5 and counting...

95 lbs lost as of this morning. WOOHOO! 5 lbs to the big O-N-E-H-U-N-D-R-E-D...

But even more impressive than that is the fact that I JOINED THE GYM. And didn't just join. I actually worked out. Yes, I did!

And even more impressive is the fact that I walked up TWO flights of stairs from the locker room to the workout area instead of taking the elevator. I didn't want to, but I couldn't bring myself to use an elevator in a workout facility. Seemed wrong on so many levels.

It felt good, and the kids had fun in the daycare. Two thumbs up for that!

So, I need your opinions. They offer this "health warranty." It's $120 for one year. During that year, you get 4 sessions in their body fat pod and 4 sessions with a health coach. If you lose 20% of your body fat (not 20 percentage points, but 20% of your fat, so say you start at 40%, you need to get to 32%) and keep it off for a year, you get your $120 back AND three months' of membership (a $135 value). Part of me says I absolutely would be able to do this, thanks in no small part to the band. But part of me knows how I am and who knows if I'll even want to work out there in a year and don't want to waste $120. Thoughts?

Finally, I wanted to add an addendum to yesterday's post. I meant to blog about this originally and forgot. It's about that dreaded word - HUNGER.

The bottom line is I am hungry a lot. Much more than I thought I would be post-band. I'm just being honest.

The hunger is different, though. It's not "I'm going to wither away if I don't eat" hunger. It's more of a "I really would like to eat, but it's not really worth the effort or the calories and the weight loss I'll show if I don't eat will be worth it" kind of hunger. I still think about food a lot. I still have cravings every now and again. And I still am hungry quite a bit. In fact, I'm still hungry when I'm done eating, just because I can eat so little at this point.

But the hunger is different. And I've learned to deal with it more effectively. And those two things together make it totally bearable. Sure wish I was one of those bandsters who forgets to eat and swears they are never hungry, but I'm thinking that's just never going to be me. And I'm okay with that. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones, but I think just being a bandster is lucky enough for me!

Sucky suckerson suckity suckness of the suckity suckiest degree

I am seriously hating my band right now.

I went home and faithfully measured out 1 cup of my lunch (a cooked mixture of ground beef, petite diced tomatoes, and rice). Three tiny bites in over the course of 10 min, and I knew it wasn't going anywhere except up. And up it came. Twice.

I think it's safe to say, I really am too tight. I'm going to try Jen's protein test, but I think it'll have to be tomorrow, as I should probably stick to liquids for the rest of the day (oh, and those two tiny Hershey chocolates I just had).

I am just so. hungry. all. the. time. I drink water like it's my job - never less than 100 oz per day - but it doesn't help at all. Probably when you aren't eating much, it can't do much to help.

So far today, I've had a venti caramel macchiato, 3 bites of lunch (two of which probably came back up), two Hershey miniatures, and am working on a cup of coffee with some half and half in it. Oh, and 48 oz of water so far. No wonder I am hungry. Sigh. Sigh. LOUD sigh.

I guess a protein shake is in my future. Blech.

If you are still reading my whine, since I can get liquids down, I should just wait it out, right? Today is day 7 since my fill. I am self-pay and my surgeon is 60 miles away, so I really want to wait it out. But then I am sooooooooo tired of being hungry. Sigh. Sigh. REALLY REALLY REALLY AMAZINGLY LOUD sigh.

Sorry to be whiney, but this is getting old really quickly. The only upside is the weight loss - 5 lbs in 6 days. At this rate, I could be at goal in about 6 months. Sweet!

One-fifth of a teaspoon

That's how much of a fill I got today. Or 1cc. It just amazes me that such a small amount of liquid could really make a difference, but I am oh-so-hopeful that it does.

Water is going down fine, but I can kinda feel a little of it still in the back of my throat after I swallow. The PA assured me this is fine.

When they asked about my restriction, I said I feel physically full when I eat, but I have no relief from hunger. I couldn't quite describe what I was feeling, but the PA said she totally understood, and while she can't guarantee anything, she said when people feel that, the next fill generally is THE sweet one. Oh, please please please let it be!

I also asked her about my band. I'm now at 11cc in a 14cc band. Of course, knowing that even after I get to restriction, I'll need to be topped-off every now and again, and that makes me nervous, because I only have 3cc's to go. She said she's never had a patient max out their band, and that the good news about it taking more cc's to get to restriction is that it often times mean that restriction is longer-lasting without needing a top-off. In other words, since I'm already at 11cc, assuming this is my sweet spot, I might not need a top-off for several months. And then from there, maybe yearly. I'm not getting my hopes up just yet, but it does make sense!

Alrighty, my friends, I gotta get some work done, since I just got here about 45 min ago. Talk about a short day!

I feel like sharing. Randomly.

I ate Taco Bell for dinner last night. Nachos bell grande minus the beans (beans=nasty). It wasn't tasty at all and left me feeling pretty crummy.

I wanted to paint my toenails, so I could wear sandals today. I threw away all my old polish a few months ago and never bought any new stuff, so that was out. My left big toe has the smallest amount of polish still on it from last year, so I was going to remove it. The polish remover was too old to even begin to get that stubborn polish off. But you can't keep a girl from wearing sandals when the weather breaks, so here's my solution:

(If you can't tell, that's a bandaid on my big toe!)

I'm wearing one of Jen's shirts today - a cute pink polo in size 20/22. It fits perfectly. I guess that could be considered an NSV, since I haven't worn a 20 (even if it is a 20/22, let me say 20)in anything in a few years. YEAH! Love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!

I splurged on a new water bottle at Starbucks today. It's awesome! I like it because it has a normal-size opening to drink out of (screw off the top half of the lid), but opens wider (screw off the entire lid) so I can get ice in it. And it doesn't have one of those annoying sports-sucker-type tops. My Starbucks had them on clearance for $12, if you'd like to be cool like me (mine's grey):
I ate a piece of frozen pizza for lunch, and I am ready to eat my arm off. Bad choice. I already ate my banana I brought as my afternoon snack. My coworker gave me a light cheese stick, and I am still hungry. Guzzling water is not helping, although it is fun since my new water bottle is so pretty. Note to self: pizza has no staying power.

We have no plans for Easter, and I am pretty happy about that. (Side rant: MIL insisted on spending Thanksgiving with us, even though I didn't want her to and protested pretty loudly to DH about it, as that was the day I came home from the hospital with my lapband. When Christmas rolled around, she proclaimed over and over again that she was spending the holiday with BIL since "we got her for Thanksgiving, and she rotates holidays among her kids to keep it fair." I figured we were spending Easter with her, based on this proclamation, but I was wrong. Apparently, I don't understand what rotate means. When we move to FL, I guess she'll have to rotate with FIL for holidays, and since I learned the real meaning of rotation from her, it might not go exactly as she thinks/wants. {insert evil wink & grin here} )

I want to change the look of my blog, but I am afraid another change will push Shrinking Mommy over the top! She might even stop following me, and that would be a travesty!

I am totally slacking at work today. I need to stop. And on that note, I should get something done before the end of the day!

Just a bit of babbling...

Oh, the gas! It is still hanging around and making itself known once or twice per day. Fortunately, walking and/or GasX seems to do the trick. But dang, that pain is frickin' fierce. It is s-l-o-w-l-y getting better, and I think it's the full liquids, so I'm hopeful as I move into mushies, it'll completely go away.

I'm really enjoying my soup, yogurt, and pudding, but of course, now I'm dreaming about mushies. Cheese grits topped with a poached egg sounds heavenly. As does ricotta cheese mixed with an egg and some parm, baked, and topped with marinara and mozz. As does cream of wheat mixed with an egg (to add some thickening and protein). As does hummus...and cottage cheese...and oatmeal...tofu...and... Can you tell I'm excited about starting mushies? :)

One thing that has been bothering me is the gnawing hunger in my belly. I get satisfied on some soup or yogurt, but that hollow, gnawing feeling never goes away. It's getting quite old. The ONLY thing keeping me from going crazy on a big fat cheeseburger or something else is the fear of messing up my band. Good thing I'm a rule follower, or I'd be shoveling food down my throat right now.

I guess that's all I have to babble about today. Hmmm, the lack of food must be affecting my babbling!

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go...

Back to work for me. I'm feeling fine. Hardly even a twinge of pain. I did have some major shoulder pain last night, and I am praying it's just some residual gas pain and not that horrid referred-diaphram-pain I keep hearing about. It feels better so far today, so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

I had one protein shake spread out throughout the day yesterday, and I did really well with it. I'm getting progressively hungrier, though, so I am currently sipping on an entire protein shake for breakfast (a Muscle Milk Light - 8.5 oz, 160 cal, 20 g protein). Not sure if I'll get it all down, but I didn't want to be miserable at work this morning.

Have I mentioned that I work for that organization that is famous for their cookies? I am in charge of PR/marketing/communications, and since cookie season is quickly approaching (Jan in this part of the country), I am finishing up this year's PR campaign. This includes creating marketing packages for all the local tv/radio/newspapers, and I take them all a sampler pack of cookies (one of each flavor). I have to pack them this week or next - and that means staring at lots and lots of cookies. Fortunately, when you have access to them year-round, they don't hold the same appeal they hold for your average consumer. Thankfully!

Other than that, I'm anxious for tomorrow to arrive. I can start soups, pudding, and yogurt. I also get to weigh in! It certainly is the small things in life!

EDIT: Holy moly, no way am I finishing that protein shake. I made it about half-way through before my stomach said, "WTF are you thinking? I am full!" Wow. That was a new sensation!

Ahhhh, relief.

First, thanks for all the supportive comments last night. I was feeling a bit guilty about the whole thing, but I'm going to try something new - letting go of the guilt! So, I did what was right for me - and no more guilt.

Those 2 oz of protein shake definitely took the edge off and I was feeling soooo much better. Thank goodness - I was becoming homicidal.

I'm sipping on about 3 oz more right now and will see how it settles. As long as it goes well, I'm going to have three protein shake meals today. And really, it's just today and tomorrow, as I can start full liquids on Wednesday (pureed soups, sf yogurt, and sf pudding). It will be heavenly. Ohhhh, I also get to weigh myself on Wednesday - can't wait!

In other breaking news, I just scheduled my first fill - Jan 5 - one day shy of 6 weeks. That's my surgeon's schedule, which is fine with me. Of course, I'd love it a little sooner, but I'll play by his rules.

I'm off today, the kids are at the sitter, the hubby is at the doc, and it is quiet (at least until hubby gets home.) One relaxing day to get a few things done before I get back into the grind tomorrow.

In the interest of keeping both arms...

...I broke down and am sipping some protein shake instead of eating an arm off.

I am so. very. hungry.

Like headache, stomache, nauseated, shaking hungry.

I just couldn't do it any longer. After reading other blogs and LBT, I realized I was one of *very* few who wasn't drinking protein drinks nearly 5 days post-op. And while my surgeon said TEN days, my nutritionist said three days. I'm sure she has some kind of degree, right?

It's kind of bothering me, since I am a total rule-follower and wanted to do this perfectly, by the letter, to the "T".

But when I called my mom sobbing about how miserable I am, she talked me into trying just a bit. Wise woman that she is, she said this is about discipline, not misery and torture. And she's right.

So, instead of feeling like I broke the rules (which will drive me bonkers! Yes, I am type-A, just a bit!), I will instead think of them as guidelines, and what I am doing fits within the guidelines.

Now I'm just hoping the guilt doesn't eat me alive (get it? eat? ha!)

And then there were 20.

Day 7. Finally. 7 days left. But more importantly, only 20 shakes left (I am on total clear liquids the day before surgery.) Yes, I know I will be drinking them for 2 weeks after surgery, but I'm not focusing on that right now, thankyouverymuch.

In some ways this has been easier than I anticipated, and in some ways, it's been harder than I anticipated. Now that I really think about it, the head hunger has been the harder part than the stomach hunger.

For you veteran bandsters out there, how is bandster hell worse than this? I can't imagine! Did anyone try doing a low-carb diet while waiting for restriction? I know I just said I wasn't going to think ahead, but I lied. Now I am curious as to how to make the bandster hell period as least hellish as possible. If that's possible!