Friday, November 26

A day late, but not a dollar short - A year in review

Hope you'll all forgive me for missing my bandiversary yesterday. With it falling on Thanksgiving, you know, I was busy stuffing my face full of food. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to admit that? Ha!

So, what is there to say about this past year that I haven't already said? Not much. I feel like I've shared nearly every thought and experience I've had with my band over the last year with you guys. It's certainly been a roller coaster, thankfully with more ups than downs, but a wild ride nonetheless. I'm having a terrible time composing my thoughts about where I am and where I've been, so how about a few top ten lists to help me sort out my thoughts?

Top 10 Ups Since Being Banded

10. This lovely community, especially the sisterhood without which I'd be either naked or broke.
9. Signing up for a half-marathon. While the training hasn't started in earnest, I am actually looking forward to it. We'll see how I feel after my first 10-mile training session.
8. Lack of anxiety over flying. 'Nuff said.
7. Going down the slide at Animal Kingdom with my daughter before I realized I didn't even have to consider if I'd fit or not. Yeah, I cried that day.
6. Buying a size S/M sweater from Loft. LALALALA I can't hear you telling me it ran large LALALALALA All I know is it has an S on the tag.
5. Painting my own toenails and being able to breathe. I still get pretty giddy about that one.
4. Not freaking out when my BFF announced she was engaged, panicking over finding a dress that wouldn't look like a tent on me. Or looking like a whale next to her since she's a stick.
3. After-hours extracurriculars with DH. I don't think you want or need any more details.
2. Accepting that I can actually lose every single pound of excess weight.
1. LIVING instead of obsessing about food. The freedom I feel is indescribable.

Top 10 Downs Since Being Banded

10. PB'ing. I still hate it. I don't urp up like some - I ralph up pretty forcibly every time.
9. My month or so of being uber-tight. That's a hell of a way to lose weight.
8. Moving and having to find new after-care. I never imagined how difficult that would be.
7. My feet are shrinking out of some of my favorite shoes!
6. Batwings and elephant thighs. I'm learning to accept them, but it doesn't mean I have to like them.
5. Still being fat after losing 125 lbs. I know I've come miles, but I still have a mile or two left to go, and it sometimes really gets to me that I let it go as far as it did.
4. Realizing how poorly I was treated by society when I was fat. I never thought I was, but now I am realizing it was worse than I accepted.
3. Waiting for my head to catch up with my body. This is such a mental game, and to be honest, it's exhausting quite often.
2. My two or so months of depression. I was totally unprepared for the emotions, even though I thought I was prepared to deal with the changes.
1. Realizing I should have done this when my mom first brought it up years ago. I was too stubborn and proud to even consider it.

Top 10 Reasons I Will Lose the Rest & Keep It All Off

10. This lovely community - your support is amazing.
9. I still love food, but I don't LOVE food anymore, if that makes sense.
8. I'm no longer too proud or stubborn to admit when a problem is bigger than me.
7. Going back is simply not an option.
6. My kids deserve this mom, not their old mom. Hubby, too, even if he drives me nuts 90% of the time.
5. I can live with a too-tight band if I have to. Not fun, but I can do it if need be to get back on track or what not.
4. I will NOT add to the stereotype/statistics of "the band isn't as good as bypass/other wls". I am too competitive.
3. My 40s are going to be the best decade of my life (yet), so I have a few more years to perfect this body before I take on the 40s and show them what I'm made of!
2. I owe it to myself and my creator/the universe to make the most of this body. That's more spiritual than I normally get, but I really feel it lately.
1. I'm HOT when I'm skinny!

Finally, a bandiversary post wouldn't be worth anything without a few then and now pics. Alas, I present my befores and afters - 125 lbs less of me AKA 1/3 less of me AKA I've worked my ass off this year and am damn proud of where I am!

October 2009 - 374 lbs
November 2010 - 249 lbs
November 15, 2009 - DD's 2nd birthday
November 15, 2010 - DD's 3rd birthday
November 2010 - feeling like I can do silly things in public and not be "that fat girl"

Wednesday, November 24

Quietly sneaking in the back door...

I feel like I am trying to sneak in past curfew without waking my parents up...

Assuming you'll all take me back, thank you for letting me take a break. I desperately needed it. My head feels back on straight. I'm no longer feeling down. I'm happy and me again. I don't know exactly what it is that happened, but a break from thinking about my band 24/7 and focusing on the rest of my life certainly helped. I will say that it's been so nice just 'living'.

Here's a run down of what's been going on the last 5 or so weeks:
  • 5 rounds of company for 17 days straight. We finally got our house back yesterday.
  • DD turned 3!
  • I lost 1 lb.
  • My restriction is coming back from my unfill. I just tried to eat chips - um, not so much.
  • My BFF got engaged. She's getting married in Paso Roblos next March, so it gives me something to aim for once again.
  • I forgot where the gym is! Better get in gear considering my first half-marathon is 3 months away.
  • I've inched towards my 1-year bandiversary, which is tomorrow! Stay tuned...
Gotta go check out what you guys have been up to. I can't promise to not disappear again, but I can promise to only do it if absolutely necessary.

And in the mean time, check these out - I'm welcoming myself back by sharing a few new pics of the kids I took this weekend...