I knew posting here would help. Thanks for the supportive comments, the emails, the phone calls...I especially took to heart those of you who said I had inspired you. I felt (feel?) so lost that I forget that other people don't see me that way. Thank you!
I got to hang out with Heidi yesterday, and let me tell you, that woman is good for the soul.
I chatted with Angela Friday night, and we decided to do a hard-core protein shake/lean protein/steamed veggie "get serious" plan for two weeks. Protein shakes during the day, and lean protein+steamed veggies for dinner. I want to kick start my weight loss, as does she. We're starting tomorrow - anyone else???
I started Zoloft again. I was afraid of the side effects, specifically gaining weight, but it's not like I'm losing without it, so why not give it a real shot? So I am.
And just to clarify a few things, just so you guys don't think I'm a slacker. I live in a vacation home community. Out of the 400 or so houses in our neighborhood, I know of two others that are occupied annually (by old folks, nonetheless). And actually, the one couple has theirs up for sale. Anyhow, the rest of the houses, and I am not exaggerating, are vacation rentals. (Ours was as well until we rented it.) I have no neighbors. Obviously, a bad idea in hingsight, but we're only here until June, so we'll see where we go once our lease is up.
On the subject of babysitters, I'd LOVE to hire someone to watch the kids even once/week. So far, though, everyone I've contacted is $10-12/hour. Without me working, that's something we just can't afford. I am doing a babysitting swap with some of the moms in my moms' group, but that comes with a price of course - having to watch someone else's kids!
I'm not giving up. I just have to remember where I came from:
And where I am now:
The only obstacle between me and success is me.