I'm surviving!

So, a quick update. My surgery was at 9:30 am and I was released to go home at 2 pm. Not too shabby! Still haven't had any pain meds, not even immediately after surgery in recovery. I honestly think it's helping me feel better, as pain meds just do a number on how I feel - very groggy, light-headed, tired, nauseated.

Ironically, one of my nurses has been banded for two years. She had a slip fixed about 6 months ago, and really wanted to revise to sleeve, but her insurance wouldn't cover it on a first slip. So now she's hoping for another slip so she can revise! Her daughter had the sleeve done three months ago and lost 80 lbs and is at goal. HOLY MOSES. I hope this will be me!

My band had pulled the fundus of my stomach (left part) through my diaphragm. I also had a fair amount of scar tissue that he removed. We're still looking at close to 4 months for revision, so maybe I can do it on or around what would have been my three-year bandiversary at the end of November.

One last thing - if anyone reading this is looking for a surgeon in the Orlando/Melbourne/Space Coast area, Dr. Domkowski at Riverside Surgical is amazing. The most caring surgeon I've ever met. Hands down. He is just so wonderful.

And the staff at Sebastian Medical Center blew me away. The anesthesiolgist was even nice and caring, which has never been my experience, and I have had five surgeries. Every single person touched my shoulder, assured me I'd be fine, and kept asking what they could get for me. Their care was top notch.

Braggity, braggity - photos I took

Yes, I am totally bragging, as I am thrilled with how these turned out. I feel like I finally GET it. I know what to do to get the shot I want. When I first decided to really 'understand' photography, I had NO idea how complex it is. While it's frustrating at times, it's also fun, because there is always, always, always more to learn about photography. It truly can be a life-long hobby.

Enough of my babbling, though, here they are - my BFF's engagement photos, shot by yours truly! (Click any photo to make it larger.)

My 2011 motto is...

PUSHING BEYOND MYSELF

I am ready to push my limits, stretch my boundaries, create new healthy routines, and live the life I was meant to live. A life that was made much more possible because of weight loss surgery, but a life that does not revolve just around my weight loss. It's about giving back, dreaming big, nurturing relationships, and most of all, pushing beyond who I was.

I would consider 2010 my "staging year". I did a lot of work to position myself (and my family) to have a fantastic 2011. I am ready to discover who I really am and what I really love. I am ready to live a life that is authentic, that at times pushes my limits while other times leaving me feeling content, that makes me feel good about who I am and what I contribute to my family, friends, and the world.

I am challenging myself to accomplish 111 things in 2011. Some are small, some are BIG, some are mundane, some are necessary, some are fantastical, some are very personal (I'm not sharing with anyone IRL except you guys), and some are just plain boring. Each has a purpose, though, the purpose of pushing me beyond myself.

Without further adieu, here is my list of "111 Things to Accomplish in 2011":

Household

1. Go on 3 month-long spending hiatuses.
2. Make bed daily.
3. Scoop litter boxes daily.
4. Establish a house-cleaning routine.
5. Leave the kitchen clean nightly.
6. Brush the cats weekly.
7. Create 7 easy dinners.
8. Create 7 crockpot dinners.
9. Create 7 cheap dinners.
10. Create 7 meatless dinners.
11. Create 6 week-long dinner menus.
12. Try 12 new recipes.
13. Send my Christmas Cards by 12/1/11.
14. Declutter each room once.
15. Have 12 no-food-waste weeks.
16. Swap out kids' toys weekly.
17. Swap out kids' books weekly.

Projects

18. Make Elise's baby book.
19. Make Beckett's baby book.
20. Make 2009 family album.
21. Make 2010 family album.
22. Make 2011 family album.
23. Organize and back-up all photos.
24. Scan all photos.
25. Scan all mom's photos.
26. Organize and back-up all videos.
27. Upload all cd's to iTunes.
28. Scan Elise's artwork weekly.
29. Scan Beckett's artwork weekly.

Photography

30. Complete a Project 365.
31. Learn how to use off-camera flash.
32. Complete Besties project.
33. Do 12 portfolio building shoots.
34. Launch amycooperphotography.com.
35. Host 3 mini-sessions.

Health

36. Floss daily.
37. Run 365 miles.
38. Track my miles run.
39. Post 3x/week on babblesofabandster.
40. Eat 2 different veggies daily.
41. Eat 2 different fruits daily.
42. Brush Beckett's teeth 2x/day
43. Brush Elise's teeth 2x/day.
44. Drink 2 liters of water daily.
45. Prepare one meatless dinner per week.
46. Eat completely meatless one day per week.
47. Prep one cold vegetable salad weekly.
48. Take Juice+ daily.
49. Give Beckett Juice+ daily.
50. Give Elise Juice+ daily.
51. Ensure Elise eats 2 fruits daily.
52. Ensure Beckett eats 2 fruits daily.
53. Ensure Elise eats 2 veggies daily.
54. Ensure Beckett eats 2 veggies daily.
55. Have cut-up veggies in fridge at all times.
56. Have cut-up fruit in fridge at all times.
57. Get my moles checked twice.
58. See the dentist twice.
59. Get a complete physical.

Mental Health

60. Post 3x/week on amytoldyouso.
61. Read 52 books.
62. Read 13 non-fiction books.
63. Read 13 "classics".
64. Turn the tv and computer off simultaneously for one hour daily.
65. Establish a morning routine.
66. Respond to emails within 24 hours.
67. Respond to phone calls within 24 hours.
68. Go 3 days (individually) with no phone, internet, or tv.
69. Join a local women's social group.
70. Post 1x/week to wowthatsyummy.

Career

71. Apply for 20 jobs/week as necessary.
72. Write 3 grants for pay.
73. Find the right job for me.

Giving Back

74. Find volunteer work.
75. Do 12 random acts of kindness.
76. Donate blood six times.
77. Join the bone marrow registry.

Relationships

78. Send 24 cards to friends & family.
79. Implement "Xtreme Niceness" week once/month.
80. Have cuddle night with Travis 1x/week.
81. Write 24 love notes to Travis.
82. Plan a surprise weekend away for Travis and me.
83. Have 12 date nights with Travis.
84. Write to 6 friends and tell them how much they mean to me.
85. Surprise Travis at work with homemade peanut butter cookies.
86. Write my mom a letter telling her how much she means to me.
87. Contact Ben 1x/week.
88. Celebrate our five-year anniversary meaningfully.

Family

89. Start Daddy & Daughter time.
90. Start Mommy & Daughter time.
91. Start Mommy & Son time.
92. Start Daddy & Son time.
93. Start a Family Fun Night tradition.
94. Walk 3x/week in the evenings with the kids.
95. Teach Beckett to swim underwater.
96. Read 3 books to Elise daily.
97. Read 3 books to Beckett daily.
98. Take kids to the library weekly.
99. Teach Elise to read.
100. Do a family photo shoot.

Dream BIG!

101. Lose 50 lbs in the first 111 days of 2011.
102. Exercise every day of January.
103. Complete a half-marathon.
104. Apply for Wheel of Fortune.
105. See the Packers play.
106. Fire a gun.
107. Run a 7-minute mile.
108. Get a tattoo in honor of the kids.
109. Do a pull-up.
110. Get hypnotized.
111. Hit my goal weight!

A day late, but not a dollar short - A year in review

Hope you'll all forgive me for missing my bandiversary yesterday. With it falling on Thanksgiving, you know, I was busy stuffing my face full of food. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to admit that? Ha!

So, what is there to say about this past year that I haven't already said? Not much. I feel like I've shared nearly every thought and experience I've had with my band over the last year with you guys. It's certainly been a roller coaster, thankfully with more ups than downs, but a wild ride nonetheless. I'm having a terrible time composing my thoughts about where I am and where I've been, so how about a few top ten lists to help me sort out my thoughts?

Top 10 Ups Since Being Banded

10. This lovely community, especially the sisterhood without which I'd be either naked or broke.
9. Signing up for a half-marathon. While the training hasn't started in earnest, I am actually looking forward to it. We'll see how I feel after my first 10-mile training session.
8. Lack of anxiety over flying. 'Nuff said.
7. Going down the slide at Animal Kingdom with my daughter before I realized I didn't even have to consider if I'd fit or not. Yeah, I cried that day.
6. Buying a size S/M sweater from Loft. LALALALA I can't hear you telling me it ran large LALALALALA All I know is it has an S on the tag.
5. Painting my own toenails and being able to breathe. I still get pretty giddy about that one.
4. Not freaking out when my BFF announced she was engaged, panicking over finding a dress that wouldn't look like a tent on me. Or looking like a whale next to her since she's a stick.
3. After-hours extracurriculars with DH. I don't think you want or need any more details.
2. Accepting that I can actually lose every single pound of excess weight.
1. LIVING instead of obsessing about food. The freedom I feel is indescribable.

Top 10 Downs Since Being Banded

10. PB'ing. I still hate it. I don't urp up like some - I ralph up pretty forcibly every time.
9. My month or so of being uber-tight. That's a hell of a way to lose weight.
8. Moving and having to find new after-care. I never imagined how difficult that would be.
7. My feet are shrinking out of some of my favorite shoes!
6. Batwings and elephant thighs. I'm learning to accept them, but it doesn't mean I have to like them.
5. Still being fat after losing 125 lbs. I know I've come miles, but I still have a mile or two left to go, and it sometimes really gets to me that I let it go as far as it did.
4. Realizing how poorly I was treated by society when I was fat. I never thought I was, but now I am realizing it was worse than I accepted.
3. Waiting for my head to catch up with my body. This is such a mental game, and to be honest, it's exhausting quite often.
2. My two or so months of depression. I was totally unprepared for the emotions, even though I thought I was prepared to deal with the changes.
1. Realizing I should have done this when my mom first brought it up years ago. I was too stubborn and proud to even consider it.

Top 10 Reasons I Will Lose the Rest & Keep It All Off

10. This lovely community - your support is amazing.
9. I still love food, but I don't LOVE food anymore, if that makes sense.
8. I'm no longer too proud or stubborn to admit when a problem is bigger than me.
7. Going back is simply not an option.
6. My kids deserve this mom, not their old mom. Hubby, too, even if he drives me nuts 90% of the time.
5. I can live with a too-tight band if I have to. Not fun, but I can do it if need be to get back on track or what not.
4. I will NOT add to the stereotype/statistics of "the band isn't as good as bypass/other wls". I am too competitive.
3. My 40s are going to be the best decade of my life (yet), so I have a few more years to perfect this body before I take on the 40s and show them what I'm made of!
2. I owe it to myself and my creator/the universe to make the most of this body. That's more spiritual than I normally get, but I really feel it lately.
1. I'm HOT when I'm skinny!


Finally, a bandiversary post wouldn't be worth anything without a few then and now pics. Alas, I present my befores and afters - 125 lbs less of me AKA 1/3 less of me AKA I've worked my ass off this year and am damn proud of where I am!

October 2009 - 374 lbs

November 2010 - 249 lbs

November 15, 2009 - DD's 2nd birthday

November 15, 2010 - DD's 3rd birthday

November 2010 - feeling like I can do silly things in public and not be "that fat girl"

Blah

Sorry I'm not writing nor commenting. Just feeling blah about everything. My band, my life, my husband, my SAHM-ness, my non-working-ness, my house, finances, housework, eating, not eating, weight loss, exercise, lack of friends down here, lack of babysitters down here, and so on.

At least the weather is enjoyable - low 80s during the day, high 50s at night.

I have a gyn appt tomorrow morning, and I am seriously considering asking for a 30-day (or six week, whatever is standard) prescription for something to help break me out of what I think is 'situational depression'. I'm not sure if that's even what it is, or if she'll do anything about it, or really if that's what I even need, but I need something to help me snap out of this.

I'll be back - I'm not even really leaving. I just need a day or two to process this mood.

The post you've all been waiting for...

No, not a vlog. Joey said I wasn't allowed to do one until I hit 100 lbs. ;) You're safe for another 3.2 lbs. In my world, that means a week.

No, today's post is PICTURES! Of yours truly. The one you all secretly want to be like. Fine, I know no one really wants to be me...the pressure of being this awesome is really overwhelming. HAHA!

OK, seriously, what is with me today? The compliments have gone to my head apparently.

Back to the regularly scheduled post, here are some fat, skinny, and in-between pics of me over the last 10-ish years...the pics are in order of weight, not date.

March 2008 - 320ish - I remember seeing this picture and wanting to cry. My ass is W-I-D-E.
May 2006 - 320ish - Our wedding and honeymoon. Wedding dress was a size 24, and it only fit because it wasn't tight in my problem areas - hips/butt/thighs.
Size 28 jeans.

October 2005 - 320ish - my headshot for work. I did cry when I saw this.

Christmas 2006 - 275ish - with my bestie from WI. Size 24 jeans. Yes, she is gorgeous and skinny. She runs and spins and does triathlons, but even if she didn't (and when she didn't), she maxes out about 10 lbs above this weight. I still love her.
Earlish 2007 - 265ish - my last successful attempt at WW. I had lost 50 lbs at this point.
June 2007 - 275ish - about 3 months pregnant with DD

OK, enough of the fat befores. How about some of the skinny befores? I had to dig waaaaayyyyy back for these.

November 1999 - 200ish lbs - home from grad school for Thanksgiving. I'd lost a bunch of weight over the summer (you'll see pics in a minute) and was slowly gaining it back.

November 1999 again - 200ish - size 16 jeans from Old Navy. (With my family - parents, brother, and dad's parents). My dad recently lost 75 lbs (from about the size in this pic) and has kept it off for 6 months. My mom has been the same weight for years - she's one who doesn't care about food. My brother is constantly trying to gain weight.

Summer 1999 - one of two triathlons I completed that summer - the lowest I got with WW was 191 lbs, so I am somewhere around there. I was wearing 12s and 14s from Old Navy at that point.

With my ex, but it shows you just how thin my face was!

Crossing the finish line!

Summer 1979 - about 40 lbs and last time I rocked a bikini :)

The pics of me at 191-200 lbs make me happy. I realize I still had some weight to lose, but after many years of carrying many extra pounds, I might be perfectly content there. Then again, more and more of me is wanting to be 'thin' when this is all said and done. I've got about 90 lbs to go before I really need to worry about it, though!

BYOC

1. What’s the oddest diet you have tried? Or which ones have you tried and were any successful?
Nothing odd. I've done Weight Watchers (points and Simply Filling/Core), low carb, and counting calories. I had the most success on low carb and Core, I think mostly because my body reacts to sugar/carbs much like an addict's body reacts to heroin. Points was VERY hard for me to do, simply because I have a very addictive/obsessive personality, and couting/weighing/measuring everything that entered my mouth just fed the negative part of my personality. For some, WW might be livable long-term, but I guess I just didn't see how I could count points for the rest of my life.

2. Do you prefer baths or showers?

I'm going to lose my "girly girl" card on this one, but I despise baths. I don't like laying in my own dirty water, I don't like being in a steamy room with my face getting all sweaty, and I generally just don't like them. I honestly can't tell you the last time I took a bath, but I can guarantee you that I took a shower afterwards!

DH & I do, however, regularly use our hottub!

3. What is your favorite breakfast food?

Leftover pizza! Second place is sugary, fattening coffee drinks from Starbucks and McD's. I still indulge in these every once in a while, justifying it because I can't get solids down in the AM! HAHAHA!

4. What’s your least favorite word?

M-O-I-S-T. I hate what it usually refers to, I hate the way it sounds with the "oyyyy" in the middle, and I hate the way my mouth feels when I say it. Gag.

5. Repeat question…make someone a Superstar for a day! Whose blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

The one that popped into my head was Amanda feeling guilty over her success and not wanting to make anyone feel bad. I hope we all reassured her that we are thrilled for her successes. How incredibly sweet and supportive and thoughtful of her to not want to upset others. She definitely gets my vote this week!

Oh, and Jess who called me out on my blog - she really made me think and think hard, and I loved having to do that. It's too easy to take the easy way out and not put in effort sometimes.

I am a Floridian!

We are here. It was quite the trip and a crazy few days, but we are here and settling in. Even with selling 90% of our stuff and renting a furnished place, the unpacking is STILL a nightmare.

I did unpack my scale almost immediately. And then was good and stayed off until today (my official weigh-in day) and am happy to report that I lost 5.6 lbs in the past two weeks, bringing my official total to 85.2 lbs! I am just thrilled. Only a few more pounds and I'll be just obese. YEAH for being obese, right?

Two quick NSVs:

1. No airplane extender. Need I say more? :)
2. I ran into some old friends from HS when I was at my parents, and I wasn't mortified. I know you all understand!

Alright, I wish I had time to write more, but more unpacking calls...I promise to try and check in more later!

Limbo

Well, the kids and I are at my parents' house, and DH is on his way to FL with our stuffed-to-the-brim UHaul truck. It's all becoming very real!

Leaving my house for the last time was extremely emotional. We bought that house intending for it to be our 'forever' house. While forever didn't quite work out, the house was very good to us, and I hope the next family loves it just as much as we did (and still do).

Being here with the kids is kind of a nightmare! No crib for DS; DD is into everything (destroyed about 20 things of wrapping ribbon yesterday); my 93-year old grandpa lives with my parents; they have three 90+ lb dogs; and so on. It's just constant. Only a few more days...

The good news is I weighed myself on my parents' scale, and it said I was down about 3 lbs. I have no idea how it compares to mine, though, so I won't count it as official until I step on my own scale.

The other good news is my fill seems to be about perfect right now. I can eat a decent amount, nothing is off limits, and I am quite content 90% of the time. I'm pretty happy about that!

Just a quickie...

DH is HOME! YEAH!

DS pooped! 3x! YEAH!

I've done some mushies (guac on a piece of cheese, yogurt, ice cream), and they've stayed down. YEAH!

I have a shitload of work to do at work and at home. YEAH!

Just kidding on that last yeah, although it's true. Anyhow, missing you all, but gotta focus around here for a few days...

And Joey, IT'S ON!

I got an F!

Well, really, I got two "F"s...

Or I have two "F"s...

Whatever. The bottom line is I went and got fitted for a bra on Saturday at Lane Bryant, and I don't wear a 44DD like I thought I did. I wear a 42F.

Sigh.

My poor boobies. Been stuffing these suckers into bras that are two sizes too small for years. Not to mention, I've lost 66 lbs and they are STILL Fs. Oh well, hubby isn't complaining! {wink, wink}

I joked with a friend that I had to special order from the fat girl store. Double sigh. (Note, I am just being sarcastic here - it really doesn't bother me!)

Speaking of, he finally comes home on Wednesday after 24 days gone! I am a happy camper...more so to have help with the kiddos than to see him. OK, I am excited to see him as well.

And the move is moving forward. I've got the next three weekends planned out. We are going to bust some butt:

5.21 - 5.23 - DH home, BFF (J) coming from WI, Mom coming in and getting a hotel room and keeping the kids as much as possible - plan is to pack and sort/prep for garage sale.

5.28-5.30 - Very good friend (K) (the one from last weekend) is coming up for the whole weekend to continue packing and prepping for garage sale.

6.4 - 6.6 - Another very good friend, T, is coming from Chicago to help me do the garage sale. K will come up for the garage sale as well.

It's going to be a whirlwind!

I am starting to get anxious/excited about flying to FL. I should be just under 300 lbs by then, and I am really hopeful I'll be able to fly sans extender. Keep those fingers crossed for me!

On the eating front, I still don't feel full or even satisfied, pretty much ever. It's getting old, but until I can eat three (at least two) 'real' meals per day, I'm not counting my sweet spot out. My days are weird - yesterday I was able to eat a few pieces of sushi , 1/2 of a steamed artichoke (thanks for the obsession, Kristin!), and french onion soup including cheese and bread without problem. I went slowly, but no problem. And then I accidentally gulped hot cocoa last night, and I PB'ed it.

Fortunately, I can kinda 'make' myself PB now. Well, I don't know if that is good or not, but it comes up really easily, so I figure it's not doing too much, if any, damage.

Do any of you struggle with a gurgly tummy at night? I can't eat/drink too close to bedtime or I get some reflux. But if I go to bed with too empty of a tummy, it gurgles so badly, I can't sleep. My solution has been a small hot cocoa about 30-60 min before bed, but that's the one I PB'ed last night. So, my tummy gurgled for 90 min before I could fall asleep...it's like I can feel stuff passing back and forth through the band! Was driving me crazy...

Friday Babbles

Let's see...what's rolling around in this pretty little head of mine...

• I think I have developed a fear of food. OK, not really, but it is strange in how when I look at a normal-size bowl of food, it looks H-U-G-E to me. I can't even fathom how I used to eat 3 or 4 bowls of chili and then couldn't even finish one bowl of my "Italian Chili" in an entire day yesterday. It's playing mind games with me.
• Following the band rules is HARD when you are on the tighter side. I know that the whole "eat your meal in 30 min" rule is in place so that bandsters don't graze their way through the day. But I can't eat a cup of food in 30 min, and then I feel guilty if I want to keep eating after 30 min. I need to revise the rule for me right now - 30 min OR 1 cup of food.
• People at work are really starting to notice my weight loss. I thank them, and then they inevitably ask how much I've lost. I hem and haw, and when I finally spit out "65 lbs", their jaws hit the floor. They are expecting me to say 25 or 30, I am sure. It's almost uncomfortable to say how much I've lost. I NEVER EVER EVER thought I'd be the person who doesn't want to say how much they've lost. Usually I am the one telling perfect strangers on the street about my latest weight loss efforts. It's bizarre.
• I am starting to drop sizes quickly. I started in size 8 LB pants, and couldn't really squeeze into any 28Ws, even though I tried to pretend I was a 28W. I finally pulled out some 26W and 28W pants/capris last week (some of my own, some from the sisterhood). I have on a pair of 26W capris from Avenue today (I think from Heidi?) and they are almost too big already. I am NOT complaining - it's just so weird that it took me 54 lbs lost to fit into them and then within 11 lbs, they are almost too big. It's hard for me to remember what I wore at certain weights, but I do know that I was a 20W when I weighed 260 lbs the last time I really lost weight, so that would be another 50 lbs and 3 or 4 sizes down, so I guess it does make sense that every 15 lbs or so is going to be another size down.
• Speaking of weight loss, I am now smaller than I have been since about July/August 2007. I weighed 262 lbs when I got pregnant in March 2007. And then I rocketed back up to 320 lbs while pregnant QUICKLY. So I would guess that I was around 310 in late summer, maybe more like early fall. Going down is so much more fun than going up!
• My friend is highlighting my hair this afternoon. YEAH! Maybe I'll try to vlog tonight...maybe.
• I got a message from my organization to Crystal Bowersox, who is in town doing her "hometown visit" thing that the Idol finalists do. She talked about her time being involved with us and how much it impacted her. I feel like a celebrity!
• And I forgot to mention, but a photo I took of one of my clients was published in a local monthly parenting newspaper this month!

Toodles! I am supposed to be working - shhhhh....

BYOC

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?

Richie Rich. I think the why is self-explanatory. (I used to love reading Richie Rich comic books, even though I *HATE* comic books in general.)

2. Who was your teenage heart throb?

Kirk Cameron, Jordan from the NKOTB, and Corey Haim (sigh, I wish his life hadn't gone so far astray.) - I had the typical teen bedroom, with pictures and posters e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.

3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?

Some of both? And some of the food industry making foods hyperpalatable and basically addicting us.

My personal opinion is that some people like food more than others (like my mom and brother, both of whom don't really care what they eat or get cravings), and some use it as a tool to deal with whatever is going on in their lives. When you get someone who likes food and finds that it is comforting, I think it is a recipe for disaster. Add in a insidious food industry, and boom - fatness ensues. The problem, I think, is that if you have abused food for too long (for whatever reason, you like it, it masks pain, etc.), you "break" your full signal, and without major intervention (like the lapband), it is hard to break that cycle.

4. What’s your all-time favorite song?

Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls - hands down, no question. Two lyrics speak to me - "The best thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life afterall" and "The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." I seriously super-duper puffy heart the Indigo Girls.

5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why?

Amy W and her soul searching. I've been there and can say I made the wrong decision, out of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of the unknown. I am not saying AT ALL that Amy is going to make the wrong decision, because she is much wiser and self-confident than I was - I just feel for her, because it is so difficult.

It's the FINAL countdown...

Earworm anyone?

I have all kinds of countdowns going on. Would you like to join me?

• 9 lbs to Twonesia - well, actually 9.2 I guess. But I was 309.0 lbs this morning. HOLY CANNOLI! I started this journey at 374.4 lbs. It amazes me how far I've come. 9 lbs until my weight starts with a 2, when pre-banding, my weight was rocketing towards starting with a 4. Incredible.
• 3 hours until Operation: Solid Food - yep, I am going to attempt some solids for lunch today after 8 days of liquids from my last fill. Leaning towards a mayo-y chicken salad. I am praying to the band gods for no stuckness and definitely no PBs...and even throwing an extra prayer in there for something resembling a sweet spot!
• The Great Move of 2010 - Draz, honey, don't read this. You will start convulsing. The timeline I discussed yesterday has become even crazier. Don't ask. Bottom line is DH is coming home next Wed (5/19). The owner is supposedly signing a contract that same day, so I will put in my two week notice that same day (I hope); however, I will be off the week DH is home (unpaid) and then do my two weeks after he leaves. The week he is home we are having a MASSIVE moving sale. We are selling everything but our clothes, toys, kids furniture, kitchenwares, etc. Anything that doesn't sell is going to Goodwill. DH heads back to Orlando on 5/24 or 5/25. I'll work and finish packing our personal belongings. He'll find us a furnished place to rent for a year, and then as soon as we have a move-in date, he'll fly back up, rent a U-Haul, pack it, and drive down while I fly down with the kids. This will most likely all happen by 6/15-ish.

Since we've decided to rent for a year, school districts aren't a concern anymore, because they kids aren't in school yet. That opens our search up a WHOLE lot, and there is tons of very nice stuff within the range of what the company is paying (they are paying our housing for a year as a part of our moving package).

I am overwhelmed by how much needs to be done in the next month or so, but the silver lining is in a month or so, we'll be settled into our new place, in a great city, enjoying life. I'll be done working, another 15 lbs or so lighter, and be a SAHM who can focus on getting fit and trim (although I only plan to stay home for a few months).

Anyone in the Orlando-ish area? Do you have a surgeon you'd recommend for me to call about becoming a patient? Thanks!

Wonderful, wacky Wednesday

Did you see my ticker? HUH? HUH? HUH? Didya? Didya? No? Go look and then come back.

There, you saw it, right?

64 lbs gone...gone...gone...

I can hardly even believe it myself! I lost SEVEN lbs this week. WOOHOO!

So while that is the wonderful part of Wednesday, there's some wacky crappola as well.

I've PB'ed 4x since my last fill (a week ago today). I have been on pretty much only liquids most of that time. I am doing liquids for the rest of today, since I wanted to give myself a solid 48 hours since my last PB, and then I will try solid protein, maybe tomorrow for lunch.

I think I am extraordinarily sensitive to fills. That's got to be the answer, right? The fill before this last one was 1cc and was too tight for about 10 days, when it suddenly loosened. This fill of .25cc has been a week, and I am so tight, I've PB'ed on a latte and on two kinds of pretty soft soup (clam chowder and broccoli-cheddar). My guess is I might actually be at my sweet spot when the swelling from this fill settles down. In the interest of not ruining my band and in getting to that sweet spot sooner, I am okay with liquids for another day or so. But it is getting old. In the last 5 weeks, I've been on liquids for almost 3 of them! This is NOT what I imagined the band to be like. Seriously, at almost 6 months post-op, I have yet to feel relief from hunger. Sure, I'm down 64 lbs, but it would be nice to just be free from hunger for an hour, an afternoon, even a day. I know it will come, I am just whining...but as always, any reassuring stories are MORE than welcome!

On to other wacky news...

I am going to kill DH. For real. Oh wait, who is it that knows people? Can you help me?

We're moving to FL soon. Now, I am still working full-time, and I refuse to put in my two-week notice until there is a signed contract for a new warehouse and office space in FL. While I am 99% sure this is all happening, I don't want to rock the boat at work and end up with both of us unemployed.

DH has been in FL working since April 26 (not as inventory manager because there is no warehouse yet, but as store manager filling in for someone about to undergo thyroid cancer surgery). He calls me last night and says he is scheduled to come home May 24 and be home until we move.

He's all excited.

I am not. And he can't understand why.

Let's review the timeline, my friends:

• The owner is going down next week to supposedly sign a contract. Let's say he signs it on Wed, May 19.
• I put in my two week notice on Thur, May 20, which means I work until Thur, June 3.
• Two of the weeks DH is home (presumably not being paid) would be while I am working. Not exactly productive for decluttering and packing for a move.
• DH says they want him back in FL by the middle of June.
• In those three or four weeks he'd be home (again, presumably unpaid and we are not exactly rich), I would be working for two of them, and in the remaining one or two, we would need to: *declutter because I refuse to pack and move a bunch of shit, *pack an entire 4 bedroom house that is busting at the seams, *figure out what to do with our three cats (find them new homes or figure out how the hell to get them to FL if we can have them in our new place), *have a garage sale or haul the shit to GoodWill (we just have a lot, and big stuff, so I hate to give it away for free), *perhaps find a place to live in FL if that is not straightened out before he comes home in the next 10 days, *get a moving company to the house to get our stuff, and *coordinate a move to FL.

Does anyone see a problem with this timeline?

And DH can't understand why I am upset and stressed. Ummmmm, hello, there is NO way this is feasible. None. I told him absolutely we cannot be down there before July 1. It just cannot happen. And I told him that if he has a say in it, to not come home until I am done working. It's silly for him to be here while I am at work, since lord knows, he won't be capable of decluttering or packing or doing anything like that without me.

The other stress factor is where to live in FL. You Floridians know that schools aren't the best. I feel like we are stuck between finding a decent house with a good elementary school, which aren't plentiful and try to stay there until the kids go to school OR picking the house and area we like and resigning ourselves to paying for private school. Unfortunately, we are far from rich, and private school is going to require me working AND leave us with no fun money. Sigh.

Oh well, it'll all work out. In the mean time, if you see me curled up in the corner sucking my thumb and rocking OR heading towards my husband with an axe, please feel free to intervene!

Working 9 to 5...what a way to make a livin'!

When I was about 5, I had a mole removed from my foot. As a reward for being so brave, my mom took me to the store, where I got to pick out anything that I wanted. Anything.

I chose the "9 to 5" 45. Dolly's always been my gal!


What's that got to do with what I want to talk about? Nothing, other than the title fit. And I like telling silly stories.

I've mentioned before I work for a regional non-profit. We cover 32 counties. I do communications, marketing, PR, writing, editing, and such. There is another me in the southern half of our region who does the same thing. The work is split in that we each do local marketing and PR for our half of the region, and then we split the work that covers the entire region, like newsletters, eNews, Facebook, etc. Make sense?

That's how it works in theory. But it's not that way in reality.

I do 95% of the overall regional work, because she can't handle it. Literally. I do Facebook weekly, monthly reporting dashboards for the CEO & COO, take & submit our team minutes every week, 13 monthly eNews, 4 annual newsletters, our annual marketing plan, our annual style guide, and 3 various annual publications. I sit on several regional task groups for communications/marketing support, sit on several national task groups for national issues, and am also managing a HUGE rebranding effort we are going through (launching July 1).

She manages the crisis communications plan, which needs a minor update once/year. That's it.

It's bothered me in the past, but I've just kinda gone with the flow. The workload, while heavy, is manageable, and I didn't really want to rock the boat. I really thought our supervisor would realize the disparity and do something about it. But either:

A. She hasn't noticed (unlikely)
B. She doesn't care (somewhat likely)
C. I am capable and the other woman is not (very likely)
D. It's okay to take advantage of a fat girl because she should just be thankful to have a job (hmmmm, interesting theory, Amy!)

While I don't think it's necessarily a conscious decision on our supervisor's part and I really think a lot of the answer is "C", as I've been coming out of my food coma (and losing 62 lbs!!!!), I've realized that I haven't helped myself either and answer "D" might not just be in the supervisor's mind but also in my own.

If I can toot my own horn for a minute, I have a pretty impressive resume. I was a good student, have an MBA, had lots of successes in my jobs, and have volunteered many places and have lots of desirable skills.

But I have just kind of accepted what's been thrown my way work-wise. I've been content to just take what's been given to me, feeling like I should be grateful that the fat girl got the chance.

And seriously, who wants to go on an interview when you are busting out of size 28W pants and can't even button the suit coat? It doesn't exactly inspire confidence on the interviewer's part or my own. So I've just coasted along, accepting this less-than-acceptable treatment.

But no more. Granted, I am leaving here soon (they don't know that yet), but I am growing a backbone for the rest of the time I am here, especially because I get to take my new backbone with me when I leave.

And when it's time for me to find a new job in FL, I *will* apply for jobs that I am qualified for with confidence. I will get interviews. I will rock those interviews. And I will have my choice of jobs. Because I am a valuable, skilled employee.

And I'll no longer be held back by fat. Thanks to my band and my hard work.

News from this mother's front

Happy Mother's Day to every type of mom out there - if you've ever cared for a child, cat, or dog, or provided mothering comfort to someone, give yourself a huge pat on the back!

My mother's day so far has consisted of surviving several temper tantrums, massaging a certain body part on a little boy in hopes of relieving constipation, cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees...and listening to the cutest toddler voice sing nursery rhymes, getting slobbery kisses, and cuddling with my two sweet children on the couch. I guess my day is kind of what mothering is all about!

On the band front, well, I am tight. Probably borderline too tight. I PB'ed the last three days in a row - sigh. Once was on soup and once was on a latte. Not good. However, I can keep liquids down (most of the time!) and am feeling okay, so I am going to ride it out on liquids for a few days. I've had 24 oz of water and a protein shake so far today, and I'm doing good with it.

The good news is I've lost a couple of pounds since my last fill, bringing my grand total to 61.4 lbs. And if you remember, the most I'd lost previously was 59.8 lbs, so the band has officially helped me to lose the most weight I've ever lost! And I'm way ahead of my 10 lbs/month goal, since I'm still two weeks away from my 6-month bandiversary and have already lost 60 lbs. Sweet!

And finally, I told my friends about the band, but not until they'd both been questioning me, "Why aren't you eating? You can't live on that. You need to eat. Blah blah blah." Surprisingly, they weren't all that surprised. I mean, they were surprised I'd done it since I'd been kinda anti-WLS in the past. But it wasn't this big news that I was expecting it to be! And I think it might have sparked some interest in my girlfriend, as she'd definitely be a candidate.

Off to decide if I brave taking these two out by myself somewhere or not. They both refuse to ride in a cart or stroller, which makes life very difficult, as they can both run fast and in opposite directions!

Hard Head (advice needed)

Why? Why must I be so hard-headed?

I tried to eat a burger tonight. No bun, just the meat.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Believe me, LESSON LEARNED!

Anyhow, I hoorked like a cat for TWO SOLID HOURS. It was puking-from-the-bottom-of-the-gut PB'ing. It finally stopped, thank goodness, because I was about to curl up in the fetal position and cry. I was home alone with the two kids, and no one was available to come help me.

About 90 min after the PB'ing stopped, I tried some hot cocoa. No dice. It came back up twice. I did manage to keep some water down in between.

I am no longer sliming and am able to swallow my own spit.

My game plan is to let it be for the rest of the night - no water or anything. Assuming I can keep water down in the AM, I will very slowly try a protein shake or a latte. As long as it stays down, I am good to go, right?

I am slightly paranoid that I may have slipped my band or something with all the hoorking (I just like typing that word!). No pain, still able to swallow, etc., so I'm 99% sure I'm okay, but that 1% of me is concerned.

Finally, the kids and I are going to a friend's house for the weekend. She does not know about the band. I'm probably going to have to tell her. I'm okay with it, as she is overweight and I would never want her to think I lost this weight on my own. However, she is also the type of friend who called me 4x/day for the last month of each of my pregnancies to ask if I was in labor yet. That's just how she is. And the reason I didn't/don't want to tell her about the band. It'll be constant questions from now until the end of time. Oh well...

So, my two questions:

1. My band care plan - okay? Other suggestions?

2. If you were my friend, and I sprung on you that I had major surgery nearly 6 months ago, how would you like me to tell you? :) (I'm planning on the whole "This was, and continues to be, a very personal journey for me, and I had to come to terms with my decision before I could share it with others.")

Toodles!

This and that

I swear, I am losing my mind. I am having a hard time focusing on things, remembering stuff, and keeping my life straight. I am normally very level-headed, have a great memory, and feel very 'together'. But being overwhelmed at both work and home is pushing me right to the edge of insanity! Ahhhhhhh.....Anyhow, some randomness for your Tuesday:

Even eating ice cream last night, the scale was down another .2 lbs this morning. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my band? She rocks!

I have a fill tomorrow - I'm thinking .25-.5cc should really, finally, be the fill that brings me to my sweet spot. And I love a good sweet spot! ;)

No one has asked for my sisterhood clothes! WAAAHHHHH! I hate being the fattest sister. LOL Seriously, I will hang onto them for a week or so, just in case someone comes along and wants them. But if not, I will sort out the work wear for our local Dress for Success type organization and the rest will go to Good Will. ETA: You guys rock! I so appreciate all the support about being the fattest sister. But no worries - I was saying it in a very tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic way. I wish my very dry sense of humor translated to the written word, but alas, it does not. I am by no means upset about being one of the largest bandsters. I wear it like a badge of honor, and anyhow, who else will be able to say they lost 200 lbs!?!?!? And when that happens, you can all be soooo jealous of MWAH! Smooches!

The most I ever lost on a diet was 59.8 lbs on Weight Watchers' Core plan July 2006 - March 2007. I am quickly approaching that amount and am excited to pass it right by! If my fill is tight, I anticipate doing that next week!

DH still doesn't know when he'll be coming home. Not this weekend, but maybe next. In case you are counting, that would be 3 weeks! I think it's the uncertainty more so than the length of time that is making me nutso.

DH's aunt, who is the controller for the company, is heading to Orlando tomorrow, and the owner told her not to leave FL without a signed contract for a warehouse. So, if all goes well, we should have a better idea of when we are moving by the weekend. However, I'm not getting my hopes up, as I've thought this a few times and it's not panned out yet.

While this journey with the band has not been super easy, it's also not been super hard. If that makes any sense. OTOH, I've had to work for every ounce of these 56 lbs without being in the green zone. OTOH, I haven't worked nearly as hard for every ounce of these 56 lbs as I have when dieting in the past. Something is working right, even if it's not working as right as I would like it to!

Off to drink my latte and attempt to get some work done. Toodles!

You people have infiltrated my life!

I had a free evening last night (MIL watched the kids), so I headed out to do some solo shopping and dining. SOLO being the key word...however, even though I was alone, I felt very much less than solo. Here's why:

• I was wearing a pair of Heidi's pants.
• I was wearing one of Kinzie's shirts.
• I stopped by Fashion Bug because of Leslie's good deals from a few weeks ago.
• I bought Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred based on Joey and TJ's recommendations (on sale at Target for $8.50 in case anyone else wants to jump on the bandwagon). I gotta keep pace in the bathing suit challenge!
• I kept hearing this voice in my ear when I was trying things on, only to discover Draz was sitting on my shoulder, instigating me to buy more and more! I did end up buying some new around-the-house comfy capri yoga pants and a few new t-shirts, so I don't have to be embarrassed to answer my door!

So, thank you!

PS - I am less than a fan of Walmart for a variety of reasons, however, I will say that their line of Danskin workout wear is very nice and reasonably priced (and goes to 5X). I only discovered that after being disappointed at Meijer, Targer, TJ Maxx, and Kohl's!