2010 in Review

It's the last day of 2010. They were the best of times, they were the worst of times...OK, not really. 2010 was actually a BIG year for me. Losing weight, moving, becoming a SAHM. I feel like I made a lot of positive changes and am positioned for 2011 to be my best year yet. To review, my motto for 2010 was:

LESS is MORE.
Less stuff, less debt, less weight, less stress, less waste.

Less Stuff 
Goal: I hate clutter. And we don't have much clutter, especially since 2009 was the Year of the Family for us (I dubbed it that) and I got rid of tons of clutter. But with the kids' toys and my photography stuff, it's getting to be a bit much. I am ready to get down to basics and get rid of everything but the bare necessities.

Update: I think this will always be a battle, but we got rid of 90% of our stuff when we moved. I'm working on paring down the kids' toys and getting back to basics. But overall, I did really well on this.
Grade: A

Less Debt 
Goal: We did a great job in 2009 of paying off debt. We're down to a personal family loan, DH's car, and DH's school loan. They're pretty large, so we won't be able to pay them off in 2010, but I intend to make a good dent in them while also saving a nice chunk of change.
Update: We've continually paid on our debt without taking on any new debt. While I wish it was gone, I knew it wouldn't be completely gone by the end of 2010. Not taking on new debt is HUGE for us, though, so I call this one a success.
Grade: A

Less Weight
Goal: I started 2010 at 335ish. I will be under 250 (hopefully by quite a bit!) by the first day of 2011.
Update: I stalled out for the last 3 months, but I am right at 250. Not under by quite a bit, but I did lose 85 lbs this year!
Grade: B+

Less Stress
Goal: DH and I have some big changes heading our way, and if all goes well, a HUGE part of our stress is about to be alleviated. For fear of jinxing ourselves, I won't go into detail yet, but I will soon.
Update: HAHA! When I wrote this, our move was still totally up in the air. But it came through and we are here, and yes, a huge amount of our stress has been alleviated! I need to find a job, which is stressing me a tad bit, but I've worked hard this year to establish routines that destress our lives. It's a work in progress.
Grade: B+

Less Waste
Goal: I really want to make this year about wasting less which will help with the less stuff and less debt parts of my motto. No wasted food, no wasted money, no buying unnecessary stuff, no impulse shopping (grocery or otherwise). We are also going to work on being greener - fewer one-use items and so on.
Update: I have been really working on this. Reusing leftovers, freezing them before they go bad, using reusable shopping bags, consolidating errands, etc. And now that I am a SAHM, we don't have the extra money for any impulse shopping, so no worries there. I got a bit lacksadaisical with it the past few months, so time to tighten up a bit as we head into the new year.
Grade: B

Overall

I think I get an A- for 2010. I accomplished a lot of my goals and made significant progress towards those I did not accomplish. For the first time in a long time, I feel peaceful with the year that has gone and hopeful about the one to come.

Need a lighter

I need someone to light my fire. I am just kinda coasting along. I'm not gaining, which is HUGE, but I'm not losing either. And I still have 70ish lbs to lose.

I am hoping some time with my fellow bandsters this weekend will help. As will the half-marathon that's in less than two months. As will the new year.

I'm putting together a list of 111 things I want to accomplish in 2011. Some are small (make my bed daily), some are big (find my dream job), and some are in-between (read 13 classics). The one that is most important to me, however, is hitting my goal weight. I CAN do it. I just need to find that fire again.

Coasting was fine. I really am okay with it. But the time for coasting is over. I'm going back to work sooner than later. I had a couple of months to enjoy not being hyper-vigilant. But the time has come for me to get back on the horse and ride it to the finish line.

What really motivated me was watching "I Used To Be Fat" on MTV last night. Gabrielle was 17 and had 111 days before heading off for college. She lost 90 lbs in those 111 days with lots of hard work. She was also finishing up high school and working. I can certainly lose 50 lbs in 111 days if all I have to do is take care of two kids, right? She looked AMAZING.

So, come on, ladies, LIGHT MY FIRE!

ETA: I decided it was unethical to write this post and not DO something, so I just returned from a 2 mile jog while pushing the kiddos in the stroller. Trying to get that bonfire going, Sandy Lee!

Not much to say.

Huh. This doesn't happen to me very often, but I don't have much to say! I feel like I'm going a million miles per hour and getting no where very quickly. The stupid flu really pushed me behind where I wanted to be right now - Christmas shopping is done, but my baking isn't even started. Christmas cards are here, but I am not happy with the quality. And needless to say, they aren't sent yet. I haven't started my half-marathon training, as I cough violently when I move too quickly. Oh, speaking of coughing, DD has been really coughing a lot from the flu. Today, she was playing in her room and coughed so hard, she vomited all over her comforter and in a laundry basket with three loads of clean clothes I was about to put away in her room.

So, hey, I guess I am just full of good cheer and fun, huh?

On the band front, my band is freakin' tight again. I'm not sure if it's the flu and it's after-effects, or if it's just tightening up again. I PB'ed on stupid italian wedding soup today. Good ole' liquids for the rest of the day. I'll give it until I'm not longer phlegmy and coughing, and if it doesn't let up, I guess it's time for another unfill.

What else? Nothing really, so I guess I'll go see what you've all been up to.

Type A

Oh, how I wish I were talking about my personality. Instead I am talking about the flu. Yep, we were struck with influenza type A. It's been awful. Just awful. Two weeks of sickness. I'm not sure what the worst part has been - two sick toddlers or my band HATING the phlegm. I finally have given into liquids for a few days, as I was PB'ing everything I ate.

So, I'm sorry for disappearing once again. It was completely not intentional. Believe me, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!

A day late, but not a dollar short - A year in review

Hope you'll all forgive me for missing my bandiversary yesterday. With it falling on Thanksgiving, you know, I was busy stuffing my face full of food. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to admit that? Ha!

So, what is there to say about this past year that I haven't already said? Not much. I feel like I've shared nearly every thought and experience I've had with my band over the last year with you guys. It's certainly been a roller coaster, thankfully with more ups than downs, but a wild ride nonetheless. I'm having a terrible time composing my thoughts about where I am and where I've been, so how about a few top ten lists to help me sort out my thoughts?

Top 10 Ups Since Being Banded

10. This lovely community, especially the sisterhood without which I'd be either naked or broke.
9. Signing up for a half-marathon. While the training hasn't started in earnest, I am actually looking forward to it. We'll see how I feel after my first 10-mile training session.
8. Lack of anxiety over flying. 'Nuff said.
7. Going down the slide at Animal Kingdom with my daughter before I realized I didn't even have to consider if I'd fit or not. Yeah, I cried that day.
6. Buying a size S/M sweater from Loft. LALALALA I can't hear you telling me it ran large LALALALALA All I know is it has an S on the tag.
5. Painting my own toenails and being able to breathe. I still get pretty giddy about that one.
4. Not freaking out when my BFF announced she was engaged, panicking over finding a dress that wouldn't look like a tent on me. Or looking like a whale next to her since she's a stick.
3. After-hours extracurriculars with DH. I don't think you want or need any more details.
2. Accepting that I can actually lose every single pound of excess weight.
1. LIVING instead of obsessing about food. The freedom I feel is indescribable.

Top 10 Downs Since Being Banded

10. PB'ing. I still hate it. I don't urp up like some - I ralph up pretty forcibly every time.
9. My month or so of being uber-tight. That's a hell of a way to lose weight.
8. Moving and having to find new after-care. I never imagined how difficult that would be.
7. My feet are shrinking out of some of my favorite shoes!
6. Batwings and elephant thighs. I'm learning to accept them, but it doesn't mean I have to like them.
5. Still being fat after losing 125 lbs. I know I've come miles, but I still have a mile or two left to go, and it sometimes really gets to me that I let it go as far as it did.
4. Realizing how poorly I was treated by society when I was fat. I never thought I was, but now I am realizing it was worse than I accepted.
3. Waiting for my head to catch up with my body. This is such a mental game, and to be honest, it's exhausting quite often.
2. My two or so months of depression. I was totally unprepared for the emotions, even though I thought I was prepared to deal with the changes.
1. Realizing I should have done this when my mom first brought it up years ago. I was too stubborn and proud to even consider it.

Top 10 Reasons I Will Lose the Rest & Keep It All Off

10. This lovely community - your support is amazing.
9. I still love food, but I don't LOVE food anymore, if that makes sense.
8. I'm no longer too proud or stubborn to admit when a problem is bigger than me.
7. Going back is simply not an option.
6. My kids deserve this mom, not their old mom. Hubby, too, even if he drives me nuts 90% of the time.
5. I can live with a too-tight band if I have to. Not fun, but I can do it if need be to get back on track or what not.
4. I will NOT add to the stereotype/statistics of "the band isn't as good as bypass/other wls". I am too competitive.
3. My 40s are going to be the best decade of my life (yet), so I have a few more years to perfect this body before I take on the 40s and show them what I'm made of!
2. I owe it to myself and my creator/the universe to make the most of this body. That's more spiritual than I normally get, but I really feel it lately.
1. I'm HOT when I'm skinny!


Finally, a bandiversary post wouldn't be worth anything without a few then and now pics. Alas, I present my befores and afters - 125 lbs less of me AKA 1/3 less of me AKA I've worked my ass off this year and am damn proud of where I am!

October 2009 - 374 lbs

November 2010 - 249 lbs

November 15, 2009 - DD's 2nd birthday

November 15, 2010 - DD's 3rd birthday

November 2010 - feeling like I can do silly things in public and not be "that fat girl"

Quietly sneaking in the back door...

I feel like I am trying to sneak in past curfew without waking my parents up...

Assuming you'll all take me back, thank you for letting me take a break. I desperately needed it. My head feels back on straight. I'm no longer feeling down. I'm happy and me again. I don't know exactly what it is that happened, but a break from thinking about my band 24/7 and focusing on the rest of my life certainly helped. I will say that it's been so nice just 'living'.

Here's a run down of what's been going on the last 5 or so weeks:

• 5 rounds of company for 17 days straight. We finally got our house back yesterday.
• DD turned 3!
• I lost 1 lb.
• My restriction is coming back from my unfill. I just tried to eat chips - um, not so much.
• My BFF got engaged. She's getting married in Paso Roblos next March, so it gives me something to aim for once again.
• I forgot where the gym is! Better get in gear considering my first half-marathon is 3 months away.
• I've inched towards my 1-year bandiversary, which is tomorrow! Stay tuned...

Gotta go check out what you guys have been up to. I can't promise to not disappear again, but I can promise to only do it if absolutely necessary.

And in the mean time, check these out - I'm welcoming myself back by sharing a few new pics of the kids I took this weekend...

Thousand Word Thursday Topic #5

Now that I'm not weeping in my coffee, it's time for TWT to make its grand return!

This week's topic:


Favorite shoes. Need I say more?

I feel my mojo returning.

I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself. However, I also feel a cold coming on. Of course!

On the band front, I am doing pretty well with my restriction. I could probably use a sparrow's fart of a fill, but I hate to waste the time and money on a small one, so I am going to hold off for a few weeks and see how I do. My eating is pretty good - mostly meat and veggies with some dairy and chocolate (and coffee) thrown in for good measure. Ironically, or maybe happily, most starchy carbs don't even appeal to me much, so it's easy to skip those. DH is acting as my STOP button - he can tell when I am slowing down and should stop at dinner, and his "You're there" really does help me stop. For some reason, I don't have a problem with breakfast or lunch, just dinner.

Thanks for all the kind comments on my photos yesterday. I'm toying around with the idea of offering some heavily discounted sessions to see if it's something I want to do. I've batted the idea around now for over a year, so I guess it's time to just try it and see if it's something I want to do or not.

Other than that, I am boring and have nothing to report!

You people...

...are turning me into a druggie!

After all the very supportive comments, I decided to take the Zoloft. I started it Friday. I'll let you know if and when I feel a difference.

I forced myself back to the gym today. 2 miles of running/walking. Going again tomorrow. I have been working on my resume (thanks for the suggestions and leave me your email if you want to help!), getting back into my housecleaning routine, taking the kids for evening walks to the park, and cooking healthy meals. My heart isn't totally in it, but sometimes you gotta fake it 'til you make it, right?

I tried to take pics of my kids over the weekend, but had a disaster instead. I dropped my camera about 4" onto the carpet and broke my favorite lens! WAHHHH! I am lost without that lens, so I am shopping for a new one. I think I'm going to upgrade and use my Christmas/birthday gifts from DH to get a better one, so good news/bad news, I guess. I just need to make a decision soon, as DS just turned 18 months and DD turns 3 next month. I need to take their pics!

And on that note, here's my brag for the day - some pics I took of my friend's newborn last week. I really enjoy taking photos; I guess I really should put a little effort into getting a side business going. Well, that's assuming anyone thinks my work is worth paying for!

Here.

I'm here. Thanks to everyone who checked up on me - Maria, Heidi, Angela...It's so nice knowing I am missed.

I talked to my gyn about my unhappiness/depression/issues, and she prescribed Zoloft. I have the prescription filled, but I haven't taken it yet. I'm just not sure I want to take any meds. Sigh. If I'm debating it this much, I should probably just take them, right? (ETA: It's not that I feel shame taking them - it's the side effects I'm concerned about - weight gain, jittery, insomnia, decreased sex drive, etc.)

Other than that, I am eating crappy and exercising even less. That changes this minute. I have a half-marathon to run in 4 months - I must get my butt in gear. I also have a one year bandiversary approaching, and I'd like to lose at least 130 lbs in the first year, if not more. I also know I'll feel better if I do both of those things. I also need to get a bit of a refill; it's just time and money holding me back.

On a fun note, DH & I just bought Disney passes (they started a monthly payment plan), and we took the kids to the Magic Kingdom for their first visit last weekend. I think we'll head back again this weekend.

Finally, anyone out there a resume expert? If so, would you be willing to help me? I think I have a strong resume, but it needs to be stronger.

I promise to start posting and commenting again. I missed you too much to stay away!

Blah

Sorry I'm not writing nor commenting. Just feeling blah about everything. My band, my life, my husband, my SAHM-ness, my non-working-ness, my house, finances, housework, eating, not eating, weight loss, exercise, lack of friends down here, lack of babysitters down here, and so on.

At least the weather is enjoyable - low 80s during the day, high 50s at night.

I have a gyn appt tomorrow morning, and I am seriously considering asking for a 30-day (or six week, whatever is standard) prescription for something to help break me out of what I think is 'situational depression'. I'm not sure if that's even what it is, or if she'll do anything about it, or really if that's what I even need, but I need something to help me snap out of this.

I'll be back - I'm not even really leaving. I just need a day or two to process this mood.

Thousand Word Thursday Topic #4

Sorry this is so late! Ahhhh....

This week's topic is:

Your favorite place where you live (your house, your town, whatever you choose to define as "where you live") - the place where you relax, recenter, regroup. Show us and tell us why it's YOUR place!

The Kiddos

This is a totally braggy, proud momma post. Just warning you up front in case you don't wanna puke a little in your mouth.

On the off chance you don't have the details of my life memorized (haha!), DD will be 3 next month and DS is 17 months old. They were so well-behaved, so cute, and simply, adorably perfect this weekend. They did a pretty good job of walking up the aisle, although DS did not want DD to hold his hand. But they made it. When they got to the front, DD turned around, jumped up and down with her arms in the air, and announced to the room, "YEAH! I did it! I DID IT!" Everyone in the room roared with laughter. I beamed with pride. They danced the night away at the reception and were (mostly) good as gold, other than DS who is a 'bolter' - if he sees an open door or any expanse of open space, he bolts. Immediately.

Anyhow, here are the two loves of my life with a few of DH and I thrown in for good measure:

At the rehearsal

I think he's thinking, "What can I get into next?"

Typical Elise attitude.

Beckett with my brother (who actively works to gain weight)

The fam

Tackle!

MY best man. <3

My mini-me!

Lookin' good, if I do say so myself!

With my kiddos (and two boobs about to break free!)

Typical Beckett tantrum.

My little girl - I just love her!

Looking for his next escape route.

Elise and the bride.

My worldly traveler.

Exhausted

Left the house at 9 am Friday and returned at 11:30 pm last night. Two flights, two toddlers, two car seats, a double stroller, six carry-ons, a 49.6 lb checked suitcase, arriving at the hotel at 4:45 pm and having to be at the rehearsal at 5 pm, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, time with friends, lunch with family, getting entire family ready, pictures before ceremony, ceremony, reception, one wandering toddler, one dancing fool toddler, no naps, sharing beds with toddlers, a Sunday brunch with family, rushing to the airport, and more. All in about 61 hours (if I am doing the math right).

I am exhausted.

On the band-front, I'm afraid to get on the scale. My unfill was a little too effective. I need a bit of a fill, but I'm going to give it a week to see how I do. Need to get back to the gym this week and get serious about my half-marathon training.

However, I also wanted to share some pics (I'll post some more of the kids after I've unpacked); the first is from my son's baptism 10.25.09, the second is from my daughter's second birthday 11.15.09, and the third is from this weekend, 10.01.10. About 10-11 months of changing. I realize I do comparison shots every so often, but I think 'real life' shots tell the story more clearly in a lot of ways. And I have to be honest, I have about 75 lbs to go, but the truth is, if I stayed here for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be disappointed. Not to say I am stopping, not by any stretch, but I am okay with where I am, if that makes any sense.

10.25.09

11.15.09

10.01.10

6 inches make me happy!

Get your minds out of the gutter! From needing an extender to having at least 6 extra inches...

Orlando Itty Bitties

I officially coined us the Itty Bitties - Maria, Amy, and I. (And Amy's very cool and very hot girlfriend, Heather!)

A last-minute, impromptu get-together at EPCOT was fantastic. Filled with fun, friendship, food, laughter, and port-rubbing, I imagine it was a bit like BOOBS, but just an itty-bitty bit like BOOBS, hence the Itty Bitties. But hey, there's nothing wrong with Itty Bitties, right?

As most of you already know first-hand, Maria and Amy are both vivacious, warm, wonderful women. We're all talkers, so there wasn't a quiet moment the whole time. What most of you don't know first-hand is Amy's girlfriend, Heather, is also quite amazing. She and Amy make a great couple - they definitely complement each other perfectly.

So, without further adieu...the Itty Bitties:

$hit! Is it Thursday already?

So sorry about dropping the ball on TWT! I purposely didn't do one last week between my unfill nightmare and BOOBS. But I admit, I totally dropped the ball this week. Can I blame it on Maria? She called me yesterday and invited me to spend the evening at EPCOT with her, Amy W., and Heather (pic and brag to follow). I had to get my butt in gear in order to get enough done around the house (we leave tomorrow for the wedding) in order to go.

I promise TWT will return next week with a super exciting topic!

Hard Headed

Why the hell did I think being that tight for that long was good?

I am drinking a protein shake right now. It's going right down. No problems. No sticking, no having to go painfully slow.

I didn't gurgle last night. For the past few months, every time I laid down, my tummy would gurgle, almost as if I would feel air pass between my two tummies. It wasn't painful, just annoying.

I woke up feeling *normal*. You know how you can feel tightness in the AM? No more for me! I wouldn't attempt a T-bone right now, but I don't have that strange tight feeling.

Lesson learned - I have a hard head.

UNFILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In case the title didn't give it away, I got an unfill! 1cc!

I went through Fill Centers USA, and I have to say, so far, I am very impressed. The scheduler was so nice and friendly, and the PA who did my fill was awesome.

The PA got involved in doing fills because his son has a lap-band and was having trouble finding a place to get a fill. So the PA approached the physician he works for about them becoming certified - and here they are. He was so congratulatory on my loss, hit the port on the first try, and made me feel so comfortable. He really listened to what I was going through and where I wanted to be, and we mutually agreed on 1cc.

Of course, I'm supposed to be on liquids for 24-48 hours, but in the interest of making sure enough was taken out before we leave for our trip, I'm going to attempt mushies tomorrow, probably for lunch. But I'm hopeful - water and lattes are going down fine, even big gulps.

Thanks for all your well wishes - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but I've survived!

Can we at least pick a date?

I can hardly read your recaps of BOOBS. It is killing me. Just killing me. (Yes, I am having a GIANT pity party!)

When is the next one? Six months? 9 months? Please don't say an entire year! I'll plan the whole damn thing if you all just agree to come...

I'm really not kidding - a date? Who's in charge around here?

And on the subject of BOOBS, Heidi (shrinking mommy) and I are planning to get together in two Sundays - October 10. I have to email her yet, so I'm not sure where or what, but somewhere between Orlando and south Florida. And probably shopping and food? Anyhow, please come if you are in the area...keep you posted with details.

Finally, I am leaving in about 30 min for my unfill. Leaning towards 1.25cc out - that would take me to 10cc, which is where I first started feeling some restriction. I was initially leaning towards more out, but now that I am not swollen anymore, I am hesitant to get that much out. I hate this guessing game!

10 month progress pics

Ok, I'll just say it - I have no shame - I am looking GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

(It's really hard to line up the pics, because my shoulders are so much lower now! Not something I would have ever expected!)

10 month bandiversary

10 months = 122.2 lbs and 109.75" gone. Yes, I am happy!

Here's the update on the unfill situation.

I ended up going to the ER Thursday night. I was feeling very lousy and just wanted it done and over with. I called before I went, and they assured me the surgeon would do a small unfill. I asked the nurse before I checked in and she said he would as well. I asked the doc that saw me first, and he said the same thing.

Three people told me he would only do a small unfill.

I was so dehydrated, they admitted me overnight and when I saw the surgeon in the AM, he insisted on a complete unfill. I refused. I asked him if his office would guarantee they'd take me as a patient, and he said no. Well, then I wasn't risking a complete unfill with no guarantees of a surgeon who'd refill me. I was also exhausted (didn't sleep at all - they had me in a 'observation room' with 10 billion other people and refinishing of the floors going on right outside the open door).

Then they wanted me to sign AMA paperwork (leaving "against medical advice"). Well, I refused that as well (could affect insurance paying for my visit), so they finally found a doctor who released me. Sigh.

I came home and called Heidi's doc. They were willing to see me, but the bariatric coordinator (the person I'd be seeing) wasn't thrilled with how my restriction came on and was a bit concerned about a slipped band (even though I had x-rays a the hospital that showed that it is fine), and I could just tell was a little hesitant about doing a small unfill. I don't blame her at all. She suggested I have my original surgeon call the local surgeon to see if they'd take me as a patient. Well, I couldn't reach anyone at my surgeon's office (Fridays are fill days and are crazy), so after many tears and second-guessing (was really regretting not getting the complete unfill at the ER - even debated going back!), I finally made an appointment for Monday with Fill Centers USA. I really wanted to go see Heidi's doc, but I hadn't slept and the thought of driving 6 hours in that state was more than my exhausted mind and body could handle.

So, I am on clear liquids (self-imposed) until Monday. I did try some coffee with cream last night, and it went down OK, so if we are out and about today, I may try a latte with whole milk from Starbucks. I haven't PB'ed since Tuesday (Wed?).

I guess I just have to be the odd-ball. I was reading on LBT, and there were several cases of people like me - the more they lost, the tighter their band got! One woman had to get an unfill after every 20 lbs lost, until she was basically unfilled when she was at goal, and still had restriction. It wouldn't surprise me if this happened to me. It took me such a BIG amount to get restriction - it just seems like maybe this is the flip side of that.

I hope everyone is having a blast in Chicago! I am totally jealous of everyone having a great time while I am sucking down clear liquids. :)

Update on Unfill

The surgeon won't take me on! No reason given.

I had a total breakdown.Total breakdown. I really need an unfill.

After gathering my composure, I shot a quick email off to Heidi and she called with some help. I also remembered Fill Centers USA.

As of right now, my options are:

1. Go to Heidi's doc. 3 hour drive, but they can see me tomorrow. Pro is tomorrow! Con is I have the kids and no sitter. 6 hours in the car and at the doc's with them.

2. Go to the emergency room and have an unfill. The coordinator from Heidi's office actually suggested it, since they have a bariatric surgeon at that hospital. Pro is I could go tonight. Con is I really, really, really don't want to risk a complete unfill or the ER.

3. Fill Centers USA - there is a surgeon in their network just over an hour from my house. Pro is he can see me Monday. Con is he can't see me until Monday.

I'm leaning towards #3, but the ever-wise (and skinny!) Heidi suggested not making a decision until the AM.

I'm currently finishing up a cup of hot tea, and it is staying down.

The upside of all this? 120.8 lbs lost baby! I know it's dehydration, but I'll take it any way I can get it. After this torture, I deserve to see the number in black and white!

Mucho better, thankyouverymuch

I'm not pressing the issue, but I have had two huge bottles of water and a venti full-octane (whole milk) latte with no problems whatsoever today. No gurgling, no feeling stuck, going down fine.

I'm still going for a slight unfill when I can, hopefully next week, but I'm not feeling as desperate as I was.

I am going to do true liquids today and ease back into mushies tomorrow, assuming I still feel good.

The upside of this is I'm down 3+ lbs this week for a grand total of 119.2 lbs. Sunday is my 10-month bandiversary, and I won't lie, it'd be nice to be at an even 120 lbs lost by then!

Other than that, I am highly jealous of all this BOOB talk. And BOOB action. Sigh. So sad. But I did a little retail therapy today and bought some gorgeous 3.25" heels to wear to the wedding next weekend. When I was fatter, I never wore heels (for obvious reasons). I am trying them around the house to make sure I can handle them; I sure hope I can - they make my feet look uber-sexy!

All you BOOBS, have fun. And please promise we're going to do this again soon! Someone (Kristen, I think) mentioned a BOOBS cruise. I am ALL OVER THAT. :) Or FL. That would be easy for me! HA!

Unfill Update

UPDATE: I am having my records faxed over tomorrow. The surgeon will review on Thursday. Assuming he takes me on, they will see me next week. Here's the interesting part...she asked me again how many CCs were in my band. I told her 11.25cc, to which she explained the large lap-band only holds 10cc. Um, not what I've seen online nor told by my original surgeon. Hmmmm, anyhow, fingers crossed he'll take me on. I don't see any reason he wouldn't, but you never know.

I made the calls.

First, I called the potential surgeon. Of course, they want to see my op and post-op reports before they'll take me on, but as I was explaining my situation to the program coordinator, she said she'd check with the surgeon to see if they couldn't get me in before our trip. She also said I could go to the ER, but I am NOT doing that unless I cannot keep liquids down. Water and my protein shake are going down fine this morning, so I'm fine. I just want to be able to eat a bit more than I've been able to.

Second, I called my old surgeon and left a message for the typically-less-than-responsive program coordinator. I'll give her until 2 pm before I try again and/or other people in the office.

And just so no one panics, I can eat. I really can. I had 2 ham and cheese rollups yesterday for lunch. The day before I ate lunch and dinner with no problems. But I'm having more issues than I'd like. Plus, I've just realized that I am tired and draggy a lot, and I think it's lack of food. If I could eat a bit more, I'd have more energy, thus burning more calories. Meaning actually eating more would probably produce a bigger calorie deficit.

Anyhooooo, thanks for all the kind comments...I'll keep you posted!

It's time.

I think it's time to admit it's time for an unfill.

I really, really don't want to.

But my last fill was .25 cc on May 5, bringing me to 11.25 cc in a 14 cc band. Since then, over 4.5 months, I've lost 60 lbs, and my band is still mostly uber-tight. In fact, it seems to be getting tighter. I keep thinking if I lose enough weight, it'll loosen up. But if 60 lbs didn't do it, I don't think anything will!

I did liquids for more than a week after that fill. I've been on liquids for a week at a time several times since then. I can't eat anything before 12-1 pm. Some days I can barely even drink in the mornings. And now I'm getting tight again in the evening. I just PB'ed on water. I PB'ed on iced tea last week. I could barely get down some homemade cheddar broccoli soup tonight.

I will call tomorrow. I don't even have a surgeon down here yet (my own procrastinating fault), but I have a few options, including the guy Jacquie and Stephanie see. I'm hoping whoever takes me on will do just a little .25 cc unfill or so. And quickly. I am getting tired of living like this.

I hit the wall tonight - I realized I am often tired, because my diet is so lacking. If I really want to run, and I really do want to run, I have to be able to eat more than I can right now.

I know it's not the end of the world. I just am so scared of getting into that fill-unfill cycle, and being self-pay, that's an expensive cycle to get into! But I can't live like this anymore. So, I am admitting it to you guys, and putting it in writing, so I don't back out tomorrow!

ONLY fat for another year

I was staring at my weight loss spreadsheet, as I often do, when it struck me. At the most (fingers crossed), I'll only be fat for another YEAR! Think about it for a second - I've been fat since, well, probably freshman year of college. So 2010 minus 1993, oh about 17 years.

And to think, I only have one more year of being fat!

It puts this whole weight loss journey into perspective for me. Instead of feeling like it's taking so long, flipping it around like that makes it feel like it's going so much quicker. Only another year! 365 days. That's really not so bad.

Not much else going on. I think we are going to hit a local splash pad this afternoon. It's still in the low 90s here. While I sometimes long for cooler temps, I am also enjoying still being able to use our pool and do things like go to the splash pad. We were actually going to head to the beach today, but stupid hurricanes kinda messed that up. However, the splash pad is closer and the kids will enjoy it just as much, so Plan B ain't so bad.

Also gotta hit the grocery store - we are out of milk, juice, bread, and bananas. Not good when you have two toddlers in the house! And I really should get in my third run for the week yet today. Guess it's going to be a busy one after all, so I guess I should say TOODLES!

Thousand Word Thursday #3

I love me some bling. The faker and bigger it is, the more I love it! Seriously. I am all about big, chunky, almost gaudy. Fine - not even almost, I like it gaudy! I admit it. I went through a phase in my early 20s when I'd only wear the real deal. But these days - I can get a lot more bling for my buck with costume stuff, so that's where my love is!

Plus, jewelry always fits, so no matter how fat I got, I could always find some jewelry to make me feel better!

However, I have a few favs that are not just costume stuff. And here they go, in no particular order:

My wedding ring
I seriously puffy heart my ring. I specifically told DH I did not want a diamond, for a variety of reasons (which I don't want to offend anyone who loves diamonds, so I'll keep mum on the subject). I love turquoise, which DH knew, and this is what he came up with. It couldn't be more perfect for me if I'd picked it out myself.



My first mother's day gift
DH got me this beautiful bracelet for my first mother's day. It has DD's name engraved on one side and mother's day and the year engraved on the other. Last year, he tried to get me a matching charm with DS's name on it, but alas, they changed the design! We've not been able to find another one that matches. Total jewelry sadness. I'll rejoice the day we find another, and I'll also rejoice the day I can wear it without an extender (although honestly, I think it runs small, as I don't need an extender for anything else).



My wedding jewelry
It was blinging Swarvoski crystals - what else can I say???? (PS - the jewelry cost more than my dress...)

Thousand Word Thursday Topic #3

You know, I feel a lot of pressure to pick the perfect topic every week. One that everyone will enjoy, even though I know that's impossible. One that everyone can participate in, but that's impossible as well. So many ideas, just not sure which direction to go!

So, since I think it's only the girls participating, and since I love jewelry, this week's topic is:

Your favorite piece of jewelry. (And if you are like me, you can post more than one.) And why it's your favorite!

Did you miss me?

I can't believe I haven't posted since Friday. I am not exactly in a slump, but I'm not exactly not in a slump either.

I did start training to start training for the half-marathon. Get that? To start the half training, you need to be able to comfortably run 3-4 miles. So I am training up to that point using a great walk-run method I've used in the past. It's similar to the C25K but ramps up a little more slowly but is also more intense in the time you run. If anyone is interested, let me know. I can send you the PDF with the weeks mapped out. Anyhow, I am going to map my runs on a new page, so check out "13.1".

In other news, my band is being very, very naughty. I ate fine yesterday (protein shake for breakfast, cheese and grapes for lunch, latte and a chocolate for snack, eggs and bacon for dinner) and then promptly PB'ed on some iced tea before bed. WTH? I'm getting tired of this back and forth crap with my naughty band. I think it's linked to being overtired, as I haven't been sleeping well. Sigh. It just seems all interconnected.

What else? I cleaned the entire house yesterday. I love having a clean house. I just hate what it takes to get there! What else? Honestly, not much. Just kinda going through the motions the past few days. Whatever it is, I know I'll snap out soon. A good nap would probably do it, if my two-year old would just take one herself. Sigh. Guess I'll have to have a good cup of coffee and a chocolate instead!

You know what's nice?

Watching football and NOT weighing more than every.single.player on the team.

I can't stop touching myself!

This is a serious problem, my friends.

I have wandering fingers.

They keep caressing my newly found collar bones (might not be visible, but they are feel-able), my starting-to-feel-knobby knees, my hip bones (yes, those ones that I had no idea came up to right under your rib cage), and my starting-to-get-some-sharpness shoulders.

My ass bones are starting to ache when I sit for more than 30 min, but fortunately, no itch to caress them. I really am thankful for that one, as this caressing is almost involuntary. That would be awkward to explain. "No, really, I'm not scratching my ass..."

Will be back with a BYOC shortly...

Thousand Word Thursday #2

Well, these are pics of stuff from our old house; we're renting a furnished place right now, so most of my stuff is packed up in the garage, waiting for a more permanent place. Anyhow, I have to share two; I just couldn't decide between the two.

The first is a wall of photos of my kiddos. As you all know, I love photography, and I love my kids. And I love how this display turned out, even if some of the stuff was crooked when I took the shot!


The second is a shadow box I made for DD's nursery. I am huge into family heirlooms, and her whole room had a 'family heirloom/tree' theme. I loved it! This particular shadow box has an outfit that was my mom's when she was a baby, hand-knit by her grandma. Two of the three bibs were my dad's; the third was my mom's.

Thousand Word Thursday Topic & A New Decade

Hey! Sorry I didn't get this up sooner, but I took the kids to the zoo with friends today. We're tired and exhausted, but we had fun. And thanks to dehydration, or maybe my hard work this week, I'm into a new decade, a decade I've really been looking forward to - the 250s!

I know it's still a big number and what-not, but to me, it's a number that's not so embarrassing to admit to people. It's a number that no longer eliminates me from weight-based activities. It's a number that seems closer to 200 than 300 (even though it's technically not). You know? It's still overweight, but it's normalish-overweight.

Oh, and 115 lbs lost! Oh yeah. I rock.

Now, for the moment you've been waiting for, the new TWT topic:

A decoration in your home that is very meaningful to you - a family heirloom, a gift from your BFF, etc.

Show (with a pic) and tell (describe it) us all about it tomorrow!

RIGHT NOW - Interesting show on obesity on!

ABC is doing a special on obesity and surgery. Looks to be interesting! It's on RIGHT NOW. Go!

Who me????

Thanks for the nominations, Sam, Stephanie F., and Beth!

1. Post who gave you this award:

See above!

2. State 10 things you like:

1. Football season, especially the Green Bay Packers
2. Fresh, sparkling, crisp-white snow (yes, I know, I now live in FL...)
3. The ocean
4. My son's baby curls (he has a semi-mullet, but I don't care. I won't cut those curls.)
5. My daughter's button nose
6. Coffee with real cream and sugar
7. Sushi, especially with tuna and avocado
8. Chocolate in any form
9. Trashy reality tv, particularly MTV teeny bopper shows
10. Going commando (I hate underwear, but I do wear it when appropriate.)

3. Give this award to 10 other bloggers and notify them with a comment

Pick 10? Just 10 of you? How about everyone? Grab your cupcakes and overshare like I did!

200, spinning, shoulders, ole!

200
200 followers! You guys, seriously. I love you all! It's so amazing that you guys want to hear what I have to say, that you want to support me, that you care enough to take the time to listen. Thank you!!!! If I'm not following you, do let me know, so I can.

Spinning
I went to spinning this morning and did the whole class! And my butt doesn't hurt. I'm not sure which part I'm more excited about; heck, both are pretty exciting to me!

Shoulders
My shoulders are being unburied with every pound I lose. I looked in the mirror last night and had to take some pics because I was shocked! In the best possible way.

I couldn't quite capture what I was seeing, but these should give you an idea. They go straight across. No lumps. They are starting to get that little indent right below the shoulder, above the arm pit. They feel smoothly round. It's awesome. Now if I the batwings would shrink a little so my widest spot is my shoulders and not my mid-arm/biceps, that would be really cool.

What could you accomplish in 100 days?

In just a few short weeks, it'll be 100 days until the new year. September 24 is 100 days from 1/1/11...

What could you accomplish in those 100 days?

What do you want to do before 1/1/11?

I challenge you to come up with a challenge. We can do a group challenge (I'm happy to coordinate it), individual challenges, whatever trips your trigger. It could be weight-loss related, fitness-related, organizing-our-lives-related.

100 push-ups.

100 items donated.

100 miles run/walked/jogged.

100 lbs lost. Don't I wish!

Can we come up with something good? Put on your thinking cap...I'm ready to hear your ideas!