I would do everything I could to avoid being hungry at all during the day. I have never been a big snacker, which probably attributed to this problem. I'd eat to stuffed, get hungry, and eat until stuffed again. Nice cycle, huh? I will say that pre-op + post-op diets have already started teaching me that hungry won't kill me, and I will survive until my next meal.
I also have a bad, bad case of 'all-or-nothing-itis' - in that, I am either on a diet or OFF a diet. Obviously more off than on. But I would be soooo good, so virtuous and stick to a diet perfectly for 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, etc. And then when I went off, boy, did I go off. I would eat everything I'd denied myself while dieting plus some. And I'd gain all my weight back plus a few friends. Rinse. Repeat. Talk about yo-yo dieting. I take the crown.
I can't say that I had a huge addiction to any one particular food or food group. I rarely drank regular pop. I did eat my share of fast food, but it was nothing outrageous, at least not outrageous enough to justify 374 lbs. I do love chocolate, but I rarely kept it in the house, so it was only occasional binges. I really do attribute my weight to the bad yo-yo dieting cycle and general overeating at every meal. Large meals at every meal + occasional binges = FAT.
This is why I am so excited about my band. Knowing that I'm not really a snacker and my general problem is overeating at meals, I really hope that my new behaviors + the band will make me successful. I have very high hopes, and since I'm determined to be successful, I have no doubt I will be!
PS - BEEP BEEP! NSV ALERT! NSV ALERT! BEEP BEEP! I went shopping today for snacks for our company's holiday party, which is tomorrow. I was so weirdly detached from what I was doing and had a hard time picking out things to buy. I stood in the chip aisle for like 5 minutes and couldn't decide what to get. Nothing was ringing my bell, when I suddenly realized, I didn't care, since I wouldn't be eating these foods. What an NSV! In the past, I would have been jumping for joy to get to do the shopping so I could pick out what *I* wanted to eat. This year, eh. YEAH!
And I'm even more thrilled to be on soft meats starting today. I had 5 ham-and-cheese roll-ups for breakfast. They were super tasty, and boy, was it nice to sink my teeth into something other than what they serve at nursing homes.
My %&#$@*&%) period is STILL hanging around. Seriously. That blows. I know it's normal to be long and heavy when it's your first post-partum one, but I would like it to go away. Today, if possible.
I also still have a sore throat and a certain two-year old who will not sleep in her own bed. Or even in my bed without me. Ugh. It's time to pull out the mean parent cards and force her in her own bed, but I just don't have the energy. Maybe this weekend. I'm a-draggin'.
Two other things I wanted to mention:
*I hate, hate, hate not being able to drink while eating. I hate the dry, sticky feeling in my mouth. I hate the way the food feels like it sticks on its way down. I hate the lingering taste of the last bite before the next bite. I just hate it all. If you were a big drinker-while-eating, when did this get better for you?
*The Other Amy had a great post earlier this week about food habits/eating secrets that brought you to your highest weight. I certainly had my share.
I almost always, always overate at meals. I always had/have this feeling that I'm going to get hungry before my next meal, and of course, being hungry sucks, so I would do everything I could to avoid being hungry at all during the day. I have never been a big snacker, which probably attributed to this problem. I'd eat to stuffed, get hungry, and eat until stuffed again. Nice cycle, huh? I will say that pre-op + post-op diets have already started teaching me that hungry won't kill me, and I will survive until my next meal.
I also have a bad, bad case of 'all-or-nothing-itis' - in that, I am either on a diet or OFF a diet. Obviously more off than on. But I would be soooo good, so virtuous and stick to a diet perfectly for 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, etc. And then when I went off, boy, did I go off. I would eat everything I'd denied myself while dieting plus some. And I'd gain all my weight back plus a few friends. Rinse. Repeat. Talk about yo-yo dieting. I take the crown.
I can't say that I had a huge addiction to any one particular food or food group. I rarely drank regular pop. I did eat my share of fast food, but it was nothing outrageous, at least not outrageous enough to justify 374 lbs. I do love chocolate, but I rarely kept it in the house, so it was only occasional binges. I really do attribute my weight to the bad yo-yo dieting cycle and general overeating at every meal. Large meals at every meal + occasional binges = FAT.
This is why I am so excited about my band. Knowing that I'm not really a snacker and my general problem is overeating at meals, I really hope that my new behaviors + the band will make me successful. I have very high hopes, and since I'm determined to be successful, I have no doubt I will be!
PS - BEEP BEEP! NSV ALERT! NSV ALERT! BEEP BEEP! I went shopping today for snacks for our company's holiday party, which is tomorrow. I was so weirdly detached from what I was doing and had a hard time picking out things to buy. I stood in the chip aisle for like 5 minutes and couldn't decide what to get. Nothing was ringing my bell, when I suddenly realized, I didn't care, since I wouldn't be eating these foods. What an NSV! In the past, I would have been jumping for joy to get to do the shopping so I could pick out what *I* wanted to eat. This year, eh. YEAH!
Monday, December 14
A bad case of the Mondays
I have a sore throat, DD still isn't sleeping well which means I'm not sleeping well, my stupid period is STILL hanging around (to be fair, it was my first post-partum one, so understable, but still annoying), and the weather is yucko.
How's that for a case of the Mondays?
However, I'm going to concentrate on the good news. I'm almost done with mushies (tomorrow is the last day), and I peeked at the scale today, and it was back to exactly where it was two weeks ago. WOOHOO! That means there's a chance I'll be back into losing mode by my official weigh-in on Wednesday. That sure would make me happy.
I made an executive decision to stop tracking calories & protein grams a few days ago. And ironically, that's when the scale started to go back down. I have no idea if it is a coincidence or not, but I was making myself WHACKY with entering and counting and tracking and thinking and planning. It was feeling very much like a DIET. And since that word is no longer in my vocabulary, I had to take a step back.
Since I am comfortable hitting 70 grams of protein each day without much effort, I figured the rest of it will take care of itself. I am following the bandster rules (which I really hate not eating and drinking together, but we'll discuss that later) and eating to not-hungry, not to full, and I have to trust that the rest will happpen.
I did this so I don't have to track and count and plot and plan everything that enters my mouth, and I realized very quickly, I was already headed towards obsessive behavior, and I wanted it stopped NOW. And to reiterate, the weight started coming off again as soon as I did that. Hmmmm, I am starting to think it's not a coincidence!
Wednesday, December 2
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
Why do all my post titles start with a song title? I have no idea!
So, today really is a beautiful day in my neighborhood. Let me count the ways:
So, today really is a beautiful day in my neighborhood. Let me count the ways:
- No shoulder pain (knock on wood)!
- No gas pain (double knock on wood)!
- I lost 11.8 lbs this week!
- I've lost 35.2 lbs in 3 weeks!!
- I have officially gone from super obese to morbidly obese. Never thought I'd be so happy to be morbidly obese!
- I just ate about 1/2 cup of the most wonderful, tasty, beautiful, out-of-this-world yogurt. My first "solid" food in 3 weeks!
- I discovered that 1 cup of greek yogurt has 24 grams of protein and has virtually the same nutrition facts as a protein shake. Screw the shakes! (I knew it was high, just didn't realize how high.)
- I am looking forward to a very tasty soup lunch. My second "solid" in 3 weeks!
- I love exclamation points!
You see? It really is a great day here! I am so excited. My clothes are already fitting looser, although I realize at my size, it's probably going to take in the neighborhood (there I go again) of 50 lbs to lose a size and/or for people to notice. I'm okay with that, though, as I'm really not ready to answer questions yet. I should probably start rehearsing my lines though, because it's probably coming sooner than later.
I do have to say, while eating my first couple bites of yogurt, I realized I was randomly sipping on my water. Duh! This is probably going to be the hardest bandster rule for me - I usually drink copious amounts of water while I eat. But I put my spoon down, timed 20 min, and then continued to eat my yogurt until I felt comfortably satisfied but not full. I saved the other half for later this morning, if I want it. Otherwise, it can be an afternoon snack. My dietician only calls for no drinking for 20 min after eating, but I think I'm going to err on the side of caution and go for 45-60 min. I'm dang thirsty, though, so we'll see. Mornings are going to be the roughest, because I wake up super-thirsty, and getting in enough water before eating breakfast might prove challenging. I may have to start drinking while I'm getting ready! The lifestyle changes have begun...
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