There's so much to say, I'd do bullets, but it's even too much for bullets, so how about bold headlines?
Working Out with Mick Jagger
Just got back from a great workout at the gym. I really pushed myself, which is ironic, since I really only went this morning to get a break from the kids! I'm having a bit of port pain (I get it every now and again); just feels a bit like a pulled muscle, but I just wasn't in a workout mood.
I did 25 min on the treadmill to start. 10 min warm-up followed by 15 min of alternating 1.5 min run and 1.5 min walk. I decided, while on the treadmill, that since I can't go to BOOBS, I'd do a 5K that day instead while you are all doing the BOOB run/walk.
Then 2 rounds of weight lifting where I upped several of my weights. Ended with a 4.5 min run.
I also got to work out next to this annoying guy (he was on an elliptical) who kept stopping every 30 sec to adjust his shoe. I don't know why but it was driving me fucking. insane. like. no. other.
The woman next to me was working out with a curler in her bangs. Yep, you read that correctly.
And to round out my wacky morning, dude on the weights was Mick Jagger, I swear. Complete with the crazy hair held in place with a white terry cloth headband.
Another goal met & crazy thoughts
I officially weigh less than the lowest point I got to when I last lost weight (early 2007). This means this is the smallest I've probably been since 2003ish? It's the smallest my husband has seen me. It's the smallest my kids have seen me (obviously).
The flip side of this (which I really am happy about being here, I am!) is I am kinda ticked at myself for needing to lose 112 lbs to even get to this point. Sigh. I know there is no changing the past, but damn, 112 lbs gained in 7ish years. And that was with a bunch of dieting in there!
I think what's driven it home is that I am receiving clothes from some very generous bandsters, and I am not saying this to make anyone feel bad for me or tell me how great I am doing (logically, I know I am). But the clothes they are sending me are from when they were their biggest. It didn't bother me much when I was bigger. But now that I've lost 112 lbs and I am STILL bigger than they were to start, I don't know - it's just getting to me. When I was 374 lbs, I would have given anything to weigh just 262 lbs. But now I'm feeling generally dissatisfied here. I guess that's ultimately a good thing, as it'll keep me pushing forward and downward.
Goals
I haven't set any goals recently, other than aiming to stay above 2 lbs/week lost. But in trying to get out of this mini-funk over my "112 lbs lost and still fat" attitude, I thought I'd look forward to some milestones. Assuming I lose at 2.4 lbs/week on average (I'm averaging just over that right now), here's some goals I'm going to aim for:
BIL Wedding (10.2) - 254 lbs/120 lbs lost
Thanksgiving/First Bandiversary (11.25) - 235 lbs/139 lbs lost
Christmas/New Year's - 223 lbs/151 lbs lost
My Birthday (1.28) - 213/161 lbs lost
I know I won't likely hit them all, but I like having goals to reach for. It keeps me honest (kinda like weighing myself daily). The first one, BIL's wedding, is probably the 'biggest' for me, as I'd love to be able to answer "120 lbs" when people inevitably ask how much I've lost.
Random Shit
My band is behaving much better. I ate okay last night. Sticking to soup for lunch, but making meatloaf for dinner. Thinking I am back to a pretty sweet spot. Sweet!
My dad is having hip replacement revision surgery as we speak. He's at the Cleveland Clinic with a world leader in hip revisions, so he's in very good hands, but all positive vibes/thoughts/prayers would be greatly appreciated. His body metabolizes pain meds way too efficiently, and he was in incredible pain last time, so he is really dreading the recovery. I'm keeping my fingers crossed this surgery isn't as tough on him and that this doc will be able to find something that makes the pain tolerable.
That's enough for today! Later, gators...can't wait to see what everyone comes up with for Thousand Word Thursday!
You're doing so great Amy, concentrate on how far you've come, and just remember, this time it really will be different for us, no more backsliding! I hope your dad has a speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about the sisterhood clothes. I've felt that way myself...still do.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think Tessierose is totally right. Spend a few minutes being pissed that you had to lose this much weight to get where you are right now and then be grateful that you have a tool to help you never go back there again. Seven years from now you won't be back over 300.
P.S. I swear I sending you all those darn capris!! Work has been sucking the life (and time) out of me ;)
I think we all go through times when we are really pissed at ourselves for letting us get to our breaking points. But you cannot dwell on it because it will only hinder your pregress. Everything happens for a reason and know that you went through what you did so you could be where you are now and use every bit of that aggression to move forward and to never get back to your starting weight. :)
ReplyDeleteRe: your Another goal met & crazy thoughts section. I could have written that. Seriously. 100lbs to get to where I left off in 2003. But here's something cool...want to hear it? Your kids won't remember you fat. Your kids will not remember having a fat mommy. That is SO COOL!!!
ReplyDeleteI think you're awesome, in case you were wondering.
You really are doing great Amy! Healthy Healing Vibes to your daddy!
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing fantastical!!! I completely understand where you are coming from though re: weight you are vs. other's starting weight/clothes size. I feel like that All.The.Time.. I look at where people started at and realize that's where I am now and it took 70+ lbs to get there. BUT, everyone is right - focus on how far you've come and how awesome it's going to be when you get to goal. Plus, you are only in those sisterhood clothes for a short amount of time since you are the Incredible Shrinking Woman!!! :) xo,js
ReplyDeleteWell, Aim... I need to lose over 100 pounds to get to where you were when you started... It is a kick to the head to realize where you were when you hit rock bottom, but we are not going back there and another 100 pounds from now, when I am where you are now... Please replay this for me... LOL. We are doing that support group together still. I think it is Monday, September 13th at Celebration 7pm. Let me know. I am going for sure... *Maria*
ReplyDeleteYour gym sounds like the misfit gym. :> Gosh, I cringe of what people must think of me when I'm there. At least I don't go in with a curler on my bangs. LOL
ReplyDeleteI rec'd my package today and WOW!! Totally blown away! Thank you SOOOO much!!! It couldn't have come on a better day (go read the blog) and I just want to again say THANK YOU!!! Sisterhood Sistas ROCK!!!!
It's OK to feel ticked off. Lord knows I'm the Queen of that world right now. Rant away. You're doing great and you're an inspiration to us baby-bandsters. *hugs*
Hope your dad has a speedy recovery and you continue your great journey to all your goals in superstar style:)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I KNOW what it is like to be in a funk, heck I just recently (today) finally got OUT of my funk for good. I did it by looking at the big picture and how far I have come. I am in a similar situation, I seemed to have lost a good amount of weight but here I am, STILL FAT. I hoped to be way lower right now than I am, but really when I look at my whole journey so far, I can't help but be happy. We may want to be lower, but we need to be thankful because what if we hadn't lost all this weight we have already lost?? How miserable would we be then?
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel.... When I read a blog that says "how did I let myself get to 220 pounds?!" I think well, hell I had to lose 130 pounds to get to wear you started!
ReplyDeleteRan 4.5 minutes in a row???? Dammn!!