Wednesday, August 18

Lots on my mind...

Sorry for the post and run last night. Life kinda exploded around us...more about that in a second.

But first, weigh-in day, and I am down 2.0 lbs this week!!! Bringing me into the 260s and 105 lbs lost. This band stuff rocks!

So, the life exploding thing. I don't know if I can make this long story short, but I will try. Ok, I'm not even going to try, it's not going to be short.

As I've mentioned, DH, DD, and DS are in BIL's wedding in October. I like BIL and SIL quite a bit (or did), and DH & BIL are very close.

I don't much care for my MIL, but I try to be nice, and a good DIL, since DH isn't good about sharing updates about the kids and so on. I called her last night to say hi, and we ended up chatting about the wedding. I mentioned in passing that I needed to call SIL about my mom coming to the ceremony (just to help me get the kids down the aisle as they are 1 and 2 years old...she was getting a hotel room so she could watch them after dinner, so DH & I could enjoy the reception). Didn't think about it again until...

Within an hour, DH's phone was blowing up with text messages from BIL. About how rude I am to assume my mom can just come to the wedding and reception. How dare I. How it's not my wedding and I don't get a say. And on and on and on.

So, I am pisssssssssssssssssed:

1. I said I would call SIL. MIL had NO right to run and gossip like a 12-year old girl.

2. I never said my mom was staying at the ceremony or even coming to the reception. The plan was for her to stand in the back while I stood at the front, so the kids would walk towards me. That was it. She wasn't even going to sit down. Then she'd go hang out in her room until we brought the kids up later (the wedding+reception are in the hotel we are staying at). I would never presume to invite someone to a wedding.

3. How dare BIL assume I'm so rude as to invite my mom. I would never do that. I was going to discuss with SIL if that was how she wanted to handle the kids. If not, fine. It was just an idea I was going to run past her.

4. My mom was going to go to considerable expense and trouble to be there to help us, which in turn helps BIL+SIL. But if it's not wanted, we won't do it.

5. Weddings are public affairs. Etiquette says anyone can come to a wedding (obviously not if it is on private property). But again, I wasn't saying my mom was coming to the wedding, just for the first two minutes. And I wasn't even saying she was coming. I was going to OFFER IT AS A SOLUTION to SIL.

I am beyond livid with MIL and BIL. MIL pulled this shit earlier with the wedding stuff, too, telling SIL I was offended I wasn't invited to the shower. I wasn't offended - MIL mentioned that the shower was last weekend when I was talking to her a few weeks ago, and it caught me off guard, as I never received an invite, so I said, "Oh, I guess I wasn't invited." She obviously ran to SIL and said something to her, because I got this long, hairy email from SIL with all these excuses as to why I wasn't invited. Whatever. I do find it odd that as the only SIL, I wasn't invited. But I wasn't offended, just figured she had her reason. I don't get offended by that stuff. To be honest, I think the whole big wedding thing is silly. I've been married twice and neither was a big, traditional affair. Just not my thing, so I certainly don't get offended over it.

Anyhow, I am so mad that I am serious when I say I am perfectly happy to stay here with the kids while DH goes to Ohio for the wedding. It's going to be hugely expensive for us, and if they don't really want us there, I am more than happy to not go.

As for MIL, I am done. Done. Done. Done. This is just the latest in a long list of ways she interferes with our lives and likes to cause drama. I think I've mentioned previously, but when DH was traveling for work (Mon-Thur for 15 weeks, and then gone for almost two months straight), MIL offered to help me exactly twice. And she lived 1.5 miles away. I didn't expect anything from her, but then she boo-hoo'ed to BIL about how we were moving her grandkids away from her and she'd never see them blah blah blah. Well, if you wanted to see them so bad, you could have come over any time for the 5 months I was home alone with the kidds. Oh, and when that happened (the boo-hooing), BIL called DH and bitched him out for taking the grandkids away and breaking MIL's heart. Well, let's see, DH had been unemployed for six months and finally got a job. It just happened to be in FL. So, she thought we should be homeless and hungry rather than move where the work is, because it inconvenienced her. It's just never ending with her.

Oh, have I mentioned that she doesn't want to move to FL (she's retired) because she would miss the trees (yes, she told us, "There are no trees in FL") and she couldn't bear to miss the changing seasons. Well then quit bitching about missing your grandkids - if you are choosing changing seasons over your grandkids, that is your choice. Sure hope you enjoy those trees for the two weeks they are pretty in the fall. And I really hope you enjoy all the snow, sleet, ice, and freezing cold that follow the pretty trees.

Can you tell I am bitter? I am just tired of all of the shit she stirs. She is extremely passive-aggressive, and loves to watch the shit fly after she causes drama.

She is constantly making comments about the "bad" choices DH has made in his life, about his weight, his lack of college degree, and so on. BIL, however, is perfect, because he managed to graduate from college in 12 years WHILE LIVING AT HOME. Yes, he lived with his mom until he was 30, when he finally graduated from college. Meanwhile, MIL kicked DH out at age 22 when he dropped to part-time. Her rule was you could live at home if you were in college full-time. As you can guess, BIL wasn't in college full-time for 12 years, but apparently, the rules don't apply to him. That's how it always has been and apparently always will be.

I would never keep the kids from her, but I will no longer go out of my way to make sure she sees pics, gets calls, gets to see them on Skype, send her cards they make her, etc. And I will NOT be here when she comes to visit. She can come visit - I'll just take a trip that weekend.

OK, I am done talking about this. It's making my blood pressure go up. I have more to talk about with the whole 'crossroads' thing, so I'll be back when they go down for their naps (hopefully!)

Smooches if you've read this far - you are a saint!


  1. I'm sorry. That is definately a tough situation. You have a good plan, and as long as you handle yourself as nicely as you have been I see no problems with it. You aren't preventing the kids or your husband from seeing/contacting her. I don't think I could handle that any better than you!

  2.'s definately you who is the saint! In-laws can be tough...they don't understand us the same as our own family and they sure as heck don't love us the same!

  3. Girk you need a hug and a drink. You have every right to go off- that is BS. I actually have some favoratism issues with my MIL,but she's generally harmless.I would throwdown with yours. Keep your chin up.

  4. I'm a saint. Why are in-laws always so damn difficult. I want the kind that are warm and open and have big family dinners and we all love each other. We got GYPPED!

  5. Haha, Jennifer, MIL has had us over for dinner twice in the 6 years DH and I have been together. Once for Thanksgiving, and she cooked all appetizers - out of boxes (like the TGIFriday's ones). Once for Easter - a Honeybaked Ham, a package of Bob Evans mashed potatoes, and a can of corn. I kid you not.

  6. OMG she sounds like an absolute terror. I'm sorry you have to deal with this wedding drama. In-laws are crazy.

  7. I want to kick her ass for you! I would call the SIL and explain what happened and then never mention it again.

  8. So sorry... I too, have an MIL who can be a challenge... But, I've been honest and stood up to her and the few times she tried the shit, I nipped it in the bud and called her on it. Yes, it caused drama, but she now knows that I will do it, so she stirs the pot a little (little) bit less... good luck - hopefully your DH supports you in this and sticks up for you to them!

  9. Ugh, I am so sorry, that really sucks! I can't believe that your family would react that way without getting the facts directly from you! I mean it's a wedding ceremony - anyone can go to that! MIL are a huge pain in the arse! However, no matter what her excuses were and even though you weren't offended - how in the world could your husband AND kids be IN the wedding, but you aren't invited to the shower?! In my opinion THAT is bad etiquette! Hugs! <3

  10. Your mother in law sounds like a distant cousin of my mothers. Maybe they are related. Honestly, if I were you, I would love to give her the rough side of my tongue and tell her to "Fuck Off, I'm sick of your shit and don't need to deal with your crap", but also, have you talked with your husband about the fact that she acts this way and he either needs to put an end to it now, or you will. I'm sorry, but sometimes spouses want to "keep the peace" and don't have enough gumption to stand up for their wife and lay down the law with their own family. You need to stop this now. You deserve better.

  11. Dang!! Drama for realz!! I couldn't deal with all that who shot john mess that your MIL is always cooking up. Have a talk with DH and let him know you are done then be through with it. Its a shame people like her exist in this world. Silly ole goose.

  12. Ugh, I am so sorry you are having to endure this.

    I think you are very right to pull away. Sad thing is she probably won't even notice. Sounds like that type of person...

    I'd talk to DH...but I'd also talk to SIL and let her know what you were REALLY saying. Then let SIL deal with BIL. As for talking to DH, don't make him chose between you and mum. Just make it clear that you are not ok with this.

    You know your DH already has chosen you, though. I'm guessing he was ok with moving to FL and away from mum because he probably feels a lot of the same way. Sad that you've got to rack up your own experiences, though.

    She'll never get it. All you can do is make sure your sanity stays in tact.

    And hard as it may be, don't be mad at BIL. I'm sure mum told him exactly what she needed to say to rile him up the best - even though it probably was only a fraction of the truth. Just talk to SIL....

  13. Dude...I frickin' LOVE YOU!!! I can relate on both the psycho wedding in law story (I nicknamed my SIL the wedding Nazi...and frankly, I've never been in a wedding that, on the big day, I wouldn't happily have stood on the bride's neck and watched her die...hence I am not married), and your selfish MIL. It is so bad with my parents in law that they've never even met our youngest child. sucks sometimes. *HUGS*

  14. There is craziness in ALL FAMILIES! I would be feeling just like you...sometimes there is no winning and the inlaws create so much DRAMA!
    It helps to talk it out...

  15. My middle name is Saint! Sorry for the stress and drama. MIL relationships are complicated. My MIL is pretty nice. But my poor husband got the short end of the stick with my mom! LOL!
    Hope all goes better. XOXO

  16. Dammit - she sounds like a nightmare and one you do not have to deal with anymore! TOXIC I tell you - toxic! Why on earth to some people make it their mission to ruin other's lives. I hope karma kicks her ass some day....I'm not happy she hurt my Amy....but you have every right to be pissed. Jesus.

  17. UGH. Let me tell you how unfair life is, ok??? You lived by your MIL for some time and she sounds awful!!! My MIL, however, is so awesome, gets along with me and my family VERY well and we have a GREAT time together. She is also going through some hard times now as her daughter died this year and unfortunately we aren't near her to console her or party with her during the good times. We all live so far away and always have!! How unfair is that?? I am sorry your MIL sucks... that must be hard to deal with!!

  18. You are so awesome!!!! I just found you in blog land and am now a follower. I hate that you have that kind of relationship with your MIL. I have the same with my BIL, but have finally reached the point where I don't let him have any power over me. You just have to cut people like that loose. Congrats on all your success! I really appreciated your posts on bandster hell. I, stupidly, thought that after a couple of fills I would find my sweet spot but NOOOOO, I am so not there yet. Why did I think that bandster hell would only last 6 weeks?????? Grrrrr...

  19. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time with the in-laws. They do not sound very pleasant.

  20. man, it sure sounds to me like you have a right to be angry with your MIL and BIL. I think you had a great plan with your mom, and you were going about it in a very grown-up way. It's too bad the MIL had to open her mouth at all. that sucks.

  21. argh!!! I would be soo livid like you and your feelings are so justified...i don't have any in laws but I can absolutely relate to family drama...your plan was thoughtful and smart and it is ridiculous that drama is created for no reason..I hope that all works out..but, you are right and your family (and their well being..i.e. moving for a job!) is most important!!