Monday, October 24

Suffering from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome

Seriously, I do still suffer from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome AKA FGFS. You know, the fear of sitting on a fragile looking chair, like a plastic deck chair. Or fitting on a carnival ride. Or the seat belt fitting when flying. Or being the largest person in the room. All those things you fear when you are as heavy as I was and don't want to draw attention to yourself or embarrass yourself.

I really thought I'd outgrow FGFS, but I haven't in a lot of ways. I still think twice about sitting on things. We had a town festival last weekend, and I was afraid to get on one of the rides with my kids.

It is just so strange how the mind works, because in other ways, I forget I was ever as heavy as I was. I plop down on the floor with my kids without a second thought. I tie my shoes without having to take a breath first. I run upstairs to grab somethning without having to work up the energy for 10 min first. Hmmm, maybe it's the day-to-day things that are easier to do without FGFS, which would totally make sense.

I wonder when I will get over FGFS. I don't want to have those fears any more, not even for a fleeting moment. Not that I will ever forget where I came from, nor will I ever not be sympathetic to the girl who is standing in the corner hoping no one notices her, but I want to fully appreciate this body and the life that I get to live in it.

I'm working on it. As much as this journey has seemed long, it's not even been two years yet, and really, it's only been about 3 months since I've been "normal" in terms of weight and BMI, so I can see why my mind isn't there yet.

Oh well, off to do something I no longer fear - RUNNING! Holy hell, I am loving it! Just don't tell Angela or she'll be signing me up for the Princess Half!


  1. honey, think back to those black pants you bought shopping with me and how they are BAGGY now. You're not the "fat girl" anymore. You FREAKIN' run...I don't even know if I could run in order to chase down George Clooney. You need to have the confidence and faith in you and see what we all see. You are beautiful and amazing!

  2. I am so amazed at your success... You are the one who most inspires me. Since you started at such a high weight like me and since your height hides your weight so well... I feel so connected to you and your success. I will be down for George to work at Disney for a couple weeks starting November 1st. Hopefully,we'll get to see each other.

  3. It's really funny how it takes your mind longer to lose the weight than your body!

  4. booo to FGFS!! i can't wait to see the day when i can say goodbye to that for forever!!

  5. I so totally suffer from FGFS. I mean What the Hell! I totally check out the sturdiest chair in the room. I know right where the plus size dept. is in every store, I think everyone still seems me as the fat girl.

    Whats going to happen to me when the people who comment on my WL don't comment anymore?? Will I feel extra fat! Blah!

    Well we need to say goodbye to it!