Tuesday, December 13

And there it is...

I never thought it would be me, but lo and behold, my husband is blaming my surgery and subsequent weight loss for my 'attitude problem.'

Le sigh.

Le sigh.

Le sigh.

I admit, we are having some rocky moments (ok, hours and/or days) lately. And maybe my attitude has changed - I don't want to sit around anymore, I want to get stuff done, I want to be active. I am bored watching tv. I'm bored with naps. So yes, my attitude has changed. But what am I supposed to do?

I want more out of life. I am no longer content to watch it pass before me. I go-go-go now, and it is physically painful for me to not go-go-go. I ran 2.5 miles this morning, watched my friends kids, took the kids to DD's ballet class, went grocery shopping, ordered three photo sessions worth of photos, cleaned two bathrooms, did a few loads of laundry, made dinner, cleaned up, and did a few other random things. And I am not exhausted.

So, what is fair? I don't expect him to have the energy I have now, but by the same token, I don't want to sit around. We are having a hard time finding the balance between what I want and what he wants.

I'm not really looking for answers (although if you have some, toss them my way). I'm more just throwing it out to the universe, hoping some solutions will come to me. We're going to try counseling; we need someone to help us navigate this new part of our relationship. We love each other deeply, but I'm not the same person he married, and I don't want to be that person again. We need to figure out how to allow me to be the new me while still being the person he married. And we also need to figure out how I balance my new interests with what his interests continue to be.

I never in a million years thought we'd be the ones in this position. He supports and appreciates my weight loss. But he's not sure how to manage this new person! And honestly, I am not sure I know how to either. We'll figure it out, though, together. At least, I hope...

On other random notes:
  • I ran my fastest mile yet this morning - 12:15. GO ME!
  • I tried on a ring-sizer. My wedding ring is a 8.25. My new size is 6. Um, yeah, that's why I can't wear it without fear of losing it!
  • Running is finally paying off after 8 weeks. I am toning up like crazy. Pants that fit two weeks ago are getting loose. I LOVE IT!
  • I'm thinner now than when I started college. Craziness!

Friday, November 25

So incredibly thankful on my two-year bandiversary

How could I not be thankful? I look 100x better, I feel 100x better, and I'm exactly 190 lbs lighter!

This has been an incredible journey full of lots of successes and my share of frustrations, but I think I'm most excited about the emotional and mental journey that's accompanied the weight loss. I really am a different person  inside my head and not just on the outside of my body.

I can think more clearly about emotional issues now that I am not weighed down by my weight. I don't react nearly as emotionally - nor immaturely - to negative situations. I am much better at seeing people for who they are, and how they treat me, now that I don't have to wonder if my weight is the reason I am being treated poorly. I am much more able to let things go now instead of holding resentments and grudges. I am getting much better at truly living "Live and let live" because I no longer feel the need to control everyone around me due to the lack of control with my weight. I feel my feelings because they are not buried beneath a ton of weight or being pushed down by endless amounts of food.

Add in all the obvious physical changes, and I gotta say, it's pretty cool to be me now!

For those just starting out, or perhaps struggling a bit, I just encourage you to stick with it. I started out extremely slow, gained weight after surgery, took 6 fills to get restriction, hit a six-month plateau, and had so many other challenges, but here I am, two years later, 190 lbs lighter.

And of course, this post wouldn't be complete without some PHOTOS!

Two headshots superimposed - look how much narrower my shoulders are now!

Thursday, October 27

Two years ago two days ago

I meant to take a pic two days ago, but I forgot!

So, two years + two days ago, I looked like this:


And today, after I got back from a run, I look like this:

Thank you, lap-band! I totally puffy heart love you!

Monday, October 24

Suffering from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome

Seriously, I do still suffer from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome AKA FGFS. You know, the fear of sitting on a fragile looking chair, like a plastic deck chair. Or fitting on a carnival ride. Or the seat belt fitting when flying. Or being the largest person in the room. All those things you fear when you are as heavy as I was and don't want to draw attention to yourself or embarrass yourself.

I really thought I'd outgrow FGFS, but I haven't in a lot of ways. I still think twice about sitting on things. We had a town festival last weekend, and I was afraid to get on one of the rides with my kids.

It is just so strange how the mind works, because in other ways, I forget I was ever as heavy as I was. I plop down on the floor with my kids without a second thought. I tie my shoes without having to take a breath first. I run upstairs to grab somethning without having to work up the energy for 10 min first. Hmmm, maybe it's the day-to-day things that are easier to do without FGFS, which would totally make sense.

I wonder when I will get over FGFS. I don't want to have those fears any more, not even for a fleeting moment. Not that I will ever forget where I came from, nor will I ever not be sympathetic to the girl who is standing in the corner hoping no one notices her, but I want to fully appreciate this body and the life that I get to live in it.

I'm working on it. As much as this journey has seemed long, it's not even been two years yet, and really, it's only been about 3 months since I've been "normal" in terms of weight and BMI, so I can see why my mind isn't there yet.

Oh well, off to do something I no longer fear - RUNNING! Holy hell, I am loving it! Just don't tell Angela or she'll be signing me up for the Princess Half!

Thursday, October 20


Hi! Thanks, Trisha, for encouraging me to post. It's not that I don't love you guys, but honestly? I'm loving life right now, and most hours of most days are full. It was a lot easier to post when I worked, as I had eight hours to waste. ;)

Now my days are full of working from home a few hours each day, taking the kids somewhere daily, cleaning the house, and being Suzy Homemaker. I actually am enjoying it. I feel like we've finally got a schedule established, which is so good for me, as while I don't like being disciplined, I thrive with discipline. Isn't that how it always is?

So, what's going on? Stephanie (I dream of high heels) is so sweet. She came all the way to my house this weekend, just to bring me a swag bag from BOOBS. Isn't she awesome?! I am going to try my darnedest to be there next year, but with two kids who need tending to and a husband who doesn't have enough time off work to tend to said kids and with no one else to really watch them, that time of year is just really hard for me. Not to mention, my BFF lives in Milwaukee, and another dear friend lives in Chicago, so no way could I head to their neck of the woods without making a few days for each of them. Which means a long weekend turns into at least a week trip. And said kiddos still need tending to! Anyhow, I digress, I am going to see what I can do to be there next year!

I have another hiatal hernia. I have had some heartburn, but I figured it was all band-related. Nope.

I started running. Yet again. Who's all doing the princess half? I might, might, might be in. We'll see. I'm actually enjoying running this time, which has never really happened before.

I'm down to 187.6 lbs! .4 more lbs and I'll have lost half of myself. That's a great reason to do another half, huh?!

I took measurements today, and since the beginning, I have lost 139.25" total:

3.25" - neck
15" - bust
16" - waist
18.5" - lower belly
17.75" - hips
6" - each arm
13" - each thigh
9.5" - each knee (crazy, huh?!)
6" - each calf

I think that's about it from my boring yet enjoyable life...Later!

Monday, September 26

It's happening to me, too.

I remember reading some blogs about people who were much further along in the band process than I was, and I would read their blogs and I would honestly think to myself, "Yep, she's full of shit. Totally lying."

And now, yep, it's happening to me, too. And I swear, I'm not full of shit!

I have NO idea what size I really am. I am not really content with my body where it's at. And I feel like I am in the twilight zone.

Now, let me preface this by saying that I AM happy where I am. I mean, I'd be a fool not to be happy at having lost 180 lbs. And you know, I do wear my floppy, saggy, baggy, elephant skin with a bit of pride.

However, there is that part of my brain that has been damaged by being fat for so long that is just not on board with the rest of my brain.

Problemo Numero Uno: I don't know what size I am.

I am not really in plus sizes any more. I am pretty solidly in size 16 on the bottom (some 18s) and L or XL on top. However, regular 16s are cut so differently than 16W. And I have a nice saggy belly now that regular 16s don't always accommodate. Some do. Some don't. I'm not used to that. Pants have always been too big in my waist to make up for my thunder thighs and booty. AND my boobs are shrinking. I'm not really complaining, but I do kinda miss the girls sometimes. I'm still filling out my DDDs, so I must have been much bigger than that previously. I look around, and I see other women's bodies, and I wonder if I look like them. I really have no concept of what I look like. I should take some pics I do realize. Sometimes I feel like I still have sooooo far to go. And other days, I feel like I am almost there. And that kind of leads to my second point...

Problemo Numero Zwei: I am not really content with my body.

I am saggy. Very, very saggy. Part of it is my fault for not working out as much as I should have. But a large part of it is just due to being so heavy for so long. In a sick twisted way, I sometimes miss my round, full belly. It may have been big, but it was soft in a Renaissance painting kind of way. Is that totally twisted? Now my belly looks like it has cross hatch marks on it. Don't believe me? Ask Stephanie - I showed her. And she didn't disagree. You know when someone kind of nods along with you that it's as bad as you think. Because it is. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad she didn't lie to me - Stephanie wouldn't! - but it confirms that it's not the most attractive look in the whole world.

And my thighs. They're horrific. If I have enough wine some night, I'll take pics and post. It's as bad as you can possibly imagine.


I have 3 lbs to lose until my first goal (190 lbs), 13 lbs to my second goal (180 lbs) and 20 lbs to my aspirational goal (173 lbs and a BMI of 24.9). I can't even begin to imagine 3 or 13 or 20 lbs is going to solve these issues. Because they aren't. These issues are mainly in my head and in my inability to redefine myself as a "thin" or at least "thinner" person.

I think part of it is I see myself now as I thought I looked at 374 lbs. Does that make any sense?

It is just going to take time. And acceptance. The bottom line is I am NORMAL now. I wear a 16. Not generous 16s like I tell myself. Not select 16s like I sometimes tell myself. The other bottom line is I did a lot of permanent damage to my body. I am never going to have a bikini body.  But you know what? Bikini bodies are a dime a dozen. Bodies that have the history of significant weight loss are not. And I am going to strut this for-real-16-with-lots-of-saggy-skin body with pride, and that small part of my brain that is totally fucked up? It's just going to have to get over itself!

One last thing, I have shared my blog with a real-life friend for the first time. HI, D! She's in the process of going through her lap-band classes and hopes to have her surgery before the end of the year. How about a few shout-outs to her to start a blog?! Work your magic, BOOBS!

Tuesday, September 20

I can feel the love!

I really felt loved yesterday with all the supportive comments, so thank you!

I weigh less than my DL says I do!

My weight starts with a 1!

It's surreal.

I'm working really hard to get some house projects done this week, then a dear friend is in town next week, and finally the following week, I am going to get back to working out.

I've got my morning and afternoon routines down, I'm getting my regular work hours in, and I am finally just about ready to get serious about working out.

I'm going to try a gym in the area. It's the only one with childcare, so it's my only option. I would love to not join a gym, but I am not sure if that is feasible with two toddlers that don't nap, two toddlers who hate being in the stroller for more than 2.2 seconds, and a husband who works 10+ hours/day. We'll see - I've debated trying videos again when the kids are home, or going running right when the husband walks in the door. But these aren't really ideal. I have a friend who works out 3-4 days/week at the gym at 4 pm, which would actually be ideal for me. So, we'll see. The bottom line is I need to do whatever is going to work for me long-term.

I need to exercise. I need to exercise. I need to exercise.

There. I said it publicly, so now I must do it!

Sunday, September 11

Some of my favorite things...

....start with S!


We spent the day together yesterday shopping and chatting. Seriously, we were tripping all over each other to talk. Now, this is not the first time we've been together, and so we'd already chatted. But honestly, I think yesterday we both realized how much we have in common - and that we are kindred spirits. At least I think so!


We hit Florida Mall and did some damage. I introduced her to the joys of MAC makeup. She introduced me to the loveliness that is The Limited tops. I did refrain from spending any money there, but I just have to say I almost bought a M top! M! M! M! I did end up with a pair of $9 capris from Macy's and a really cute $7 skirt from Dillard's. Did I mention the skirt is a 14? Um, yeah, Stephanie may have had to help me zip it, but it fits, dammit!

Oh, and if you visit Stephanie's blog, will you please remind her I was RIGHT and she needs M tops? Thank you! (wink, wink - that girl is tiny and kept grabbing L tops. I set her right, for the most part!)


We then hit our favorite restaurant, Roy's. If you have never been, you should go. Now. We split three apps. I have to say, we both saw the food arrive, and since we were both hungry, we admitted that we didn't think it would be enough. 20 min later, she was packing up half of it to take home to her husband. Yes, old habits die hard. But we laughed and talked and ate and drank, and Stephanie flirted with the guy next to her. It was so much fun!


Between the two of us, we have lost more than 300 lbs! Isn't that insane?! 300 lbs! Thank you, lapband, for making us skinny. And friends.

Friday, September 9

Help me comment, please!

I know many of you have been through this. I cannot comment on other blogs. When I try to do so from my Google account, it tells me I don't have permission. Any ideas? I want to comment!!!

Wednesday, September 7

Approaching the motherland (with pics!)

I hear the motherland calling...I weighed 201.4 lbs this morning! I cannot believe I am almost below 200. I want to find a scale where you have to slide the little thingie over to where you think you might fall. You know the ones I am talking about, right? The ones fat girls dread, because the little slider has to go further and further to the right. Yeah, well, I want to weigh on one of those, so I can keep that sucker at 150 instead of 350!

We went to the Jersey Shore for my cousin's wedding this weekend. It was tons of fun - boardwalk, beach, wedding, food, family, friends, fun. I got to see the Jersey Shore house! It was the highlight of my weekend. Actually, the highlight of my weekend was feeling normal. Although my family is workout nuts (one cousin has done two ironmans, aunt and uncle run marathons, other cousin is a physical therapist, other cousin runs marathons around the world - literally), I still didn't feel overly conscious of myself. It was wonderful!

A few pics of our weekend...

Thursday, August 25

Oh yeah, who's OVERWEIGHT?!?!?!?!


That's right - as of this morning, I am no longer obese! I am officially 'only' overweight!

I started with a BMI of 53 or 54 and am now at 29.9.

I wore a pair of pants from the one and only Lynda yesterday. Size 14. No W. Yes, they are generous, but a 14 nonetheless. And a size L top from the one and only Jacquie.

I looked damn good.

And I feel even better!

We are flying next week, and I have literally NO stress about it. I packed a box of stuff for us, and I packed a size 16 dress, an XL dress, a size 16 skirt, and a pair of size 16 capris. Who's clothes are these?

My band is being a bit fickle the past two days - probably means TMI is on its way - but honestly, I don't even care. It's sooooooo worth it!

Thursday, August 18

New face shots!

I took the kids to toddler time at the fire station yesterday. It was hotter than hell, which had nothing to do with the fire fighters, and everything to do with the fact that it is mid-August in FL. No breeze, 1000% humidity, and 90+ degrees at 9 am.

Anyhow, I didn't think these pics were anything that great until I shared them on FB. I literally had 10 messages about how people barely recognized me! I went and looked again, and well, I guess I am looking good. ;) It's weird, because you get used to looking at yourself in the mirror every day, so you don't really see it. However, I will say that these last 50+ lbs I've lost are almost more noticeable than the first 100+ lbs I lost. I think I've entered that 'sculpting' phase.

So, without further adieu:

374 lbs

212 lbs

You say potato.

I say fucking A.

When will I learn? I just cannot eat potatoes in any way, shape, or form.

Twice-baked potato filling - one of the worst PBs I've ever had.

Potato chips - PB or stuck every time.

French fries - PB or stuck 99% of the time.

Mashed potatoes - 50/50 chance of running for the toilet.

I just have to be done with potatoes, as sad as that makes me. Sigh.

Monday, August 8

PSA: Kitchen Gadget Must-Have

Now that I am settled in (mostly), I have all of my own kitchen stuff back!

And I am back in love with my pressure cooker. Every bandster should own this little piece of genius. Seriously. It makes the MOST tender meat. I ate 1.5 pork chops the other night! Amazing. I haven't eaten pork chops in a long time, because they are too tough for me. Not with the pressure cooker - 15 min of cooking, and they were fork-tender. And delicious! I've also made a beef roast, meatballs, and chicken drumsticks in it. All this week. Yep, a slight bit of an addiction. But hey, I am definitely meeting my protein goals.

One of the really nice things about my pressure cooker is you can brown or saute in it before you cook in it. Only 1 dirty pot + no hot oven = Happy Amy.

ETA: To answer a few questions.
  • I'd say for most things, they cut the cooking time down by about 1/3, not 1/2. It still takes time for the unit to come up to pressure, then cook, and sometimes the cut of meat calls for natural pressure release (which takes time). However, the trade-off is the meat is ALWAYS tender. Always.
  • It IS old-school, but they've kind of come back 'in'. The new ones are totally safe, no danger of exploding. Also, they are pretty much fool-proof. No checking pressure, no messing with temps, etc. Push a few buttons and it regulates itself. So easy. Plus, since you can't stir it or anything once it starts, I always have my kitchen cleaned up by the time it's done. It's a two-fer! :)
  • I made the porkchops breaded - dipped in egg and then seasoned breadcrumbs. Lightly browned them on both sides for a few minutes in 2 T. evoo. Right in the pressure cooker. Took them out, put the rack in, added 1 c. of chicken broth, and added the pork chops back in (the rack keeps them from sitting in the liquid). Added a sliced onion on top of the chops. Cooked for 15 min on high pressure (could have done less, but I wanted them really tender). Served with steamed broccoli and cauliflower and a Lipton noodle thing (don't remember what, since I don't really eat that.) It was good. And easy!

Here's the pressure cooker I have. I seriously love it! You can get it on amazon, if you are interested.

A BIG thank you!

Thank you to all of you who responded to my begging! Jacquie already sent me clothes! Can you believe it?!

The sisterhood rocks. Thanks again!

Thursday, August 4

I ain't too proud to beg!

Yep, I am reducing myself to begging, once again. I emailed a few of you directly begging, but now I'm willing to publicly humiliate myself.

I am nearly out of clothes that fit. And I am not only broke, but I'm also frugal enough that I hate to spend money on clothes that aren't going to finish my journey with me. Anyone cleaning out their closets soon and want to contribute to the sisterhood via me?

I'm in need of:

16/18 (W or regular) capris/shorts/jeans
L or XL tops (short-sleeve and/or tanks)
XL or 16/18 sundresses or skirts
XL workout/casual wear (yoga capris, etc.)

I stay home with my kids, so casual is great. We live in FL, so summer stuff is perfect. I'm 5'10", so unfortunately, petites don't really work for me. If you have 14s and no one else needs/wants them, I'd be happy to take those as well.

Thank you thank you thank you. My wallet thanks you. My neighbors thank you, as not only will I not be walking around naked, but I'll also be able to afford window coverings if I don't have to go on a shopping spree. And finally, I thank you. I really, really, really thank you.

I feel like a teenager

I cannot shave without cutting myself anymore. First I thought I had a dull blade. Then I thought maybe it was the new water. Or I was reverting in my skills. Or I was going blind.

Then I realized my skin is so damn droopy around my knees and in my arm pits that I can't really help but cut myself when I shave. Seriously, my armpits are AWFUL, as is the skin around my knees. We won't even talk about my belly or upper thighs, but thankfully, I don't have to shave those areas (yes, I am one of those girls who does not shave her thighs - partly lazy, partly thanks to the very fine, blonde hairs from my Danish heritage).

I have to pull the skin taut with one hand while skillfully maneuvering the razor with the other. It takes two steady hands and lots of shaving cream. Do you think the au natural look is going to come back any time soon? I'd be the first one on that trend!

Tuesday, August 2

Remember me?

Hey! I am back!!!!!

We're moved in. Totally not unpacked. Still exhausted. But happy as can be.

All is good on the band-front. I am in a really good place - I can eat most things, but not much of them. I am really, really happy with it. I do have a bit of heartburn, but I take a daily Zantac, which completely controls it. I have learned that I cannot eat within about two hours of bedtime, or I pay for it. But other than that, I am LOVING it right now. Rarely hungry, can eat what I want, and I am still losing.

Yep, I'm down to 212.8 lbs. That's 160+ lbs lost! Less than 5 lbs until I am no longer obese. YEAH BABY!!!!

Off to see what you guys have been up to. Smooches!

Saturday, July 2


We did it! We found a house! It's kind of a convoluted story, but we ended up going back to the very first area we'd considered, and we found our dream house. The sacrifice we made is it's not centrally-located, but because I am now working from home, my commute was a non-issue. What we gained was size, new construction (!!!), and the most wonderful community ever.

It's a planned community that is based around green living and coexisting with nature. The community has two geo-thermal pools, a golf course, horse stables, about 40 miles of walking/running/hiking trails, playgrounds, a splash pad, a conservation center with animals, "A" rated schools (which is a huge deal in FL where the schools mainly suck), a lake with boats you can use for free (!!!), and so much more. They are even a dark sky community.

Our house is green star-rated, meaning it has met federal standards for energy efficiency, and is supposed to be at least 30% more energy efficient than other comparable houses. Four bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, and a bonus room (so happy we have a toy room!). I think my favorite two things about the house are the second-floor laundry and that the garage is behind the house. I hate when garages dominate the front of a house.

To say I am in love would be an understatement!

SOLD! Happy Homeowners!

Side view - notice the balcony! 
Living room/dining room - the family room is on the other side of the kitchen.

Elise looking at her future school - yep, it's that close. And the third community pool is slated for the area by the stop sign.

Kitchen - can't wait to cook in there!

Master bath
We're hoping to close on 7/21 and be in by 7/23, so I will probably be scarce the next few weeks as we get ready to move. But I promise to keep on keepin' on and to check in when I can!

Thursday, June 30

Who's a Bad A$$?

Me, that's who!

You know why?

I've lost 150 mother fuckin' lbs!



That's 1 x 150.

Or 10 x 15.

Or 6 x 25.

Or 3 x 50.

Or 2 x 75.

No matter how you do the math, I have lost 150 lbs!

I think even more incredible to me is I only have 34 lbs left until my first goal. That's how much "normal" people need to lose. 34 lbs ain't shit!

In other news, I got the job! YEAH! The house hunt isn't going quite as well. Whoever said this is a buyer's market lied. We made an offer on one house that had been on the market for 3 days, and we had major competition. We still haven't heard, which I guess means it's not ours. We're heading out again tonight, because we have to be out of our rental in 24 days. To say I am stressed would be a bit of an understatement. Ha!

Tuesday, June 21

You ask, you shall receive...

Introducing me with my new hair!

The thing I like about the cut is I can flip it out, smooth it down, fluff it up, wear it to the side, wear it more forward, and about a million other ways. It's fun!

Monday, June 20

Word 2.0.

So, what's been going on with me?

  • I chopped my hair off ala Sienna Miller's short style. It's not quite what I was requesting, but I still LOVE it. Five minutes, and I'm styled and good to go all day. Plus, I think it makes my face look even thinner - sweet bonus!
  • DH & I are most likely making an offer on a house this week. It's super cute, in a great school district, and centrally located. I'm excited - keep those fingers crossed that it goes through for us!
  • I have been back to the gym for about 10 days now. I am LOVING it. For the first time, I feel like I'm working out just for my mental and physical health. Not to lose weight, not to train for some event, not because I have to. Just because I want to. And the break from the kids is nice too!
  • I have barely any appetite lately. My band got SUPER tight again, but I rode it out and now I'm at a really good place. I was getting some weird upper back pain when I ate something "too" solid, but I haven't PB'ed in months, and the pain finally went away. (Has anyone else ever had this?!). I am loving this no-appetite thing, and the only reason I remember to eat is because I get a headache and/or cranky when I'm too hungry. HA!
  • On the job front, DH & I sat down and discussed me working FT vs. PT. Our lives would be so chaotic and crazy if I went back to work with the hours he's been working (12 hrs/day, 6 days/week), but we need me to work (financially and for my sanity). A friend recommended me to do what she does (search engine evaluation for Google), and I am just waiting on my test results to find out if I got the job. It pays really well for a work-from-home job, and it's really flexible (work as many or as few hours per week as you want), so again, please keep those fingers crossed. I really, really want it!
  • Guess that's about it!

Sunday, June 19


I'm still losing! I know, usually when I disappear, I'm gaining. But this time, I've actually been eating right, going to the gym, cutting off my hair, working on getting an work-from-home-job (yeah!), making an offer on a house (!!!), and generally trying to keep my life moving in the right direction.

I am down 144 lbs to 230.4 lbs! I am loving it. I wore a size 16 jean skirt from Old Navy today (given to me by Heidi). A SIZE 16!!!!!! My 20s are getting too big, although I don't really have any 18Ws (hint, hint - anyone need to clean out their closet and contribute to the sisterhood? Shorts, skirts, dresses, capris?)

I'll write more tomorrow. Promise promise! Smooches!

Thursday, May 26

541 days ago, I took my life back.

18 months + 1 day ago, I was banded. I could go on and on about how it was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but you know what? We all know that. How about I let the numbers and pictures speak for themselves?

133 lbs lost
111.75" lost
20 BMI points lost

Body shot comparisons - click on the pic for full-size version

 Facial Comparison - again, click for full-size.

 And my fav!
the above shots super-imposed, so you can see how much narrower my shoulders are!

Tuesday, May 24

An Ode to Bacon

Why is it when I am on the tighter side, thick liquids are often hard to get down, but bacon (and tortilla chips) always go down just fine? Seriously, makes no sense to me, but you know, if I had to pick a go-to food, bacon would have been at the top of my list. Therefore, here it is:

An Ode to Bacon

There once was a girl who loved bacon
She even said she'd never forsake 'on.
She loved it thick and crispy
Or even thin and wispy.
Oh bacon, you're never mistaken!

Monday, May 23

Thoughts on hunger and fills...

Someone asked about my fill level yesterday, which got me to thinking, which is always dangerous. HA!

Anyhow, I am currently at about 10.5 or 11 in a 14 cc band. I was as high as 11.5 or so, but that fill gradually got tighter until I had a small unfill about 6 months ago. If I'm being honest, I could use another small unfill, but I'm not PB'ing, so I am going to ride it out for another 10 lbs or so to see if it loosens up at all.

But here's what I was thinking. I never got that FULL feeling. Ever. Even when I was too tight. I have always had that "full up top, still hungry down below" feeling. Like my pouch was phsyically full, but it didn't really do anything for the sensation of hunger.

That being said, my feelings of hunger have diminished greatly. I honestly think it's learned. It's 90% a head game. I know, I know, everyone already knows it's a head game. It's not like this is earth-shattering, breaking news. But it is for me. I think I finally have accepted that the band has done more for my head than it did for my stomach.

I have been banded almost 18 months, and I am just kind of used to how my hunger levels feel. I rarely feel REALLY hungry, and I rarely feel REALLY full. Don't get me wrong, I get hungry, but it's not a consuming hunger. It's more like a "I should eat something, because I'm feeling a bit weak/headachy/hollow." Likewise, I do get full, but it's never a "I just ate so much, I'm gonna bust" feeling. It's more like a "I've had some food, and that's enough. It's too much work to eat more" feeling.

I guess my point is I was looking for this elusive FULL feeling, which is why I ended up too filled. It never happened. But my hunger is now totally manageable. It doesn't control my every waking thought now. There are days where I wish I could just eat to feel that FULL feeling, but of course, I can't. Which is the whole point of the band, right?

And with that, I'm proud to announce I am down 130 lbs! And my BMI is now 35, on the nose. Sweet!

Sunday, May 22

Bullet time

  • Life is going at warp speed. I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I posted. I swear, I thought it was about 3 days!
  • I have two very promising job interviews coming up. Please send any good job vibes you have my way!
  • It's been more than a year since my last fill! Seriously! My last fill was Cinco de Mayo 2010. If you are having a hard time finding restriction, do not despair. It took me FOREVER to get it and then once I got it, it's been awesome. Although I keep losing, and my band keeps getting tighter. Grrr...
  • Still mostly on the low-carb bandwagon. I have had some carbs here and there, as my tight band makes eating low-carb difficult sometimes.
  • I am down to 245 lbs! My collarbones are popping out, and my face actually looks kind of thin to me.
  • A friend posted some pics of me on Facebook, and for the first time ever, I wasn't disgusted. I looked normal.
  • I might wear a size 18W suit to my interview! I wore it my first day at my first real job in 2000. And it fits. It has NO give (it's a linen blend). And it fits. It fits. It FITS. IT FITS!
  • I got to spend the day with Heidi a few weeks ago. I can't even tell you guys how awesome she is. AWE to the SOME. Seriously.
  • I promise to do some progress pics this week.
  • I guess that's about it. Off to catch up with my lovely bandster bloggers!

Thursday, April 28

I felt normal.

I think writing this post is going to make me cry. Oops, here come the tears. Today was the first time I realized that I am a totally normal weight by US standards. I realize I am still fat by 'normal' standards, but it's not the type of fat that prohibits me from doing what I want to do.

I took my kids to a waterpark today with 3 other moms and their kids. They have only known me since I moved to FL, so they've known me since about 290 lbs (I'm now 249 lbs). Which is heavy, but not 374 lbs heavy. Anyhow, we walked up millions of steps, I carried a kid on my shoulders with another on my hip, I crawled through water tunnels, I went down water slides, I swam and ran and chased kids and walked around in my bathing suit for four hours without ever once thinking about it. I didn't dread the steps, I didn't dread the tunnels, I wasn't afraid of weight limits on anything. It was worth every second of this journey. My kids had so much fun, and so did I!

It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had no problem keeping up with the other moms. Not to mention, they are all younger than me, each only had one toddler to chase, and we stayed about an hour longer than any of them! I rocked that waterpark!

The only bummer is my legs look A-to-the-W-to-the-FUL. Seriously. My thighs were horrible when I was really heavy - tons of cellulite and super lumpy/bumpy. Now they are still full of cellulite and lumps, but they also have saggy skin and look a bit like a melted candle collided with elephant skin. Not attractive. At all. Absolutely my worst body part. I almost wanted to make a sign for my back that said, "Don't mind the legs, I've lost 125 lbs!"

In other news, I lost 1.6 lbs this week for a total of 14.4 lbs (I think) in 3 weeks of low carb. DH lost a lb (hahahahaha) for a total of 21 lbs in 3 weeks. He was whining (hahahahaha again) about only losing one pound.

I finished day 9 of shredding today. I soooo did not want to do it last night, but I did and am glad I did. Tomorrow is the last day of level 1! WOOHOO!

The pizza turned out pretty good. I'll type out the recipe tomorrow. We had Chinese chicken lettuce wraps last night and taco salads tonight. Can't say I'm bored with the low carb choices with everything we've eaten. I think I'm going to make crab cakes for tomorrow. Or shrimp scampi. YUM!

OK, off to read my book. I've got four going, but "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" really is good and I'm anxious to read more. Toodles!

Good Band News for All of Us!

I soooo forgot to tell you guys this. After the freak out a few weeks ago about that Belgian study (or wherever it was from) about how like only 10% of bands are problem-free or some other BS, I was a tad freaked out. Remember that?

I went to support group a few weeks ago and asked the leader about that news story. She's been an RN in the surgeon's office for four years. She said in that time, they've had ONE slip. ONE. No removals. And she couldn't remember for sure if she'd even seen a dilated pouch, but she said if she had, it was maybe one or two.

Four years, thousands of patients, and virtually no problems. Granted, this practice is pretty disciplined with its patients, and they are very good with follow-through with their patients, but still, isn't that good news?!

Tuesday, April 26

Workout blues and another virgin alert.

Frickin A. I have worked out six days in a row and guess what's happened to my weight loss? Yep. Stall. I know, I know, I know. I know what advice I'd give someone else, but seriously, I don't like it. Make it stop. I better lose 5 lbs overnight, or DH is going to weigh even less than me. Wahhhh. Not fair. Muscles are totally overrated. (Not really, just whining.)

Likewise, I think I'm eating too little. I've had this problem in the past, and I find it so ironic. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to shove my piehole full of sugar and carbs, but I have no appetite for anything Atkins-legal. Not that I don't like the food (I do), I just am not hungry. It's an interesting conundrum for a fat girl, to say the least.

As for the virgin alert, I tried my first CLICK shake today, and I feel the love. Boy oh boy, was it tasty. A tad expensive and a tad high in carbs (12 per serving), but YUMMO! Honestly, almost as good as a frappucino. Definitely better than the nasty light frappucinos. I added a bit of heavy cream to mine, and I enjoyed every sip of it.

On the menu for dinner is low carb pizza. I made a crust of eggs and a bunch of different cheeses. If it turns out good, I'll share, as it may be easier to eat for us bandsters. I hope it's good, or I may have to have a second CLICK shake for dinner. Ha.

Well, guess I have nothing else to bore you guys with today. Off to make some returns at Target and buy some hand weights. I've been working out with sugar-free Davinci syrup bottles. Yep, I'm cool like that.

Monday, April 25

It's a bullet-type day.

  • One of the icky side effects of low-carb is dry mouth. Ugh, I am so stinkin' thirsty all the time. I can't remember if or when it does away, but I hope it's soon.
  • One of the good side effects of low-carb is (TMI) no gas. I am such a gassy person (yes, TMI), and I swear, it's sugar that causes it in me. It's nice to not constantly feel like a pin would pop me!
  • DH is having a hell of a time dealing with doctors and orders being taken care of and all that. He's so frustrated, and while I understand, he seems to think this has never happened to anyone else and that he is special. I've tried to explain to him that this stuff happens to everyone dealing with medical stuff.
  • Speaking of DH, he is in tremendous pain, and while I understand (again), he has GOT to find a way to deal better, or I am going to kill him. He sits with his leg straight out in front of him, no brace, and then yells at the kids when they trip over his leg. Well, what do you expect when it's sticking out like that?! And then it happens again 5 min later, and well, duh, yes, you didn't move it and it happened again. I don't find that all that shocking.
  • I begrudgingly did day 5 of shredding yesterday. I forgot to do it in the AM. By the time we got home at 9:30 pm last night, I was wiped. I sooooo wanted to skip, but I didn't, and I really did feel energized when I finished.
  • Have some soup in the crockpot, made with leftovers from yesterday - ham, steamed broccoli/cauliflower/carrots, and chicken stock. Later on, I'll add cheese and cream to make it tasty! Hope it turns out good.
  • It's just kind of rainy and dreary today, and I'm just feeling here. Not blah, not unhappy. Just kinda here.
  • And last but not least, a pic of my kiddos from yesterday. Aren't they the cutest?!

Friday, April 22

Low Carb Dinner Ideas

Here's the list of my low carb dinners I promised to share. To be perfectly honest, my meals haven't changed drastically doing low carb, as I couldn't eat the typical dinner starches anyhow. It's my snacks, specifically the sugary ones, that I've had to cut out. It's not been hard so far, although I know I'm still in the honeymoon phase. The good news is with the band, I feel like I can have some sugar now and again without causing too many problems, because I ultimately cannot eat that much anyhow.

So, anyhow, here are my dinners from the last 2+ weeks. Breakfast is usually coffee with heavy cream and/or a protein shake. Lunch is usually leftovers, egg salad, bacon (I know, weird, but I can always eat bacon without problems), or soup.

1. Chicken in Garlic Cream Sauce
Garlicky Green Beans
Romaine Salad w. blue cheese & onion

2 Cilantro Lime Shrimp Tacos
Mexican Spinach Casserole
Romaine salad w. cheese & onion

3. Pizza Parmigian Patties (italian sausage, pepperoni, onions, garlic, parm cheese, and egg made into patties, cooked in tomato sauce and topped with provolone)
Buttered green beans
Romaine salad w. cheese, onion, & pepperoni

4. Bunless McDouble
Side salad

5. Hot dogs w. melted cheese
Pepper poppers
Side salad

6. Coney Island Chili Dog Pie
Roasted Brussel Sprouts
Romaine salad w. cheese & onion (can you tell I bought the big thing of romaine from Costco?!)

7. Cream of Mushroom Soup

8. Makhani chicken
Grilled asparagus

9. Bratwurst cooked in buttery onions
Garlic green beans

10. Smothered burgers (grilled onions, bacon, and provolone and american cheeses)

11. Gyro Salad (spinach, homemade gyro meat, onions, tomatoes, feta cheese, and tzatziki)

12. Spinach Salad with hot bacon dressing and poached eggs

13. Pork cube steaks in garlic-mustard sauce
Spinach salad

14. Crab legs with butter
Roasted broccoli

15. Homemade low-carb sloppy joes
Cole slaw

16. Filet mignon medallions with goat cheese
Sauteed spinach
(this was at House of Blues)

Coming up this week, I'm thinking we'll be having chinese chicken lettuce wraps, crab cakes, taco salads, pizza, and something with pork tenderloin, most likely this recipe that I've made before and we love. Obviously, I'll need another meal or two, although there's a lot of pork tenderloin, so I'll probably come up with a second meal to use it up.

Hope this gives you some ideas!


I am officially in virgin fat territory! In case you don't know what that is, that is a weight you've not been for a long, long, long time (whatever you determine that time to be). For me, of course, I was at 249.6 (or maybe .8) in September, and then I maintained/gained for several months. But before that, the last time I was at 249.2 lbs was probably sometime in 2003, so eight or so years. HOLY COW! Eight freakin' years.

I just finished day 3 of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. It's a good workout for 20 min. I feel accomplished but not dead at the end. I had two realizations today while doing it:

1. My tummy (I refuse to call it an apron - ugh!) is really impeding my workout. It's gross, but it flops so hard, it hurts. Jumping jacks are the worst. And then Jillian starts in on how there's no modified move for jumping jacks, because even her 400 lb clients can do it. And then I feel bad. And then I realized I can mute her, so I did, and worked out to my iPod instead. Anyhow, I should probably get a doctor and start documenting this in hopes of getting plastic surgery covered by insurance in the future.

2. While the workout is difficult, I found myself wondering why it wasn't harder. That's when I realized, it's not nearly so bad to start a workout regime when you don't weigh 350+ lbs. Seriously! Don't get me wrong, I'm huffing and puffing, but I can get up and off the floor with minimal effort, I can keep up with the video, and I am feeling good. What an NSV!

So, on a totally crappy note, DH tore his ACL and meniscus at work on Tuesday. Suckity suck suck suck. I feel bad for him, but to be totally honest, I'm having a giant pity party for myself. It's not like he helps much, but now he's zero help plus he's a completely horrible patient. He keeps whining about how no one knows how much it hurts and how it's the worst pain in the world. Too bad he's used that phrase for about four or five other injuries he's had, so it's kinda like the little boy who cried wolf. Anyhow, my pity party is also because there's a chance we'll be moving in two months (our lease is up and we're undecided about what we're doing), and so help me, if he's not ready to help move, there will be hell to pay, since I pretty much single-handedly got us moved down here. If you recall my whining. I don't want to do it again. Sigh.

We've got two very busy days ahead, so I'll check in when I can! Toodles!

Wednesday, April 20

How Amy Got Her Groove Back

Yep, my friends, I am starting to feel my groove! I love it!!!!! Two weeks on Atkins, 13 lbs down, and 1 lb away from my lowest. I am enjoying low carb, I'm enjoying cooking again, I'm at good restriction. Now I just need to add in exercise (I'm starting Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred today -pray for me), and that's how Amy got her groove back.

I know you're all anxious to hear about the weigh-in this morning. I did indeed lose. I hate losing. Oh, wait, I mean I lost the competition with DH, but I also lost weight, which I do not hate. Of course.

3.4 lbs down for a total of 13 lbs in two weeks on low carb.

DH is down 20.5 lbs in two weeks on low carb.


I guess I still love him. But I do love him more when I am skinnier than him.

When I have a chance later, I'll share my dinners from the last two weeks in case anyone is interested in trying Atkins and is intimidated by it. It's really not bad, I promise!

Off to entertain my kids before I have to lock them in their rooms, because they're driving me nuts. Nuts, I say!

Tuesday, April 19

Spinach Salad with Hot Bacon Dressing and Poached Eggs

Oh my, was dinner tasty and easy. And low carb! This is definitely going in my regular rotation. Delicious wilty spinach with salty bacon and creamy eggs. How could you go wrong?! I mean, everything is better with bacon.

Spinach Salad with Hot Bacon Dressing and Poached Eggs
(This is written for one serving)

2 c. baby spinach
3 slices bacon
2 eggs, poached
2 T. vinegar
2 T. splenda
Other vegetables (onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, whatever you like on your salad)

Fry bacon. Drain bacon on paper towels. Reserve approximately 2-3 T.of bacon grease. With bacon grease warm but not too hot (it'll splatter), add vinegar and splenda. Mix thoroughly.

Arrange spinach and vegetables on plate. Add hot dressing and allow it to wilt spinach slightly. Crumble bacon over the top, and then add the poached eggs.


Never a dull moment.

Seriously, I feel like I go-go-go, and I get busier and busier....

Been photographing my little heart out (really trying to get a business going). Tweaked my knee somehow and it really hurts. Actually, I tweaked it a few weeks ago and it's getting worse instead of better. I hate admitting that. I was going to start the SHRED tomorrow. Babysat a friend's 1-year old overnight. I am dragging. Today is the last day of our first two weeks on Atkins. Honestly, it's not been bad at all. A few cravings that were killed with a cup of coffee nicely laced with splenda and heavy cream. Quite decadent. Mostly I want to crunch on something which I recognize is head hunger and not real hunger.

Bro and sis-in-law arrive for the long weekend tomorrow. All kinds of Easter festivities going on. DH's birthday is Friday (he already got his present - a Droid X).

Tomorrow is our weigh-in, and I'm 95% sure DH did better than me again. Not because I've cheated or not been diligent. Simply because he has a penis. But I'm not really complaining, because I feel good, and I know the scale is going to be down, and ultimately, that's what it is all about.

I wish I had something fun and exciting and insightful to share, but I don't. I am just kinda living and doing and trying to be productive, and the band/Atkins is kind of secondary, which is a good thing for my real life, but doesn't make for an exciting blog!

Saturday, April 16

My baby is TWO!

My sweet and stubborn and sassy and temperamental and completely adorable and little-guy-who-has-my-heart turned TWO yesterday!

And no, I did not indulge in a cupcake. YEAH ME!

Day 11 of Atkins here. I haven't weighed myself yet this week. Figured I'd try to stay off the scale for a week.  Not sure I can do it. It's amazing how when I'm diligent with my eating, I can't stay off the scale, but when I'm slacking, I can't convince myself to go anywhere hear the scale!

Nothing much else is going on. The kids and I are hanging out today while DH works. We were going to go to a kids' festival, but life is about to get crazy and it's supposed to be 90+ today, so I think we'll skip it. Tomorrow, I'm taking pictures of a friend's family, and then they are staying and watching the kids so DH and I can go out for a few hours. We really need it. We've just been picking at each other lately. DH has had the "induction flu" since starting Atkins, which is where you feel like crap from cutting the carbs. I have tried to take it easy on him, but the more I back off, the less he does. Honestly, the man has NO responsibilities other than to go to work. I cannot name one thing he does around the house or to contribute to our family on a regular basis. I'm starting to get a tad frustrated to say the least. I think a few hours to relax together will help, since I honestly can't remember the last time we had a chance to go somewhere alone.

Later, gators!

Wednesday, April 13

Damn Testosterone!

Is that what makes men lose faster? Whatever it is, IT'S NOT FAIR!

Ok, I actually know DH lost more than me, because his diet was 10x worse than mine was when we started Atkins a week ago. And I'm not disappointed in the least in my weight loss, but still, he lost more than me. Stupid head. I liked weighing less than him.

We lost a 2 year old child between the two of us. I lost 9.6 lbs, and DH lost 16 freakin' lbs!

The battle is on - I will weigh less than him next week.

I know I'm starting to sound like a lowcarb freak or something, and I'm sure it'll get more boring and challenging as we go forward, but it's not been bad. Tonight we're having butter chicken (Indian dish) over cauli-rice with asparagus and probably some raita if I get my butt to the grocery store today. Oh, that's assuming I can eat today, which I think I'll be able to.

Off to clean my entire house. Please pray for me!

Tuesday, April 12

Low carb Cream of Mushroom Soup

Easy, peasy and super, duper tasty. Two BIG, BIG thumbs up from me.

Cream of Mushroom Soup

1/2 medium onion - chopped
1/4 cup butter
2 cloves garlic - minced
2 cups chopped mushrooms (I used mini portabellas, as that's what was on sale.)
1 cup chicken stock
2 cups heavy cream
2 egg yolks

1. Saute onions in butter until translucent, add garlic and saute until garlic is a bit soft.
2. Add mushrooms and saute until mushrooms are soft.
3. Add chicken stock and simmer for 15-20 minutes, until stock is reduced somewhat.
4. Add cream and bring to a slow boil.
5. Whisk egg yolks in a small bowl, and while whisking, add a ladle of hot soup mixture. Whisk that in and repeat this 2 or 3 times more. This will bring the egg yolks up to soup temperature, so it doesn't make scrambled eggs when you add them to the soup!
6. Allow the soup to simmer for about 10 minutes or so - the eggs will thicken it a bit.
7. Using an immersion blender, blend as much of the soup as you like.
8. Add pepper to taste.

I made the recipe as written, but next time, I will do probably twice as many mushrooms and blend the majority of the soup. It was a little on the thin side for me. I might also add an extra egg yolk.

As written, it's about 7 carbs per serving, and the recipe makes four servings.

I realize it's very calorie-heavy, but it would be easy to lighten up. Less butter (or sub a little olive oil), sub half-n-half or fat-free eval milk for the cream, etc.

Monday, April 11

Tight as a MoFo

Seriously, my band gets so incredibly tight around TOM. Every month, I have 3-5 days where I struggle with even liquids. I didn't realize how tight I was the other night, and we had McD's for dinner. An hour later, up came my bunless burger along with cold sf lemonade. And it came up so hard, it came out my nose. UGH. It was awful. And then my period showed up. And then it all made sense.

The rest of the month, I am totally happy with my restriction, but man, I have a couple of days where it is almost hard to even drink. Sigh.

On better notes, I made a DELICIOUS cream of mushroom soup today. Low carb and tasty. I'll share the recipe if anyone is interested. It's going down albeit slowly.

And I peeked again - 7.4 lbs gone. In 5 days!

Off to pack up clothes to give to Maria tonight at support group...

Sunday, April 10

I cheated.

But not on my diet!

I cheated by peeking at my scale. I really was going to wait a week, but I just couldn't do it.

4 days on Atkins, and I am down...

Drum roll, please...

6 lbs!

Sweet! So far, it's actually not been too bad. Mostly because it's the band first and foremost that keeps me from eating carby things, not the diet. It's sugar that Atkins is helping me stop eating. And boy oh boy, did I need the help!

Friday, April 8

Braggy Braggy Post - Photo Time!

You know I love sharing photos, so here are some recent ones...

Isn't she sweet? Reminds me of Shirley Temple!
Sweet Twins!
Such adorable sisters!

Just love the cheesy grins.

Can you say ATTITUDE?!
Love that grin!

He hated being on his belly!

How come double chins are so cute on babies?!
My little ballerina!
I think this is my new favorite picture of DD.

Sweet girl!

Cannot believe he'll be two next week! My little man!

Don't let him fool you - he's a pistol!

My sweeties. 

My daily BAND-width

If you want to be cool like me, hop on over to Tripletmomma's blog and snag her logo for this great project - posting what you eat once in a while, which is what all the cool kids are doing after the Dr. Oz fiasco of SIX TABLESPOONS OF YOGURT for breakfast show.

Remember, I am on Atkins Induction right now.

B: Coffee with heavy cream and splenda, two deviled eggs

L: About 7 homemade pepper poppers (mini sweet peppers stuffed with pepperjack and cream cheeses and wrapped in bacon)

S: Cocoa mousse (heavy cream whipped with cocoa and splenda)

D: Cilantro lime shrimp with chunky avocado salsa on top of a romaine salad, mexican spinach casserole

S: Homemade vanilla ice cream (oh, heaven!)

Still on Atkins

B: Coffee with heavy cream and splenda (nothing else, but simply because I was busy taking pictures)

S: Two slices of muenster cheese

L: Egg drop soup, about 1/2 of a small order of chicken with mushrooms (no rice)

S: Leftover mexican spinach casserole

D: Pizza Parmigiana Patties (bulk italian sausage mixed with chopped onion, garlic, egg, shredded italian cheese, crushed pork rinds, and chopped pepperoni coated in parmesan cheese, cooked in tomato sauce and covered with provolone), garlic green beans, and a romaine salad with onions, italian cheese, and chopped pepperoni

S: Iced coffee with heavy cream, cocoa, and splenda; debating a pepper popper or two

Both days, I've been totally satisfied and most importantly, NOT HUNGRY.

Thursday, April 7

First Low Carb Dinner - YUMMO!

I just wanted to share my dinner with you guys. Wow, was it good. And easy to eat for a bandster. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner! 

We had chicken in garlic cream sauce over cauli-rice, garlicky green beans, and a romaine salad (no photo).  The cauli-rice did NOT taste like cauliflower and was a great substitute for rice. I am in HEAVEN with this discovery, as I've really not eaten much rice in the last 16 or so months.



1/2 head fresh cauliflower
Pat of butter

1. Cut the cauliflower into florets
2. Add the florets to food processor with shredding blade on.
3. Add the riced cauliflower to microwave safe bowl.
4. Microwave for 3 minutes, stop and stir the rice every 1 minute.
5. Add a pat of butter, and enjoy!
Yields about 2 cups of cauli-rice

Garlicky Green Beans

3lbs fresh green beans
1 stick butter 
1 t. garlic salt 
Fresh cracked pepper 
1 Lg onion, diced 
2-4 cloves fresh garlic, pressed 

Clean beans and snap into 1-2 inch segments. Boil in large pan until just cooked through. 

In large sauce pan melt butter. Add garlic salt, pepper, and onions. Cook over med heat until carmelized. Add drained cooked green beans. Cook over med heat for about 15 min letting beans carmalize a bit.

Chicken in Garlic Cream Sauce

1 lb chicken breast, cut in bite-size chunks
4 oz. cream cheese 
1/4 cup heavy cream 
1 tbsp chives, fresh or dried 
1/2 tbsp parsley, fresh or dried 
1.5 cloves garlic, minced 
1/2 tsp salt 
1/4 tsp ground black pepper 
2 tbsp butter 

Fry garlic in butter until golden, then add chicken to pan and fry until done. Stir in cream cheese and cream until smooth, then add herbs and seasoning to taste. Add chicken back in, cover, and allow to cook on low for about 15 minutes. Serve over cauli-rice.

Wednesday, April 6

Vacation...All I ever wanted!

We took our first vacation in more than a year over the weekend. It was only 3 days and we stayed at my parents' place (a fifth wheel), so not a VACATION-vacation, but away from the hustle and bustle of life at least. We swam and swam and soaked in the hot tubs and went to the beach and ate good food and got lots of sun. It was wonderful.

And now I'm back and on Atkins. 16 hours in, and I am doing good. HAHAHAHA

I had coffee with heavy cream and splenda for breakfast. Lunch was two deviled eggs and six homemade pepper poppers (half of a mini sweet pepper stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped with bacon). Snack was a few cheese crisps (microwaved cheese) with some guacamole. Dinner is chicken chunks in a garlic cream sauce served over riced cauliflower, green beans, and a side salad (with blue cheese and bacon - yum!). If I need a snack tonight, it'll either be homemade hot cocoa (made with cream) or a cup of coffee. DH is doing it with me, too.

Oh, guess what? He officially weighs two pounds more than me, so I have to lose as fast as him! The bummer is I don't know what the scale was doing when I thought I was back to my lowest, but I weighed 263.8 lbs this morning. That's almost 14 lbs up from my lowest! Gulp. Anyhow, I will pretend about 6 lbs of it is water weight, so I need to lose 8 real lbs to get back to where I was in late September.

Anyhow, back to food. It's funny how many recipes I'm anxious to try. My fridge and freezer are jam-packed with food, and there's definitely more I want to make than I could possibly eat in probably a month! I'm hoping the variety and creativity of the recipes I've found will keep us motivated to keep with it. And I'm really hoping the weight flies off for the first few weeks.

You know how I am with goals, right? Well, I've sucked with them lately, but you know, I still like to set them, even if I forget them. (Anyone catch that reference?) So, my 18-month bandiversary is May 25, and our five-year wedding anniversary is May 27. May 27 is exactly 51 days from today. I'd really love to be at 232 lbs on that date, which is what I weighed the first time I joined Weight Watchers, but that would be almost 32 lbs lost in 51 days. Don't think that is gonna happen. 234 lbs would also be nice, as that would be 140 lbs lost, but again that would be 30 lbs lost in 51 days, which also is not gonna happen. Sooooo, I guess  will settle for under 240 lbs. That would be 24 lbs lost in 51 days. Still a stretch, but definitely doable.

So, with that, I guess I'll go prep dinner and clean something in this house. I feel like all I ever do is clean, and all I ever see is messes. I really, really need a job! Speaking of, keep your fingers crossed - I had two interviews last Thursday, including a second interview with a job I'd really like to be offered. Thanks!

Tuesday, March 29

I want to be like Amy.

Not me-Amy, but Amy W.

While she has a lot of enviable traits (have you seen that smile?), I'm actually not really trying to be like her or even copycatting her (even though it's tempting), but it just so happens that the hubs has been entertaining the idea of trying Atkins to lose some weight. And I had been entertaining the idea of entertaining his idea of trying Atkins along with him. And then when I read that the lean, mean weight-loss machine Amy lost 8 lbs in one week of doing Atkins, well, that sealed the deal.

And seriously, I am finally skinnier than hubs, so you know, I can't let him lose faster than me. He's already got that whole male advantage thing. Yes, I know, I have that whole band advantage thing. But seriously, I like being skinnier than him.When you are taller than your husband, being skinnier than him helps you feel a bit petite, even if you are anything BUT petite!

Our journey starts next Wed. (We're going out of town this weekend.) My meals won't change dramatically, but my snacking will. Snacking has become my downfall, so I am hoping this will help me refocus on eating meals and using nutritious snacks when necessary.

And you know, any excuse to use heavy whipping cream in my coffee and not feel guilty, well, I'm on it!

Monday, March 28

I don't even expect anyone to respond.

Have you ever put something off and the longer you put it off, the harder it becomes to do? That's how I felt about writing this post. I don't know why. I mean, we're all friends here. I don't have to post daily or weekly, if I don't want to. But I DO want to. But then I start feeling like everyone's stayed in touch except for me, and that I'm a big loser who no one cares if I write or not, and then I let those feelings feed off each other until it's been six weeks since I've EVEN LOGGED IN, because I get all weird about it.

So, there you have it. I am weird. And I let my weirdness feed on itself until I've weirded myself out about doing something that's totally no big deal. UGH. I should probably get some therapy, huh?

Since I last wrote:
  • I got to meet Angela. Holy cannoli, she is the sweetest, the cutest, the most motivating. She is simply awesome.
  • I completed a half-marathon, in no small part thanks to Angela, who gave me the motivation to finish. It was hell, I was exhausted, but I did it. 
  • I was in my BFF's wedding in California. It was absolutely beautiful, and it was so much fun to wear a size 18 dress. And I hired Joey to design their wedding gift, which turned out better than I could have ever dreamed!
  • I've intereviewed with FIVE companies and have a sixth scheduled for Thursday.
  • I had one job offer I turned down. It was with D*isney. The pay was PATHETIC. Pitiful really. Half of what I made at my last job, and my last job was a small non-profit in one of the most economically disadvantaged cities in the entire country.
  • I had to turn down an invitation to join the lovely BOOBS in Chicago, once again. I have already had two girls' only trips this year and am planning another to go see a dear friend who's pregnant when she has her baby next month (ironically in Chicago). I think DH would leave me if I asked for a fourth girls' only trip this year.
  • I'm back down to my lowest weight. And think I'm finally ready to enter uncharted territory.
  • I realized I've not had a fill in nearly 11 months! Crazy!
  • I've been super busy with photography and finally have paying customers!
So, there you have it...I may or may not post again before May, you know, with my recent track record and all...but I plan to!

Sunday, February 13


I knew posting here would help. Thanks for the supportive comments, the emails, the phone calls...I especially took to heart those of you who said I had inspired you. I felt (feel?) so lost that I forget that other people don't see me that way. Thank you!

I got to hang out with Heidi yesterday, and let me tell you, that woman is good for the soul.

I chatted with Angela Friday night, and we decided to do a hard-core protein shake/lean protein/steamed veggie "get serious" plan for two weeks. Protein shakes during the day, and lean protein+steamed veggies for dinner. I want to kick start my weight loss, as does she. We're starting tomorrow - anyone else???

I started Zoloft again. I was afraid of the side effects, specifically gaining weight, but it's not like I'm losing without it, so why not give it a real shot? So I am.

And just to clarify a few things, just so you guys don't think I'm a slacker. I live in a vacation home community. Out of the 400 or so houses in our neighborhood, I know of two others that are occupied annually (by old folks, nonetheless). And actually, the one couple has theirs up for sale. Anyhow, the rest of the houses, and I am not exaggerating, are vacation rentals. (Ours was as well until we rented it.) I have no neighbors. Obviously, a bad idea in hingsight, but we're only here until June, so we'll see where we go once our lease is up.

On the subject of babysitters, I'd LOVE to hire someone to watch the kids even once/week. So far, though, everyone I've contacted is $10-12/hour. Without me working, that's something we just can't afford. I am doing a babysitting swap with some of the moms in my moms' group, but that comes with a price of course - having to watch someone else's kids!

I'm not giving up. I just have to remember where I came from:

And where I am now:

The only obstacle between me and success is me.

Wednesday, February 9

I suckity suck suck SUCK.

I have a problem. For real.

You see, my head seems to be permanently up my ass. I cannot seem to pull myself together. Apparently, I like my life like this, or I would do something about it. Right?

I thought maybe putting it all out on the table here would help. So here goes nothing.
  • I am eating like crap. I know I am, and it needs to stop. But I don't really want to stop. I like chocolate, I like cream in my coffee. I like soda (yep, the big no-no, and I've been committing it.) I'll eat good for about 6 hours, and then it all goes to hell. I have no desire to eat healthy. Thank goodness for restriction so I can't go hog wild.
  • I am not exercising regularly. I haven't been to the gym in ages. I am running sporadically, and the only reason I am even doing that is I have this half-marathon coming up in less than 3 weeks, and I am not even close to being prepared. 13.1 miles should prove very interesting right around mile 10.
  • I sit around all day doing jack crap. I take the kids somewhere daily (library, Disney, etc.), but beyond that, I don't do much. I have no friends or family here. DH has been working insane hours (24 days straight and counting, 80+ hours/week). I have no one to help me or to lean on or to give me a break. Honestly, I hate staying home with the kids. I hate making breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks. They eat all the freakin' time. I hate cleaning the house. I hate reading books to them. I hate playing play-doh. I hate pretending to eat stuff DD makes in her play kitchen. Can you tell I hate it all?
  • I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am applying for jobs. I think I have a decent resume, but no real bites so far. I don't even know what it is I want to do, though. I know what I am qualified for, but beyond that, I couldn't even tell you what I want to be doing in 5 years.
I've been trying to fake it until I make it. I have 8 photography shoots set up so I can build my portfolio. But then I get all discouraged, because to really make a go of it, I need about $5,000 in equipment that I don't have the funds for. I have been doing a bunch of online writing for pay, but the pay is crap. I made myself a to-do list for every day, and have been pretty good about checking stuff off of it, but the to-do list seems to be getting longer instead of shorter. I put things off that take about 5 min to do, and cause myself a bunch of stress for days while putting it off. I've gotten more involved in the local moms' group, hoping to make some friends, but I just haven't really clicked with anyone yet.

My faking it isn't going really well, though, obviously.

I feel like I need to make the best of this time I have left staying home and having the time to really exercise and do all that. I get all motivated every night and by the next morning, any motivation to do anything is gone once I realize I still have to take care of the kids, feed them, clean, and all that jazz.

So there it is. My giant pity party. My "my head is up my ass" story. I am so sorry that I keep disappearing and reappearing. If I could just get my act together...