Monday, November 23

"As long as you don't get skinnier than me."

Told to me by my friend this weekend.

A little back story:
Friend and I met several years ago. We both needed to lose some weight, me more than her. We did Weight Watchers Core together long-distance and both had great success. I lost 60 lbs (still had about 90 to go), she lost about 40 to get to her goal weight. Then I got pregnant, gained it all back plus some, and haven't ever truly gotten back on the bandwagon since. She's been off and on the bandwagon since then, and has managed to only gain back 20 lbs at the most. She recently got back to her goal weight for her wedding in June, but has gained some of it back.

We both love to cook and like to exercise (when I'm not so fat, it's so much more fun!), so our friendship has revolved around cooking healthy, trying new exercise (spinning, running, etc.), and sharing recipes/cooking ideas.

Back to this weekend: She is one of two friends I told about my surgery. I wasn't even necessarily going to tell her, but she was coming to visit for the weekend, and I am on my pre-op diet. Plus, with her own weight struggles, I thought she'd be a good support. And really, she is being pretty supportive.


She obviously has some issues with me having the surgery. She's made some random comments here and there, and while they bothered me, I just kind of brushed them off (Example: When referring to this upcoming year and my surgery, "It's going to be a rough year, but I know you can do it." Rough? I was thinking awesome!)

And her issues came to light when I was showing her some of the Before & Afters on LBT this weekend. It obviously dawned on her that I truly am going to lose this weight. And I might not just be not-fat, but I might be skinny. And that comment came rolling out of her mouth. I was stunned. I should have said something, but I didn't.

After thinking about it, I realize that this is more about her than me. It's about her insecurities and her issues with her weight.

However, it was a bit of a wake up call about how my relationships may change as I lose weight. I never thought that my friends thought of me as their "fat friend" but obviously some do. It's going to be an interesting journey.

In other breaking news, I am 54 hours away from surgery! Drinking my last pre-op-protein-shake-breakfast as we speak. I hope to get my bag packed tonight, so we can have a nice relaxing family night tomorrow night.


  1. I've had this happen before when I dieted and temporarily lost weight...thinner friends, when I got going, would totally try to derail me...offering me food they wouldn't eat, etc. You will have to re-evaluate who has a role in your life.

    In other news, how exciting - your surgery is coming up!!! This is going to be great, it's going to go perfectly well, and you will be happy happy!


  2. Congrats on the upcoming surgery! I'm sure you'll do great! I have a friendship that I am just a little bit concerned about, as I move forward with my process. We've been the best of friends for 20+ years and we're about the same size -- which is pretty big. I know I'd feel funny relating to her if she lost a lot of weight and I stayed the same size; I'm hoping that she's a better person than I am and won't have a problem relating to me! She's being my best source of support right now, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

  3. What a shame things might change - it's a little scary when we think we have a friends support only to find she might be jealous or overly concerned. I hope things don't change - I really do. I've been through this myself - not with weight but with something else and it hurts.

  4. it is always hard when a friendship changes so much that it eventually ends...but at least you are mentally healthy and aware that when it does happen you know it has everything to do with her issues. don't let this derail you. some people just can't handle it. i lost a friend of 20plus years when i had my daughter. she said some of the most hurtful things in the days after i gave birth. it took me over a year to cut that tie for good because i wasn't prepared for it. you are prepared for it. two things can happen -- you move on or you inspire her.

    get excited about your surgery! yay!

  5. How exciting, you're almost there! Good luck with the surgery.. and that friend: well, we'll see whether she can actually tolerate and ENJOY (a true friend would) your success.
    You will succeed regardless.
    xoxo Vanessa

  6. Thanks for the comments! It's hard to realize that I might lose some friendships as I lose (ha!), but that's the risk I am more than willing to take.


  7. I sort of had a similar thing happen to me...I am currently a Michigander too...I am going to school here- but I am from Indiana. I am planning on moving back in April when I am done and having my surgery then (I don'to want to live that far from my surgeon for my whole life) ANYWAY, my family knows that I am going to do this and my sister told me about a funny conversation that she had with my cousin. My cousin is and always been a total "hater" She is very against me getting banded and was talking to my sister about it. She asked my sis if she thought that the band would really work...and my sister told her how much weight people lose. My cousin couldn't believe it...she was like you mean Jill could really be skinny? Like a size 10 or something? Then she stared off into space for a minute and was like...damn I need to lose weight. I know it took me a long time to get to my point...but I guess what it that there are always going to be "haters" out there....and let them hate....and be happy that you have the courage to make such a life change for yourself! I am proud of you!

  8. I have a friend like this, and I am just glad that I don't live close to her anymore. Even though I think her mouth is going to be supportive of my Lapband, I dont believe her actions will be. Sometimes you just have to cut them loose. Take care of you.