So, I am going to focus on what I am doing right. And what is going well right now:
- I'm down more than 35 lbs in 3 months.
- I'm averaging almost 3 lbs/week lost. Not too shabby.
- I haven't drank soda in almost 4 months.
- I do not drink while I eat.
- I wait 30 min after eating to drink.
- I've cut down my portions substantially.
- I'm learning to take small bites.
- I'm thinking about exercising. ;) Hey, that counts, right?
- Dinners are much simpler (meaning smaller and less caloric) now that I don't feel like I have to cook something elaborate for DH.
- The weather is breaking, at least for the time being.
- It's sunny out longer, meaning we can go for walks after work.
- I'm being vigilant about my fills.
- I'm learning to chew well.
- I'm recognizing self-defeating behaviors.
I should be celebrating instead of feeling like a failure, right? In my perfectionist, type-A way, I was seriously ready to throw in the towel of success on my first year banded. How's that for "all or nothing" for you? I need serious mental help. Oh wait, I'm already getting serious mental help, and I'm still a mess! This is not looking good. :) Just teasing, although I really was feeling like a band failure until I took a step back and realized that this is A. a journey; B. a learning process; C. the very beginning and I am still a total baby bandster. 3 months is nothing. NOTHING. NOTHING. in the whole scheme of things. Why do I expect that I'd have it all figured out by now? Not that it excuses the Starbucks and lack of exercise - those are both my fault - but it's a process. Some steps forward, some steps back. As long as I am moving forward more than I am moving back, I am fine. And that's good enough for me. Fine. (OK, not really, but I am working on it being good enough for me.)
Oh-- hang in there!! I sympathize with the feelings of distress that come from OVER high expectations.
ReplyDeleteReminder: keep reminding yourself that you ARE doing fantabulous!!!! And keep talking to your therapist about these issues and writing in your blog. You're insightful, capable, and SUCCEEDING.
You ARE doing it and when you look back at yourself at this same time next year-- you'll see how far you've come.
Have faith in yourself.
xo
Oh, I missed your post last night or I would have thrown you some support too!
ReplyDeleteI bitch and moan about not having enough time to take care about myself, when I have no kids and Eric is around to share cooking and shopping with me...I think you are really taking the bull by the horns by finding your mother's helper and taking a little time to yourself.
Courage!
You are sooooo hard on yourself and it is great that you can see how much you have changed in 3 mths...and you are not a debbie downer. NOT
ReplyDelete