Tuesday, March 2

{Insert title here}

I can't even come up with a title. Is that sad or what? So, yes, I am here. With obviously only half of my mind left!

Since I posted last week, the only thing I have really done is up my water. It's ironic, as I normally drink so much water. Like at least 2 liters per day. But since I'm trying to follow at least some of the bandster rules, I haven't been drinking while I eat, and I've been waiting at least 30 min after eating before drinking. Unfortunately, that tends to just make me forget about drinking until it's meal time again. And then I just chug some water before I eat. Not ideal.

I have not exercised nor have I been eating right. However, I wanted to say THANKS from the bottom of my heart for your comments. Because I am really struggling with this right now. I am definitely in bandster hell - and my definition of it is all the shitty parts and none of the good parts. Because, yes, I PB'ed again. On french toast Sunday morning. Really, it was my fault, but it's still frustrating to feel food getting stuck and PB'ing yet have no relief from hunger.

It's so good to know that restriction should help a lot. I know I'm going to have to do my part, but I am encouraged that it will be doable and I'll be more motivated when I have the band helping me. Honestly, if it weren't for you all telling me that, I would be a mess right now. You are keeping me from falling right off the cliff of band-insanity.

And then I had a mini breakdown today, because DH called to let me know that it's going to be at least three weeks before the owner of the company he is working for heads to FL to scout out locations. Which means at least three weeks before I have any answers as to how long I have to continue playing single mom. I know some of you out there do it all the time, and my hat is off to you. I am really struggling with it. Mornings are a battle to get me and the kids out the door on time, work all day, pick them up, feed them, clean up the kitchen, play, get them to bed, prep for the next day, and if I'm lucky, have 30 min or so to myself. And because they are both so young, they have to be wherever I am, so cooking and cleaning take three times as long as they should to do.

I do MUCH better when I know what I am working with. This whole unknown is driving me insane. INSANE. I can keep doing this, BUT I can't do it indefinitely. I need to know how long I have to do it. Even if it's 6 more months, I can do it. I just want to know.

I did, however, once I quit pouting, put a plan into place to help me out. First, I am pampering myself with a cut and highlight over lunch on Thursday. I also called my neighbor to see if her 12-year old would come over twice/week and watch the kids for a few hours while I cook, clean, decompress. It'll take a week or two for DD to warm up to her (she only wants mommy all the time), but once she does, I hope this will help a bit. Finally, I told my boss that I needed to take next Tuesday off for a personal day. I have my fill in the AM and am going to CHILL in the PM while the kiddos are at the sitter's. I need it.

On the work front, I HATE the frickin' media. In case you didn't know, I am the PR manager for Girl Scouts, and one of the cookies has been recalled for an off-taste (no danger in eating them). Fortunately, it's not a cookie that we sell in our council. Unfortunately, all the media cares about is that a GIRL SCOUT COOKIE HAS BEEN RECALLED. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. RED ALERT. STOP THE PRESSES. DANGER.

They have been horrible about reporting the recall and then holding up one of the boxes of cookies that *I* gave them. One that has NOT been recalled. So, I have been doing press releases, media alerts, interviews, and such all. week. and all. weekend. I am seriously tired of it. I've been on the tv and radio about a dozen times in the last 5 or so days. Too bad I'm wasting my fifteen minutes of fame on this crap.

That's my life right now in a nut shell. I am hanging on by a thread in so many ways - work, family, band. I feel like I am on the edge on all three of them. I am really hopeful that I will be at restriction next week with my fill. With the sticking and PB'ing I've been doing, I've got to imagine I'm close. If not, it's not going to be pretty. I just keep telling myself just to make it until Tuesday.


  1. So sorry to hear you are in BH. It sucks but it doesn't last forever. If I made it through it you can! I agree with the whole PB then you can't eat due to inflammation but you are still hungry thing. That stinks so bad, when your throat hurts and you are still hungry but can't even drink. I hate that.

    Good for you for getting a plan in place. I just went through the whole "unknown future" thing for about 4 weeks, I almost drove me insane.

    And finally in this long comment. I totally feel your pain about the cookies, I have been asked 15 million times about the recall. We didn't even offer that cookie and I've had to say it over and over again. I can't wait for the darn cookies to be gone!

    Keep on keepin on, you will get through this!!

  2. Oh you poor thing...and it is hard doing it all by yourself and what with all the stuff about the recall...poor you. I hate the media too...pack of liars. I hope something gets settled with the band soon....at least that will be one thing off your list. Hang in there

  3. So glad you have a plan-first the fill and relax afterwards. Getting a sitter for a few hours is wonderful. She can get the kids out of the house for you too! Sorry about the crap with the recall. Hope it doesn't hurt sales as I know this is one of the biggest fundraisers for the GS.

  4. I am the same way. I'm such a planner, I need to know exactly when things are going to happen. It's a side effect of perfectionism. Hang in there girl! Sending you the good vibes!