Thursday, April 29

Food anxiety and the disappearing act

As I whined about previously, I had two banquets to attend this week for work. In my pre-band life, these made me very anxious. Would I get enough to eat? Would I be hungry throughout the evening? Would people think I was a pig if I heaped my plate full? What fast food would be open on my way home in case I was hungry? How many desserts could I eat before someone started counting them? These thoughts came fast and furious. And they rarely stopped long enough for me to even concentrate on whatever banquet/conference/meeting I was attending.

This week, however, my attitude at the banquets felt different. I took what I wanted, ate what I wanted, and put my fork down. The end.

Ok, not really the end, as I wasn't full per se, but I wasn't starving either. The best part, though, was the lack of anxiety over the food at the event. It's JUST banquet food. Why oh why did I ever let it make me anxious? I mean, who even likes banquet food anyhow? It's all the same - some saucy chicken, some butter-drowned-over-cooked veggie, and some dry starch. It's nothing to get excited over and certainly nothing to get anxious over!

I think part of what also played into the disappearance of the anxiety is the fact that I have discovered that hunger does not indeed kill you. It really doesn't! The band has dimmed my hunger enough that I can manage through it. I certainly am hoping next Wed's fill dims it a whole lot more, but I am learning (and managing it as well) how to deal with hunger more effectively. There is ALWAYS food available to me. I don't need to be anxious about it's availability or lack thereof. If I want something, I can have it. Maybe this is also tied into my non-dieting. Since nothing is really off limits, it doesn't call to me like it used to.

Whoa, I just reread what I wrote, and I guess I really am coming around mentally. Maybe they did band my brain after all!

11 comments:

  1. We have given food too much power. Good for you for taking it back!!

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  2. Love it! I worry about stuff all the time. I went to a conference for work just the other day and I was sooooo worried about the lunch. I even mentioned it like several times to other co workers: about how I had been to this conference before and they served little portions! Ha, it is funny now that I think about it! I was even scared to drink a lot of tea at once because I didn't know what to do if they didn't fill it back up! :)

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  3. Food can be a BITCH just like the damn SKINNY ONE's! You are coming around...enjoy it!

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  4. It's awesome how perspective changes. Glad to hear you had a breakthrough.

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  5. I'm so glad the banquet went well. Don't you find that you actually enjoy food now? It isn't all about trying to eat as much as I think I can get away with anymore. It is wonderful and such a surprise. Who knew?

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  6. I know exactly what you mean... I was always concerned I wouldn't be able to eat enough because I would look like a pig so I would either eat before or stop after so I could really "eat".

    I sometimes forget that I don't have to worry about this...but most of time I don't even give it a second thought. Now I worry more about getting food down and keeping it there! :)

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  7. This post was great - seriously - this is one of those aha moments - a digging deep moment - a realization...and I'm so proud of you for being open enough to see it. You're a rock star! We love you!

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  8. This post spoke to me. Well not really spoke but I got it-that serves me right for drinking wine while reading blogs. Anyway, I know how you feel. We have to fill out learning plans for the training we will take over the next year. When I go to the different training centers my mind still goes to the food they offer-snacks, breakfast, lunch included-ok will sign up. Mostly it is bagels, toast, cookies, donuts. All the stuff I really don't need. Looking forward to the band saying I don't give a crap what food you give me because I'm really there to learn something. Thanks for the reminder of what the band can do. (And please forgive the spellling-it's the wine).

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  9. Seriously, I think we were band twins separated at birth because I used to do all of those things too! Scary.

    I'm so glad you are coming around mentally, doesn't it make you feel good?

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  10. It's so funny we go from "am I going to look like a pig?" to "am I going to look like I'm eating enough?". It's amazing isn't it?

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  11. OMG...I so get it!!! For me it is no longer about what is there to eat or what did you eat but about the company etc.... When I am hungry it is no longer a 'I will kill you and knock you out if I don't get some food in my belly'...unreal feeling isn't it. Are you coming to Chicago...would love to meet you....

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