You say potato.

I say fucking A.

When will I learn? I just cannot eat potatoes in any way, shape, or form.

Twice-baked potato filling - one of the worst PBs I've ever had.

Potato chips - PB or stuck every time.

French fries - PB or stuck 99% of the time.

Mashed potatoes - 50/50 chance of running for the toilet.

I just have to be done with potatoes, as sad as that makes me. Sigh.

Word 2.0.

So, what's been going on with me?

• I chopped my hair off ala Sienna Miller's short style. It's not quite what I was requesting, but I still LOVE it. Five minutes, and I'm styled and good to go all day. Plus, I think it makes my face look even thinner - sweet bonus!
• DH & I are most likely making an offer on a house this week. It's super cute, in a great school district, and centrally located. I'm excited - keep those fingers crossed that it goes through for us!
• I have been back to the gym for about 10 days now. I am LOVING it. For the first time, I feel like I'm working out just for my mental and physical health. Not to lose weight, not to train for some event, not because I have to. Just because I want to. And the break from the kids is nice too!
• I have barely any appetite lately. My band got SUPER tight again, but I rode it out and now I'm at a really good place. I was getting some weird upper back pain when I ate something "too" solid, but I haven't PB'ed in months, and the pain finally went away. (Has anyone else ever had this?!). I am loving this no-appetite thing, and the only reason I remember to eat is because I get a headache and/or cranky when I'm too hungry. HA!
• On the job front, DH & I sat down and discussed me working FT vs. PT. Our lives would be so chaotic and crazy if I went back to work with the hours he's been working (12 hrs/day, 6 days/week), but we need me to work (financially and for my sanity). A friend recommended me to do what she does (search engine evaluation for Google), and I am just waiting on my test results to find out if I got the job. It pays really well for a work-from-home job, and it's really flexible (work as many or as few hours per week as you want), so again, please keep those fingers crossed. I really, really want it!
• Guess that's about it!

It's a bullet-type day.

• One of the icky side effects of low-carb is dry mouth. Ugh, I am so stinkin' thirsty all the time. I can't remember if or when it does away, but I hope it's soon.
• One of the good side effects of low-carb is (TMI) no gas. I am such a gassy person (yes, TMI), and I swear, it's sugar that causes it in me. It's nice to not constantly feel like a pin would pop me!
• DH is having a hell of a time dealing with doctors and orders being taken care of and all that. He's so frustrated, and while I understand, he seems to think this has never happened to anyone else and that he is special. I've tried to explain to him that this stuff happens to everyone dealing with medical stuff.
• Speaking of DH, he is in tremendous pain, and while I understand (again), he has GOT to find a way to deal better, or I am going to kill him. He sits with his leg straight out in front of him, no brace, and then yells at the kids when they trip over his leg. Well, what do you expect when it's sticking out like that?! And then it happens again 5 min later, and well, duh, yes, you didn't move it and it happened again. I don't find that all that shocking.
• I begrudgingly did day 5 of shredding yesterday. I forgot to do it in the AM. By the time we got home at 9:30 pm last night, I was wiped. I sooooo wanted to skip, but I didn't, and I really did feel energized when I finished.
• Have some soup in the crockpot, made with leftovers from yesterday - ham, steamed broccoli/cauliflower/carrots, and chicken stock. Later on, I'll add cheese and cream to make it tasty! Hope it turns out good.
• It's just kind of rainy and dreary today, and I'm just feeling here. Not blah, not unhappy. Just kinda here.
• And last but not least, a pic of my kiddos from yesterday. Aren't they the cutest?!

Tight as a MoFo

Seriously, my band gets so incredibly tight around TOM. Every month, I have 3-5 days where I struggle with even liquids. I didn't realize how tight I was the other night, and we had McD's for dinner. An hour later, up came my bunless burger along with cold sf lemonade. And it came up so hard, it came out my nose. UGH. It was awful. And then my period showed up. And then it all made sense.

The rest of the month, I am totally happy with my restriction, but man, I have a couple of days where it is almost hard to even drink. Sigh.

On better notes, I made a DELICIOUS cream of mushroom soup today. Low carb and tasty. I'll share the recipe if anyone is interested. It's going down albeit slowly.

And I peeked again - 7.4 lbs gone. In 5 days!

Off to pack up clothes to give to Maria tonight at support group...

Type A

Oh, how I wish I were talking about my personality. Instead I am talking about the flu. Yep, we were struck with influenza type A. It's been awful. Just awful. Two weeks of sickness. I'm not sure what the worst part has been - two sick toddlers or my band HATING the phlegm. I finally have given into liquids for a few days, as I was PB'ing everything I ate.

So, I'm sorry for disappearing once again. It was completely not intentional. Believe me, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!

10 month bandiversary

10 months = 122.2 lbs and 109.75" gone. Yes, I am happy!

Here's the update on the unfill situation.

I ended up going to the ER Thursday night. I was feeling very lousy and just wanted it done and over with. I called before I went, and they assured me the surgeon would do a small unfill. I asked the nurse before I checked in and she said he would as well. I asked the doc that saw me first, and he said the same thing.

Three people told me he would only do a small unfill.

I was so dehydrated, they admitted me overnight and when I saw the surgeon in the AM, he insisted on a complete unfill. I refused. I asked him if his office would guarantee they'd take me as a patient, and he said no. Well, then I wasn't risking a complete unfill with no guarantees of a surgeon who'd refill me. I was also exhausted (didn't sleep at all - they had me in a 'observation room' with 10 billion other people and refinishing of the floors going on right outside the open door).

Then they wanted me to sign AMA paperwork (leaving "against medical advice"). Well, I refused that as well (could affect insurance paying for my visit), so they finally found a doctor who released me. Sigh.

I came home and called Heidi's doc. They were willing to see me, but the bariatric coordinator (the person I'd be seeing) wasn't thrilled with how my restriction came on and was a bit concerned about a slipped band (even though I had x-rays a the hospital that showed that it is fine), and I could just tell was a little hesitant about doing a small unfill. I don't blame her at all. She suggested I have my original surgeon call the local surgeon to see if they'd take me as a patient. Well, I couldn't reach anyone at my surgeon's office (Fridays are fill days and are crazy), so after many tears and second-guessing (was really regretting not getting the complete unfill at the ER - even debated going back!), I finally made an appointment for Monday with Fill Centers USA. I really wanted to go see Heidi's doc, but I hadn't slept and the thought of driving 6 hours in that state was more than my exhausted mind and body could handle.

So, I am on clear liquids (self-imposed) until Monday. I did try some coffee with cream last night, and it went down OK, so if we are out and about today, I may try a latte with whole milk from Starbucks. I haven't PB'ed since Tuesday (Wed?).

I guess I just have to be the odd-ball. I was reading on LBT, and there were several cases of people like me - the more they lost, the tighter their band got! One woman had to get an unfill after every 20 lbs lost, until she was basically unfilled when she was at goal, and still had restriction. It wouldn't surprise me if this happened to me. It took me such a BIG amount to get restriction - it just seems like maybe this is the flip side of that.

I hope everyone is having a blast in Chicago! I am totally jealous of everyone having a great time while I am sucking down clear liquids. :)

Update on Unfill

The surgeon won't take me on! No reason given.

I had a total breakdown.Total breakdown. I really need an unfill.

After gathering my composure, I shot a quick email off to Heidi and she called with some help. I also remembered Fill Centers USA.

As of right now, my options are:

1. Go to Heidi's doc. 3 hour drive, but they can see me tomorrow. Pro is tomorrow! Con is I have the kids and no sitter. 6 hours in the car and at the doc's with them.

2. Go to the emergency room and have an unfill. The coordinator from Heidi's office actually suggested it, since they have a bariatric surgeon at that hospital. Pro is I could go tonight. Con is I really, really, really don't want to risk a complete unfill or the ER.

3. Fill Centers USA - there is a surgeon in their network just over an hour from my house. Pro is he can see me Monday. Con is he can't see me until Monday.

I'm leaning towards #3, but the ever-wise (and skinny!) Heidi suggested not making a decision until the AM.

I'm currently finishing up a cup of hot tea, and it is staying down.

The upside of all this? 120.8 lbs lost baby! I know it's dehydration, but I'll take it any way I can get it. After this torture, I deserve to see the number in black and white!

Mucho better, thankyouverymuch

I'm not pressing the issue, but I have had two huge bottles of water and a venti full-octane (whole milk) latte with no problems whatsoever today. No gurgling, no feeling stuck, going down fine.

I'm still going for a slight unfill when I can, hopefully next week, but I'm not feeling as desperate as I was.

I am going to do true liquids today and ease back into mushies tomorrow, assuming I still feel good.

The upside of this is I'm down 3+ lbs this week for a grand total of 119.2 lbs. Sunday is my 10-month bandiversary, and I won't lie, it'd be nice to be at an even 120 lbs lost by then!

Other than that, I am highly jealous of all this BOOB talk. And BOOB action. Sigh. So sad. But I did a little retail therapy today and bought some gorgeous 3.25" heels to wear to the wedding next weekend. When I was fatter, I never wore heels (for obvious reasons). I am trying them around the house to make sure I can handle them; I sure hope I can - they make my feet look uber-sexy!

All you BOOBS, have fun. And please promise we're going to do this again soon! Someone (Kristen, I think) mentioned a BOOBS cruise. I am ALL OVER THAT. :) Or FL. That would be easy for me! HA!

It's time.

I think it's time to admit it's time for an unfill.

I really, really don't want to.

But my last fill was .25 cc on May 5, bringing me to 11.25 cc in a 14 cc band. Since then, over 4.5 months, I've lost 60 lbs, and my band is still mostly uber-tight. In fact, it seems to be getting tighter. I keep thinking if I lose enough weight, it'll loosen up. But if 60 lbs didn't do it, I don't think anything will!

I did liquids for more than a week after that fill. I've been on liquids for a week at a time several times since then. I can't eat anything before 12-1 pm. Some days I can barely even drink in the mornings. And now I'm getting tight again in the evening. I just PB'ed on water. I PB'ed on iced tea last week. I could barely get down some homemade cheddar broccoli soup tonight.

I will call tomorrow. I don't even have a surgeon down here yet (my own procrastinating fault), but I have a few options, including the guy Jacquie and Stephanie see. I'm hoping whoever takes me on will do just a little .25 cc unfill or so. And quickly. I am getting tired of living like this.

I hit the wall tonight - I realized I am often tired, because my diet is so lacking. If I really want to run, and I really do want to run, I have to be able to eat more than I can right now.

I know it's not the end of the world. I just am so scared of getting into that fill-unfill cycle, and being self-pay, that's an expensive cycle to get into! But I can't live like this anymore. So, I am admitting it to you guys, and putting it in writing, so I don't back out tomorrow!

That's a good band.

I don't know what kind of magic each of you has up her (his) sleeve, but man, all I have to do is complain to you guys and BOOM! like magic, it's better.

My band is MUCH better today. I'm sticking to liquids just to ensure it's all the way better tomorrow. And guess who made a quick appearance? Aunt Flo. Hmmm....

Oh, and the scale is down 1 lb bringing me to a cool, even 110 lbs lost!

The kids and I ran a few errands today, and while we were out, I thought I'd try on some shoes in anticipation of the dress I'll be wearing to the wedding. It's amazing how much better strappy heels feel at 264 lbs vs. 374 lbs!

One of the fun things about this size is I can wear an XXL in misses or a 1x in women's right now (on top), so I have twice as much to look at when shopping. HA! Strangely, I would have thought I'd run to the misses section, just because I could, but in reality, I gravitate towards the women's section. Maybe because it's what I am used to? Maybe because I feel like an impostor in the misses section? Likewise, I don't EVER look at pants in stores other than LB, because I've been bigger than a 24W for so long. I can now wear 22W on bottom in most stores (24 from Target - jerks!), but I find myself not even looking. I guess I need to recondition myself. I could do it like one of Pavlov's dogs - put some chocolate in the misses section and near the pants in order to entice the fat girl to come over? (In case my writing isn't as funny as it sounds in my head, that was a joke!)

Anyhoooooo, off to accomplish something while the littlest one sleeps and the bigger one 'relaxes' in my room. My 30 min of alone time for the day!

I like it tight, but this is insane.

About a week ago, I woke up to a seriously out-of-nowhere tight band. No fills in the last (almost) four months, no Aunt Flo coming to visit, no cold or sinus issues, nothing out of the ordinary.

And today, 9 days later, I am still tight as a mo-fo. Ugh. I am getting tired of this.

Some days are a bit looser than others, but in general, liquids and very soft cheese is the only thing I can get to stay down. Since I HATE PB'ing, I don't push it, but you know how you can just tell? Yeah, still tight. Yesterday was a bit better, but I stuck to liquids, hoping I'd clear up any remaining swelling so that I could be back on food today.

Not so much. I'm tighter today than yesterday!

It wouldn't be so bad if the scale would go down in response to liquids, but it's holding steady. Not eating AND no weight loss? Boo hoo!

End of whine. At least for now.

99 bottles of beer on the wall

You take one down, pass it around...

OK, I won't pass it around, since I don't want you guys to have it. If I were really talking about beer, I'd pass it around, but since I'm talking about POUNDS LEFT TO LOSE, I won't pass you any when I am done with them!

Seriously, I finally have less than 100 lbs to lose.

It's starting to sink in! Double digits, baby! For real, I honestly think this is the most exciting milestone yet. Maybe not most exciting, maybe most sinking in? Most that I want to celebrate? Whatever it is, it feels DAYYYUUUUMMMM (that's damn all drawled out) good to be here.

I can totally do 99 lbs. Like in my sleep. And with an arm tied behind my back. Surely I jest, I know it's not going to be easy, weight loss never is. But it is going to be done. By me!

I used to hate, hate, hate when I was a total newbie (since I'm still kind of a newbie), and I'd read a blog when someone would say, "If I can do it, anyone can." Blah blah blahcakes. Who did they think they were????

But seriously, that's how I feel now, and I want to scream it from a stage to an arena full of fatties who feel lost and depressed and sure they are never going to lose their excess weight. I want everyone who feels despondent over their weight loss attempts and failures to know they can do it.

I had 200+ lbs to lose. I was facing a journey much longer than 95% of bandsters. It sucked to be in that 5%, believe me. I'd look at others and think, "Well, hell, they only have {insert any number less than 200 here} to lose." And it wasn't really with jealousy; OK, it was with jealousy that they'd gotten smarter sooner than me. But it wasn't jealousy over their 'smaller' journey. It just made mine seem that much longer, bigger, harder, worse. The reality I've learned, though, is everyone's journey is longer, bigger, harder, worse in their own way. Because each person's journey is their own and comes complete with their own challenges. Whatever your challenges are, you can do this. You really can. You know why?

Because if I can do this, anyone can.

The light at the end of the weight loss tunnel isn't just visible, it's shining brightly. It's kinda like the light calling to CarolAnne, except this one is beckoning me with its promises of cute clothes, a svelte body, and health.

If you couldn't tell, it's a good day to be me.

(On a not-so-fun note, I PB'ed on water yesterday. I couldn't understand why. Granted, I gulped it, but I have gulped umpteen times. Then I PB'ed dinner (scrambled eggs, sigh). I hadn't PB'ed in close to a month. I was perplexed until I went to the bathroom, only to discover an uninvited guest had come to visit for a few days. This was my first real experience with TOM tightness aka TOMT. I put myself on a liquid diet today to get the swelling to go down, as that second PB was a humdinger and I was still feeling it when I went to bed last night. I was getting a tad concerned about slippage, but I think I just really irritated it. The upside of liquid? Weight loss!)

JINX!

As you know, I've been wanting to hit 100 lbs lost for a week or two now, and with working out, my weight loss had stalled out a bit. I jokingly (you hear me, universe? I was JOKING!) told DH I just wouldn't eat for two days to make the scale cooperate.

When BAM!

Stomach virus. Or food poisoning. Or something that made it impossible to drink or eat yesterday. And lots of other fun things that I won't talk about, lest I lose a bunch of followers.

Thank goodness for Zofran; I felt like crap, but I never puked.

However, the scale rewarded my miserableness this morning:


That's 100.2 lbs in 8 months+1 week! SWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

Aiming for obese

Less than 10 lbs to go, and I'll be *just* obese. How exciting is that?!?!?! I started out "super obese" and now am "morbidly obese." Just "obese" sounds pretty good right now!

I finally broke out of my little plateau...yes, it was only a week, but I'm spoiled by almost-daily weight loss at this phase of the game, so for the scale to go up instead of down for a week is frustrating. The good news is that I no longer freak out about plateaus, as I *know* that with the band, it won't take long until the scale moves again.

Oh, and guess what? Minor PB last night. I was h-u-n-g-r-y, so I scarfed down some Pringles and paid the price. Won't be doing that again any time soon.

Trying to decide if I feel like heading out with the kids today or not. If we do head out, I think I might check out a local mall. It's too hot to be outside! No, we have not adjusted to the FL heat yet. Although DD was whining in the pool last night because it was chillier than usual. It wasn't even cold, but it wasn't bath-like either. She's already spoiled!

Guess I best go pay attention to the kids since DD is standing with the fridge door open. Lovely.

Twitching

DH packed the scale yesterday! OMG! What was he thinking?!?!?!

I won't be able to record my weekly Wednesday weigh-in (my 'official' one that goes on my spreadsheet). I am seriously jonesing for my daily weigh-in. Twitch. Twitch. TWITCH!

So, the good news is, however, I will have a week of no weighing in. As much as that makes me twitch, it's probably also a good thing for me mentally at this stage of the game. At least, that's what I am telling myself.

With as hard as we are working, there's NO WAY I won't lose this week. No way.

And get this...

We went out with MIL last night to a Japanese steakhouse. I got the seafood udon bowl - full of very hot broth, tons of veggies, udon noodles, scallops, shrimp, fish, and fish cake. I did so good - took it slow and ate a bit of everything, even the noodles. No problems, no stuck, felt good. It was a great bandster meal.

Then we headed to Cold Stone, and I got a kid's chocolate peanut butter. Two bites in and STUCK. I ended up having to pull over on the way home and PB out the side of the car. Poor DH. But poor me - WTF? Shrimp and scallops are fine, but ice cream makes me PB?!?!?!

And I know it was only the ice cream, because that's all that came up (along with tons of mucus). One easy PB and I was fine. Sigh. Fortunately, it didn't irritate me since it was a relatively painless one and I am doing fine today. But it's weird. It's almost like mushies are more of a problem for me than real food is. But I am not giving up on ice cream yet!

Incoherent babbling

Really and truly, my mind is on overload. Finish working, pack house, new utilities, address change, doc appts, new insurance, bank accounts, two toddlers...

AHHHH!!!!!

Let's see - I think it's a good bullet point day:

• My swollen-ness has relaxed, thank goodness! I was able to eat some Hamburger Helper for dinner last night. I didn't overdo it, just because I was terrified of PB'ing again and starting back at square 1. But I am feeling better today as well. Water is going down smoothly, so I am going to go forth gingerly, but I think I am good to go.
• I called my surgeon yesterday about a slight unfill and have yet to hear back. Yes, they officially suck. But since I magically loosened yesterday, I don't need one anyhow!
• I found two surgeons in FL who'll take me on as a patient! One is about an hour away - $200 per fill. The other is about 10 min away - still waiting to hear from their self-pay manager about pricing. Either way, though, I am thrilled that I will definitely have a local surgeon. Maybe even a support group. Maybe even people who return phone calls in a timely manner! Imagine that!
• I officially have less than two days of work left!
• The scale is up almost 2 lbs from my lowest. I haven't eaten enough to account for that, so I was either dehydrated when I got my lowest reading, or TOM is around the corner (I have Mirena, so I'm not exactly regular anymore). Either way, you know what? I don't care. I know it'll come off, and I don't stress it. It's such a freeing feeling! Smooches to my band!
• One week from today, I will be leaving my house for good. It'll be bittersweet - we bought this house with the intention of it being our "forever" house; we brought both our babies home to this house; we love our house. However, it's also been a bit of a drag - the mortgage is more than we can manage on one salary and it was built in 1950, so things are slowly starting to go. Overall, this move is good for us for so many reasons, but I will miss my house.
• I have on a pair of 26 capris from Avenue that I believe Jen sent me. They are kind of a sage green. Anyhow, they are a slimmer cut, and I couldn't even get them over my thighs when they arrived a month or so ago. They fit perfect today! WOOHOO!
• And finally, for my best NSV so far. One of my coworkers shared this with me yesterday. Apparently, earlier in the week, we'd both been down in the lobby. I was standing in the "employee only" area, and she leaned over and whispered to the receptionist, "Who is that over there?" She totally didn't recognize me and thought I was a volunteer who'd wandered into the wrong area! OMG! She said I don't even look like the same person! That is awesome!

Toodles - back to pretending to work for two more days!

An ode to my band

You know, I don't think I've been kind enough to my band.

I haven't given her the credit she deserves.

In fact, I've done a lot of complaining about her - being too tight, too loose, not doing her job, expecting more of me than I wanted her to and so on.

But if I take the emotion of losing weight out of it, and just look at the cold, hard facts, I think my band has been working overtime with very little praise from me.

She's helped me lose nearly 80 lbs in just over 6 months.

She's done it while dimming my hunger.

She's not required me to focus on her 24/7.

She's practically gotten rid of my cravings.

All the while, she's allowed me to still enjoy my favorite foods: chocolate, cheese, coffee, sushi.

Oh, how I love my band!

I've been doing some thinking lately about how I still don't feel like I am at my sweet spot and am tired of feeling hungry all the time. Then I took a step back and looked at what I ate yesterday: McD's frappe, half cup of lentil soup, cup of tomato soup, and half of a homemade cappucino (milk, no sugar). I'm still pretty tight from my PB on Saturday. Anyhow, um, yeah, that's not much food. And while I was hungry, it was "annoying and I know I could eat and I kinda wanna eat, but I am not ready to gnaw my arm off" type of hunger. It was livable.

I think I need to work on the head part of this and realize that I may have to deal with some hunger. It's NOT the same hunger as pre-band. I guess I finally just realized this. It's a livable, kind of annoying but not overpowering kind of hunger.

And I really think I am too tight. I can't remember the last time I ate 1 cup of food in one sitting. So I don't think it's fair to blame my band for my hunger. I think the reality is I am not eating enough to be full, sweet spot or not. However, I am going to have to deal with it for a few more weeks until I can find a new surgeon in FL. I am okay with it - I can still eat, just not much.

Finally, work planned my going away party at a sushi restaurant for lunch on Thursday. I am kinda stressing it - they don't know about my band. I am still tight from that dumb PB. I am thinking I can probably do some soup and a sashimi. Other ideas?

Pizzled

I'm pissed at myself. I've done so well for about three weeks with no stuck or PB episodes. And then last night, I was chatting with my friend while eating, and BAM! stuck on chicken. I ended up PB'ing 3x, and now I am as tight as tight can be. Like water is going down slowly tight.

When will I learn?

The scale has been WAY down this weekend. I guess that's what happens when you eat like a good little bandster and are on your feet for two solid days. I am exhausted, but it'll all be worth it. Only a few more weeks.

Off to get DD to bed...

Blah blah blah

That's how I am feeling, blah blah blah. It's just been a crazy couple of days.

DS has been constipated for about 10 days and after trying home remedies (prune juice, apple juice, etc.), cutting his milk consumption in half, and even an enema, we had to make a trek to the ped in the pouring rain to get a prescription for Miralax. Poor kid - he is just miserable. And poor me - dragging two kids to the ped and then to the pharmacy in the pouring rain was not fun (I have to buckle them both into and out of carseats, so it's not quick process). I tried to go through the drive-through at Rite Aid (I shop there a lot!) and they would not fill the prescription in less than an hour. I don't get it - every other pharmacy in town can fill a prescription in 10 min or less, and they need an hour? So, I took my prescription back (the guy was a total a$$ about it), and drug them through a monsoon into Costco. Rite Aid is getting a nasty email today...I am solo-parenting with two young kids, one of whom is screaming because he hasn't pooped in a week, who is trying to fill a prescription in the pouring rain at dinner time and you can't help out a loyal customer by speeding up the process, just this once? Seriously.

Anyhow, DD was a total pistol last night - would not go to bed. Tried letting her lay in my bed. She was beyond tired at that point, was all pissy and o.m.g. I hit my limit with her - I actually yelled at her and shut her in her room where she proceeded to scream for 30 min at 11 pm. I was so. done. So. done. SO. DONE. I then had to work until 3 am on stuff for my job, just because I am so far behind. Ugh.

DD woke up this morning still in a pissy mood, probably because she is still tired. When I asked if she wanted a diaper or a pull-up, she threw a fit and cried that she wanted to "wear her butt." It's funny, but how do you reason with that? Sigh.

I PB'ed my lunch yesterday (very tender, very saucy chicken tikka masala), so liquids yet again for me for 24+ hours. I think I'm just going to give up on solid food and live on frappes, protein shakes, soup, and hot cocoa for the rest of my life. Good news is I am down yet again this AM - aiming for 70 lbs by my six-month bandiversary, which is totally doable at this point. But liquids is getting really old. The PA said if I can keep liquid down (which I can just fine), I can just ride it out. But I am soooo tired of liquids. Oh well, it'll eventually loosen up, right? (In case you forgot, my surgeon's protocol if you are too tight is last fill plus half of the previous fill OUT as an unfill. Um, no thanks.)

And while this is an NSV, I am finding it highly annoying. My wedding rings are spinning freely on my finger...I hate when the engagement ring flips over. Drives me batty.

Signed,

Cranky Amy

I got an F!

Well, really, I got two "F"s...

Or I have two "F"s...

Whatever. The bottom line is I went and got fitted for a bra on Saturday at Lane Bryant, and I don't wear a 44DD like I thought I did. I wear a 42F.

Sigh.

My poor boobies. Been stuffing these suckers into bras that are two sizes too small for years. Not to mention, I've lost 66 lbs and they are STILL Fs. Oh well, hubby isn't complaining! {wink, wink}

I joked with a friend that I had to special order from the fat girl store. Double sigh. (Note, I am just being sarcastic here - it really doesn't bother me!)

Speaking of, he finally comes home on Wednesday after 24 days gone! I am a happy camper...more so to have help with the kiddos than to see him. OK, I am excited to see him as well.

And the move is moving forward. I've got the next three weekends planned out. We are going to bust some butt:

5.21 - 5.23 - DH home, BFF (J) coming from WI, Mom coming in and getting a hotel room and keeping the kids as much as possible - plan is to pack and sort/prep for garage sale.

5.28-5.30 - Very good friend (K) (the one from last weekend) is coming up for the whole weekend to continue packing and prepping for garage sale.

6.4 - 6.6 - Another very good friend, T, is coming from Chicago to help me do the garage sale. K will come up for the garage sale as well.

It's going to be a whirlwind!

I am starting to get anxious/excited about flying to FL. I should be just under 300 lbs by then, and I am really hopeful I'll be able to fly sans extender. Keep those fingers crossed for me!

On the eating front, I still don't feel full or even satisfied, pretty much ever. It's getting old, but until I can eat three (at least two) 'real' meals per day, I'm not counting my sweet spot out. My days are weird - yesterday I was able to eat a few pieces of sushi , 1/2 of a steamed artichoke (thanks for the obsession, Kristin!), and french onion soup including cheese and bread without problem. I went slowly, but no problem. And then I accidentally gulped hot cocoa last night, and I PB'ed it.

Fortunately, I can kinda 'make' myself PB now. Well, I don't know if that is good or not, but it comes up really easily, so I figure it's not doing too much, if any, damage.

Do any of you struggle with a gurgly tummy at night? I can't eat/drink too close to bedtime or I get some reflux. But if I go to bed with too empty of a tummy, it gurgles so badly, I can't sleep. My solution has been a small hot cocoa about 30-60 min before bed, but that's the one I PB'ed last night. So, my tummy gurgled for 90 min before I could fall asleep...it's like I can feel stuff passing back and forth through the band! Was driving me crazy...