Thoughts on hunger and fills...

Someone asked about my fill level yesterday, which got me to thinking, which is always dangerous. HA!

Anyhow, I am currently at about 10.5 or 11 in a 14 cc band. I was as high as 11.5 or so, but that fill gradually got tighter until I had a small unfill about 6 months ago. If I'm being honest, I could use another small unfill, but I'm not PB'ing, so I am going to ride it out for another 10 lbs or so to see if it loosens up at all.

But here's what I was thinking. I never got that FULL feeling. Ever. Even when I was too tight. I have always had that "full up top, still hungry down below" feeling. Like my pouch was phsyically full, but it didn't really do anything for the sensation of hunger.

That being said, my feelings of hunger have diminished greatly. I honestly think it's learned. It's 90% a head game. I know, I know, everyone already knows it's a head game. It's not like this is earth-shattering, breaking news. But it is for me. I think I finally have accepted that the band has done more for my head than it did for my stomach.

I have been banded almost 18 months, and I am just kind of used to how my hunger levels feel. I rarely feel REALLY hungry, and I rarely feel REALLY full. Don't get me wrong, I get hungry, but it's not a consuming hunger. It's more like a "I should eat something, because I'm feeling a bit weak/headachy/hollow." Likewise, I do get full, but it's never a "I just ate so much, I'm gonna bust" feeling. It's more like a "I've had some food, and that's enough. It's too much work to eat more" feeling.

I guess my point is I was looking for this elusive FULL feeling, which is why I ended up too filled. It never happened. But my hunger is now totally manageable. It doesn't control my every waking thought now. There are days where I wish I could just eat to feel that FULL feeling, but of course, I can't. Which is the whole point of the band, right?

And with that, I'm proud to announce I am down 130 lbs! And my BMI is now 35, on the nose. Sweet!

Bullet time

• Life is going at warp speed. I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I posted. I swear, I thought it was about 3 days!
• I have two very promising job interviews coming up. Please send any good job vibes you have my way!
• It's been more than a year since my last fill! Seriously! My last fill was Cinco de Mayo 2010. If you are having a hard time finding restriction, do not despair. It took me FOREVER to get it and then once I got it, it's been awesome. Although I keep losing, and my band keeps getting tighter. Grrr...
• Still mostly on the low-carb bandwagon. I have had some carbs here and there, as my tight band makes eating low-carb difficult sometimes.
• I am down to 245 lbs! My collarbones are popping out, and my face actually looks kind of thin to me.
• A friend posted some pics of me on Facebook, and for the first time ever, I wasn't disgusted. I looked normal.
• I might wear a size 18W suit to my interview! I wore it my first day at my first real job in 2000. And it fits. It has NO give (it's a linen blend). And it fits. It fits. It FITS. IT FITS!
• I got to spend the day with Heidi a few weeks ago. I can't even tell you guys how awesome she is. AWE to the SOME. Seriously.
• I promise to do some progress pics this week.
• I guess that's about it. Off to catch up with my lovely bandster bloggers!

I don't even expect anyone to respond.

Have you ever put something off and the longer you put it off, the harder it becomes to do? That's how I felt about writing this post. I don't know why. I mean, we're all friends here. I don't have to post daily or weekly, if I don't want to. But I DO want to. But then I start feeling like everyone's stayed in touch except for me, and that I'm a big loser who no one cares if I write or not, and then I let those feelings feed off each other until it's been six weeks since I've EVEN LOGGED IN, because I get all weird about it.

So, there you have it. I am weird. And I let my weirdness feed on itself until I've weirded myself out about doing something that's totally no big deal. UGH. I should probably get some therapy, huh?

Since I last wrote:

• I got to meet Angela. Holy cannoli, she is the sweetest, the cutest, the most motivating. She is simply awesome.
• I completed a half-marathon, in no small part thanks to Angela, who gave me the motivation to finish. It was hell, I was exhausted, but I did it. 
• I was in my BFF's wedding in California. It was absolutely beautiful, and it was so much fun to wear a size 18 dress. And I hired Joey to design their wedding gift, which turned out better than I could have ever dreamed!
• I've intereviewed with FIVE companies and have a sixth scheduled for Thursday.
• I had one job offer I turned down. It was with D*isney. The pay was PATHETIC. Pitiful really. Half of what I made at my last job, and my last job was a small non-profit in one of the most economically disadvantaged cities in the entire country.
• I had to turn down an invitation to join the lovely BOOBS in Chicago, once again. I have already had two girls' only trips this year and am planning another to go see a dear friend who's pregnant when she has her baby next month (ironically in Chicago). I think DH would leave me if I asked for a fourth girls' only trip this year.
• I'm back down to my lowest weight. And think I'm finally ready to enter uncharted territory.
• I realized I've not had a fill in nearly 11 months! Crazy!
• I've been super busy with photography and finally have paying customers!

So, there you have it...I may or may not post again before May, you know, with my recent track record and all...but I plan to!

I feel my mojo returning.

I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself. However, I also feel a cold coming on. Of course!

On the band front, I am doing pretty well with my restriction. I could probably use a sparrow's fart of a fill, but I hate to waste the time and money on a small one, so I am going to hold off for a few weeks and see how I do. My eating is pretty good - mostly meat and veggies with some dairy and chocolate (and coffee) thrown in for good measure. Ironically, or maybe happily, most starchy carbs don't even appeal to me much, so it's easy to skip those. DH is acting as my STOP button - he can tell when I am slowing down and should stop at dinner, and his "You're there" really does help me stop. For some reason, I don't have a problem with breakfast or lunch, just dinner.

Thanks for all the kind comments on my photos yesterday. I'm toying around with the idea of offering some heavily discounted sessions to see if it's something I want to do. I've batted the idea around now for over a year, so I guess it's time to just try it and see if it's something I want to do or not.

Other than that, I am boring and have nothing to report!

Here.

I'm here. Thanks to everyone who checked up on me - Maria, Heidi, Angela...It's so nice knowing I am missed.

I talked to my gyn about my unhappiness/depression/issues, and she prescribed Zoloft. I have the prescription filled, but I haven't taken it yet. I'm just not sure I want to take any meds. Sigh. If I'm debating it this much, I should probably just take them, right? (ETA: It's not that I feel shame taking them - it's the side effects I'm concerned about - weight gain, jittery, insomnia, decreased sex drive, etc.)

Other than that, I am eating crappy and exercising even less. That changes this minute. I have a half-marathon to run in 4 months - I must get my butt in gear. I also have a one year bandiversary approaching, and I'd like to lose at least 130 lbs in the first year, if not more. I also know I'll feel better if I do both of those things. I also need to get a bit of a refill; it's just time and money holding me back.

On a fun note, DH & I just bought Disney passes (they started a monthly payment plan), and we took the kids to the Magic Kingdom for their first visit last weekend. I think we'll head back again this weekend.

Finally, anyone out there a resume expert? If so, would you be willing to help me? I think I have a strong resume, but it needs to be stronger.

I promise to start posting and commenting again. I missed you too much to stay away!

Exhausted

Left the house at 9 am Friday and returned at 11:30 pm last night. Two flights, two toddlers, two car seats, a double stroller, six carry-ons, a 49.6 lb checked suitcase, arriving at the hotel at 4:45 pm and having to be at the rehearsal at 5 pm, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, time with friends, lunch with family, getting entire family ready, pictures before ceremony, ceremony, reception, one wandering toddler, one dancing fool toddler, no naps, sharing beds with toddlers, a Sunday brunch with family, rushing to the airport, and more. All in about 61 hours (if I am doing the math right).

I am exhausted.

On the band-front, I'm afraid to get on the scale. My unfill was a little too effective. I need a bit of a fill, but I'm going to give it a week to see how I do. Need to get back to the gym this week and get serious about my half-marathon training.

However, I also wanted to share some pics (I'll post some more of the kids after I've unpacked); the first is from my son's baptism 10.25.09, the second is from my daughter's second birthday 11.15.09, and the third is from this weekend, 10.01.10. About 10-11 months of changing. I realize I do comparison shots every so often, but I think 'real life' shots tell the story more clearly in a lot of ways. And I have to be honest, I have about 75 lbs to go, but the truth is, if I stayed here for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be disappointed. Not to say I am stopping, not by any stretch, but I am okay with where I am, if that makes any sense.

10.25.09

11.15.09

10.01.10

Hard Headed

Why the hell did I think being that tight for that long was good?

I am drinking a protein shake right now. It's going right down. No problems. No sticking, no having to go painfully slow.

I didn't gurgle last night. For the past few months, every time I laid down, my tummy would gurgle, almost as if I would feel air pass between my two tummies. It wasn't painful, just annoying.

I woke up feeling *normal*. You know how you can feel tightness in the AM? No more for me! I wouldn't attempt a T-bone right now, but I don't have that strange tight feeling.

Lesson learned - I have a hard head.

UNFILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In case the title didn't give it away, I got an unfill! 1cc!

I went through Fill Centers USA, and I have to say, so far, I am very impressed. The scheduler was so nice and friendly, and the PA who did my fill was awesome.

The PA got involved in doing fills because his son has a lap-band and was having trouble finding a place to get a fill. So the PA approached the physician he works for about them becoming certified - and here they are. He was so congratulatory on my loss, hit the port on the first try, and made me feel so comfortable. He really listened to what I was going through and where I wanted to be, and we mutually agreed on 1cc.

Of course, I'm supposed to be on liquids for 24-48 hours, but in the interest of making sure enough was taken out before we leave for our trip, I'm going to attempt mushies tomorrow, probably for lunch. But I'm hopeful - water and lattes are going down fine, even big gulps.

Thanks for all your well wishes - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but I've survived!

10 month bandiversary

10 months = 122.2 lbs and 109.75" gone. Yes, I am happy!

Here's the update on the unfill situation.

I ended up going to the ER Thursday night. I was feeling very lousy and just wanted it done and over with. I called before I went, and they assured me the surgeon would do a small unfill. I asked the nurse before I checked in and she said he would as well. I asked the doc that saw me first, and he said the same thing.

Three people told me he would only do a small unfill.

I was so dehydrated, they admitted me overnight and when I saw the surgeon in the AM, he insisted on a complete unfill. I refused. I asked him if his office would guarantee they'd take me as a patient, and he said no. Well, then I wasn't risking a complete unfill with no guarantees of a surgeon who'd refill me. I was also exhausted (didn't sleep at all - they had me in a 'observation room' with 10 billion other people and refinishing of the floors going on right outside the open door).

Then they wanted me to sign AMA paperwork (leaving "against medical advice"). Well, I refused that as well (could affect insurance paying for my visit), so they finally found a doctor who released me. Sigh.

I came home and called Heidi's doc. They were willing to see me, but the bariatric coordinator (the person I'd be seeing) wasn't thrilled with how my restriction came on and was a bit concerned about a slipped band (even though I had x-rays a the hospital that showed that it is fine), and I could just tell was a little hesitant about doing a small unfill. I don't blame her at all. She suggested I have my original surgeon call the local surgeon to see if they'd take me as a patient. Well, I couldn't reach anyone at my surgeon's office (Fridays are fill days and are crazy), so after many tears and second-guessing (was really regretting not getting the complete unfill at the ER - even debated going back!), I finally made an appointment for Monday with Fill Centers USA. I really wanted to go see Heidi's doc, but I hadn't slept and the thought of driving 6 hours in that state was more than my exhausted mind and body could handle.

So, I am on clear liquids (self-imposed) until Monday. I did try some coffee with cream last night, and it went down OK, so if we are out and about today, I may try a latte with whole milk from Starbucks. I haven't PB'ed since Tuesday (Wed?).

I guess I just have to be the odd-ball. I was reading on LBT, and there were several cases of people like me - the more they lost, the tighter their band got! One woman had to get an unfill after every 20 lbs lost, until she was basically unfilled when she was at goal, and still had restriction. It wouldn't surprise me if this happened to me. It took me such a BIG amount to get restriction - it just seems like maybe this is the flip side of that.

I hope everyone is having a blast in Chicago! I am totally jealous of everyone having a great time while I am sucking down clear liquids. :)

Mucho better, thankyouverymuch

I'm not pressing the issue, but I have had two huge bottles of water and a venti full-octane (whole milk) latte with no problems whatsoever today. No gurgling, no feeling stuck, going down fine.

I'm still going for a slight unfill when I can, hopefully next week, but I'm not feeling as desperate as I was.

I am going to do true liquids today and ease back into mushies tomorrow, assuming I still feel good.

The upside of this is I'm down 3+ lbs this week for a grand total of 119.2 lbs. Sunday is my 10-month bandiversary, and I won't lie, it'd be nice to be at an even 120 lbs lost by then!

Other than that, I am highly jealous of all this BOOB talk. And BOOB action. Sigh. So sad. But I did a little retail therapy today and bought some gorgeous 3.25" heels to wear to the wedding next weekend. When I was fatter, I never wore heels (for obvious reasons). I am trying them around the house to make sure I can handle them; I sure hope I can - they make my feet look uber-sexy!

All you BOOBS, have fun. And please promise we're going to do this again soon! Someone (Kristen, I think) mentioned a BOOBS cruise. I am ALL OVER THAT. :) Or FL. That would be easy for me! HA!

It's time.

I think it's time to admit it's time for an unfill.

I really, really don't want to.

But my last fill was .25 cc on May 5, bringing me to 11.25 cc in a 14 cc band. Since then, over 4.5 months, I've lost 60 lbs, and my band is still mostly uber-tight. In fact, it seems to be getting tighter. I keep thinking if I lose enough weight, it'll loosen up. But if 60 lbs didn't do it, I don't think anything will!

I did liquids for more than a week after that fill. I've been on liquids for a week at a time several times since then. I can't eat anything before 12-1 pm. Some days I can barely even drink in the mornings. And now I'm getting tight again in the evening. I just PB'ed on water. I PB'ed on iced tea last week. I could barely get down some homemade cheddar broccoli soup tonight.

I will call tomorrow. I don't even have a surgeon down here yet (my own procrastinating fault), but I have a few options, including the guy Jacquie and Stephanie see. I'm hoping whoever takes me on will do just a little .25 cc unfill or so. And quickly. I am getting tired of living like this.

I hit the wall tonight - I realized I am often tired, because my diet is so lacking. If I really want to run, and I really do want to run, I have to be able to eat more than I can right now.

I know it's not the end of the world. I just am so scared of getting into that fill-unfill cycle, and being self-pay, that's an expensive cycle to get into! But I can't live like this anymore. So, I am admitting it to you guys, and putting it in writing, so I don't back out tomorrow!

That's a good band.

I don't know what kind of magic each of you has up her (his) sleeve, but man, all I have to do is complain to you guys and BOOM! like magic, it's better.

My band is MUCH better today. I'm sticking to liquids just to ensure it's all the way better tomorrow. And guess who made a quick appearance? Aunt Flo. Hmmm....

Oh, and the scale is down 1 lb bringing me to a cool, even 110 lbs lost!

The kids and I ran a few errands today, and while we were out, I thought I'd try on some shoes in anticipation of the dress I'll be wearing to the wedding. It's amazing how much better strappy heels feel at 264 lbs vs. 374 lbs!

One of the fun things about this size is I can wear an XXL in misses or a 1x in women's right now (on top), so I have twice as much to look at when shopping. HA! Strangely, I would have thought I'd run to the misses section, just because I could, but in reality, I gravitate towards the women's section. Maybe because it's what I am used to? Maybe because I feel like an impostor in the misses section? Likewise, I don't EVER look at pants in stores other than LB, because I've been bigger than a 24W for so long. I can now wear 22W on bottom in most stores (24 from Target - jerks!), but I find myself not even looking. I guess I need to recondition myself. I could do it like one of Pavlov's dogs - put some chocolate in the misses section and near the pants in order to entice the fat girl to come over? (In case my writing isn't as funny as it sounds in my head, that was a joke!)

Anyhoooooo, off to accomplish something while the littlest one sleeps and the bigger one 'relaxes' in my room. My 30 min of alone time for the day!

Incoherent babbling

Really and truly, my mind is on overload. Finish working, pack house, new utilities, address change, doc appts, new insurance, bank accounts, two toddlers...

AHHHH!!!!!

Let's see - I think it's a good bullet point day:

• My swollen-ness has relaxed, thank goodness! I was able to eat some Hamburger Helper for dinner last night. I didn't overdo it, just because I was terrified of PB'ing again and starting back at square 1. But I am feeling better today as well. Water is going down smoothly, so I am going to go forth gingerly, but I think I am good to go.
• I called my surgeon yesterday about a slight unfill and have yet to hear back. Yes, they officially suck. But since I magically loosened yesterday, I don't need one anyhow!
• I found two surgeons in FL who'll take me on as a patient! One is about an hour away - $200 per fill. The other is about 10 min away - still waiting to hear from their self-pay manager about pricing. Either way, though, I am thrilled that I will definitely have a local surgeon. Maybe even a support group. Maybe even people who return phone calls in a timely manner! Imagine that!
• I officially have less than two days of work left!
• The scale is up almost 2 lbs from my lowest. I haven't eaten enough to account for that, so I was either dehydrated when I got my lowest reading, or TOM is around the corner (I have Mirena, so I'm not exactly regular anymore). Either way, you know what? I don't care. I know it'll come off, and I don't stress it. It's such a freeing feeling! Smooches to my band!
• One week from today, I will be leaving my house for good. It'll be bittersweet - we bought this house with the intention of it being our "forever" house; we brought both our babies home to this house; we love our house. However, it's also been a bit of a drag - the mortgage is more than we can manage on one salary and it was built in 1950, so things are slowly starting to go. Overall, this move is good for us for so many reasons, but I will miss my house.
• I have on a pair of 26 capris from Avenue that I believe Jen sent me. They are kind of a sage green. Anyhow, they are a slimmer cut, and I couldn't even get them over my thighs when they arrived a month or so ago. They fit perfect today! WOOHOO!
• And finally, for my best NSV so far. One of my coworkers shared this with me yesterday. Apparently, earlier in the week, we'd both been down in the lobby. I was standing in the "employee only" area, and she leaned over and whispered to the receptionist, "Who is that over there?" She totally didn't recognize me and thought I was a volunteer who'd wandered into the wrong area! OMG! She said I don't even look like the same person! That is awesome!

Toodles - back to pretending to work for two more days!

An ode to my band

You know, I don't think I've been kind enough to my band.

I haven't given her the credit she deserves.

In fact, I've done a lot of complaining about her - being too tight, too loose, not doing her job, expecting more of me than I wanted her to and so on.

But if I take the emotion of losing weight out of it, and just look at the cold, hard facts, I think my band has been working overtime with very little praise from me.

She's helped me lose nearly 80 lbs in just over 6 months.

She's done it while dimming my hunger.

She's not required me to focus on her 24/7.

She's practically gotten rid of my cravings.

All the while, she's allowed me to still enjoy my favorite foods: chocolate, cheese, coffee, sushi.

Oh, how I love my band!

I've been doing some thinking lately about how I still don't feel like I am at my sweet spot and am tired of feeling hungry all the time. Then I took a step back and looked at what I ate yesterday: McD's frappe, half cup of lentil soup, cup of tomato soup, and half of a homemade cappucino (milk, no sugar). I'm still pretty tight from my PB on Saturday. Anyhow, um, yeah, that's not much food. And while I was hungry, it was "annoying and I know I could eat and I kinda wanna eat, but I am not ready to gnaw my arm off" type of hunger. It was livable.

I think I need to work on the head part of this and realize that I may have to deal with some hunger. It's NOT the same hunger as pre-band. I guess I finally just realized this. It's a livable, kind of annoying but not overpowering kind of hunger.

And I really think I am too tight. I can't remember the last time I ate 1 cup of food in one sitting. So I don't think it's fair to blame my band for my hunger. I think the reality is I am not eating enough to be full, sweet spot or not. However, I am going to have to deal with it for a few more weeks until I can find a new surgeon in FL. I am okay with it - I can still eat, just not much.

Finally, work planned my going away party at a sushi restaurant for lunch on Thursday. I am kinda stressing it - they don't know about my band. I am still tight from that dumb PB. I am thinking I can probably do some soup and a sashimi. Other ideas?

Just a quickie...

DH is HOME! YEAH!

DS pooped! 3x! YEAH!

I've done some mushies (guac on a piece of cheese, yogurt, ice cream), and they've stayed down. YEAH!

I have a shitload of work to do at work and at home. YEAH!

Just kidding on that last yeah, although it's true. Anyhow, missing you all, but gotta focus around here for a few days...

And Joey, IT'S ON!

Blah blah blah

That's how I am feeling, blah blah blah. It's just been a crazy couple of days.

DS has been constipated for about 10 days and after trying home remedies (prune juice, apple juice, etc.), cutting his milk consumption in half, and even an enema, we had to make a trek to the ped in the pouring rain to get a prescription for Miralax. Poor kid - he is just miserable. And poor me - dragging two kids to the ped and then to the pharmacy in the pouring rain was not fun (I have to buckle them both into and out of carseats, so it's not quick process). I tried to go through the drive-through at Rite Aid (I shop there a lot!) and they would not fill the prescription in less than an hour. I don't get it - every other pharmacy in town can fill a prescription in 10 min or less, and they need an hour? So, I took my prescription back (the guy was a total a$$ about it), and drug them through a monsoon into Costco. Rite Aid is getting a nasty email today...I am solo-parenting with two young kids, one of whom is screaming because he hasn't pooped in a week, who is trying to fill a prescription in the pouring rain at dinner time and you can't help out a loyal customer by speeding up the process, just this once? Seriously.

Anyhow, DD was a total pistol last night - would not go to bed. Tried letting her lay in my bed. She was beyond tired at that point, was all pissy and o.m.g. I hit my limit with her - I actually yelled at her and shut her in her room where she proceeded to scream for 30 min at 11 pm. I was so. done. So. done. SO. DONE. I then had to work until 3 am on stuff for my job, just because I am so far behind. Ugh.

DD woke up this morning still in a pissy mood, probably because she is still tired. When I asked if she wanted a diaper or a pull-up, she threw a fit and cried that she wanted to "wear her butt." It's funny, but how do you reason with that? Sigh.

I PB'ed my lunch yesterday (very tender, very saucy chicken tikka masala), so liquids yet again for me for 24+ hours. I think I'm just going to give up on solid food and live on frappes, protein shakes, soup, and hot cocoa for the rest of my life. Good news is I am down yet again this AM - aiming for 70 lbs by my six-month bandiversary, which is totally doable at this point. But liquids is getting really old. The PA said if I can keep liquid down (which I can just fine), I can just ride it out. But I am soooo tired of liquids. Oh well, it'll eventually loosen up, right? (In case you forgot, my surgeon's protocol if you are too tight is last fill plus half of the previous fill OUT as an unfill. Um, no thanks.)

And while this is an NSV, I am finding it highly annoying. My wedding rings are spinning freely on my finger...I hate when the engagement ring flips over. Drives me batty.

Signed,

Cranky Amy

I got an F!

Well, really, I got two "F"s...

Or I have two "F"s...

Whatever. The bottom line is I went and got fitted for a bra on Saturday at Lane Bryant, and I don't wear a 44DD like I thought I did. I wear a 42F.

Sigh.

My poor boobies. Been stuffing these suckers into bras that are two sizes too small for years. Not to mention, I've lost 66 lbs and they are STILL Fs. Oh well, hubby isn't complaining! {wink, wink}

I joked with a friend that I had to special order from the fat girl store. Double sigh. (Note, I am just being sarcastic here - it really doesn't bother me!)

Speaking of, he finally comes home on Wednesday after 24 days gone! I am a happy camper...more so to have help with the kiddos than to see him. OK, I am excited to see him as well.

And the move is moving forward. I've got the next three weekends planned out. We are going to bust some butt:

5.21 - 5.23 - DH home, BFF (J) coming from WI, Mom coming in and getting a hotel room and keeping the kids as much as possible - plan is to pack and sort/prep for garage sale.

5.28-5.30 - Very good friend (K) (the one from last weekend) is coming up for the whole weekend to continue packing and prepping for garage sale.

6.4 - 6.6 - Another very good friend, T, is coming from Chicago to help me do the garage sale. K will come up for the garage sale as well.

It's going to be a whirlwind!

I am starting to get anxious/excited about flying to FL. I should be just under 300 lbs by then, and I am really hopeful I'll be able to fly sans extender. Keep those fingers crossed for me!

On the eating front, I still don't feel full or even satisfied, pretty much ever. It's getting old, but until I can eat three (at least two) 'real' meals per day, I'm not counting my sweet spot out. My days are weird - yesterday I was able to eat a few pieces of sushi , 1/2 of a steamed artichoke (thanks for the obsession, Kristin!), and french onion soup including cheese and bread without problem. I went slowly, but no problem. And then I accidentally gulped hot cocoa last night, and I PB'ed it.

Fortunately, I can kinda 'make' myself PB now. Well, I don't know if that is good or not, but it comes up really easily, so I figure it's not doing too much, if any, damage.

Do any of you struggle with a gurgly tummy at night? I can't eat/drink too close to bedtime or I get some reflux. But if I go to bed with too empty of a tummy, it gurgles so badly, I can't sleep. My solution has been a small hot cocoa about 30-60 min before bed, but that's the one I PB'ed last night. So, my tummy gurgled for 90 min before I could fall asleep...it's like I can feel stuff passing back and forth through the band! Was driving me crazy...

WWMBFE?

Translate that one yet?

What would my blogger/bandster friends eat?

Duh! It wasn't that hard...LOL, I make myself laugh.

Anyhooooo, I am attempting solids tomorrow! GO ME! I feel like such a big girl.

I'm trying to decide what my best lunch option would be.

Really moist chicken salad? Aack, I hate the word moist!
Crab cakes?
Lightly seared scallops?

Hit me with your best option...a semi-solid protein with the smallest PB factor!

And Heidi, yes, probably a bit tight, but my doc does not do small unfills. Their unfill protocol is your last fill plus half of your previous fill. Stupid? Yes. But that's their rules, and I ain't playing by those rules, especially since those fills cost me $300!

Hard Head (advice needed)

Why? Why must I be so hard-headed?

I tried to eat a burger tonight. No bun, just the meat.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Believe me, LESSON LEARNED!

Anyhow, I hoorked like a cat for TWO SOLID HOURS. It was puking-from-the-bottom-of-the-gut PB'ing. It finally stopped, thank goodness, because I was about to curl up in the fetal position and cry. I was home alone with the two kids, and no one was available to come help me.

About 90 min after the PB'ing stopped, I tried some hot cocoa. No dice. It came back up twice. I did manage to keep some water down in between.

I am no longer sliming and am able to swallow my own spit.

My game plan is to let it be for the rest of the night - no water or anything. Assuming I can keep water down in the AM, I will very slowly try a protein shake or a latte. As long as it stays down, I am good to go, right?

I am slightly paranoid that I may have slipped my band or something with all the hoorking (I just like typing that word!). No pain, still able to swallow, etc., so I'm 99% sure I'm okay, but that 1% of me is concerned.

Finally, the kids and I are going to a friend's house for the weekend. She does not know about the band. I'm probably going to have to tell her. I'm okay with it, as she is overweight and I would never want her to think I lost this weight on my own. However, she is also the type of friend who called me 4x/day for the last month of each of my pregnancies to ask if I was in labor yet. That's just how she is. And the reason I didn't/don't want to tell her about the band. It'll be constant questions from now until the end of time. Oh well...

So, my two questions:

1. My band care plan - okay? Other suggestions?

2. If you were my friend, and I sprung on you that I had major surgery nearly 6 months ago, how would you like me to tell you? :) (I'm planning on the whole "This was, and continues to be, a very personal journey for me, and I had to come to terms with my decision before I could share it with others.")

Toodles!

Knock on wood...

...I am afraid to even put this in writing.

This fill feels different.

I am supposed to be on clear liquids only for 24 hours after a fill (hahahahahaha, yeah right), but I at least stuck to liquids yesterday. I had a latte in the AM, a McD's frappe in the afternoon (I know, not the healthiest choice, but it was satisfying), about 1/2 c. of tomato soup made with milk for dinner (it was threatening to come back up), and homemade hot cocoa before bed. And I wasn't starving. Normally, I am ready to eat my arm off on fill days.

I'm sipping very slowly on a latte this morning. Slowly being the key word. Again, I am normally HUNGRY in the AM. Not so much this morning.

Could it be? I'm not even going to say or write the words, but you all know exactly what I am thinking!

Fingers and toes and everything else crossed...