VIRGIN ALERT! VIRGIN ALERT!

I am officially in virgin fat territory! In case you don't know what that is, that is a weight you've not been for a long, long, long time (whatever you determine that time to be). For me, of course, I was at 249.6 (or maybe .8) in September, and then I maintained/gained for several months. But before that, the last time I was at 249.2 lbs was probably sometime in 2003, so eight or so years. HOLY COW! Eight freakin' years.

I just finished day 3 of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. It's a good workout for 20 min. I feel accomplished but not dead at the end. I had two realizations today while doing it:

1. My tummy (I refuse to call it an apron - ugh!) is really impeding my workout. It's gross, but it flops so hard, it hurts. Jumping jacks are the worst. And then Jillian starts in on how there's no modified move for jumping jacks, because even her 400 lb clients can do it. And then I feel bad. And then I realized I can mute her, so I did, and worked out to my iPod instead. Anyhow, I should probably get a doctor and start documenting this in hopes of getting plastic surgery covered by insurance in the future.

2. While the workout is difficult, I found myself wondering why it wasn't harder. That's when I realized, it's not nearly so bad to start a workout regime when you don't weigh 350+ lbs. Seriously! Don't get me wrong, I'm huffing and puffing, but I can get up and off the floor with minimal effort, I can keep up with the video, and I am feeling good. What an NSV!

So, on a totally crappy note, DH tore his ACL and meniscus at work on Tuesday. Suckity suck suck suck. I feel bad for him, but to be totally honest, I'm having a giant pity party for myself. It's not like he helps much, but now he's zero help plus he's a completely horrible patient. He keeps whining about how no one knows how much it hurts and how it's the worst pain in the world. Too bad he's used that phrase for about four or five other injuries he's had, so it's kinda like the little boy who cried wolf. Anyhow, my pity party is also because there's a chance we'll be moving in two months (our lease is up and we're undecided about what we're doing), and so help me, if he's not ready to help move, there will be hell to pay, since I pretty much single-handedly got us moved down here. If you recall my whining. I don't want to do it again. Sigh.

We've got two very busy days ahead, so I'll check in when I can! Toodles!

200, spinning, shoulders, ole!

200
200 followers! You guys, seriously. I love you all! It's so amazing that you guys want to hear what I have to say, that you want to support me, that you care enough to take the time to listen. Thank you!!!! If I'm not following you, do let me know, so I can.

Spinning
I went to spinning this morning and did the whole class! And my butt doesn't hurt. I'm not sure which part I'm more excited about; heck, both are pretty exciting to me!

Shoulders
My shoulders are being unburied with every pound I lose. I looked in the mirror last night and had to take some pics because I was shocked! In the best possible way.

I couldn't quite capture what I was seeing, but these should give you an idea. They go straight across. No lumps. They are starting to get that little indent right below the shoulder, above the arm pit. They feel smoothly round. It's awesome. Now if I the batwings would shrink a little so my widest spot is my shoulders and not my mid-arm/biceps, that would be really cool.

No concept of my size

Is anyone else struggling with this?

Joey convinced me to try on a pair of jeans last night that I was 100000% positive where way, way, way too small. Like, I wasn't going to be able to get them over a thigh.

Wrong.

Up and zipped AND I was breathing.

Granted, they were a bit tighter than I would wear out in public, but nothing a few weeks of weight loss+gym time won't cure.

Oh, and they were size 20 from Old Navy! Yes, I know their stuff runs big, but we're going to forget we know that little nugget of information and just concentrate on the fact that I can wear size 20 pants!

But back to the original topic, I would have sworn they wouldn't fit. I honestly have no concept of what will fit and what won't when I look at clothing anymore. It's such a surreal feeling.

(And with this, I will spare you any more posts for the day...unless I win the lottery or Brett Favre issues me a personal apology for his disloyalty to the Packers and the Packer Nation and me, his one-time biggest fan. Oh, or if DH comes home and makes dinner or does anything besides lay on the couch. Yeah, those would all be blog-worthy.)

Quick check in with NSVs

A friend came into town - I think I failed to mention that. She knows about the band, but she's also a snoop, and I don't want her reading this blog (it's *my* space), so I couldn't log in to even check in and say hi!

Hi!

More later, but my NSVs:

• A real NSV - I haven't weighed myself in a week. I told Heidi I wouldn't, and I haven't. I can't wait to check in tomorrow for my weekly "spreadsheet" weigh in.
• I bought new bra's - 38DDD! 38! 38! I started in 48s!
• I also bought two new sundresses - 18/20. OMG. 18/20.
• My friend kept telling me how good I look - and I feel it!

More later, as a cute little girl is begging for me to read her a book. Can't resist this cuteness!

Whining burns calories!

Lo and behold, I whine about my stuck scale, and it magically drops 1.2 lbs overnight. Or maybe it was all the awesome mojo you guys sent my way. Whatever it was, I LIKE IT! Now, I'm being greedy, but if the scale could give me 1.8 lbs more, just so I can hit 100 lbs lost, I'd be so grateful. Greedy, but grateful.

No gym today, but I think I got a better workout than if I'd gone. I took the kids to meet two friends of ours at Chuck E. Cheese's. They both have girls DD's age (we met on a parenting message board more than 3 years ago); and two of them are identical twins! So, if you are keeping count, that's four 2.5 year olds, my DS who is 15 months old, and a mom who's 32 weeks pregnant. We played and played and chased and scooped and tracked and ran and sweated up a storm keeping those kids safe and occupied. Then like idiots, we headed to the mall for some more torture. Nearly 3 hours later, we finally left.

I am exhausted.

Sweaty and exhausted.

But the kids are happy. Thankfully, one is sleeping, although the other one refuses to sleep. I'm brewing coffee in order to make it through the afternoon!

My NSV for the day is we stopped by Old Navy, and I tried on a few things. And they FIT! And some were TOO BIG. I know their stuff often runs large, but hellllooooooo, I was wearing clothes at a regular store. And not even their biggest size!

I am a Floridian!

We are here. It was quite the trip and a crazy few days, but we are here and settling in. Even with selling 90% of our stuff and renting a furnished place, the unpacking is STILL a nightmare.

I did unpack my scale almost immediately. And then was good and stayed off until today (my official weigh-in day) and am happy to report that I lost 5.6 lbs in the past two weeks, bringing my official total to 85.2 lbs! I am just thrilled. Only a few more pounds and I'll be just obese. YEAH for being obese, right?

Two quick NSVs:

1. No airplane extender. Need I say more? :)
2. I ran into some old friends from HS when I was at my parents, and I wasn't mortified. I know you all understand!

Alright, I wish I had time to write more, but more unpacking calls...I promise to try and check in more later!

It's a party!

Wanna join me as I celebrate the fact that I finally hit 80 lbs lost!?!?!?!

I can't even quite wrap my head around the fact that in the last 7 months, I've lost 80 lbs. That's just incredible. My BMI is down more than 10 points since I started, I've lost 2-3 pants sizes, and I feel about 100x better.

Linda sent me a wonderful package of clothes, including three size 24 capris. They are still a tad tight in the thighs and calves (of all places - weird for me!), but it won't be long until they fit. Oh, and they are women's petites, so I am thinking I could wear a regular women's, since at 5'10", I'm far from petite!

She also sent me an 18/20 sundress from Lane Bryant, and other than my hippy hips looking a little hippy in it, IT FITS! And fits well! I think it's cut a bit generous, but I don't care. IT FITS! In fact, I think I'm wearing it out to dinner tomorrow night with DH and MIL.

Tomorrow starts the marathon packing week. If you don't hear from me for a few days, it's because I'm in jail for strangling DH for annoying me. He's not the most, well, um, let's say not the biggest go-getter I've ever met. His typical idea of helping is standing there watching me. Someone promise me you'll bail me out if need be?

Blah blah blah

That's how I am feeling, blah blah blah. It's just been a crazy couple of days.

DS has been constipated for about 10 days and after trying home remedies (prune juice, apple juice, etc.), cutting his milk consumption in half, and even an enema, we had to make a trek to the ped in the pouring rain to get a prescription for Miralax. Poor kid - he is just miserable. And poor me - dragging two kids to the ped and then to the pharmacy in the pouring rain was not fun (I have to buckle them both into and out of carseats, so it's not quick process). I tried to go through the drive-through at Rite Aid (I shop there a lot!) and they would not fill the prescription in less than an hour. I don't get it - every other pharmacy in town can fill a prescription in 10 min or less, and they need an hour? So, I took my prescription back (the guy was a total a$$ about it), and drug them through a monsoon into Costco. Rite Aid is getting a nasty email today...I am solo-parenting with two young kids, one of whom is screaming because he hasn't pooped in a week, who is trying to fill a prescription in the pouring rain at dinner time and you can't help out a loyal customer by speeding up the process, just this once? Seriously.

Anyhow, DD was a total pistol last night - would not go to bed. Tried letting her lay in my bed. She was beyond tired at that point, was all pissy and o.m.g. I hit my limit with her - I actually yelled at her and shut her in her room where she proceeded to scream for 30 min at 11 pm. I was so. done. So. done. SO. DONE. I then had to work until 3 am on stuff for my job, just because I am so far behind. Ugh.

DD woke up this morning still in a pissy mood, probably because she is still tired. When I asked if she wanted a diaper or a pull-up, she threw a fit and cried that she wanted to "wear her butt." It's funny, but how do you reason with that? Sigh.

I PB'ed my lunch yesterday (very tender, very saucy chicken tikka masala), so liquids yet again for me for 24+ hours. I think I'm just going to give up on solid food and live on frappes, protein shakes, soup, and hot cocoa for the rest of my life. Good news is I am down yet again this AM - aiming for 70 lbs by my six-month bandiversary, which is totally doable at this point. But liquids is getting really old. The PA said if I can keep liquid down (which I can just fine), I can just ride it out. But I am soooo tired of liquids. Oh well, it'll eventually loosen up, right? (In case you forgot, my surgeon's protocol if you are too tight is last fill plus half of the previous fill OUT as an unfill. Um, no thanks.)

And while this is an NSV, I am finding it highly annoying. My wedding rings are spinning freely on my finger...I hate when the engagement ring flips over. Drives me batty.

Signed,

Cranky Amy

Friday Babbles

Let's see...what's rolling around in this pretty little head of mine...

• I think I have developed a fear of food. OK, not really, but it is strange in how when I look at a normal-size bowl of food, it looks H-U-G-E to me. I can't even fathom how I used to eat 3 or 4 bowls of chili and then couldn't even finish one bowl of my "Italian Chili" in an entire day yesterday. It's playing mind games with me.
• Following the band rules is HARD when you are on the tighter side. I know that the whole "eat your meal in 30 min" rule is in place so that bandsters don't graze their way through the day. But I can't eat a cup of food in 30 min, and then I feel guilty if I want to keep eating after 30 min. I need to revise the rule for me right now - 30 min OR 1 cup of food.
• People at work are really starting to notice my weight loss. I thank them, and then they inevitably ask how much I've lost. I hem and haw, and when I finally spit out "65 lbs", their jaws hit the floor. They are expecting me to say 25 or 30, I am sure. It's almost uncomfortable to say how much I've lost. I NEVER EVER EVER thought I'd be the person who doesn't want to say how much they've lost. Usually I am the one telling perfect strangers on the street about my latest weight loss efforts. It's bizarre.
• I am starting to drop sizes quickly. I started in size 8 LB pants, and couldn't really squeeze into any 28Ws, even though I tried to pretend I was a 28W. I finally pulled out some 26W and 28W pants/capris last week (some of my own, some from the sisterhood). I have on a pair of 26W capris from Avenue today (I think from Heidi?) and they are almost too big already. I am NOT complaining - it's just so weird that it took me 54 lbs lost to fit into them and then within 11 lbs, they are almost too big. It's hard for me to remember what I wore at certain weights, but I do know that I was a 20W when I weighed 260 lbs the last time I really lost weight, so that would be another 50 lbs and 3 or 4 sizes down, so I guess it does make sense that every 15 lbs or so is going to be another size down.
• Speaking of weight loss, I am now smaller than I have been since about July/August 2007. I weighed 262 lbs when I got pregnant in March 2007. And then I rocketed back up to 320 lbs while pregnant QUICKLY. So I would guess that I was around 310 in late summer, maybe more like early fall. Going down is so much more fun than going up!
• My friend is highlighting my hair this afternoon. YEAH! Maybe I'll try to vlog tonight...maybe.
• I got a message from my organization to Crystal Bowersox, who is in town doing her "hometown visit" thing that the Idol finalists do. She talked about her time being involved with us and how much it impacted her. I feel like a celebrity!
• And I forgot to mention, but a photo I took of one of my clients was published in a local monthly parenting newspaper this month!

Toodles! I am supposed to be working - shhhhh....

Food anxiety and the disappearing act

As I whined about previously, I had two banquets to attend this week for work. In my pre-band life, these made me very anxious. Would I get enough to eat? Would I be hungry throughout the evening? Would people think I was a pig if I heaped my plate full? What fast food would be open on my way home in case I was hungry? How many desserts could I eat before someone started counting them? These thoughts came fast and furious. And they rarely stopped long enough for me to even concentrate on whatever banquet/conference/meeting I was attending.

This week, however, my attitude at the banquets felt different. I took what I wanted, ate what I wanted, and put my fork down. The end.

Ok, not really the end, as I wasn't full per se, but I wasn't starving either. The best part, though, was the lack of anxiety over the food at the event. It's JUST banquet food. Why oh why did I ever let it make me anxious? I mean, who even likes banquet food anyhow? It's all the same - some saucy chicken, some butter-drowned-over-cooked veggie, and some dry starch. It's nothing to get excited over and certainly nothing to get anxious over!

I think part of what also played into the disappearance of the anxiety is the fact that I have discovered that hunger does not indeed kill you. It really doesn't! The band has dimmed my hunger enough that I can manage through it. I certainly am hoping next Wed's fill dims it a whole lot more, but I am learning (and managing it as well) how to deal with hunger more effectively. There is ALWAYS food available to me. I don't need to be anxious about it's availability or lack thereof. If I want something, I can have it. Maybe this is also tied into my non-dieting. Since nothing is really off limits, it doesn't call to me like it used to.

Whoa, I just reread what I wrote, and I guess I really am coming around mentally. Maybe they did band my brain after all!

TGIF!

For real! I need Friday. I love Friday.

Hubbers comes home tonight!

Only working a half day. The upside to sitter issues - darn, I have to leave at noon!

The weather is awesome!

My hair looks aaaaaaaaa-doooooooooooooooor-able!

I am wearing another one of Jen's shirts, and I look freakin' cute!

OK, that's all for now. More later, as I need to complain about restriction, hunger, and all that jazz!

Terrific Tuesday

I woke up feeling pretty damn good today. And I felt even better when I looked in the mirror. I was standing there with just my bra and pants on, and I actually thought I looked *thin*. It was wonderful! Now granted, I could only see the top half of me, which is definitely my better half, but it looked fine. Imagine how it'll be 50 or even 100 lbs from now!

I skipped right down the front porch steps after dropping the kids off at daycare and thought to myself, "I have a bit of spring in my step."

I got to work and felt jaunty.

I think my ego is increasing at a rate that is exponentially tied to how much I lose. Not such a bad thing after all.

On the restriction front, I'm still not feeling full after meals or for more than 2 hours. I am going to call the PA today. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I had a cup of chicken salad last night and nothing. It takes me a while to eat it, but it doesn't stick with me. I know it's a slider for some, but I was SOOO tight, I thought for sure it wouldn't be a slider for me. I am going to run to a local market for lunch and get a solid protein and see how that goes. I really didn't think it would be this hard to figure out restriction. I still vacillate between feeling I'm too tight or too loose. How's that for confusion?

And here's a picture of me being a good girl this morning - my water bottle which is almost empty and my coffee which will be attacked after the water is gone:

A bit of a milestone and approaching Twonesia

I weighed in this morning and was 322.0. This is a milestone for me!

In July 2006, I joined Weight Watchers for the last time. (HAHAHAHAHA - I so wish it were really the last time, but I swore it would be.) Anyhow, I weighed in at a whoppin' 322.6 lbs. I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. Horrified that I'd gone over the 300 lb mark. Broke down on the scale. That day, I swore I'd never weigh over 300 lbs again.

Over the following eight months, I lost 59.8 lbs following Weight Watchers' Core plan. It was the first 'diet' that wasn't horrible to live by. Don't get me wrong, I struggled a lot, but it was doable. I also worked out A LOT. That's when I started spinning, I was running - I was at the gym 5 or 6 days every week, faithfully. I got down to 262.8 lbs before I got pregnant with DD in March 2007.

I immediately fell off the bandwagon and gained something like 60 lbs while pregnant with her. 10 months later, I was pregnant again with DS. Fortunately, I only gained about 12 lbs while pregnant with him, but since I'd never lost the weight I gained while pregnant with her, I wasn't exactly happy with where I ended up. And then I managed to gain more weight after he was born.

Anyhow, I am now lower than I was that fateful day almost 4 years ago. My life is also completely different. I have two young kids, so an hour or two at the gym every day is just not feasible. But my life is also different because I have the band, and I am no longer terrified of shooting back up the scale. I am losing weight for good. It's coming off without killing myself at the gym. It's coming off without constantly obsessing over food. Truth be told, I still think about food a lot and am still battling the hungries quite a bit, but it's different now. And a good different. While I want to workout and get back to the gym (going to sign up for spinning today), I also realize that I can work out 3 times a week (or not at all) and still lose weight. It doesn't have to be this giant battle every second of every day.

So, who else is working on getting below 300? I know there are a few of us. Twoterville is the term I've heard for the 200s, and I think it's awful. So, I am working on getting to TWOnesia. How's that? A little better at least? And there's actually a country called Tunisia, right? Aren't I sooooo smart? (Yes, a bit narcissistic, just like our beloved Heidi!)

Finally, I forgot about an NSV from Saturday. By the end of most parties, my feet and legs are KILLING me. Between getting ready and then hosting, I am usually spent by the time people leave. I was FINE on Saturday! I felt fine by the end! Granted, I was smart and threw on my Merrell sandals, so my feet had some support throughout the day, but I also think the 50 lbs I've lost helped with me not feeling so tired. And my ankles didn't swell, which is huge for me!

One more finally - I was thinking about how I've lost 50 lbs, and while I'm happy with that, I'm so focused on restriction, getting below 300, fitting into 26s, and so on that I lost sight of the fact that I've lost 50 lbs! Does that make any sense? When I separate it out and focus just on that fact - 50 lbs gone - I realize how much I've already accomplished. I need to take a step back and give myself a few kudos for hitting 50 before moving onto the next goal! :)

Happy Monday, All! It's back to work for me. YUCK!

I feel like sharing. Randomly.

I ate Taco Bell for dinner last night. Nachos bell grande minus the beans (beans=nasty). It wasn't tasty at all and left me feeling pretty crummy.

I wanted to paint my toenails, so I could wear sandals today. I threw away all my old polish a few months ago and never bought any new stuff, so that was out. My left big toe has the smallest amount of polish still on it from last year, so I was going to remove it. The polish remover was too old to even begin to get that stubborn polish off. But you can't keep a girl from wearing sandals when the weather breaks, so here's my solution:

(If you can't tell, that's a bandaid on my big toe!)

I'm wearing one of Jen's shirts today - a cute pink polo in size 20/22. It fits perfectly. I guess that could be considered an NSV, since I haven't worn a 20 (even if it is a 20/22, let me say 20)in anything in a few years. YEAH! Love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!

I splurged on a new water bottle at Starbucks today. It's awesome! I like it because it has a normal-size opening to drink out of (screw off the top half of the lid), but opens wider (screw off the entire lid) so I can get ice in it. And it doesn't have one of those annoying sports-sucker-type tops. My Starbucks had them on clearance for $12, if you'd like to be cool like me (mine's grey):
I ate a piece of frozen pizza for lunch, and I am ready to eat my arm off. Bad choice. I already ate my banana I brought as my afternoon snack. My coworker gave me a light cheese stick, and I am still hungry. Guzzling water is not helping, although it is fun since my new water bottle is so pretty. Note to self: pizza has no staying power.

We have no plans for Easter, and I am pretty happy about that. (Side rant: MIL insisted on spending Thanksgiving with us, even though I didn't want her to and protested pretty loudly to DH about it, as that was the day I came home from the hospital with my lapband. When Christmas rolled around, she proclaimed over and over again that she was spending the holiday with BIL since "we got her for Thanksgiving, and she rotates holidays among her kids to keep it fair." I figured we were spending Easter with her, based on this proclamation, but I was wrong. Apparently, I don't understand what rotate means. When we move to FL, I guess she'll have to rotate with FIL for holidays, and since I learned the real meaning of rotation from her, it might not go exactly as she thinks/wants. {insert evil wink & grin here} )

I want to change the look of my blog, but I am afraid another change will push Shrinking Mommy over the top! She might even stop following me, and that would be a travesty!

I am totally slacking at work today. I need to stop. And on that note, I should get something done before the end of the day!

The scale is not my friend.

I was so hopeful this morning. I've eaten really well since my fill last Friday. Doing what I'm supposed to (other than exercise, but I'm not supposed to until I get these mole stitches out today) and being a model bandster. On Monday, I was .8 lbs from my lowest point.

And today was supposed to be my lowest yet.

But it's UP. Up. Up. Up. Stooooopid scale. I'm now 1.6 lbs from my lowest.

Ok, I guess I'm over it, it'll come off eventually blah-blah-cakes. But the scale still got a small kick this morning. Just a little one, because I do want it to be nice to me next week.

So, my goal until my next fill, which is in 13 days, is to get back to my lowest. That's it. I need to focus on maintaining right now. A loss is just a bonus.

Enough whining - how about a few NSVs instead?

Well, this one is kind of a SV, but it's kind of an NSV as well. As much as I'm frustrated with not losing this past month (I weighed my lowest on 12.23), I've also maintained for all intents and purposes (I don't consider 1.6 lbs up a gain right now.) I've never, ever, ever done this. I'm either flying up in weight or crawling down. But a month? At virtually the same weight? SCORE for me!

My other NSV reminds me of Cara's from a few weeks ago - the towel victory. Mine is about my shower wrap. It's a size 22/24, which I haven't been for a few years. It gaps HORRIBLY in the front around my butt/thighs, but still hooks at the top, so I continue to use it. I looked in the mirror today and realized the 4" gap is gone! It actually overlaps on itself. Go me!

Off to a staff meeting, but will check in later.

Back on the BAND wagon

Let's just be honest and get it out of the way. I weighed myself this morning...I was expecting ugly. Well, not super ugly as I've been on liquids/mushies for 3 days, but I wasn't expecting anything even bordering on pretty. I did a happy dance though when the scale reported I was only .8 lbs up from my lowest. That's all I needed to hear to stay on the BAND wagon. Even though I thought I was not doing what I was supposed to be doing, something's working, and if I would just work a little harder, it would work even better. If you followed that! So, I am back committed to eating the way I am supposed to, restriction or not.

I am still not sure where my restriction stands. I do feel a bit of a lump in my throat when I eat, but I don't get a full feeling nor am I staying full longer. I did, however, only have mushies for breakfast this morning, just because it's what I had in the house (egg salad and a piece of string cheese.) I'll try eating some solid protein and veggies for lunch and see how it goes. Never fear, though, because I have my next fill scheduled for two weeks from Tuesday. I am determined to stay on top of this and keep the ball rolling right down the hill!

I had a moment of regret over the band this weekend. I watched a special on Discovery Health (I think - it was dvr'ed) about Gil Gerard who had mini gastric bypass. (PS - I had NO idea who he was before this special, but it was interesting nonetheless.) He lost 54 lbs by month two (oh, hey, today is my two month bandiversary!), and I've lost 39 lbs in the same time frame. And we started with virtually the same amount of weight to lose. As I watched, I started second-guessing myself. Why didn't I just do GB?

And then I realized, as great as this special was (I definitely would recommend watching it - just because it does cast WLS in a positive light), it didn't focus at all on his new eating habits. They talked a lot about his physical changes, how much more active he is now, and so on. But it didn't talk at all about what he eats, how much he eats, what he can and cannot eat, and so on. So, from that perspective, they really left a lot out.

Once I got over my second-guessing, I realized that I did make the right decision for me. Especially when at the end of the special, they talked about how he was still about 40-50 lbs from where he wants to be and his weight loss has slowed/stalled. I certainly don't wish him any ill-will, but it definitely reminded me that every WLS has it's pros and cons, and quick weight loss is not a pro of lap-band surgery. BUT long-term tweaking is a pro, and I will absolutely use this tool for all its worth...

So, in the words of someone (who? I can't remember!)...I'm bbbbbbaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkkk!

PS - NSV Alert! DH drove my car last, and he always moves the seat up. Partially because his butt doesn't require the same amount of space as mine requires, and partially because his legs are about 3" shorter than mine. In the old days, if I tried to get in without moving the seat back, I'd get stuck between the seat and the wheel and give myself a few bruises. I'd also curse him a lot. Today, I got in the car without thinking about and realized I felt a little closer to the wheel than normal. But it took a second to register that it was because the seat was moved up! I hadn't boinked my head, bruised my knee, or anything else trying to get in. I just slid right in!

36 lbs gone and other babbles - and an NSV ALERT!

WOOHOO! I lost 5 lbs this week, bringing my total to an even, very cool, 18%-of-the-way-to-my-goal 36 lbs gone. I am beyond thrilled with that!

And I'm even more thrilled to be on soft meats starting today. I had 5 ham-and-cheese roll-ups for breakfast. They were super tasty, and boy, was it nice to sink my teeth into something other than what they serve at nursing homes.

My %&#$@*&%) period is STILL hanging around. Seriously. That blows. I know it's normal to be long and heavy when it's your first post-partum one, but I would like it to go away. Today, if possible.

I also still have a sore throat and a certain two-year old who will not sleep in her own bed. Or even in my bed without me. Ugh. It's time to pull out the mean parent cards and force her in her own bed, but I just don't have the energy. Maybe this weekend. I'm a-draggin'.

Two other things I wanted to mention:

*I hate, hate, hate not being able to drink while eating. I hate the dry, sticky feeling in my mouth. I hate the way the food feels like it sticks on its way down. I hate the lingering taste of the last bite before the next bite. I just hate it all. If you were a big drinker-while-eating, when did this get better for you?

*The Other Amy had a great post earlier this week about food habits/eating secrets that brought you to your highest weight. I certainly had my share.

I almost always, always overate at meals. I always had/have this feeling that I'm going to get hungry before my next meal, and of course, being hungry sucks, so I would do everything I could to avoid being hungry at all during the day. I have never been a big snacker, which probably attributed to this problem. I'd eat to stuffed, get hungry, and eat until stuffed again. Nice cycle, huh? I will say that pre-op + post-op diets have already started teaching me that hungry won't kill me, and I will survive until my next meal.

I also have a bad, bad case of 'all-or-nothing-itis' - in that, I am either on a diet or OFF a diet. Obviously more off than on. But I would be soooo good, so virtuous and stick to a diet perfectly for 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, etc. And then when I went off, boy, did I go off. I would eat everything I'd denied myself while dieting plus some. And I'd gain all my weight back plus a few friends. Rinse. Repeat. Talk about yo-yo dieting. I take the crown.

I can't say that I had a huge addiction to any one particular food or food group. I rarely drank regular pop. I did eat my share of fast food, but it was nothing outrageous, at least not outrageous enough to justify 374 lbs. I do love chocolate, but I rarely kept it in the house, so it was only occasional binges. I really do attribute my weight to the bad yo-yo dieting cycle and general overeating at every meal. Large meals at every meal + occasional binges = FAT.

This is why I am so excited about my band. Knowing that I'm not really a snacker and my general problem is overeating at meals, I really hope that my new behaviors + the band will make me successful. I have very high hopes, and since I'm determined to be successful, I have no doubt I will be!

PS - BEEP BEEP! NSV ALERT! NSV ALERT! BEEP BEEP! I went shopping today for snacks for our company's holiday party, which is tomorrow. I was so weirdly detached from what I was doing and had a hard time picking out things to buy. I stood in the chip aisle for like 5 minutes and couldn't decide what to get. Nothing was ringing my bell, when I suddenly realized, I didn't care, since I wouldn't be eating these foods. What an NSV! In the past, I would have been jumping for joy to get to do the shopping so I could pick out what *I* wanted to eat. This year, eh. YEAH!