Sandy Lee had a great post about how pics really make a blog. And I agree.
So, I was thinking maybe I could start "Thousand Word Thursday" where I randomly come up with a subject of which you can post a pic (favorite outfit, your bedspread, what you're having for breakfast, really and truly totally random) every Thursday. It'd kinda be like BYOC, except with pics instead.
And of course, we'll do pics of ourselves as well!
Thoughts? Will anyone else play besides me?
Tuesday, August 31
That's a good band.
I don't know what kind of magic each of you has up her (his) sleeve, but man, all I have to do is complain to you guys and BOOM! like magic, it's better.
My band is MUCH better today. I'm sticking to liquids just to ensure it's all the way better tomorrow. And guess who made a quick appearance? Aunt Flo. Hmmm....
Oh, and the scale is down 1 lb bringing me to a cool, even 110 lbs lost!
The kids and I ran a few errands today, and while we were out, I thought I'd try on some shoes in anticipation of the dress I'll be wearing to the wedding. It's amazing how much better strappy heels feel at 264 lbs vs. 374 lbs!
One of the fun things about this size is I can wear an XXL in misses or a 1x in women's right now (on top), so I have twice as much to look at when shopping. HA! Strangely, I would have thought I'd run to the misses section, just because I could, but in reality, I gravitate towards the women's section. Maybe because it's what I am used to? Maybe because I feel like an impostor in the misses section? Likewise, I don't EVER look at pants in stores other than LB, because I've been bigger than a 24W for so long. I can now wear 22W on bottom in most stores (24 from Target - jerks!), but I find myself not even looking. I guess I need to recondition myself. I could do it like one of Pavlov's dogs - put some chocolate in the misses section and near the pants in order to entice the fat girl to come over? (In case my writing isn't as funny as it sounds in my head, that was a joke!)
Anyhoooooo, off to accomplish something while the littlest one sleeps and the bigger one 'relaxes' in my room. My 30 min of alone time for the day!
My band is MUCH better today. I'm sticking to liquids just to ensure it's all the way better tomorrow. And guess who made a quick appearance? Aunt Flo. Hmmm....
Oh, and the scale is down 1 lb bringing me to a cool, even 110 lbs lost!
The kids and I ran a few errands today, and while we were out, I thought I'd try on some shoes in anticipation of the dress I'll be wearing to the wedding. It's amazing how much better strappy heels feel at 264 lbs vs. 374 lbs!
One of the fun things about this size is I can wear an XXL in misses or a 1x in women's right now (on top), so I have twice as much to look at when shopping. HA! Strangely, I would have thought I'd run to the misses section, just because I could, but in reality, I gravitate towards the women's section. Maybe because it's what I am used to? Maybe because I feel like an impostor in the misses section? Likewise, I don't EVER look at pants in stores other than LB, because I've been bigger than a 24W for so long. I can now wear 22W on bottom in most stores (24 from Target - jerks!), but I find myself not even looking. I guess I need to recondition myself. I could do it like one of Pavlov's dogs - put some chocolate in the misses section and near the pants in order to entice the fat girl to come over? (In case my writing isn't as funny as it sounds in my head, that was a joke!)
Anyhoooooo, off to accomplish something while the littlest one sleeps and the bigger one 'relaxes' in my room. My 30 min of alone time for the day!
Monday, August 30
I like it tight, but this is insane.
About a week ago, I woke up to a seriously out-of-nowhere tight band. No fills in the last (almost) four months, no Aunt Flo coming to visit, no cold or sinus issues, nothing out of the ordinary.
And today, 9 days later, I am still tight as a mo-fo. Ugh. I am getting tired of this.
Some days are a bit looser than others, but in general, liquids and very soft cheese is the only thing I can get to stay down. Since I HATE PB'ing, I don't push it, but you know how you can just tell? Yeah, still tight. Yesterday was a bit better, but I stuck to liquids, hoping I'd clear up any remaining swelling so that I could be back on food today.
Not so much. I'm tighter today than yesterday!
It wouldn't be so bad if the scale would go down in response to liquids, but it's holding steady. Not eating AND no weight loss? Boo hoo!
End of whine. At least for now.
And today, 9 days later, I am still tight as a mo-fo. Ugh. I am getting tired of this.
Some days are a bit looser than others, but in general, liquids and very soft cheese is the only thing I can get to stay down. Since I HATE PB'ing, I don't push it, but you know how you can just tell? Yeah, still tight. Yesterday was a bit better, but I stuck to liquids, hoping I'd clear up any remaining swelling so that I could be back on food today.
Not so much. I'm tighter today than yesterday!
It wouldn't be so bad if the scale would go down in response to liquids, but it's holding steady. Not eating AND no weight loss? Boo hoo!
End of whine. At least for now.
Friday, August 27
109 lbs lost pics!
It's everyone's favorite time - picture time! A little lazy editing here, and I turned the opposite of how I normally do, but I think you'll be able to see a bit of a difference. Or maybe a 109 lb difference!
It's so weird looking back; I swear I hardly recognize the 'before me'. That was not the person I was meant to be. I've got a ways to go yet, but I feel like I recognize myself again. I am me again. And it feels good.
(Click on any pic to make it larger.)
It's so weird looking back; I swear I hardly recognize the 'before me'. That was not the person I was meant to be. I've got a ways to go yet, but I feel like I recognize myself again. I am me again. And it feels good.
(Click on any pic to make it larger.)
I puffy heart the sisterhood!
I have to tell you, I think the sisterhood is the best thing ever. Especially since I finally got my butt in gear and sent out four boxes of sisterhood clothes today.
I have received stuff from 5 or 6 different very generous people. Those items were worn and loved, and they are now on their way to four more bandsters who I know will greatly appreciate them. In fact, of the 60+ lbs of clothes I sent out today, probably 90% were clothes that had been sent to me. I'd also already sent out several boxes months ago to a few bandsters with my original clothing, and I know several of those items have also made their way to other bandsters.
And in response to my request for clothes last week and my dress crisis, I have several packages coming to me. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all of this. I tell EVERYONE about the sisterhood, and they all think it is the greatest thing ever. I completely agree.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your generosity! You guys are the greatest. Here's a big slobbery kiss just for you! SMOOCH!
Wednesday, August 25
I birthed a band!
My band has gestated to maturity! 9 months after first implanting this little sucker...
...gone are:
Having the courage to make the decision to get the band is one of the things I'm most proud of myself for. Not the losing with the band, not the work I've put in, but the courage to admit I had a problem that was bigger than I could tackle on my own. That's the hardest step, at least it was for me.
Have I been a perfect bandster? No. Will I be a perfect bandster in the future? Nope. However, I do 90% of it right, and 90% is usually a passing grade anywhere you go. I don't drink with meals or for 30 min afterwards, I don't drink soda, I focus on protein (when my stupid band isn't being fickle and tightening out of nowhere), I workout, and I eat 3 meals plus 1 (occasionally 2) small snack per day. What don't I do "right"? I drink calories (lattes, coffee creamer, gatorade, watered-down juice), I eat chocolate and cheese and all my other high-cal favs, and I don't count calories.
I've been thinking a lot about my cross roads post, where I talked about buckling down to lose faster or continuing my 90% approach and losing a little more slowly. I finally realized (with the help of my mom) that when I buckle down and go balls-to-the-wall with anything, especially dieting, I burn myself out and have a swing-back that typically counteracts any progress I've made. I've done it 100s of times. In fact, I think it was this approach that helped me to 'diet' my way to nearly 400 lbs. So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep on this path I'm on, of being happy with 2 lbs/week and no obsessing, and see where it takes me. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but I'm enjoying this journey, and if I take the enjoyment out, I see trouble brewing. And why cause trouble when there is none?
If my 90% effort gets me 90% results, you know, I might just be okay with that. 180 lbs gone certainly wouldn't upset me!
And with that, I will talk to you all later, maybe even post some progress pics if I actually take a shower today. LOL. If I'm a bit absent these next few days, it's because my mom is in town for a quick visit. Smooches!
...gone are:
- 107 lbs
- 99.25"
- The fear of not ever being able to lose weight once and for all
- My self-consciousness over my size; I'm still fat, but I feel normal-fat instead of stand-out-fat now
- Swollen ankles and sore feet
- Self-confidence
- Faith in myself
- A better attitude towards everything in my life
- More happiness
Having the courage to make the decision to get the band is one of the things I'm most proud of myself for. Not the losing with the band, not the work I've put in, but the courage to admit I had a problem that was bigger than I could tackle on my own. That's the hardest step, at least it was for me.
Have I been a perfect bandster? No. Will I be a perfect bandster in the future? Nope. However, I do 90% of it right, and 90% is usually a passing grade anywhere you go. I don't drink with meals or for 30 min afterwards, I don't drink soda, I focus on protein (when my stupid band isn't being fickle and tightening out of nowhere), I workout, and I eat 3 meals plus 1 (occasionally 2) small snack per day. What don't I do "right"? I drink calories (lattes, coffee creamer, gatorade, watered-down juice), I eat chocolate and cheese and all my other high-cal favs, and I don't count calories.
I've been thinking a lot about my cross roads post, where I talked about buckling down to lose faster or continuing my 90% approach and losing a little more slowly. I finally realized (with the help of my mom) that when I buckle down and go balls-to-the-wall with anything, especially dieting, I burn myself out and have a swing-back that typically counteracts any progress I've made. I've done it 100s of times. In fact, I think it was this approach that helped me to 'diet' my way to nearly 400 lbs. So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep on this path I'm on, of being happy with 2 lbs/week and no obsessing, and see where it takes me. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but I'm enjoying this journey, and if I take the enjoyment out, I see trouble brewing. And why cause trouble when there is none?
If my 90% effort gets me 90% results, you know, I might just be okay with that. 180 lbs gone certainly wouldn't upset me!
And with that, I will talk to you all later, maybe even post some progress pics if I actually take a shower today. LOL. If I'm a bit absent these next few days, it's because my mom is in town for a quick visit. Smooches!
Tuesday, August 24
Death to JC Penney
The beautiful, perfect, most awesome dress in the universe still comes up on a search and you can add it to your cart, but then it's UNAVAILABLE. Sigh. So much for that. BUT....MLM is sending me two dresses, AND Stephanie offered to lend me a dress if I need one. So, I am set!
But now that I can't have that other dress, I really, really, really want it. Sigh.
But now that I can't have that other dress, I really, really, really want it. Sigh.
Monday, August 23
Dress follow-up
Thanks for all the helpful and honest comments! I really appreciate it.
I'm like 75% sure it'll fit, but I decided to look online and found a dress that I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Why oh why did I look? Then I ran down to JC Penney to try it on, but they didn't have it in the store. Meanwhile, I tried on a few other dresses - and get this - all the 20W's were TOO BIG! The 18W's fit just right, but nothing tripped my trigger. So, here's the dress I like. I have these super-duper cute wedges that fit now. They are silk peep toes in a black and white geometric design. Let's see if I can find them online.
Anyhow, here's the dress. Right now it's on sale for $35. I haven't checked what the shipping is. I know it's pretty cheap - it's just deciding whether I can justify it when it's basically to wear once.
It's my favorite color (that I confess I think I look good in with my blond hair and tannish skin) and my favorite cut, highlighting my little waist and nice bust and downplaying my hips and thighs:
And here are the shoes:
I'm like 75% sure it'll fit, but I decided to look online and found a dress that I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Why oh why did I look? Then I ran down to JC Penney to try it on, but they didn't have it in the store. Meanwhile, I tried on a few other dresses - and get this - all the 20W's were TOO BIG! The 18W's fit just right, but nothing tripped my trigger. So, here's the dress I like. I have these super-duper cute wedges that fit now. They are silk peep toes in a black and white geometric design. Let's see if I can find them online.
Anyhow, here's the dress. Right now it's on sale for $35. I haven't checked what the shipping is. I know it's pretty cheap - it's just deciding whether I can justify it when it's basically to wear once.
It's my favorite color (that I confess I think I look good in with my blond hair and tannish skin) and my favorite cut, highlighting my little waist and nice bust and downplaying my hips and thighs:
And here are the shoes:
THE dress with six weeks to go
The wedding from hell is in six weeks. Well, six weeks from Saturday...Whatever.
Here's pics of me in the dress I want to wear to the wedding. The versions on the right are from last night and the ones on the left are from about four weeks ago.
Six more weeks to look presentable - honest answers - can I do it? Or should I go buy a back up dress? Seriously, tell me, because they are having some good sales right now, and if I need something, I will go get it. I am having a hard time guessing whether or not six weeks is enough to make a difference!
And honestly, not just presentable. The very vain side of me wants to look GOOD.
(Click on them to see bigger versions.)
Here's pics of me in the dress I want to wear to the wedding. The versions on the right are from last night and the ones on the left are from about four weeks ago.
Six more weeks to look presentable - honest answers - can I do it? Or should I go buy a back up dress? Seriously, tell me, because they are having some good sales right now, and if I need something, I will go get it. I am having a hard time guessing whether or not six weeks is enough to make a difference!
And honestly, not just presentable. The very vain side of me wants to look GOOD.
(Click on them to see bigger versions.)
Sisterhood Request
(Yes, I *still* owe a bunch of sisterhood stuff. I PROMISE to get it out this week. Pinky swear promise.)
Anyhow, I could really, really use a few things if anyone wants to send any of the following my way. Since I'm soliciting, I'll happily pay for postage!
*I'm in desperate need of spanx/sucker-inner, specifically one that goes over the thighs/hips in like a 20W or 2x (maybe 1x if it runs big or is a bit stretched out). I really need something to wear under the dress I'm wearing to BIL/SIL's wedding, and I hate to buy one when I'll likely only wear it once.
*Workout bottoms - my favs are capri-length yoga/stretchy-type pants. 18w/20w/1x/2x.
*Casual bottoms - 20w/22w/1x/2x (capris, shorts, etc.)
*Sundresses or skirts in 18w/20w/1x - my new favs!!
*Swimsuits in 18w/20w/1x - even if they are in rough shape, I'll happily take them. We have our own pool, so it's not like I'm seen by others, but I'm down to one suit that fits me!
*Sports bras in 38/40 DDD or thereabouts.
Feel free to leave a comment or email me at achio4444 at gmail dot com.
Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much in advance!
Anyhow, I could really, really use a few things if anyone wants to send any of the following my way. Since I'm soliciting, I'll happily pay for postage!
*I'm in desperate need of spanx/sucker-inner, specifically one that goes over the thighs/hips in like a 20W or 2x (maybe 1x if it runs big or is a bit stretched out). I really need something to wear under the dress I'm wearing to BIL/SIL's wedding, and I hate to buy one when I'll likely only wear it once.
*Workout bottoms - my favs are capri-length yoga/stretchy-type pants. 18w/20w/1x/2x.
*Casual bottoms - 20w/22w/1x/2x (capris, shorts, etc.)
*Sundresses or skirts in 18w/20w/1x - my new favs!!
*Swimsuits in 18w/20w/1x - even if they are in rough shape, I'll happily take them. We have our own pool, so it's not like I'm seen by others, but I'm down to one suit that fits me!
*Sports bras in 38/40 DDD or thereabouts.
Feel free to leave a comment or email me at achio4444 at gmail dot com.
Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much in advance!
Mini BOOBS
We had a mini-BOOBS convention last night in Orlando! ETA: This pic represents a 375.5 lb loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the back, from left to right:
Grace - down-to-earth, sassy, and very warm...I felt like I'd known her my whole life. She's as awesome in real life as she is on her blog!
Jacquie - so sweet with a bit of that Long Island attitude coming through...she's just like all my family on the East Coast (reminded me tons of my favorite aunt), so of course, I immediately loved her!
Maria - we stood chatting after everyone left...and just kept chatting. We're very excited that we live about 30 min from each other and are already planning to get together again soon. She even invited me to go to her support group, which is ironically at the same hospital where I work out!
In the back, from left to right:
Stephanie - seriously, as funny in person as she is on her blog. Maybe funnier. Ask her about sauces and British accents. You will pee yourself.
ME!
Not pictured were Jacquie's awesome husband Steve and Grace's adorable sister Farrah. They handled all the band talk, so kudos to them!
It was so much fun and makes me that much sadder (and jealous) that I am most likely not going to make it to BOOBS. Honestly, my biggest fear is you are all going to become fast friends and have this bond that I'll never get to have, even if I come to BOOBS 2.0. Sigh. Why does the fat girl always get left out? (Joke, get it???)
In the back, from left to right:Grace - down-to-earth, sassy, and very warm...I felt like I'd known her my whole life. She's as awesome in real life as she is on her blog!
Jacquie - so sweet with a bit of that Long Island attitude coming through...she's just like all my family on the East Coast (reminded me tons of my favorite aunt), so of course, I immediately loved her!
Maria - we stood chatting after everyone left...and just kept chatting. We're very excited that we live about 30 min from each other and are already planning to get together again soon. She even invited me to go to her support group, which is ironically at the same hospital where I work out!
In the back, from left to right:
Stephanie - seriously, as funny in person as she is on her blog. Maybe funnier. Ask her about sauces and British accents. You will pee yourself.
ME!
Not pictured were Jacquie's awesome husband Steve and Grace's adorable sister Farrah. They handled all the band talk, so kudos to them!
It was so much fun and makes me that much sadder (and jealous) that I am most likely not going to make it to BOOBS. Honestly, my biggest fear is you are all going to become fast friends and have this bond that I'll never get to have, even if I come to BOOBS 2.0. Sigh. Why does the fat girl always get left out? (Joke, get it???)
Thursday, August 19
Someone new to follow
I just discovered (well, actually she discovered me first and left a nice comment) a fellow bandster with a great blog. Her name is Angela, and ladies (and gent or two), she only has a few followers. We all know what that means - let's get to following!
Repair and Renovation
(And yes, she is gorgeous, but we won't hate her for it!)
Repair and Renovation
(And yes, she is gorgeous, but we won't hate her for it!)
Wednesday, August 18
Lots on my mind...
Sorry for the post and run last night. Life kinda exploded around us...more about that in a second.
But first, weigh-in day, and I am down 2.0 lbs this week!!! Bringing me into the 260s and 105 lbs lost. This band stuff rocks!
So, the life exploding thing. I don't know if I can make this long story short, but I will try. Ok, I'm not even going to try, it's not going to be short.
As I've mentioned, DH, DD, and DS are in BIL's wedding in October. I like BIL and SIL quite a bit (or did), and DH & BIL are very close.
I don't much care for my MIL, but I try to be nice, and a good DIL, since DH isn't good about sharing updates about the kids and so on. I called her last night to say hi, and we ended up chatting about the wedding. I mentioned in passing that I needed to call SIL about my mom coming to the ceremony (just to help me get the kids down the aisle as they are 1 and 2 years old...she was getting a hotel room so she could watch them after dinner, so DH & I could enjoy the reception). Didn't think about it again until...
Within an hour, DH's phone was blowing up with text messages from BIL. About how rude I am to assume my mom can just come to the wedding and reception. How dare I. How it's not my wedding and I don't get a say. And on and on and on.
So, I am pisssssssssssssssssed:
1. I said I would call SIL. MIL had NO right to run and gossip like a 12-year old girl.
2. I never said my mom was staying at the ceremony or even coming to the reception. The plan was for her to stand in the back while I stood at the front, so the kids would walk towards me. That was it. She wasn't even going to sit down. Then she'd go hang out in her room until we brought the kids up later (the wedding+reception are in the hotel we are staying at). I would never presume to invite someone to a wedding.
3. How dare BIL assume I'm so rude as to invite my mom. I would never do that. I was going to discuss with SIL if that was how she wanted to handle the kids. If not, fine. It was just an idea I was going to run past her.
4. My mom was going to go to considerable expense and trouble to be there to help us, which in turn helps BIL+SIL. But if it's not wanted, we won't do it.
5. Weddings are public affairs. Etiquette says anyone can come to a wedding (obviously not if it is on private property). But again, I wasn't saying my mom was coming to the wedding, just for the first two minutes. And I wasn't even saying she was coming. I was going to OFFER IT AS A SOLUTION to SIL.
I am beyond livid with MIL and BIL. MIL pulled this shit earlier with the wedding stuff, too, telling SIL I was offended I wasn't invited to the shower. I wasn't offended - MIL mentioned that the shower was last weekend when I was talking to her a few weeks ago, and it caught me off guard, as I never received an invite, so I said, "Oh, I guess I wasn't invited." She obviously ran to SIL and said something to her, because I got this long, hairy email from SIL with all these excuses as to why I wasn't invited. Whatever. I do find it odd that as the only SIL, I wasn't invited. But I wasn't offended, just figured she had her reason. I don't get offended by that stuff. To be honest, I think the whole big wedding thing is silly. I've been married twice and neither was a big, traditional affair. Just not my thing, so I certainly don't get offended over it.
Anyhow, I am so mad that I am serious when I say I am perfectly happy to stay here with the kids while DH goes to Ohio for the wedding. It's going to be hugely expensive for us, and if they don't really want us there, I am more than happy to not go.
As for MIL, I am done. Done. Done. Done. This is just the latest in a long list of ways she interferes with our lives and likes to cause drama. I think I've mentioned previously, but when DH was traveling for work (Mon-Thur for 15 weeks, and then gone for almost two months straight), MIL offered to help me exactly twice. And she lived 1.5 miles away. I didn't expect anything from her, but then she boo-hoo'ed to BIL about how we were moving her grandkids away from her and she'd never see them blah blah blah. Well, if you wanted to see them so bad, you could have come over any time for the 5 months I was home alone with the kidds. Oh, and when that happened (the boo-hooing), BIL called DH and bitched him out for taking the grandkids away and breaking MIL's heart. Well, let's see, DH had been unemployed for six months and finally got a job. It just happened to be in FL. So, she thought we should be homeless and hungry rather than move where the work is, because it inconvenienced her. It's just never ending with her.
Oh, have I mentioned that she doesn't want to move to FL (she's retired) because she would miss the trees (yes, she told us, "There are no trees in FL") and she couldn't bear to miss the changing seasons. Well then quit bitching about missing your grandkids - if you are choosing changing seasons over your grandkids, that is your choice. Sure hope you enjoy those trees for the two weeks they are pretty in the fall. And I really hope you enjoy all the snow, sleet, ice, and freezing cold that follow the pretty trees.
Can you tell I am bitter? I am just tired of all of the shit she stirs. She is extremely passive-aggressive, and loves to watch the shit fly after she causes drama.
She is constantly making comments about the "bad" choices DH has made in his life, about his weight, his lack of college degree, and so on. BIL, however, is perfect, because he managed to graduate from college in 12 years WHILE LIVING AT HOME. Yes, he lived with his mom until he was 30, when he finally graduated from college. Meanwhile, MIL kicked DH out at age 22 when he dropped to part-time. Her rule was you could live at home if you were in college full-time. As you can guess, BIL wasn't in college full-time for 12 years, but apparently, the rules don't apply to him. That's how it always has been and apparently always will be.
I would never keep the kids from her, but I will no longer go out of my way to make sure she sees pics, gets calls, gets to see them on Skype, send her cards they make her, etc. And I will NOT be here when she comes to visit. She can come visit - I'll just take a trip that weekend.
OK, I am done talking about this. It's making my blood pressure go up. I have more to talk about with the whole 'crossroads' thing, so I'll be back when they go down for their naps (hopefully!)
Smooches if you've read this far - you are a saint!
But first, weigh-in day, and I am down 2.0 lbs this week!!! Bringing me into the 260s and 105 lbs lost. This band stuff rocks!
So, the life exploding thing. I don't know if I can make this long story short, but I will try. Ok, I'm not even going to try, it's not going to be short.
As I've mentioned, DH, DD, and DS are in BIL's wedding in October. I like BIL and SIL quite a bit (or did), and DH & BIL are very close.
I don't much care for my MIL, but I try to be nice, and a good DIL, since DH isn't good about sharing updates about the kids and so on. I called her last night to say hi, and we ended up chatting about the wedding. I mentioned in passing that I needed to call SIL about my mom coming to the ceremony (just to help me get the kids down the aisle as they are 1 and 2 years old...she was getting a hotel room so she could watch them after dinner, so DH & I could enjoy the reception). Didn't think about it again until...
Within an hour, DH's phone was blowing up with text messages from BIL. About how rude I am to assume my mom can just come to the wedding and reception. How dare I. How it's not my wedding and I don't get a say. And on and on and on.
So, I am pisssssssssssssssssed:
1. I said I would call SIL. MIL had NO right to run and gossip like a 12-year old girl.
2. I never said my mom was staying at the ceremony or even coming to the reception. The plan was for her to stand in the back while I stood at the front, so the kids would walk towards me. That was it. She wasn't even going to sit down. Then she'd go hang out in her room until we brought the kids up later (the wedding+reception are in the hotel we are staying at). I would never presume to invite someone to a wedding.
3. How dare BIL assume I'm so rude as to invite my mom. I would never do that. I was going to discuss with SIL if that was how she wanted to handle the kids. If not, fine. It was just an idea I was going to run past her.
4. My mom was going to go to considerable expense and trouble to be there to help us, which in turn helps BIL+SIL. But if it's not wanted, we won't do it.
5. Weddings are public affairs. Etiquette says anyone can come to a wedding (obviously not if it is on private property). But again, I wasn't saying my mom was coming to the wedding, just for the first two minutes. And I wasn't even saying she was coming. I was going to OFFER IT AS A SOLUTION to SIL.
I am beyond livid with MIL and BIL. MIL pulled this shit earlier with the wedding stuff, too, telling SIL I was offended I wasn't invited to the shower. I wasn't offended - MIL mentioned that the shower was last weekend when I was talking to her a few weeks ago, and it caught me off guard, as I never received an invite, so I said, "Oh, I guess I wasn't invited." She obviously ran to SIL and said something to her, because I got this long, hairy email from SIL with all these excuses as to why I wasn't invited. Whatever. I do find it odd that as the only SIL, I wasn't invited. But I wasn't offended, just figured she had her reason. I don't get offended by that stuff. To be honest, I think the whole big wedding thing is silly. I've been married twice and neither was a big, traditional affair. Just not my thing, so I certainly don't get offended over it.
Anyhow, I am so mad that I am serious when I say I am perfectly happy to stay here with the kids while DH goes to Ohio for the wedding. It's going to be hugely expensive for us, and if they don't really want us there, I am more than happy to not go.
As for MIL, I am done. Done. Done. Done. This is just the latest in a long list of ways she interferes with our lives and likes to cause drama. I think I've mentioned previously, but when DH was traveling for work (Mon-Thur for 15 weeks, and then gone for almost two months straight), MIL offered to help me exactly twice. And she lived 1.5 miles away. I didn't expect anything from her, but then she boo-hoo'ed to BIL about how we were moving her grandkids away from her and she'd never see them blah blah blah. Well, if you wanted to see them so bad, you could have come over any time for the 5 months I was home alone with the kidds. Oh, and when that happened (the boo-hooing), BIL called DH and bitched him out for taking the grandkids away and breaking MIL's heart. Well, let's see, DH had been unemployed for six months and finally got a job. It just happened to be in FL. So, she thought we should be homeless and hungry rather than move where the work is, because it inconvenienced her. It's just never ending with her.
Oh, have I mentioned that she doesn't want to move to FL (she's retired) because she would miss the trees (yes, she told us, "There are no trees in FL") and she couldn't bear to miss the changing seasons. Well then quit bitching about missing your grandkids - if you are choosing changing seasons over your grandkids, that is your choice. Sure hope you enjoy those trees for the two weeks they are pretty in the fall. And I really hope you enjoy all the snow, sleet, ice, and freezing cold that follow the pretty trees.
Can you tell I am bitter? I am just tired of all of the shit she stirs. She is extremely passive-aggressive, and loves to watch the shit fly after she causes drama.
She is constantly making comments about the "bad" choices DH has made in his life, about his weight, his lack of college degree, and so on. BIL, however, is perfect, because he managed to graduate from college in 12 years WHILE LIVING AT HOME. Yes, he lived with his mom until he was 30, when he finally graduated from college. Meanwhile, MIL kicked DH out at age 22 when he dropped to part-time. Her rule was you could live at home if you were in college full-time. As you can guess, BIL wasn't in college full-time for 12 years, but apparently, the rules don't apply to him. That's how it always has been and apparently always will be.
I would never keep the kids from her, but I will no longer go out of my way to make sure she sees pics, gets calls, gets to see them on Skype, send her cards they make her, etc. And I will NOT be here when she comes to visit. She can come visit - I'll just take a trip that weekend.
OK, I am done talking about this. It's making my blood pressure go up. I have more to talk about with the whole 'crossroads' thing, so I'll be back when they go down for their naps (hopefully!)
Smooches if you've read this far - you are a saint!
Tuesday, August 17
Quick check in with NSVs
A friend came into town - I think I failed to mention that. She knows about the band, but she's also a snoop, and I don't want her reading this blog (it's *my* space), so I couldn't log in to even check in and say hi!
Hi!
More later, but my NSVs:
Hi!
More later, but my NSVs:
- A real NSV - I haven't weighed myself in a week. I told Heidi I wouldn't, and I haven't. I can't wait to check in tomorrow for my weekly "spreadsheet" weigh in.
- I bought new bra's - 38DDD! 38! 38! I started in 48s!
- I also bought two new sundresses - 18/20. OMG. 18/20.
- My friend kept telling me how good I look - and I feel it!
Thursday, August 12
Cross Roads
I feel like I am at a cross roads in my life with regards to two big things - my career and my weight loss.
I'll talk about the career stuff another day.
But today, I want to talk about this weight loss cross roads. My weight loss is slowing. Not stopped, just slowing. Gone are the days of 4-5 lbs lost in a week, and here are the days of 1-2 lbs lost in a week.
I'm half way there. I've started exercising, pretty seriously. I've (only) got 98 lbs (ish) to go. And I still eat what I want, within reason. It seems that these factors combined mean that the weight loss is slowing.
I have to decide if I am okay with that or not. Which leads me to feeling like I have two paths I can chose.
Path A: Be happy with 1-2 lbs/week, hit goal in 18-24 months, and continue to enjoy eating what I want.
Path B: Pump up the protein and fruit/veggies, cut back on the extras (cream in my coffee, evening snack, etc.), be more vigilant, and push for 3-5 lbs/week.
I honestly don't know which path I am going to choose. I realize I can change paths every now and again. Hell, I can change paths every meal if I want.
But I guess what it really is, is that I feel like the 'honeymoon' phase is over. The "these pounds are just flying off me" phase is behind me. It sure was fun while it lasted. And while I said I wasn't going to count calories and journal and all that, I also feel like this is a chance to prove to myself that when the going gets tough, I can get tough as well. I seem to always choose the easy path (not that this is necessarily always a bad thing), and maybe this is one of those defining life moments where I can push myself and see what I am made of.
Or not. I sure love my chocolate!
I know this is kind of a strange place to leave this post, but I'll have more to share in the coming days. I'm just not quite done processing it all...
I'll talk about the career stuff another day.
But today, I want to talk about this weight loss cross roads. My weight loss is slowing. Not stopped, just slowing. Gone are the days of 4-5 lbs lost in a week, and here are the days of 1-2 lbs lost in a week.
I'm half way there. I've started exercising, pretty seriously. I've (only) got 98 lbs (ish) to go. And I still eat what I want, within reason. It seems that these factors combined mean that the weight loss is slowing.
I have to decide if I am okay with that or not. Which leads me to feeling like I have two paths I can chose.
Path A: Be happy with 1-2 lbs/week, hit goal in 18-24 months, and continue to enjoy eating what I want.
Path B: Pump up the protein and fruit/veggies, cut back on the extras (cream in my coffee, evening snack, etc.), be more vigilant, and push for 3-5 lbs/week.
I honestly don't know which path I am going to choose. I realize I can change paths every now and again. Hell, I can change paths every meal if I want.
But I guess what it really is, is that I feel like the 'honeymoon' phase is over. The "these pounds are just flying off me" phase is behind me. It sure was fun while it lasted. And while I said I wasn't going to count calories and journal and all that, I also feel like this is a chance to prove to myself that when the going gets tough, I can get tough as well. I seem to always choose the easy path (not that this is necessarily always a bad thing), and maybe this is one of those defining life moments where I can push myself and see what I am made of.
Or not. I sure love my chocolate!
I know this is kind of a strange place to leave this post, but I'll have more to share in the coming days. I'm just not quite done processing it all...
Tuesday, August 10
Jealous? You should be.
(Yeah, I stole the title from Heidi, but only because it's perfect!)
I got to meet the one and only, ever fabulous Heidi on Saturday. We took our DDs to Downtown Disney, where they played and we compared band notes, batwings, and elephant thighs; and discussed everything WLS-related to what we can/cannot eat, how we're feeling, and how those around us are dealing with it.
She's funny and sassy and cute and looking good! Her attitude rocks, and she's really a band superstar. I'm so glad I got to meet her...and I will stalk her until we get to spend time together again! Because I now consider her a friend. For real.
Oh, and her daughter is ADORABLE. So imaginative and bright. That girl is going to be on Broadway some day!
The little girls:
The big girls:
I got to meet the one and only, ever fabulous Heidi on Saturday. We took our DDs to Downtown Disney, where they played and we compared band notes, batwings, and elephant thighs; and discussed everything WLS-related to what we can/cannot eat, how we're feeling, and how those around us are dealing with it.
She's funny and sassy and cute and looking good! Her attitude rocks, and she's really a band superstar. I'm so glad I got to meet her...and I will stalk her until we get to spend time together again! Because I now consider her a friend. For real.
Oh, and her daughter is ADORABLE. So imaginative and bright. That girl is going to be on Broadway some day!
The little girls:
The big girls:
You SPIN me right round...
I did it. I went to spinning this morning. One of my goals was to get back to spinning, as it's the exercise I've enjoyed the most in the past.
I was running late by a few minutes, like always, because it is impossible to get these kids up, fed, and out the door; and then into the gym's daycare, me to the locker room and up to the studio by 9:15 am. Physically impossible.
Anyhow, I walk in with my spinning shoes in hand, and the instructor goes, "Oh, you're not new to this are you." I respond with, "I haven't spun in three years, so kinda!"
I felt like a fraud with spinning shoes, knowing there was NO way I'd make it through the class. My only goal was to stay on the bike the whole time.
And guess what? I did!
Within the first two minutes of class, I was literally dripping with sweat, huffing and puffing, and my legs were already turning into jello. Can you say INTENSE?
We did 553 jumps in class. It was their first time doing more than 300. Lovely intro back to spinning, huh?
By the time I got off the bike, I almost fell over. My legs refused to even hold me up!
If you are so inclined to try it, I HIGHLY recommend it. Even though I was drenched with sweat and had jello legs, I felt so powerful and pumped up after class. Yes, my butt hurts, but I know from experience that'll go away in about two weeks. Yes, I am tired, but it is a great tired.
And it is a hell of a workout. Granted, I've only been back to working out for about a month, but I've done Zumba, Pump, BodyJam (hip hop), circuit training, and 60 min on the elliptical. None of those even come CLOSE to the workout I got this morning. And I probably only did about 40% of the class (meaning the moves and the resistance on the bike and such).
Try it - you won't be disappointed!
I was running late by a few minutes, like always, because it is impossible to get these kids up, fed, and out the door; and then into the gym's daycare, me to the locker room and up to the studio by 9:15 am. Physically impossible.
Anyhow, I walk in with my spinning shoes in hand, and the instructor goes, "Oh, you're not new to this are you." I respond with, "I haven't spun in three years, so kinda!"
I felt like a fraud with spinning shoes, knowing there was NO way I'd make it through the class. My only goal was to stay on the bike the whole time.
And guess what? I did!
Within the first two minutes of class, I was literally dripping with sweat, huffing and puffing, and my legs were already turning into jello. Can you say INTENSE?
We did 553 jumps in class. It was their first time doing more than 300. Lovely intro back to spinning, huh?
By the time I got off the bike, I almost fell over. My legs refused to even hold me up!
If you are so inclined to try it, I HIGHLY recommend it. Even though I was drenched with sweat and had jello legs, I felt so powerful and pumped up after class. Yes, my butt hurts, but I know from experience that'll go away in about two weeks. Yes, I am tired, but it is a great tired.
And it is a hell of a workout. Granted, I've only been back to working out for about a month, but I've done Zumba, Pump, BodyJam (hip hop), circuit training, and 60 min on the elliptical. None of those even come CLOSE to the workout I got this morning. And I probably only did about 40% of the class (meaning the moves and the resistance on the bike and such).
Try it - you won't be disappointed!
Friday, August 6
99 bottles of beer on the wall
You take one down, pass it around...
OK, I won't pass it around, since I don't want you guys to have it. If I were really talking about beer, I'd pass it around, but since I'm talking about POUNDS LEFT TO LOSE, I won't pass you any when I am done with them!
Seriously, I finally have less than 100 lbs to lose.
It's starting to sink in! Double digits, baby! For real, I honestly think this is the most exciting milestone yet. Maybe not most exciting, maybe most sinking in? Most that I want to celebrate? Whatever it is, it feels DAYYYUUUUMMMM (that's damn all drawled out) good to be here.
I can totally do 99 lbs. Like in my sleep. And with an arm tied behind my back. Surely I jest, I know it's not going to be easy, weight loss never is. But it is going to be done. By me!
I used to hate, hate, hate when I was a total newbie (since I'm still kind of a newbie), and I'd read a blog when someone would say, "If I can do it, anyone can." Blah blah blahcakes. Who did they think they were????
But seriously, that's how I feel now, and I want to scream it from a stage to an arena full of fatties who feel lost and depressed and sure they are never going to lose their excess weight. I want everyone who feels despondent over their weight loss attempts and failures to know they can do it.
I had 200+ lbs to lose. I was facing a journey much longer than 95% of bandsters. It sucked to be in that 5%, believe me. I'd look at others and think, "Well, hell, they only have {insert any number less than 200 here} to lose." And it wasn't really with jealousy; OK, it was with jealousy that they'd gotten smarter sooner than me. But it wasn't jealousy over their 'smaller' journey. It just made mine seem that much longer, bigger, harder, worse. The reality I've learned, though, is everyone's journey is longer, bigger, harder, worse in their own way. Because each person's journey is their own and comes complete with their own challenges. Whatever your challenges are, you can do this. You really can. You know why?
Because if I can do this, anyone can.
The light at the end of the weight loss tunnel isn't just visible, it's shining brightly. It's kinda like the light calling to CarolAnne, except this one is beckoning me with its promises of cute clothes, a svelte body, and health.
If you couldn't tell, it's a good day to be me.
(On a not-so-fun note, I PB'ed on water yesterday. I couldn't understand why. Granted, I gulped it, but I have gulped umpteen times. Then I PB'ed dinner (scrambled eggs, sigh). I hadn't PB'ed in close to a month. I was perplexed until I went to the bathroom, only to discover an uninvited guest had come to visit for a few days. This was my first real experience with TOM tightness aka TOMT. I put myself on a liquid diet today to get the swelling to go down, as that second PB was a humdinger and I was still feeling it when I went to bed last night. I was getting a tad concerned about slippage, but I think I just really irritated it. The upside of liquid? Weight loss!)
OK, I won't pass it around, since I don't want you guys to have it. If I were really talking about beer, I'd pass it around, but since I'm talking about POUNDS LEFT TO LOSE, I won't pass you any when I am done with them!
Seriously, I finally have less than 100 lbs to lose.
It's starting to sink in! Double digits, baby! For real, I honestly think this is the most exciting milestone yet. Maybe not most exciting, maybe most sinking in? Most that I want to celebrate? Whatever it is, it feels DAYYYUUUUMMMM (that's damn all drawled out) good to be here.
I can totally do 99 lbs. Like in my sleep. And with an arm tied behind my back. Surely I jest, I know it's not going to be easy, weight loss never is. But it is going to be done. By me!
I used to hate, hate, hate when I was a total newbie (since I'm still kind of a newbie), and I'd read a blog when someone would say, "If I can do it, anyone can." Blah blah blahcakes. Who did they think they were????
But seriously, that's how I feel now, and I want to scream it from a stage to an arena full of fatties who feel lost and depressed and sure they are never going to lose their excess weight. I want everyone who feels despondent over their weight loss attempts and failures to know they can do it.
I had 200+ lbs to lose. I was facing a journey much longer than 95% of bandsters. It sucked to be in that 5%, believe me. I'd look at others and think, "Well, hell, they only have {insert any number less than 200 here} to lose." And it wasn't really with jealousy; OK, it was with jealousy that they'd gotten smarter sooner than me. But it wasn't jealousy over their 'smaller' journey. It just made mine seem that much longer, bigger, harder, worse. The reality I've learned, though, is everyone's journey is longer, bigger, harder, worse in their own way. Because each person's journey is their own and comes complete with their own challenges. Whatever your challenges are, you can do this. You really can. You know why?
Because if I can do this, anyone can.
The light at the end of the weight loss tunnel isn't just visible, it's shining brightly. It's kinda like the light calling to CarolAnne, except this one is beckoning me with its promises of cute clothes, a svelte body, and health.
If you couldn't tell, it's a good day to be me.
(On a not-so-fun note, I PB'ed on water yesterday. I couldn't understand why. Granted, I gulped it, but I have gulped umpteen times. Then I PB'ed dinner (scrambled eggs, sigh). I hadn't PB'ed in close to a month. I was perplexed until I went to the bathroom, only to discover an uninvited guest had come to visit for a few days. This was my first real experience with TOM tightness aka TOMT. I put myself on a liquid diet today to get the swelling to go down, as that second PB was a humdinger and I was still feeling it when I went to bed last night. I was getting a tad concerned about slippage, but I think I just really irritated it. The upside of liquid? Weight loss!)
Wednesday, August 4
And the Academy Award goes to...
.......ME! (and DD!)
So, here is my first ever VLOG!!!!!!!! Joey, you can stop dancing now. :)
Please excuse the horrible decor - we are living in a furnished rental. I do not own pineapple lamps nor cheesy 'starving artist' art. Nor Blanche Devereaux's bed. The bed spread, however, I will claim.
And please excuse the choppiness and interruptions, I ended up not editing it in favor of goofing around on the internet and enjoying a cup of freshly brewed Keurig coffee. I am sure you all would have done the same. And if not, you should have, that coffee was damn good!
Oh, and it's 6 min long. I like to talk. A lot.
So, here is my first ever VLOG!!!!!!!! Joey, you can stop dancing now. :)
Please excuse the horrible decor - we are living in a furnished rental. I do not own pineapple lamps nor cheesy 'starving artist' art. Nor Blanche Devereaux's bed. The bed spread, however, I will claim.
And please excuse the choppiness and interruptions, I ended up not editing it in favor of goofing around on the internet and enjoying a cup of freshly brewed Keurig coffee. I am sure you all would have done the same. And if not, you should have, that coffee was damn good!
Oh, and it's 6 min long. I like to talk. A lot.
Tuesday, August 3
Less to lose
I officially have less to lose than I've lost! Meaning I'm halfway there!
ROCK ON!
I promise to do a vlog later, when I've showered and am not looking like death warmed over. I don't want Joey to dump me!
DH came home last night and said there was a box on the porch, which was weird, because I'd just been out there to get a UPS shipment. He goes out there and comes back in with a Keurig! He got it for me for losing 100 lbs, since he knows I've been jonesing for one for about 18 months. He doesn't drink coffee, and I don't drink much, so I am constantly microwaving old coffee instead of taking the time to brew a new pot. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
100.8 lbs lost
100.6 lbs to go
100.6 lbs to go
ROCK ON!
I promise to do a vlog later, when I've showered and am not looking like death warmed over. I don't want Joey to dump me!
DH came home last night and said there was a box on the porch, which was weird, because I'd just been out there to get a UPS shipment. He goes out there and comes back in with a Keurig! He got it for me for losing 100 lbs, since he knows I've been jonesing for one for about 18 months. He doesn't drink coffee, and I don't drink much, so I am constantly microwaving old coffee instead of taking the time to brew a new pot. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Sunday, August 1
JINX!
As you know, I've been wanting to hit 100 lbs lost for a week or two now, and with working out, my weight loss had stalled out a bit. I jokingly (you hear me, universe? I was JOKING!) told DH I just wouldn't eat for two days to make the scale cooperate.
When BAM!
Stomach virus. Or food poisoning. Or something that made it impossible to drink or eat yesterday. And lots of other fun things that I won't talk about, lest I lose a bunch of followers.
Thank goodness for Zofran; I felt like crap, but I never puked.
However, the scale rewarded my miserableness this morning:
That's 100.2 lbs in 8 months+1 week! SWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
When BAM!
Stomach virus. Or food poisoning. Or something that made it impossible to drink or eat yesterday. And lots of other fun things that I won't talk about, lest I lose a bunch of followers.
Thank goodness for Zofran; I felt like crap, but I never puked.
However, the scale rewarded my miserableness this morning:
That's 100.2 lbs in 8 months+1 week! SWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
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