You see, my head seems to be permanently up my ass. I cannot seem to pull myself together. Apparently, I like my life like this, or I would do something about it. Right?
I thought maybe putting it all out on the table here would help. So here goes nothing.
- I am eating like crap. I know I am, and it needs to stop. But I don't really want to stop. I like chocolate, I like cream in my coffee. I like soda (yep, the big no-no, and I've been committing it.) I'll eat good for about 6 hours, and then it all goes to hell. I have no desire to eat healthy. Thank goodness for restriction so I can't go hog wild.
- I am not exercising regularly. I haven't been to the gym in ages. I am running sporadically, and the only reason I am even doing that is I have this half-marathon coming up in less than 3 weeks, and I am not even close to being prepared. 13.1 miles should prove very interesting right around mile 10.
- I sit around all day doing jack crap. I take the kids somewhere daily (library, Disney, etc.), but beyond that, I don't do much. I have no friends or family here. DH has been working insane hours (24 days straight and counting, 80+ hours/week). I have no one to help me or to lean on or to give me a break. Honestly, I hate staying home with the kids. I hate making breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks. They eat all the freakin' time. I hate cleaning the house. I hate reading books to them. I hate playing play-doh. I hate pretending to eat stuff DD makes in her play kitchen. Can you tell I hate it all?
- I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am applying for jobs. I think I have a decent resume, but no real bites so far. I don't even know what it is I want to do, though. I know what I am qualified for, but beyond that, I couldn't even tell you what I want to be doing in 5 years.
My faking it isn't going really well, though, obviously.
I feel like I need to make the best of this time I have left staying home and having the time to really exercise and do all that. I get all motivated every night and by the next morning, any motivation to do anything is gone once I realize I still have to take care of the kids, feed them, clean, and all that jazz.
So there it is. My giant pity party. My "my head is up my ass" story. I am so sorry that I keep disappearing and reappearing. If I could just get my act together...