I birthed a band!

My band has gestated to maturity! 9 months after first implanting this little sucker...

...gone are:

• 107 lbs
• 99.25"
• The fear of not ever being able to lose weight once and for all
• My self-consciousness over my size; I'm still fat, but I feel normal-fat instead of stand-out-fat now
• Swollen ankles and sore feet

...and here to stay are:

• Self-confidence
• Faith in myself
• A better attitude towards everything in my life
• More happiness

The band certainly hasn't solved all my problems, but it has made it easier to deal with them. I guess when you don't have to waste your energy dealing with the monkey of 200+ extra lbs on your back, it allows you to use that extra energy in more productive ways. And while the band hasn't solved all our financial worries, I have no doubt that when I go to job interviews, I'll be viewed in a more positive light and also carry myself with more confidence. So in that respect, I do believe the band will positively affect our financial future.

Having the courage to make the decision to get the band is one of the things I'm most proud of myself for. Not the losing with the band, not the work I've put in, but the courage to admit I had a problem that was bigger than I could tackle on my own. That's the hardest step, at least it was for me.

Have I been a perfect bandster? No. Will I be a perfect bandster in the future? Nope. However, I do 90% of it right, and 90% is usually a passing grade anywhere you go. I don't drink with meals or for 30 min afterwards, I don't drink soda, I focus on protein (when my stupid band isn't being fickle and tightening out of nowhere), I workout, and I eat 3 meals plus 1 (occasionally 2) small snack per day. What don't I do "right"? I drink calories (lattes, coffee creamer, gatorade, watered-down juice), I eat chocolate and cheese and all my other high-cal favs, and I don't count calories.

I've been thinking a lot about my cross roads post, where I talked about buckling down to lose faster or continuing my 90% approach and losing a little more slowly. I finally realized (with the help of my mom) that when I buckle down and go balls-to-the-wall with anything, especially dieting, I burn myself out and have a swing-back that typically counteracts any progress I've made. I've done it 100s of times. In fact, I think it was this approach that helped me to 'diet' my way to nearly 400 lbs. So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep on this path I'm on, of being happy with 2 lbs/week and no obsessing, and see where it takes me. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but I'm enjoying this journey, and if I take the enjoyment out, I see trouble brewing. And why cause trouble when there is none?

If my 90% effort gets me 90% results, you know, I might just be okay with that. 180 lbs gone certainly wouldn't upset me!

And with that, I will talk to you all later, maybe even post some progress pics if I actually take a shower today. LOL. If I'm a bit absent these next few days, it's because my mom is in town for a quick visit. Smooches!