Someone asked about my fill level yesterday, which got me to thinking, which is always dangerous. HA!
Anyhow, I am currently at about 10.5 or 11 in a 14 cc band. I was as high as 11.5 or so, but that fill gradually got tighter until I had a small unfill about 6 months ago. If I'm being honest, I could use another small unfill, but I'm not PB'ing, so I am going to ride it out for another 10 lbs or so to see if it loosens up at all.
But here's what I was thinking. I never got that FULL feeling. Ever. Even when I was too tight. I have always had that "full up top, still hungry down below" feeling. Like my pouch was phsyically full, but it didn't really do anything for the sensation of hunger.
That being said, my feelings of hunger have diminished greatly. I honestly think it's learned. It's 90% a head game. I know, I know, everyone already knows it's a head game. It's not like this is earth-shattering, breaking news. But it is for me. I think I finally have accepted that the band has done more for my head than it did for my stomach.
I have been banded almost 18 months, and I am just kind of used to how my hunger levels feel. I rarely feel REALLY hungry, and I rarely feel REALLY full. Don't get me wrong, I get hungry, but it's not a consuming hunger. It's more like a "I should eat something, because I'm feeling a bit weak/headachy/hollow." Likewise, I do get full, but it's never a "I just ate so much, I'm gonna bust" feeling. It's more like a "I've had some food, and that's enough. It's too much work to eat more" feeling.
I guess my point is I was looking for this elusive FULL feeling, which is why I ended up too filled. It never happened. But my hunger is now totally manageable. It doesn't control my every waking thought now. There are days where I wish I could just eat to feel that FULL feeling, but of course, I can't. Which is the whole point of the band, right?
And with that, I'm proud to announce I am down 130 lbs! And my BMI is now 35, on the nose. Sweet!
Showing posts with label head hunger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label head hunger. Show all posts
Monday, May 23
Tuesday, April 19
Never a dull moment.
Seriously, I feel like I go-go-go, and I get busier and busier....
Been photographing my little heart out (really trying to get a business going). Tweaked my knee somehow and it really hurts. Actually, I tweaked it a few weeks ago and it's getting worse instead of better. I hate admitting that. I was going to start the SHRED tomorrow. Babysat a friend's 1-year old overnight. I am dragging. Today is the last day of our first two weeks on Atkins. Honestly, it's not been bad at all. A few cravings that were killed with a cup of coffee nicely laced with splenda and heavy cream. Quite decadent. Mostly I want to crunch on something which I recognize is head hunger and not real hunger.
Bro and sis-in-law arrive for the long weekend tomorrow. All kinds of Easter festivities going on. DH's birthday is Friday (he already got his present - a Droid X).
Tomorrow is our weigh-in, and I'm 95% sure DH did better than me again. Not because I've cheated or not been diligent. Simply because he has a penis. But I'm not really complaining, because I feel good, and I know the scale is going to be down, and ultimately, that's what it is all about.
I wish I had something fun and exciting and insightful to share, but I don't. I am just kinda living and doing and trying to be productive, and the band/Atkins is kind of secondary, which is a good thing for my real life, but doesn't make for an exciting blog!
Been photographing my little heart out (really trying to get a business going). Tweaked my knee somehow and it really hurts. Actually, I tweaked it a few weeks ago and it's getting worse instead of better. I hate admitting that. I was going to start the SHRED tomorrow. Babysat a friend's 1-year old overnight. I am dragging. Today is the last day of our first two weeks on Atkins. Honestly, it's not been bad at all. A few cravings that were killed with a cup of coffee nicely laced with splenda and heavy cream. Quite decadent. Mostly I want to crunch on something which I recognize is head hunger and not real hunger.
Bro and sis-in-law arrive for the long weekend tomorrow. All kinds of Easter festivities going on. DH's birthday is Friday (he already got his present - a Droid X).
Tomorrow is our weigh-in, and I'm 95% sure DH did better than me again. Not because I've cheated or not been diligent. Simply because he has a penis. But I'm not really complaining, because I feel good, and I know the scale is going to be down, and ultimately, that's what it is all about.
I wish I had something fun and exciting and insightful to share, but I don't. I am just kinda living and doing and trying to be productive, and the band/Atkins is kind of secondary, which is a good thing for my real life, but doesn't make for an exciting blog!
Wednesday, July 14
5 and counting...
95 lbs lost as of this morning. WOOHOO! 5 lbs to the big O-N-E-H-U-N-D-R-E-D...
But even more impressive than that is the fact that I JOINED THE GYM. And didn't just join. I actually worked out. Yes, I did!
And even more impressive is the fact that I walked up TWO flights of stairs from the locker room to the workout area instead of taking the elevator. I didn't want to, but I couldn't bring myself to use an elevator in a workout facility. Seemed wrong on so many levels.
It felt good, and the kids had fun in the daycare. Two thumbs up for that!
So, I need your opinions. They offer this "health warranty." It's $120 for one year. During that year, you get 4 sessions in their body fat pod and 4 sessions with a health coach. If you lose 20% of your body fat (not 20 percentage points, but 20% of your fat, so say you start at 40%, you need to get to 32%) and keep it off for a year, you get your $120 back AND three months' of membership (a $135 value). Part of me says I absolutely would be able to do this, thanks in no small part to the band. But part of me knows how I am and who knows if I'll even want to work out there in a year and don't want to waste $120. Thoughts?
Finally, I wanted to add an addendum to yesterday's post. I meant to blog about this originally and forgot. It's about that dreaded word - HUNGER.
The bottom line is I am hungry a lot. Much more than I thought I would be post-band. I'm just being honest.
The hunger is different, though. It's not "I'm going to wither away if I don't eat" hunger. It's more of a "I really would like to eat, but it's not really worth the effort or the calories and the weight loss I'll show if I don't eat will be worth it" kind of hunger. I still think about food a lot. I still have cravings every now and again. And I still am hungry quite a bit. In fact, I'm still hungry when I'm done eating, just because I can eat so little at this point.
But the hunger is different. And I've learned to deal with it more effectively. And those two things together make it totally bearable. Sure wish I was one of those bandsters who forgets to eat and swears they are never hungry, but I'm thinking that's just never going to be me. And I'm okay with that. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones, but I think just being a bandster is lucky enough for me!
But even more impressive than that is the fact that I JOINED THE GYM. And didn't just join. I actually worked out. Yes, I did!
And even more impressive is the fact that I walked up TWO flights of stairs from the locker room to the workout area instead of taking the elevator. I didn't want to, but I couldn't bring myself to use an elevator in a workout facility. Seemed wrong on so many levels.
It felt good, and the kids had fun in the daycare. Two thumbs up for that!
So, I need your opinions. They offer this "health warranty." It's $120 for one year. During that year, you get 4 sessions in their body fat pod and 4 sessions with a health coach. If you lose 20% of your body fat (not 20 percentage points, but 20% of your fat, so say you start at 40%, you need to get to 32%) and keep it off for a year, you get your $120 back AND three months' of membership (a $135 value). Part of me says I absolutely would be able to do this, thanks in no small part to the band. But part of me knows how I am and who knows if I'll even want to work out there in a year and don't want to waste $120. Thoughts?
Finally, I wanted to add an addendum to yesterday's post. I meant to blog about this originally and forgot. It's about that dreaded word - HUNGER.
The bottom line is I am hungry a lot. Much more than I thought I would be post-band. I'm just being honest.
The hunger is different, though. It's not "I'm going to wither away if I don't eat" hunger. It's more of a "I really would like to eat, but it's not really worth the effort or the calories and the weight loss I'll show if I don't eat will be worth it" kind of hunger. I still think about food a lot. I still have cravings every now and again. And I still am hungry quite a bit. In fact, I'm still hungry when I'm done eating, just because I can eat so little at this point.
But the hunger is different. And I've learned to deal with it more effectively. And those two things together make it totally bearable. Sure wish I was one of those bandsters who forgets to eat and swears they are never hungry, but I'm thinking that's just never going to be me. And I'm okay with that. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones, but I think just being a bandster is lucky enough for me!
Sunday, April 18
Giving credit where credit is due
Yesterday's party went really well. Lots of fun with family and friends. Lots of good food. Lots of good food that I didn't really care about.
WHAT?!?!?!
Yep, I might not be getting that full feeling, but I am noticing a shift in my thinking about food. It just doesn't appeal to me in the same way that it used to. I was thinking that was because I am still a bit tight, so eating is difficult and certainly not enjoyable. But maybe I need to give credit where credit is due - maybe the band is doing what it's supposed to. Maybe, just maybe, I am working my way towards the green zone.
It's not like I purposely wasn't eating. I just didn't really care to. I was kinda hungry, or at least, not full. And there was lots of good food that I just felt kinda "meh" about. In fact, I realized I hadn't even had any of Beckett's birthday cake until we were cleaning up around 9 pm! I did eat a spoonful of frosting, because I HAD to have a bite of his first birthday cake. It was good - but one spoon was also enough.
It also probably helped that my friends were raving over my weight loss. I was wearing one of the awesome tops that Jen from "What you Lookin' at Skinny?" sent me. It was fun!
So, to wrap up where I'm at re: the sweet spot. I still feel hungry a lot, I still think about food a lot, but I don't necessarily want to eat. And while I think about food, it doesn't consume me. I think part of it is mental, part of it is a still-a-bit-too-tight-band, and part of it is ???? Anyhow, baby steps, right?
Of course, I can't talk about how great I looked (and felt) and how much fun the party was without sharing a few pics:
Hmmm...for me?
YUMMO!
Chubby frosting fingers!
WHAT?!?!?!
Yep, I might not be getting that full feeling, but I am noticing a shift in my thinking about food. It just doesn't appeal to me in the same way that it used to. I was thinking that was because I am still a bit tight, so eating is difficult and certainly not enjoyable. But maybe I need to give credit where credit is due - maybe the band is doing what it's supposed to. Maybe, just maybe, I am working my way towards the green zone.
It's not like I purposely wasn't eating. I just didn't really care to. I was kinda hungry, or at least, not full. And there was lots of good food that I just felt kinda "meh" about. In fact, I realized I hadn't even had any of Beckett's birthday cake until we were cleaning up around 9 pm! I did eat a spoonful of frosting, because I HAD to have a bite of his first birthday cake. It was good - but one spoon was also enough.
It also probably helped that my friends were raving over my weight loss. I was wearing one of the awesome tops that Jen from "What you Lookin' at Skinny?" sent me. It was fun!
So, to wrap up where I'm at re: the sweet spot. I still feel hungry a lot, I still think about food a lot, but I don't necessarily want to eat. And while I think about food, it doesn't consume me. I think part of it is mental, part of it is a still-a-bit-too-tight-band, and part of it is ???? Anyhow, baby steps, right?
Of course, I can't talk about how great I looked (and felt) and how much fun the party was without sharing a few pics:
Hmmm...for me?
YUMMO!
Chubby frosting fingers!
My family
Tuesday, November 17
And then there were 20.
Day 7. Finally. 7 days left. But more importantly, only 20 shakes left (I am on total clear liquids the day before surgery.) Yes, I know I will be drinking them for 2 weeks after surgery, but I'm not focusing on that right now, thankyouverymuch.
In some ways this has been easier than I anticipated, and in some ways, it's been harder than I anticipated. Now that I really think about it, the head hunger has been the harder part than the stomach hunger.
For you veteran bandsters out there, how is bandster hell worse than this? I can't imagine! Did anyone try doing a low-carb diet while waiting for restriction? I know I just said I wasn't going to think ahead, but I lied. Now I am curious as to how to make the bandster hell period as least hellish as possible. If that's possible!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)