Smooches! I missed you all!
We had a nice weekend - quiet, which is good. AND I did get about 6 hours by myself yesterday, which was heavenly. Much needed for a battery recharge. I enjoyed every minute of it! Today I was in our satellite office, so no computer for me. Boohoo!
I am really looking forward to my fill on Friday. I am hoping, hoping, hoping the surgeon will take pity on the restrictionless me and give me 2 cc to bring me to 8 cc in my 14 cc band. It seems that a good 70-80% of people have restriction by 8cc in a large band.
A few of you shared your ideas/thoughts on DD's bedtime, and I could certainly use some more ideas and thoughts. If you don't want to read about how my two-year old is making me crazy, I understand. And we'll just part ways right here for today. And I won't even hold it against you, although I will be totally jealous!
For about the last month, DD has been sleeping with me while DH sleeps in the guest room. She was fine in her crib and then suddenly hated it. We tried the toddler bed. Hated that, too. Switched her back to a crib. Hated that just as much as before.
I've tried her mattress on our floor. She hates that, too.
We tried moving everything out of the guest room except the bed and making it a big deal about how it was her big girl bed. She hated that as well. With a capital H.
Indeed, she hates anything but sleeping on top of me or right against me.
A few side notes, she has always been a totally mommy's girl. And she can get out of her crib, open doors, open and scale baby gates, and is generally a monkey. I've debated getting a crib tent, but they are pricey, and knowing her, she'd be able to get out!
Over the holidays, we tried the Nanny 911 method of putting her in her crib and not engaging with her at all. Every time she got up, we put her back in without talking or looking at her. Every time she woke up in the middle of the night, we did the same thing.
We did it for four days.
Every night, it took between 3 and 4 hours to get her to sleep.
Every night, she woke up every 1-1.5 hours and would proceed to scream for 45-60 min. She did this all. night. long. For four nights. With no naps. And waking up ready to go by 8 am.
By the fifth night, DH and I were done. We were both zombies from getting 3-4 (broken up) hours of sleep.
I finally said, I don't care. She can sleep with me. At least we're sleeping.
But I think I've hit the wall. She takes FOREVER to fall asleep. She wakes up constantly throughout the night. She's often up for 1 or 2 hours in the middle of the night. So, I'm not getting much sleep. Last night, for example, it took me almost 2 hours to get her to sleep. Then for the 7 hours I slept with her, she woke up for 1 hour around 3 am and begged to go downstairs, and also woke me up an additional 7 times. As you can imagine, I am tired. In general, I hate sleeping with other people, even DH. I especially hate other people touching me while I sleep, and damn, this girl wants to be glued to my side.
So, what do I do? Is it a phase? Do the Nanny 911 thing until it works? I am seriously at my limit with this. I yelled at her several times last night, and I don't like that. I hate being so frustrated with her, but I am tired and would like an hour by myself in the evenings, even if it is to get crazy and scrub a toilet or something.
We have a bedtime routine that she loves. We've tried no nap, later nap, shorter nap, earlier nap. We've tried earlier bedtime, later bedtime, no tv before bed, and so on. We've tried going for walks in the evening, going to the Y, and doing quiet activities. She doesn't drink caffeine and doesn't have sugar after dinner. I'm about out of ideas.
My ped recommends getting the child safety knobs, putting them on the inside of her door, and leaving her in there until morning (the guest room with just the bed and some toys, that is). No matter how long and hard she screams. I am seriously thinking about it, but part of me thinks it's cruel. CIO is one thing, and we've had to do it with her before. But this feels different.
Argh - it's making my blood pressure rise just talking about it, and it's almost bed time, which also makes my blood pressure rise. Anyhow, ideas, support, or Fed-Exed wine would be greatly appreciated
i say keep the nanny 911 route. consistency. it is a power struggle and you have to maintain the power. also the reward system. show her a small new toy (dollar store crap), m&ms, or whatever works for her...tell her she will have it if she sleeps in her big girl bed all night. she won't do it the first night but she may eventually. then make a big deal out of the success. i am not above bribery as a form of child rearing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to go through this...The sad part is I was the same way as a child. Please don't anyone judge me, i'm an only child....I slept on my parents floor in a sleeping bag until I was 9 years old and refused my own room! I eventually grew out of it, but it took time. If my parents told me to get out, I would sleep in the hallway outside their door until they felt bad enough to let me in. Sounds like your daughter and I are one in the same. Eeeek!
ReplyDeleteOh boy this sucks the big one. I'm so sorry. I can tell you I would probably put a gate on her door, a lock on her door or the doorknobs the pediatrician recommended. You'd have one or two HORRIBLE nights but I do think then it would be over.
ReplyDeleteI fully realize this is a jillion times easier to suggest than it is to do. If it helps at all, teaching children good sleeping habits - having a bedtime routine, going to sleep at bedtime and staying in bed until morning - can really help her in the long term.
Also remember that you cannot be an effective parent if you aren't getting any sleep. You and your wellbeing (and your marriage!) matter in this equation too.
Good luck with whatever you decide. I know how much it can tear at you. I'm wishing you the very best.
Oh that is so tough. My daughter had issues in her 2's also. She started to get freaked out without the light or when we would try to leave the room. It was a very bad month or so. I ended up buying a book called the no cry sleep solution - it really helped. We started putting her to bed earlier and also made a "Cate Sleeps Like a Princess Chart" with pictures of Cinderella. For each night that she slept well she got a sticker on the chart in the morning and then a reward after so many stickers.
ReplyDeleteThe worst part is that you get so tired and frustrated that it's hard to handle well in the moment. Good luck!
My lil one had similar issues with wanting to sleep in her room...it was especially difficult when my husband and I would get her back from her biological mother, who could never afford a 2 bedroom, much less an extra bed, so they always slept together...
ReplyDeleteWe were the mean ones...we got those knob things that your ped talked about...it was about 4-5 days of screeeeaaaaming and crying...and well, with the amount of sleep that we were getting before..it evened out! lol.
It broke my heart...every night...but she now loves her own room...and her bed...but then again...she is 6 now. But i remember the sleepless 2 year old and 3 year old phase, until we got primary custody of her...it was every 6 months with us and then the other with her mom...sooo...we had to do this to her every time we got her back...until she was about 3 1/2...
ANYWAYS...enough of me rambling...
It does work...and it does feel mean...and cruel...but it doesnt last long...MAYBE a week max...
Good luck with what you choose to do! :)
I absolutely empathize with you. We have not hit this stage yet but all of the above suggestions are one's we've discussed with friends. I personally like the no cry solution book. It helped us in this last stage to get our little monkey going to bed at a regular hour. It's tough but your daughter needs you to set the boundaries for her (even if they include door knob covers).
ReplyDeleteHo boy - do I remember this stage well... not the children sleeping with me because I couldn't handle that but the waking up, screaming, crying, just being difficult full stop.
ReplyDeleteFirst up - deep breath. It IS fixable. But the big thing is consistency. You did great to get through five nights like you did - we used to call that controlled crying and I am a big believer in it...I used it at one time or another for all four of my kids and they are no worse for it.. really :) All healthy, happy well adjusted kids/teens.
I think though - if you can - you need to stick it out longer. I seem to remember it took a good two to three weeks for mine to get the message.. horrible but true. Do you have someone (we have Ngala here - an in-home 'baby' nurse - that is govt. paid) to help you? I never used them but if you can't get through a longer time, maybe help is at hand. I sympathise so much - this is a rough time for you. Hope you sort it :)
I'm so sorry- have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"--we used this approach with my son. Kind of like the Nanny 911 method, and what Cara is talking about too (and the Furber method)-- but very supportive.
ReplyDeleteDr. Weissbluth, the author, has studied sleep for over 20 years and is a great authority. If I had the book anymore, I would send it to you. Let me look for it and if I locate it, I will send it-- otherwise, get thee to Amazon, trust me, the book is SO WORTH IT and the techniques WORK!!
good luck ames
Just chiming in to second the recommendations of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Great book, I read it several times with my first two. I also liked Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell, which I found really helpful.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents: make sure that going to sleep is not associated with anything negative (no yelling or punishing), but positives (talk about her comfy cozy bed, ask her if she'll grow in her sleep tonight?, postive reinforcements (aka bribes), and sometimes no talking, but firm physical redirection to bed). I think it is super important for the consistancy- PUT her to bed in her room EVERY night, no matter how the night ends up. She may come back into your room, but I've found it weans down, and eventually she will be in her own warm bed for the night. Just get the routine down of putting her to bed in her own room. The rest will follow, maybe slowly, but without any negative associations- she'll love her own room and bed.
ReplyDeleteWish I had something to add on the sleeping issues. I don't recall a lot of that time when my kids were little (probably due to sleep deprivation)
ReplyDeleteI'm so jealous (and happy for you) that you had 6 hours to yourself! Tell me what that is like! I haven't been alone, truly alone for more than thirty minutes in over three years! I crave it badly....
Best of luck with bedtime!!!!