Braggy Braggy Post - Photo Time!

You know I love sharing photos, so here are some recent ones...

Isn't she sweet? Reminds me of Shirley Temple!

Sweet Twins!

Such adorable sisters!

Just love the cheesy grins.

Can you say ATTITUDE?!

Love that grin!

He hated being on his belly!

How come double chins are so cute on babies?!

My little ballerina!

I think this is my new favorite picture of DD.

Sweet girl!

Cannot believe he'll be two next week! My little man!

Don't let him fool you - he's a pistol!

My sweeties. 

I don't even expect anyone to respond.

Have you ever put something off and the longer you put it off, the harder it becomes to do? That's how I felt about writing this post. I don't know why. I mean, we're all friends here. I don't have to post daily or weekly, if I don't want to. But I DO want to. But then I start feeling like everyone's stayed in touch except for me, and that I'm a big loser who no one cares if I write or not, and then I let those feelings feed off each other until it's been six weeks since I've EVEN LOGGED IN, because I get all weird about it.

So, there you have it. I am weird. And I let my weirdness feed on itself until I've weirded myself out about doing something that's totally no big deal. UGH. I should probably get some therapy, huh?

Since I last wrote:

• I got to meet Angela. Holy cannoli, she is the sweetest, the cutest, the most motivating. She is simply awesome.
• I completed a half-marathon, in no small part thanks to Angela, who gave me the motivation to finish. It was hell, I was exhausted, but I did it. 
• I was in my BFF's wedding in California. It was absolutely beautiful, and it was so much fun to wear a size 18 dress. And I hired Joey to design their wedding gift, which turned out better than I could have ever dreamed!
• I've intereviewed with FIVE companies and have a sixth scheduled for Thursday.
• I had one job offer I turned down. It was with D*isney. The pay was PATHETIC. Pitiful really. Half of what I made at my last job, and my last job was a small non-profit in one of the most economically disadvantaged cities in the entire country.
• I had to turn down an invitation to join the lovely BOOBS in Chicago, once again. I have already had two girls' only trips this year and am planning another to go see a dear friend who's pregnant when she has her baby next month (ironically in Chicago). I think DH would leave me if I asked for a fourth girls' only trip this year.
• I'm back down to my lowest weight. And think I'm finally ready to enter uncharted territory.
• I realized I've not had a fill in nearly 11 months! Crazy!
• I've been super busy with photography and finally have paying customers!

So, there you have it...I may or may not post again before May, you know, with my recent track record and all...but I plan to!

Braggity, braggity - photos I took

Yes, I am totally bragging, as I am thrilled with how these turned out. I feel like I finally GET it. I know what to do to get the shot I want. When I first decided to really 'understand' photography, I had NO idea how complex it is. While it's frustrating at times, it's also fun, because there is always, always, always more to learn about photography. It truly can be a life-long hobby.

Enough of my babbling, though, here they are - my BFF's engagement photos, shot by yours truly! (Click any photo to make it larger.)

I feel my mojo returning.

I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself. However, I also feel a cold coming on. Of course!

On the band front, I am doing pretty well with my restriction. I could probably use a sparrow's fart of a fill, but I hate to waste the time and money on a small one, so I am going to hold off for a few weeks and see how I do. My eating is pretty good - mostly meat and veggies with some dairy and chocolate (and coffee) thrown in for good measure. Ironically, or maybe happily, most starchy carbs don't even appeal to me much, so it's easy to skip those. DH is acting as my STOP button - he can tell when I am slowing down and should stop at dinner, and his "You're there" really does help me stop. For some reason, I don't have a problem with breakfast or lunch, just dinner.

Thanks for all the kind comments on my photos yesterday. I'm toying around with the idea of offering some heavily discounted sessions to see if it's something I want to do. I've batted the idea around now for over a year, so I guess it's time to just try it and see if it's something I want to do or not.

Other than that, I am boring and have nothing to report!

You people...

...are turning me into a druggie!

After all the very supportive comments, I decided to take the Zoloft. I started it Friday. I'll let you know if and when I feel a difference.

I forced myself back to the gym today. 2 miles of running/walking. Going again tomorrow. I have been working on my resume (thanks for the suggestions and leave me your email if you want to help!), getting back into my housecleaning routine, taking the kids for evening walks to the park, and cooking healthy meals. My heart isn't totally in it, but sometimes you gotta fake it 'til you make it, right?

I tried to take pics of my kids over the weekend, but had a disaster instead. I dropped my camera about 4" onto the carpet and broke my favorite lens! WAHHHH! I am lost without that lens, so I am shopping for a new one. I think I'm going to upgrade and use my Christmas/birthday gifts from DH to get a better one, so good news/bad news, I guess. I just need to make a decision soon, as DS just turned 18 months and DD turns 3 next month. I need to take their pics!

And on that note, here's my brag for the day - some pics I took of my friend's newborn last week. I really enjoy taking photos; I guess I really should put a little effort into getting a side business going. Well, that's assuming anyone thinks my work is worth paying for!

Thousand Word Thursday #2

Well, these are pics of stuff from our old house; we're renting a furnished place right now, so most of my stuff is packed up in the garage, waiting for a more permanent place. Anyhow, I have to share two; I just couldn't decide between the two.

The first is a wall of photos of my kiddos. As you all know, I love photography, and I love my kids. And I love how this display turned out, even if some of the stuff was crooked when I took the shot!


The second is a shadow box I made for DD's nursery. I am huge into family heirlooms, and her whole room had a 'family heirloom/tree' theme. I loved it! This particular shadow box has an outfit that was my mom's when she was a baby, hand-knit by her grandma. Two of the three bibs were my dad's; the third was my mom's.

Fat girl in a little dress

The whole family except for me is in BILs wedding on October 2. DH is the best man, DD is the flower girl, and DS is the ring bearer. We have to fly to OH, stay in a hotel, rent a car - basically, spend lots of money. Money that we don't necessarily have.

In the midst of our move, I came across a dress that I forgot I even had. I'd worn it to do a reading in a friend's wedding in 2002-2003ish. As soon as I saw it, I realized how much I still like it and how much I want to wear it to the wedding in October. Especially since that's money I don't need to spend on a dress.

Bad news is it's an 18W, and I'm wearing 22/24W right now.

Good news is it zips, and I can breathe.

Bad news is I look REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLY hippy in it.

Good news is I have just over two months to make it look good.

Can I do it?

These were taken two weeks ago...minus any supportive undergarments, if you get my drift...The pics don't really do it justice. It's got this drapey neckline and kind of hugs the curves without being tight (when you're not too fat for it, that is). The fabric is black with these gorgeous kind of shiney maroonish roses on it.

(Excuse the hideous hair, please.)


And since I'm posting pics, here are a few of my cuties I took today.

Friday Babbles

Let's see...what's rolling around in this pretty little head of mine...

• I think I have developed a fear of food. OK, not really, but it is strange in how when I look at a normal-size bowl of food, it looks H-U-G-E to me. I can't even fathom how I used to eat 3 or 4 bowls of chili and then couldn't even finish one bowl of my "Italian Chili" in an entire day yesterday. It's playing mind games with me.
• Following the band rules is HARD when you are on the tighter side. I know that the whole "eat your meal in 30 min" rule is in place so that bandsters don't graze their way through the day. But I can't eat a cup of food in 30 min, and then I feel guilty if I want to keep eating after 30 min. I need to revise the rule for me right now - 30 min OR 1 cup of food.
• People at work are really starting to notice my weight loss. I thank them, and then they inevitably ask how much I've lost. I hem and haw, and when I finally spit out "65 lbs", their jaws hit the floor. They are expecting me to say 25 or 30, I am sure. It's almost uncomfortable to say how much I've lost. I NEVER EVER EVER thought I'd be the person who doesn't want to say how much they've lost. Usually I am the one telling perfect strangers on the street about my latest weight loss efforts. It's bizarre.
• I am starting to drop sizes quickly. I started in size 8 LB pants, and couldn't really squeeze into any 28Ws, even though I tried to pretend I was a 28W. I finally pulled out some 26W and 28W pants/capris last week (some of my own, some from the sisterhood). I have on a pair of 26W capris from Avenue today (I think from Heidi?) and they are almost too big already. I am NOT complaining - it's just so weird that it took me 54 lbs lost to fit into them and then within 11 lbs, they are almost too big. It's hard for me to remember what I wore at certain weights, but I do know that I was a 20W when I weighed 260 lbs the last time I really lost weight, so that would be another 50 lbs and 3 or 4 sizes down, so I guess it does make sense that every 15 lbs or so is going to be another size down.
• Speaking of weight loss, I am now smaller than I have been since about July/August 2007. I weighed 262 lbs when I got pregnant in March 2007. And then I rocketed back up to 320 lbs while pregnant QUICKLY. So I would guess that I was around 310 in late summer, maybe more like early fall. Going down is so much more fun than going up!
• My friend is highlighting my hair this afternoon. YEAH! Maybe I'll try to vlog tonight...maybe.
• I got a message from my organization to Crystal Bowersox, who is in town doing her "hometown visit" thing that the Idol finalists do. She talked about her time being involved with us and how much it impacted her. I feel like a celebrity!
• And I forgot to mention, but a photo I took of one of my clients was published in a local monthly parenting newspaper this month!

Toodles! I am supposed to be working - shhhhh....

How the band is affecting other areas of my life

Is it just me? Maybe I used to be the laziest person alive. Seriously. I had NO energy to do anything. I did what needed to be done, and that was good enough.

Now I'm on top of things in my life - phone calls made, appointments scheduled, laundry managed, house tidied, and so on.

I don't think I can contribute all of this to just the actual weight lost. I think a larger part - indeed most - of it has to do with the mental aspect.

I no longer have to spend my time worrying about being fat the rest of my life. It's like I have rediscovered what it means to live. To feel like caring about tomorrow.

I no longer have to beat myself up over not dieting/not losing weight/not working out/eating the wrong thing. I still do this a bit, but not like before, and I am getting better. This gives me time to focus my energy on more important things.

And as these things fall into place, my life feels more organized. And as my life feels more organized, I feel more energized. And as I feel more energized, I feel like caring about myself more. Doing my hair, wearing makeup, going for walks with the kids. It's an amazing feeling - like I am waking up from a deep sleep, only to realize that I was sleeping even when I thought I wasn't. I never thought I was depressed or anything of the like, but I actually think I was to some extent. Depressed over this battle I never thought I'd win. And now that I can see victory on the horizon, I am reenergized!

On other very shameless-self-promotion fronts, I took pics of the kids this weekend - a few of them in their Easter clothes and then some for my son's first birthday, which is in a few weeks. I love these kiddos (they make my heart sing with joy), but I am also proud of my budding photography skills!

In his birthday crown.


It was a huge, pretty lollipop until he dropped it 15 seconds after we handed it to him.


She looks soooo sweet, but don't let her fool you!


The only pic of them together where she wasn't mauling him. Honest to goodness!

My 9-month old - totally not band-related

I finally picked up my neglected camera today and shot some (overdue) shots of my 9-month old. I figured I'd share with my favorite blogger friends, since I know several of you are also photographers. Wow, feels weird to call myself that, but it's like with the band, you just gotta believe in yourself.


Isn't he so sweet?

Check out his fangs!

And just a cute shot, although I missed terribly on the focus, I love it anyhow!