Le sigh.
Le sigh.
Le sigh.
I admit, we are having some rocky moments (ok, hours and/or days) lately. And maybe my attitude has changed - I don't want to sit around anymore, I want to get stuff done, I want to be active. I am bored watching tv. I'm bored with naps. So yes, my attitude has changed. But what am I supposed to do?
I want more out of life. I am no longer content to watch it pass before me. I go-go-go now, and it is physically painful for me to not go-go-go. I ran 2.5 miles this morning, watched my friends kids, took the kids to DD's ballet class, went grocery shopping, ordered three photo sessions worth of photos, cleaned two bathrooms, did a few loads of laundry, made dinner, cleaned up, and did a few other random things. And I am not exhausted.
So, what is fair? I don't expect him to have the energy I have now, but by the same token, I don't want to sit around. We are having a hard time finding the balance between what I want and what he wants.
I'm not really looking for answers (although if you have some, toss them my way). I'm more just throwing it out to the universe, hoping some solutions will come to me. We're going to try counseling; we need someone to help us navigate this new part of our relationship. We love each other deeply, but I'm not the same person he married, and I don't want to be that person again. We need to figure out how to allow me to be the new me while still being the person he married. And we also need to figure out how I balance my new interests with what his interests continue to be.
I never in a million years thought we'd be the ones in this position. He supports and appreciates my weight loss. But he's not sure how to manage this new person! And honestly, I am not sure I know how to either. We'll figure it out, though, together. At least, I hope...
On other random notes:
- I ran my fastest mile yet this morning - 12:15. GO ME!
- I tried on a ring-sizer. My wedding ring is a 8.25. My new size is 6. Um, yeah, that's why I can't wear it without fear of losing it!
- Running is finally paying off after 8 weeks. I am toning up like crazy. Pants that fit two weeks ago are getting loose. I LOVE IT!
- I'm thinner now than when I started college. Craziness!
I have no advise, not married, so can't really know what you are going through, but I do feel for you and really hope you two can work through this. I like the person you have become :o)
ReplyDeleteOn your other random things - congrats, they are amazing :o)
Counseling will be a help. I know exactly what you are going through....
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to be a Tigger and married to an Eore. You will get through it and it will be all good on the other side. Good luck and hang in there!
I cannot wait to see you! After Christmas....you, me ans Steph!
ReplyDeleteAh... You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteIt is tough. With a sometimes lazy hubs at home, I totally hear you. I hate lazy! So much so that I made him have his thyroid checked. There is no way that anyone as healthy as him was THAT LAZY... all of the time. Sure enough he is now on meds. Things haven't really changed though.
Band or Non-Band related, people change and discover things about themselves as time goes on. Division is created by one or the other party thinking that their interests and hobbies are more important than their partners.
It is hard to keep this is mind when you compare couch surfing and ramping up your heart rate with some intense cardio. ;)
You have balanced life(all facets) and the band so far, you can do this!
Remind yourself why you love him. Ask him why he fell in love with you and do your darndest to hold on to the good parts. You got the band to live a longer healthier life... with your family. Keep things light. Never stop goofing around. Pinch his butt, whisper a secret that you two share together in his ear when he is brushing his teeth. Have fun together. Be friends.
Just my 2 cents. I really don't know you or your hubby but acting afool when tension could creep in keeps us smiling.
Jenny
I remember hearing before I was banded that many marriages end in divorce, because the person that loses the weight grows and moves forward and changes and gets more confidant and well you know what you have learned and gained from loosing 190 pounds!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for the other partner to deal with all of it.
I am glad you will be seeking counseling I do hope that it helps!
Ugh! It'll all work out, we had a rough patch and I believe it all stems from fear..that you'll move on to someone else. When he feels secure, I think things might settle down. (They did for me anyway) Just give it time, you really have changed your whole life in a short amount of time. You moved, new career, new hot body, new friends...etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the running? holy wow..that is so motivating. I so so wish I had someone like you as a neighbor so we could do that together. So proud of your accomplishments! You seriously rock.
The male ego is fragile and easily bruised.
ReplyDeleteI hope counseling helps ya'll figure things out. I am sure it will get better!
ReplyDeleteSO good to see a blog post from you!! You're def an inspiration for me!!
Keep posting. I'm sure it will work out.
ReplyDeletebecome a lesbian.
ReplyDeletethe end.
just kidding. Kinda. No really...I am sorry you are going through this rough spot.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing everything you can to work through this... That's what you need to concentrate on now. Don't get bogged down on the future, live in the present for a while. Eventually, you will have to embrace the future again but work on the now for a while. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. You can't "Tone" down the you that you've grown into... all you can do is hope that he embraces the same future that you do... Call or Text me if you need to talk...XOXO *M*
ReplyDeleteHubby and I did therapy about 8 years ago when I almost left him because of his attitude problem. It did a world of good, and honestly, we ended up re-starting our relationship in a new way. The rough patch sucked..... but with the therapy, and both of us honestly wanting to work through it, and working hard at it, we have been in a really good place ever since. Does he still piss me off? You bet! But we talk things out now..... and if I have to wait a week, so I can talk without choking him, well, then that's what I need to do :) <<>> sweetie!
ReplyDeleteI see some of that in my marriage too. I remind him often, verbally and non, that I love him. Taking that question out of his mind helps infinitely.
ReplyDeleteLove reading that running is finally paying off for you as I am trying to get back into running and so far I have started and given up so many times. But I am going to try really hard to stick to it.
ReplyDeletehttp://weightlossthesearchfortheskinnierme.blogspot.com/