BYOC

1. What is your favorite genre of movies? (comedy/romance/horror/action)

My favs are documentaries (Born into Brothels) and independent films (Run, Lola, Run), but I also like a good intellectual thriller (Memento) and quirky stuff (Napoleon Dynamite). For the most part, I am not big into mainstream and/or blockbuster type films.

2. What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

I usually go for something like Spicy Garlic Triple Play (chicken, shrimp, beef, and veggies in a spicy brown garlic sauce). I also LOVE wonton and egg drop soup, fried rice (the more crap in it, the better!), crab rangoons, egg rolls, orange chicken, szechuan beef - Hell, who am I kidding? I love it all!

3. Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?

I'm totally cool with whatever you want to do behind closed doors, however, I think it's a very slippery slope, and there's no whining if things don't work out the way you want them to! It's certainly not anything I could engage in, thanks to my history (having been cheated on) paired with a slight jealous streak.

4. Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do one next week that is for your physical/mental health.

Physical - I will hit the gym 4x.
Mental - I will go to the library and get some books, so I can spend less time on the computer and more time reading this week.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

Vanessa's post about her feelings towards fat people and herself really resonated with me.

Fat girl in a little dress

The whole family except for me is in BILs wedding on October 2. DH is the best man, DD is the flower girl, and DS is the ring bearer. We have to fly to OH, stay in a hotel, rent a car - basically, spend lots of money. Money that we don't necessarily have.

In the midst of our move, I came across a dress that I forgot I even had. I'd worn it to do a reading in a friend's wedding in 2002-2003ish. As soon as I saw it, I realized how much I still like it and how much I want to wear it to the wedding in October. Especially since that's money I don't need to spend on a dress.

Bad news is it's an 18W, and I'm wearing 22/24W right now.

Good news is it zips, and I can breathe.

Bad news is I look REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLY hippy in it.

Good news is I have just over two months to make it look good.

Can I do it?

These were taken two weeks ago...minus any supportive undergarments, if you get my drift...The pics don't really do it justice. It's got this drapey neckline and kind of hugs the curves without being tight (when you're not too fat for it, that is). The fabric is black with these gorgeous kind of shiney maroonish roses on it.

(Excuse the hideous hair, please.)


And since I'm posting pics, here are a few of my cuties I took today.

Whining burns calories!

Lo and behold, I whine about my stuck scale, and it magically drops 1.2 lbs overnight. Or maybe it was all the awesome mojo you guys sent my way. Whatever it was, I LIKE IT! Now, I'm being greedy, but if the scale could give me 1.8 lbs more, just so I can hit 100 lbs lost, I'd be so grateful. Greedy, but grateful.

No gym today, but I think I got a better workout than if I'd gone. I took the kids to meet two friends of ours at Chuck E. Cheese's. They both have girls DD's age (we met on a parenting message board more than 3 years ago); and two of them are identical twins! So, if you are keeping count, that's four 2.5 year olds, my DS who is 15 months old, and a mom who's 32 weeks pregnant. We played and played and chased and scooped and tracked and ran and sweated up a storm keeping those kids safe and occupied. Then like idiots, we headed to the mall for some more torture. Nearly 3 hours later, we finally left.

I am exhausted.

Sweaty and exhausted.

But the kids are happy. Thankfully, one is sleeping, although the other one refuses to sleep. I'm brewing coffee in order to make it through the afternoon!

My NSV for the day is we stopped by Old Navy, and I tried on a few things. And they FIT! And some were TOO BIG. I know their stuff often runs large, but hellllooooooo, I was wearing clothes at a regular store. And not even their biggest size!

Exercise can SUCK IT.

Seriously. Now I'm getting pissed.

I've been working out, and working out hard. I'm not eating anymore than before.

And what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke. Sorry, tangent - but bonus points if you can name the movie!

No, seriously, what's my thanks? NOTHING. The %&#*&@*&^$ scale will. not. move. In fact, I'm up a pound today.

Seriously. Why did I start working out? I was steadily losing without exercise. Exercise was supposed to help, right? Not so much.

Sigh.

I *know* it'll come off. And I know it's good for me. And I'm actually enjoying it, especially BodyPump, which is my newest addiction. But it's frustrating to no end to be doing everything I'm supposed to, and the scale is going the wrong direction. Not to mention, my body hurts! Oy, my muscles are a-painin'! I'm hurting and getting fatter...what the hell????

I just want to hit 100 lbs lost, thankyouverymuch freakin' exercise. Please?

Nothing else much to report... Thank you all for the kind comments about my grandpa. He's being laid to rest tomorrow next to his beloved wife. We are not going - it's happening in Iowa, although I very much wanted to go, because it's in the same town as one of my favorite bandsters, and I was hoping to meet her! (I am not saying who, because I can't remember if she shares that info publicly or not. But you know who you are!)

Oh, a few more things...

Sunday was my 8-month bandiversary. I was soooo hoping to be down 100 lbs by then, but it was not to be. However, 97 lbs in 8 months isn't too shabby, so I'll quit whining.

DH keeps calling me 'skinny' and complimenting me! It's fun.

Doing any kind of ab work in class SUCKS, because it hurts my newly-exposed tailbone.

I have these hard things that stick out on my sides, and they are really bony. Yep, I can feel some hip bone and rib cage. It's a miracle!

I've been checked out a few times recently. I can't tell you the last time that happened! It totally catches me off guard. LOL

Alright, kids are whining - gotta run!

Mixed Emotions

The Happy, Good, and Fun to Read About:

• I've been to the gym most days and am really enjoying it. It's so much different to go when I don't feel the pressure of getting home for X, Y, or Z reason. I can take my time and really get into it and not feel guilty about what I'm not doing while working out (cooking, cleaning, seeing the kids, etc.) This SAHM stuff rocks!


• DH's last day at the store is tomorrow, as the warehouse is almost ready to go. What this means is no more 13 hour days (or at least not regularly) and he can set his own schedule for the most part. Oh, have I mentioned what he does? He is the warehouse/inventory manager for his company. While the warehouse was being finished, they had him working at their storefront, just to keep him busy. It was crappy retail hours.


• I've found some more meals that go down easily for me: quesadillas (I make them at home with refried beans, sauteed onions, and cheese and then dip them in sour cream.); homemade chicken cordon bleu; steamed broccoli; tortellini salad. All of these work really well for me, and I like it! I still struggle in the AMs a bit (yogurt is even tough), but I do fine the rest of the day, as long as I am careful.

The Sad, Bad, and Not So Fun to Read About:

• My weight loss has stalled at 97 freakin' lbs. I *know* it's because of the exercise, and I know it is better for me in the long run, and I knew this was going to happen. And I told myself it wouldn't bother me. But it does! Why did I start working out 3 lbs from 100 lbs lost? Dumb, dumb, dumb.


• DD puked all over her carseat the other night. Have I ever told you how much I hate puke? I cannot deal. And with this band, my gag reflex has gotten to the point where if I gag, I ralph. It was a nightmare. To be honest, I can't get every little bit of it off (for those without kids, you cannot completely dissemble a carseat), and while it was over $300, I am seriously ready to pitch it. Even though it doesn't smell and you can't see it, I *know* it's there, and I can barely deal with it. It was the heat that did her in, so both of my kids are now forward-facing where they can get air blowing on them. I am a safety fanatic, so this bothers me to no end, but cleaning up puke bothers me more.


• My grandfather (dad's dad) passed away this afternoon. I'm so thankful for the time we got to spend with him before we moved down here (the kids and I stayed at my parents' house for five days, and he lived with them). He was 92 and had fibrosis of the lungs. He went to sleep Wednesday night and was never really coherent after that. They'd had hospice in with him for about two weeks, so he went peacefully. No pain and no struggle. I'm sure he's with my grandma in heaven, having a great time reuniting. We'll miss him terribly, but he lived a long, full life and left a wonderful legacy. He lived at home with my grandma until he was almost 90. He wasn't even really frail until the last few months, so while I'm sad, I'm thankful for all he had and did and how long I got to have a wonderful grandpa. I mostly feel bad for my dad; he's an only child and now both of his parents are gone. Here's a pic we took of the four generations just last month:

Sisterhood time, yet again

I have a pretty big box of stuff set aside for the sisterhood. The fun part is most of these clothes have come from other bandsters, so it's not their first sisterhood trip.

Generally, the stuff is 3x and 26/28. Some are smaller sizes, but runs big(ger).

I have yoga capri pants, a really cute strapless brown dress from Joey, lots of short-sleeve shirts, tanks, denim capris, and more. Most of the shirts are work appropriate, assuming you can wear business casual.

If you need anything in those sizes, let me know, and it's yours. And if there's something in particular you are looking for, let me know. I'm happy to take pics and post them, but I know there aren't tons of us who wear that size, so I don't waste my time if it's not necessary.

Long live the sisterhood!

The post you've all been waiting for...

No, not a vlog. Joey said I wasn't allowed to do one until I hit 100 lbs. ;) You're safe for another 3.2 lbs. In my world, that means a week.

No, today's post is PICTURES! Of yours truly. The one you all secretly want to be like. Fine, I know no one really wants to be me...the pressure of being this awesome is really overwhelming. HAHA!

OK, seriously, what is with me today? The compliments have gone to my head apparently.

Back to the regularly scheduled post, here are some fat, skinny, and in-between pics of me over the last 10-ish years...the pics are in order of weight, not date.

March 2008 - 320ish - I remember seeing this picture and wanting to cry. My ass is W-I-D-E.
May 2006 - 320ish - Our wedding and honeymoon. Wedding dress was a size 24, and it only fit because it wasn't tight in my problem areas - hips/butt/thighs.
Size 28 jeans.

October 2005 - 320ish - my headshot for work. I did cry when I saw this.

Christmas 2006 - 275ish - with my bestie from WI. Size 24 jeans. Yes, she is gorgeous and skinny. She runs and spins and does triathlons, but even if she didn't (and when she didn't), she maxes out about 10 lbs above this weight. I still love her.
Earlish 2007 - 265ish - my last successful attempt at WW. I had lost 50 lbs at this point.
June 2007 - 275ish - about 3 months pregnant with DD

OK, enough of the fat befores. How about some of the skinny befores? I had to dig waaaaayyyyy back for these.

November 1999 - 200ish lbs - home from grad school for Thanksgiving. I'd lost a bunch of weight over the summer (you'll see pics in a minute) and was slowly gaining it back.

November 1999 again - 200ish - size 16 jeans from Old Navy. (With my family - parents, brother, and dad's parents). My dad recently lost 75 lbs (from about the size in this pic) and has kept it off for 6 months. My mom has been the same weight for years - she's one who doesn't care about food. My brother is constantly trying to gain weight.

Summer 1999 - one of two triathlons I completed that summer - the lowest I got with WW was 191 lbs, so I am somewhere around there. I was wearing 12s and 14s from Old Navy at that point.

With my ex, but it shows you just how thin my face was!

Crossing the finish line!

Summer 1979 - about 40 lbs and last time I rocked a bikini :)

The pics of me at 191-200 lbs make me happy. I realize I still had some weight to lose, but after many years of carrying many extra pounds, I might be perfectly content there. Then again, more and more of me is wanting to be 'thin' when this is all said and done. I've got about 90 lbs to go before I really need to worry about it, though!

Photos of real people with real BMIs

I found this quite interesting...and eye-opening.

Illustrated BMI Categories

It's pictures of people complete with their height, weight, and BMI. I actually guessed correctly on probably 80% of them, but it was definitely difficult on many of them. I was wrong the most often on people being overweight vs. normal.

Gimme an "O"

B

B

E

E

S

S

E

E

What's that spell?

OBESE!

I did it! I've gone from super obese to morbidly obese to obese.

So, yeah, obese looks pretty good right now.

And that century mark is just around the corner.

Life is good.

Interesting morning at the gym

In case you are keeping track, that's three times in four days. Have I mentioned before how all or nothing I am? ;) Read on and you'll get a real sense of it...

I dropped the kids off and headed for the cardio equipment. Got on the elliptical and did "quick start" which automatically starts your time down from 60 min. My first workout a few days ago was 20 min on the elliptical, so I was planning on doing 30 min today.

I got 30 min in and realized I could keep going.

I got 40 min in and realized I could keep going.

I got 50 min in and realized I might as well go for an hour.

I got 60 min in and realized I was just about 10 calories away from burning 700.

I did that damn thing for 61.5 min! And I burned 700 calories.

See? All or nothing!

Here's the other interesting thing that happened. I was ellipticalling away when "Greatest Love of All" club mix by the great Whitney came on. I have always loved Whitney. And I have always loved that song.

Today was the first time I think I ever really listened to the words.

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
I've found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all

I had a moment. I admit. A total moment. Between all your wonderful comments about my new pics and 'do, feeling powerful, and finally realizing that I can do this, I started bawling. On a Saturday morning at the gym. In the middle of a bunch of people working out. Just bawling. Thankfully, I was already extremely sweaty and red-faced, so I am not sure anyone noticed, and honestly, I really don't care.

I had a moment, and I have a feeling it's going to be a defining moment in this journey.

New 'Do, complete with pics

Yes, I am a posting fool today!

I got a wild hair up my big butt to revitalize my blonde and go short(er). Living the posh SAHM life, I am either at the gym or in the pool a large majority of the time, and I am so tired of wearing my hair in this big nasty, wet bun/pony all the time. Seriously, my hair was rarely dry, because it was always up in a pony/knot thing. Kinda gross. The FL heat didn't help the situation either; add a little sweat into the equation, and you've got for real gross.

Now, living the posh SAHM life also means we have very little extra cash, so I decided I could cut and color my own hair. The results?

Damn, I am good! I could be a stylist! In fact, to be honest, I'm happier with my highlights than I've been the past few times I went to the salon. Joey, how's my blonde for ya? :)

I also wanted to mention, several people have commented on how I've gotten blonder as I've lost weight. The truth is, I've always been very blonde. When DH lost his job in August, I decided I could no longer afford highlights, so I colored my hair dark for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. It just so happened to then coincide with my surgery - me having dark hair - and me going blonde again just so happened to coincide with my weight loss. The two really had nothing to do with one another!

Check my new 'do out (and please forgive the lack of makeup):

I gotta toot my own horn for a minute - I think my face is looking FABULOUS! I have a chin. And kinda cheek bones. And my eyes don't disappear when I smile. Holy crap, I don't look like a fatty anymore. For real!

Recipes!

In case you aren't following our group bandster recipe blog, you should be! I just posted a yummy french toast casserole recipe over there. Check it out!

BYOC

1. What’s the oddest diet you have tried? Or which ones have you tried and were any successful?
Nothing odd. I've done Weight Watchers (points and Simply Filling/Core), low carb, and counting calories. I had the most success on low carb and Core, I think mostly because my body reacts to sugar/carbs much like an addict's body reacts to heroin. Points was VERY hard for me to do, simply because I have a very addictive/obsessive personality, and couting/weighing/measuring everything that entered my mouth just fed the negative part of my personality. For some, WW might be livable long-term, but I guess I just didn't see how I could count points for the rest of my life.

2. Do you prefer baths or showers?

I'm going to lose my "girly girl" card on this one, but I despise baths. I don't like laying in my own dirty water, I don't like being in a steamy room with my face getting all sweaty, and I generally just don't like them. I honestly can't tell you the last time I took a bath, but I can guarantee you that I took a shower afterwards!

DH & I do, however, regularly use our hottub!

3. What is your favorite breakfast food?

Leftover pizza! Second place is sugary, fattening coffee drinks from Starbucks and McD's. I still indulge in these every once in a while, justifying it because I can't get solids down in the AM! HAHAHA!

4. What’s your least favorite word?

M-O-I-S-T. I hate what it usually refers to, I hate the way it sounds with the "oyyyy" in the middle, and I hate the way my mouth feels when I say it. Gag.

5. Repeat question…make someone a Superstar for a day! Whose blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

The one that popped into my head was Amanda feeling guilty over her success and not wanting to make anyone feel bad. I hope we all reassured her that we are thrilled for her successes. How incredibly sweet and supportive and thoughtful of her to not want to upset others. She definitely gets my vote this week!

Oh, and Jess who called me out on my blog - she really made me think and think hard, and I loved having to do that. It's too easy to take the easy way out and not put in effort sometimes.

In da club

I ventured out for a class at the gym today - BodyJam. I was expecting something like Zumba. Instead I was transported to a nightclub where we were shaking our booties, having dance offs, and doing the body roll.

I may or may not have mentioned here before that: A. I hate dancing unless I am drunk (seriously, Gilly, I have to tell you about this one night at Howl at the Moon in Windsor). B. I can't move my hips. At all. Total white girl. C. I hate dancing. For real.

It was kinda like I had transported myself to my own personal hell.

But it turns out...I liked it!

The instructors were so much fun and energetic. Everyone just did their own thing and shook those booties. I found myself smiling and laughing about a dozen times. It was seriously fun. And a good workout - my shirt was soaked by the time we finished.

I felt so good when I walked out of there 55 min later that I thought about getting on the elliptical for a few minutes, but I decided not to push it. Which turned out to be a good decision, because by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs (remember, two flights, and they are BIG flights), my legs had turned to jello. Complete jello. Or jelly. Or jam. In other words, of not a stable substance.

They have a class called BodyPump I want to try as well as several spinning classes...Is this Amy talking? I think it may be my alter ego or something!

5 and counting...

95 lbs lost as of this morning. WOOHOO! 5 lbs to the big O-N-E-H-U-N-D-R-E-D...

But even more impressive than that is the fact that I JOINED THE GYM. And didn't just join. I actually worked out. Yes, I did!

And even more impressive is the fact that I walked up TWO flights of stairs from the locker room to the workout area instead of taking the elevator. I didn't want to, but I couldn't bring myself to use an elevator in a workout facility. Seemed wrong on so many levels.

It felt good, and the kids had fun in the daycare. Two thumbs up for that!

So, I need your opinions. They offer this "health warranty." It's $120 for one year. During that year, you get 4 sessions in their body fat pod and 4 sessions with a health coach. If you lose 20% of your body fat (not 20 percentage points, but 20% of your fat, so say you start at 40%, you need to get to 32%) and keep it off for a year, you get your $120 back AND three months' of membership (a $135 value). Part of me says I absolutely would be able to do this, thanks in no small part to the band. But part of me knows how I am and who knows if I'll even want to work out there in a year and don't want to waste $120. Thoughts?

Finally, I wanted to add an addendum to yesterday's post. I meant to blog about this originally and forgot. It's about that dreaded word - HUNGER.

The bottom line is I am hungry a lot. Much more than I thought I would be post-band. I'm just being honest.

The hunger is different, though. It's not "I'm going to wither away if I don't eat" hunger. It's more of a "I really would like to eat, but it's not really worth the effort or the calories and the weight loss I'll show if I don't eat will be worth it" kind of hunger. I still think about food a lot. I still have cravings every now and again. And I still am hungry quite a bit. In fact, I'm still hungry when I'm done eating, just because I can eat so little at this point.

But the hunger is different. And I've learned to deal with it more effectively. And those two things together make it totally bearable. Sure wish I was one of those bandsters who forgets to eat and swears they are never hungry, but I'm thinking that's just never going to be me. And I'm okay with that. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones, but I think just being a bandster is lucky enough for me!

Band vs. Food

I haven't posted lately about how my band treats me, so I figured it was time. I'm often surprised by what I can/cannot eat and how much/little I can eat.

I don't have what I'd consider a "typical" day in eating, but I'll tell you what the last few days:

Yesterday:
B: Homemade cappuccino with 2% milk
L: 1 c. broc-cheese soup
D: 1/2 McD's mac snack wrap + 10 fries
S: Coffee with creamer and 2 Costco choc chip cookies
(Yes, it was an awfully unhealthy day...)

Two days ago:
B: Coffee with creamer
L: 4 oz. of italian shake n bake chicken breast with spaghetti sauce
D: 1/2 c. bbq shredded pork + 1/2 c. sauteed brussel sprouts
S: Handful of M&Ms + handful of blueberries

I realize I don't make the healthiest choices, however, I also am quite satisfied, so until the scale stops or something else makes me change my ways, I'll keep on keepin' on.

I'm often amazed by how little I eat. I mean, really, really little amounts of food. Sometimes I will feel a bit stuck after 2 bites, and I am done until the next meal. And I don't starve to death in the mean time, despite what I used to think would happen if I didn't gorge at every meal.

I rarely eat what I would consider a LOT anymore. Take last night - I had 1/2 of a snack wrap and a few fries. DH had THREE double cheeseburgers and most of a large fries. I'm not too proud to admit I would have eaten the same thing in the past. Maybe only 2 burgers, but still at least 3-4x as much food as I eat now.

Along the lines of what I can/cannot eat, it's also often surprising.

Things that consistently cause me problems, much to my surprise and/or dismay:

• Potato chips - every. single. time. I eat them, I get stuck or PB.
• Thick pasta - not surprising, I guess, just sad.
• Smooshy potatoes - as in mashed, in soups, etc., anything where they get a bit 'gluey', I cannot do. I miss clam chowder.
• Rice - again, not surprising so much, but a bummer for sure.
• Lettuce - especially if it is slimey/soggy (like on the snack wrap, I had to pull it off). I miss salads. A lot. (Thanks, Janice, for making me remember this!)

Things I can eat that I didn't think I'd be able to:

• Pizza - as long as I go slow and it's a thin(ner) crust, I'm fine.
• Tortillas - again, slow and steady and I'm fine.
• Skinny pasta - angel hair and thin spaghetti work just fine.

I'm sure there is more for both lists, but of course, I cannot think of them right now. If/when I do, I'll edit. (This post was much more exciting and informative in my head!)

Finally, in this episode of Band vs. Food, I have to tell you, I still have many thoughts of "I sure wish I could just dig into {insert food here} without having to think about the consequences." Huge bites of pizza, a massive burger, a Chipotle burrito, a bag of chips with a vat of dip, and so on. Sigh. It is totally worth it, don't get me wrong, but 34 years' worth of eating one way isn't easily erased. Sometimes I watch DH eat, and I miss my comfort zone. Which leads me to my final thought - I absolutely could not have lost 94 lbs without the band. My addiction to food is just too strong. Maybe someday, but honestly, I think I'm a lifelong bandster.

150 followers!

WOW, thanks! You all make me feel like a rockstar...I have groupies! :)

If you are following me and I am not yet following you, please leave me a comment and let me know. I want to be a groupie of each and every one of you as well!

I got called out.

And I love it!

Jess made the following comment on my "I am downplaying my weight loss to my friends and family" post:

I gotta call you out here a little Ames. You didn't exactly play down the 90 lbs on your blog. And while I am BY NO MEANS saying you should, because you're doing AMAZING and should celebrate every single pound, I think you play it down in real life for other reasons. I'm not speculating why but I do the same sometimes. So think about it and repost. =)

I have been thinking about it, and here's what I've concluded.

I want 90 lbs to be a big deal. I really do. But it just doesn't feel big to me. So, I tried posting it in a way that made it seem like it was a big deal to me, so maybe I would convince myself that it was.

Because yeah, it's much easier to write something that doesn't convey your feelings than it is to say it in the same way. I can rewrite, edit, highlight, bold, and rework a post until it conveys what I want it to. I can't do that when talking to friends and family. So you guys, my blogger friends, got the dishonesty. I'm so sorry about that! I just really wanted it to be exciting, and I hoped maybe some comments from others would get me excited. And they did. So, I appreciate all the comments, because they did work. Although I'm still not overly excited about it. How's that for confusing?

Hell, I forgot to tell my husband that I hit 90 lbs until we were ready to go to bed.

I keep thinking of Joey when she hit 100 lbs lost and didn't even say anything about it for a few days. And how Amy said onederland wasn't as big of a deal as she had anticipated for so long. I know I am paraphrasing here, and I hope I'm not incorrectly putting words in people's mouths, but I totally get it now. I couldn't understand how they weren't jumping for joy, and now I do.

So, Jess, thanks for making me think. I so appreciate it. I still haven't decided if my non-excitement is a good thing or a bad one, but it is what it is. I'll work on it. :)

Objects in rearview mirror

We all know the saying "Objects in rearview mirror may appear closer than they are."

This so applies to my weight loss. I was talking to a friend about hitting 90 lbs, and while I'm proud of my accomplishment, I also seem to be playing it down, and I couldn't figure out why.

And then it hit me!

I now look like and weigh about what my head and heart seemed to 'think' I was. Does that make sense? Like I logically knew that I weighed 374.4 lbs, but that's a big number to accept as your weight. It's like a defense mechanism. My head and heart just seemed to think I was around 275 lbs, as that sounds much better. Not good, mind you, but better.

It's the same with how I look. I'm solidly in 24/26 on the bottom and 20 on the top. Even though I had to buy much larger sizes than that for a long time, I still always thought of myself as being a size 24 or so. And when I look in the mirror now, I see the person I thought I saw at 374 lbs. I think I had some magical 'thinning' glasses on or something.

I think it's safe to say my mind refused to accept my actual size, how I looked, or how much I weighed.

Weight in the rearview mirror may be higher than actually accepted.

This is so true in my case.

I think the other thing that is going on in my pretty little head is that I finally KNOW I can lose all this weight. So, while 90 lbs is impressive, it's not my final goal, and I am totally going to rock my goal weight, which means there's no point in getting too excited about being here. I'm not going to stay here long, and it's just one little stop on my journey.

Ahem...ahem...

Ladies and gents (the one or two that follow me)...

I have an announcement. Are you paying attention? I need your undivided attention. NOW!

I have officially lost

NINE TIMES TEN

9 and then a 0

The number that follows 89 and comes before 91

NINETY

90

FUCKIN'

POUNDS

Yep, the scale gods officially smiled down on me and rewarded my "I'll think about exercising" attitude and good food choices with 90 lbs gone.

Next up - obese. Followed by the big 100.

WOOHOO!

I hope you are sitting down.

Because I just did something I haven't done in a while.

I stepped foot...

...inside...

...a place where people...

...gulp...

...exercise.

There, I said it!

OK, in all seriousness, I am far from the model bandster in that I have not really exercised yet. I have done some stuff here and there, and the last few weeks I've been much more active, thanks to our pool and being home with the kids. However, the truth is I can't honestly say I've "exercised" since being banded.

We went and checked out a gym today. It's NICE! NICE! LOVE IT! It's affiliated with a hospital, is pretty easy to get to, and has tons of equipment and classes. The kids loved the childcare, and now it's just a matter of ponying up the money. While I know it's worth it (I get to workout, get a break from the kids, and the kids get to go play with other kids), it pretty much eats up (funny pun, huh?) our discretionary spending for the month. I just have to set my mind to the fact that this is what I should be spending that money on. It's good for my health, it's good for the kids, and overall, a good deal considering I basically can get two free hours of childcare every day! LOL

In other news, the scale continues to go down. I am a mere .6 lbs away from 90 lbs. WHEEEEE!!!!!

Guess that's it. I am boring now that we are moved and I am a SAHM!

Aiming for obese

Less than 10 lbs to go, and I'll be *just* obese. How exciting is that?!?!?! I started out "super obese" and now am "morbidly obese." Just "obese" sounds pretty good right now!

I finally broke out of my little plateau...yes, it was only a week, but I'm spoiled by almost-daily weight loss at this phase of the game, so for the scale to go up instead of down for a week is frustrating. The good news is that I no longer freak out about plateaus, as I *know* that with the band, it won't take long until the scale moves again.

Oh, and guess what? Minor PB last night. I was h-u-n-g-r-y, so I scarfed down some Pringles and paid the price. Won't be doing that again any time soon.

Trying to decide if I feel like heading out with the kids today or not. If we do head out, I think I might check out a local mall. It's too hot to be outside! No, we have not adjusted to the FL heat yet. Although DD was whining in the pool last night because it was chillier than usual. It wasn't even cold, but it wasn't bath-like either. She's already spoiled!

Guess I best go pay attention to the kids since DD is standing with the fridge door open. Lovely.

2010 is halfway over!

Since the year is half over, I guess it's time to revisit my 2010 motto and see how I'm doing.

My 2010 motto:

LESS is MORE.
Less stuff, less debt, less weight, less stress, less waste.

Less Stuff
Goal: I hate clutter. And we don't have much clutter, especially since 2009 was the Year of the Family for us (I dubbed it that) and I got rid of tons of clutter. But with the kids' toys and my photography stuff, it's getting to be a bit much. I am ready to get down to basics and get rid of everything but the bare necessities.

Update: Since we decided to rent a furnished place when we moved, I've done great on this one. I sold about 80% of what we owned at a garage sale before we moved. We still have too many kids' toys, but I am working on that.
Grade: A

Less Debt
Goal: We did a great job in 2009 of paying off debt. We're down to a personal family loan and DH's school loan. They're both pretty large, so we won't be able to pay them off in 2010, but I intend to make a good dent in them while also saving a nice chunk of change.
Update: We've continued to make payments while also saving some money. However, we did take on some additional debt when we decided to keep DH's car instead of selling it. But we've managed to build up a savings cushion while paying down debt and not incurring any (real) new debt.
Grade: A

Less Weight
Goal: I started 2010 at 335ish. I will be under 250 (hopefully by quite a bit!) by the first day of 2011.
Update: As of today, I am 287.6 lbs, meaning I've lost almost 50 lbs so far in 2010. I am pretty sure I'll hit my goal of under 250 by 2011.
Grade: A

Less Stress
Goal: DH and I have some big changes heading our way, and if all goes well, a HUGE part of our stress is about to be alleviated. For fear of jinxing ourselves, I won't go into detail yet, but I will soon.
Update: HAHA! When I wrote this, our move was still totally up in the air. But it came through and we are here, and yes, a huge amount of our stress has been alleviated!
Grade: A

Less Waste
Goal: I really want to make this year about wasting less which will help with the less stuff and less debt parts of my motto. No wasted food, no wasted money, no buying unnecessary stuff, no impulse shopping (grocery or otherwise). We are also going to work on being greener - fewer one-use items and so on.
Update: I have been really working on this. Reusing leftovers, freezing them before they go bad, using reusable shopping bags, consolidating errands, etc. And now that I am a SAHM, we don't have the extra money for any impulse shopping, so no worries there.
Grade: B

Overall, I am impressed with myself! We've made some big changes in our lives, and they are paying off. I know I just need to keep working hard for the next six months to keep us on the right track.