Monday, October 24

Suffering from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome

Seriously, I do still suffer from Fat Girl Fear Syndrome AKA FGFS. You know, the fear of sitting on a fragile looking chair, like a plastic deck chair. Or fitting on a carnival ride. Or the seat belt fitting when flying. Or being the largest person in the room. All those things you fear when you are as heavy as I was and don't want to draw attention to yourself or embarrass yourself.

I really thought I'd outgrow FGFS, but I haven't in a lot of ways. I still think twice about sitting on things. We had a town festival last weekend, and I was afraid to get on one of the rides with my kids.

It is just so strange how the mind works, because in other ways, I forget I was ever as heavy as I was. I plop down on the floor with my kids without a second thought. I tie my shoes without having to take a breath first. I run upstairs to grab somethning without having to work up the energy for 10 min first. Hmmm, maybe it's the day-to-day things that are easier to do without FGFS, which would totally make sense.

I wonder when I will get over FGFS. I don't want to have those fears any more, not even for a fleeting moment. Not that I will ever forget where I came from, nor will I ever not be sympathetic to the girl who is standing in the corner hoping no one notices her, but I want to fully appreciate this body and the life that I get to live in it.

I'm working on it. As much as this journey has seemed long, it's not even been two years yet, and really, it's only been about 3 months since I've been "normal" in terms of weight and BMI, so I can see why my mind isn't there yet.

Oh well, off to do something I no longer fear - RUNNING! Holy hell, I am loving it! Just don't tell Angela or she'll be signing me up for the Princess Half!

6 comments:

  1. honey, think back to those black pants you bought shopping with me and how they are BAGGY now. You're not the "fat girl" anymore. You FREAKIN' run...I don't even know if I could run in order to chase down George Clooney. You need to have the confidence and faith in you and see what we all see. You are beautiful and amazing!

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  2. I am so amazed at your success... You are the one who most inspires me. Since you started at such a high weight like me and since your height hides your weight so well... I feel so connected to you and your success. I will be down for George to work at Disney for a couple weeks starting November 1st. Hopefully,we'll get to see each other.

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  3. It's really funny how it takes your mind longer to lose the weight than your body!

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  4. booo to FGFS!! i can't wait to see the day when i can say goodbye to that for forever!!

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  5. I so totally suffer from FGFS. I mean What the Hell! I totally check out the sturdiest chair in the room. I know right where the plus size dept. is in every store, I think everyone still seems me as the fat girl.

    Whats going to happen to me when the people who comment on my WL don't comment anymore?? Will I feel extra fat! Blah!

    Well we need to say goodbye to it!

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